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Yo, um I'm some newfag who has no idea what they're

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Yo, um I'm some newfag who has no idea what they're doing. I'll just get to the point. There's this girl, she really means a lot to me. Like multiple metric fuck tons. I live with her and her family because of some homeschooling and abusive parent shit. Before that though I use to visit her every weekend. I would always think about her. It was so bad that once I started taking pills for depression, high blood pressure, and ADHD I would get daily panic attacks thinking about ways I'd fuck up. I'd always get jealous of people who've known her for longer than I have. There's this one boy in particular, She's known him for about 3 years. She claims she hats him but whenever he comes over they would always hug up to each other sort of, and whenever it would happen it would fucking wreck me. Especially because she said that she HATED him. At least she said she can stand me but can't stand him? She's 16 and I'm just some cancerous retarded 13 year old. We spend a lot of time around each other. My usual daily routine was to just wake up, do whatever and wait for her to wake up and then just hang out in her room for the rest of the day. Recently though, she got a fucked up haircut where one side of her hair was uneven. I spent all night trying to cheer her up. I even did this thing where I said if she didn't talk to me I'd fall straight on my face. So I did and I started bleeding from my nose. After continuously trying to get her attention. She yelled at me to stop annoying her and go away. Shit really fucking hurt bad. Knowing myself I knew that I'd have to go far away and for a long amount of time. So I decided to go to my mom's for a bit. I've been working my ass off to try get her something nice to make it up to her. My mom is cheap and will only pay me $10 a day but hey pay's pay. Recently though her grandmother had to go to the doctor. She's also extremely important to me. Like I value this family more than my own.
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>>17088956
Mate, you're too young to be posting on the board at 13. Try hiding your age next time and then we can help you.

From what I can tell I think you need to carefully consider what it is that you want with this girl - do you want to have a relationship? If so, you need to consider how that could potentially happen and how