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Friend Hasn't Invited me to Bachelorette Party or to be

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A few years ago, I introduced my gal pal to my friend. 4 years later, they are getting married, and the wedding is coming up in three weeks. While they were the ones to make their relationship work, they would not be getting married if I had not introduced them to one another.

My Gal Pal has not included me in the bridal party, and I am not invited to her bachelorette party. This is all because one of her bridesmaids hates my guts. This Bridesmaid and I used to be friends, but our friendship ended after a huge spat nearly 6 years ago. I won't bore you with details, but I thought after 6 years, we would be able to move past everything and be there for The Bride. Apparently not.

The Bride says the reason I am not in the bridal party is because, "The Bridesmaid is stubborn. I know if you were there, she would just be mean to you the entire time. It isn't you I am worried about, it's her. She holds grudges." This Bridesmaid is ONE person. I know for a fact there are more people invited to the wedding who like me than loathe me, but my "friend" The Bride is accommodating this spoiled brat of a woman, and is excluding me from the bridal party and bachelorette party, even though I introduced her to her soon-to-be- husband (Who is also my friend) and I have been her friend for almost a decade.

I have gone back and forth about all this. On one hand, not being in the party means not having to plan anything or buy an expensive dress, etc. Except, I would have done all those things anyway, but because of The Bridesmaid and her supposed bad attitude, we need to be separated. I've been more than graceful about taking "the high road" on this shit.

(Continued)
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(Continued)

I was invited to the BRIDAL SHOWER, and had to work with The Bridesmaid to write down who got what for gifts. I thought we were getting along, but apparently the Bridesmaid later gossiped she couldn't stand to be around me, etc.

WTF, pham? The Bride is literally saying, "My friend is a brat and hates you, so to avoid conflict, you guys can't be in the part together or even the bachelorette party." I have talked to close family and friends, and they all say this is nonsense, and The Bridesmaid should be expunged for being a brat, which I agree. But The Bride won't do it.

What would you guys do? I am trying to be understanding for my friend, but that's all I've been: understanding.

Meanwhile, I'm not invited to the fucking bachelorette party because the girl who doesn't like me will be there, and I wasn't included in the bridal party. My family thinks my friend is being two faced, but I may be too close to the situation to recognize it.

So I'm good enough to get her a gift and set her up with her future husband, but not good enough to go the the bachelorette party or be in the bridal party?

It's open bar. My handsome date and I may just get shit faced and leave. I don't know if I'm over reacting, or if this is a deal breaker for our friendship.
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It's her wedding you selfish twat. That being said she is a shit friend. Cut her off
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>>17113542
Seems like you needed more of a rant. You already know your friend chose her friend over you and you just wanted to let off some steam.
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Her Wedding, her choices. She chose her over you. Don't make her a shit friend, just close to her than you, even if it sucks to admit it.
But she's still talking to you. She's not trying to keep you from coming to the wedding and drinking away her money.

Give her the space for this, then see if she's cold after the wedding.
Not RIGHT after either. She gets a honeymoon phase.
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>>17113561
I'm aware it's her wedding, and I have been as understanding as possible, but letting her bitch of a friend dictate whether or not I can be included? I have been more than graceful about this, but her "friend"can't suck it up for one evening and be an adult?

>>17113569
True, but is this a deal breaker? I know weddings are stressful and not everyone can be included but not even being invited to the bachelorette party?
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>>17113582
your friend is an "adult" she chooses to be a bitch by going along with the other bitch

just tell her to fuck off by not showing up or speaking to her anymore
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>>17113660
This is what my folks said. I think there is something she's not telling me. I feel like you may be right, but I am very close with her family as well as the grooms. My absence would be noticed, and as mad as I am, I think I should go.

What happens after the wedding is another story.
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>>17113691
at least you will look like the better person and get mad drunk for the low low cost of a wedding gift.
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Just repeating and reinforcing what every other anon has said (so it sinks in)

This is your friend's (hopefully) once in a lifetime wedding. This is HER day.

You're still thinking this is about you. It's not. It's about her enjoying her self.

At your wedding your free to do whatever the fuck you want--just like she is here--because then it will be YOUR day.

She apparently values and is closer to this other person as a friend (or else why is she a bridemaid?), she's clearly at least trying to stay amicable with you and is hoping you'll take the high road because apparently her friend can't.

If you don't want to, fine, but just because you helped them meet doesn't mean it goes from being her day, to being yours.
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Get super drunk and give something fucked up for a wedding gift. A dead animal will get your point across nicely I'd say.
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Go to the wedding, only wish the groom well, enjoy free food/drink, then leave and never seek them out again. If the groom wants to reach out to you and pal around or whatever, cool. But the bitch bride has made her bed. Also, I can guarantee she doesn't give a fuck about you or the fact you're ending that friendship going forward. 100% guarantee.

Also, no gift. Just don't. Get your last free meal out of them and go.
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>all these people saying it's okay because it's the bride's 'big day'

That's no excuse of being such an absolutely gigantic bitch. If anything, she should have convinced her other bitch friend to fucking deal with it and not cause drama, instead someone that was very important to the union of these two is kicked out of the celebrations.

Basically, your friend is a shitty friend, and unfortunately seems to care more about her bitchy friend's intolerance of you than she does your feelings. Which is fucking terrible. But hey, at least you know where you stand now.
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>>17113757
>>17113770
These two get it.
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>>17113770
>>17113785
OP here.
I don't want to sound petty, because I know its her big day. I was okay with not being in the bridal party, as I said. But not even being invited to a party?

I'm starting to suspect she is hiding something. I'm just having a hard time believing my friend is against me.

What if The Bridesmaid actually has no problem with me at all, and The Bride just doesn't want us to talk because we'll discover something?
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>It isn't you I am worried about, it's her. She holds grudges.
Read: the bride is worried about herself and doesn't want that woman to have a grudge with her.

Selfishness again. What is new in this world?
>>
I really feel like The Bride isn't telling the truth about something.

Bump?
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>>17113889
Stop caring about this. Only care about the facts you know.

As others said not being invited to the bachelor party because said friend can't act civil is a shitty move so stop caring that much.

Start thinking of the couple as acquaintances instead of your best friends.

btw are you invited to the wedding and the afterparty? I did miss that part.
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>>17113558
>So I'm good enough to get her a gift and set her up with her future husband, but not good enough to go the the bachelorette party or be in the bridal party?

This is just... insane. You introduced two people FOUR YEARS AGO. This does not guarantee you a spot in the bridal party. It is not a TICKET to a ringside seat to the rest of their relationship!

Obviously she is striving to include you, and you have been invited to the wedding and the bridal shower.

When you say "the bride says the reason I'm not in the bridal party is..." does that mean you *asked* her why you weren't?

Her relatives who have known her since she was born, and many other people she cares about are not in that bridal party. They are at the wedding. You cannot have 75 bridesmaids, that is what a wedding invitation is for. She has chosen people close to her for a reason. Maybe you aren't as close as you thought you were, but you're not entitled to be a bridesmaid just because you've bought them a present and introduced them! That's crazy town.

You repeatedly state that you introduced them and therefore you're being 'excluded.' I am not 100% sure that it is the friend that is a spoiled brat... it sounds like the spoiled brat might well be you.
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>>17113582
Maybe you're just as awful in real life as you are coming across here, and to avoid causing drama with you and saying, 'look, you're awful and I don't want you there,' she's come up with a graceful way of saying, 'sorry, the bachelorette is smaller than the bridal shower you've already been to, and the shower and the wedding are the most I want to include you.'
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>>17115123
Do you honestly think we know what's going through the bride's mind?
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>>17113785
Yes, because you wrote them yourself to bump your entitled little thread.
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>>17115260
I am invited to the wedding. I am not in the bridal party and I was not invited to the bachelorette party. I accept that I am not in the bridal party. What I cannot accept is the fact that I introduced my two friends to one another and now they are getting married. I feel like she is not telling me the whole truth about this.
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>>17115278
I have accepted I am not in the bridal party. But not even an invite to the bachelorette party? Meanwhile people who are not in the bridal party were invited?
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>>17115301
>I am invited to the wedding.

Then, kindly fuck off. There are people in here with real problems.
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>>17115304
>"real" problems
It's an image board, fag.
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>>17115301
>I feel like she is not telling me the whole truth about this.

Do you want her to tell you "Yeah, I don't really like you"
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>>17115306
And? Go crash the party if you want to go that much, gaylord.
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>Bridal Party
People seriously look forward to things like this? Shoot me if I ever do.
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>>17115301
What is it that she's not telling you? The truth?

"Anon, you psychotic entitled bitch, we were introduced years ago and you are not the guest of honour because actually you are not the reason we are getting married. I'm sorry you felt that saying, 'Tim, this is Jane, and Jane, this is Tim' meant that you would somehow also get a moment of glory at a very expensive wedding that we are paying for, but that is not what it means. Thanks for introducing us, here is an invite to our wedding AND the bridal shower.'
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>>17115308
Yeah, I would rather hear that than be lied to.
Back Story: There was another girl who the bride said did not like me. I had no idea this girl had an issue with me. So, I went to her directly and asked her if she wanted to talk to me about anything. She told me everything was good between us, and she had no idea why the Bride would tell her there was an issue. Turns out The Bride and this other girl got drunk and The Bride said some nasty things about me. After she sobered up, she begged this girl not to tell me.
So, this other girl and I were lead to believe for months we hated each other.
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>>17115303
You went to the bridal shower, you are going to the wedding.

I apologise that you did not get sent a medal for your service to romance for introducing them. I'll get onto the magical Introduction Fairy.
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>>17115315
Have you not read what I said prior? I am not crying about being excluded from the bridal party. I know something else is up because no person would let one supposed grouchy friend dictate their weddig.
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>>17115314
You sound like the most drama-causing, drama-loving, entitled woman ever to not be invited to a bachelorette party. If the bride doesn't like you, it's because she is a sensible and reasonable human being. If she has not TOLD you that she doesn't like you, and when you ASKED her, "Omg y am i not in ur bridal party wah wah wah" she made up some excuse, it was because you are a family friend and friends with her husband to be, and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Take it with some grace and accept that she is happy to have you in her life to a certain extent, but not in her circle of besties.

If you stopped ambushing her and demanding to know why you aren't in the bridal party when you introduced them (utterly mad, entitled demanding stupid nonsense) then she might not keep trying to give you reasons to get you to leave her the fuck alone.

Stop causing drama for somebody who is trying to get married and do the right thing. If you need drama and attention and so on, ask your 'hot date' to take you somewhere thrilling and bang you on the balcony.
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>>17115331
Fuck off and read everything else I posted. I have been most gracious about this. The Bride is the one who keeps saying "Oh it's because this one girl doesn't like you." I dont care what you all say, it's a bullshit excuse.
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>>17115331
I'm not the drama queen. The Bride has said verbetum; "It isnt you I'm worried about it's so and so. She holds grudges."

Her friend cant suck it up for a day? How is no one considering that?
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>>17115324
Well, hmm.
>they would not be getting married if I had not introduced them to one another.
>My Gal Pal has not included me in the bridal party, and I am not invited to her bachelorette party
>The Bride is accommodating this spoiled brat of a woman, and is excluding me from the bridal party and bachelorette party, even though I introduced her to her soon-to-be- husband
>I have gone back and forth about all this. On one hand, not being in the party means not having to plan anything or buy an expensive dress, etc
> I'm not invited to the fucking bachelorette party because the girl who doesn't like me will be there, and I wasn't included in the bridal party.
>>17113770 - all of this one, which you clearly wrote yourself

Seems to me like you ARE crying about not being in the bridal party...

and if you're not, which you claim you aren't, then you're crying about not being invited to the bachelorette party.

Not sure that's better desu.
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>>17115338
>asks for advice
>proceeds to ignore advice
i think you're doing it wrong
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>>17115351
I have been friends with her for 11 years!
Of COURSE I am disapointed I'm not in the bridal party. But it's her wedding and I know how hard it is to plan. But she is inviting people she barely knows to this event.

This isnt anout bridal etiquette. I think she isnt telling me something. She is so keen on keeping me and this other girl seperated. Why? I would never do anything to pick a fight or ruin her day.
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>>17115358
Fine. Fuck it. I'll deal with it.
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>>17115338
I've read the whole thread, you have been most ungracious about this.

Why have you been asking her why you aren't in the bridal party? Stop harassing her. You can't deny you asked why you weren't. I bet you even told her you should be because you introduced them!

Let me just put this in caps because you are very self-absorbed so may not be able to understand the concept otherwise.

IT IS NOT YOUR FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT TO BE IN THE BRIDAL PARTY, SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE A REASON WHY YOU AREN'T IN IT.

THEREFORE, WHAT SHE SAYS IS NOT AN EXCUSE, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU A REASON.

STOP CAUSING DRAMA.
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>>17115362
New person here, I think you may be right but we can't know more about the bride's mind than you
do your thing
>>17115367
You're making quite a few assumptions.
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>>17115367
I am not causing drama. You all dont realize how drama free I have made this for her. You only think so because I'm venting.

Thank you all for your gracious advice.
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>>17115372
Thanks. I appreciate it. I'm just going to go and enjoy myself. There are a lot of people there I want to see. I've decided I can't let this bother me. I have not talked
to the bride about any of this. I've just been doing everything she has asked.
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>>17115344
She said that because you put her in a horrible awkward position where she had to tell you something. She didn't have to, she said that to spare your feelings.

Also probably the friend doesn't like you. I certainly don't and I've only read your posts for fifteen minutes.

Why should her friend, who is very close to her, have to 'suck it up'? She is closer to the bride than you are, so she is the priority. That doesn't mean you and the bride aren't friends, it just means that she likes the other friend more.

She's not worried about how you would behave, but she doesn't want her favourite friend to feel uncomfortable, and she doesn't want to have to even slightly worry about drama on the day. All you have done thus far is give her more reasons to believe drama would be inevitable.

Enjoy the wedding. Stop equating who stands where at the wedding with whether or not you're friends. You don't claim she's a best friend or even a particularly close friend, so why are you expecting more than just going to the wedding?
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>>17115367
I haven't pestered her about anything. I haven't demanded I be in the party either. I haven't demanded jack squat, which is why I am on an anime image thread. I give up.
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>>17115372
Oh yes, a very new person.
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My take is that you should let this go and realize that the bride is nowhere near as good a friend as you think she is.

Some of the other stuff you've written, this should be obvious.
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>>17115390
some people just like to project and make assumptions
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>>17115398
Yeah... Now that I read back on what I said I see how I have come off in this thread... I think I'm having a hard time determining if she really wants me to be her friend or not.
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>>17115403

Are you serious? Half the people in this thread are fucking retarded and have no understanding of friendships at all. You did nothing wrong, and don't let the retards here tell you otherwise. One of them even accused you of writing MY post and samefagging because they're such a toxic little shit. Dump this 'friend'. You were right in your gut from the start
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>>17115625
Op here.
I appreciate your kindness. Everyone seems to think off the bat that just because someone has hurt feelings about anything wedding related, they are being selfish. When my friend told me she didnt pick me to be in her bridal party, I was very sad but decided her feelings were more important than mine. Her whole reasoning (I never demanded an explaination) was because of her other friend who supposedly still hates me after a spat than was over six years ago. Because of this other girl, I am excluded from a lot of things. Even the groom thinks it is not right this other girls attitude dictate the wedding.
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>>17113542
I should be so lucky. I'm supposed to be in a friend's wedding at some point (this year I think?) and I said yes because we've been good friends for ages and she actually performed my wedding ceremony. but truth be told I am fucking dreading it.
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>>17115904
Aha, I can understand. I know weddings are super stressful and there is always drama. I almost don't want to go now. I hope your wedding situation goes well!
Thread posts: 54
Thread images: 1


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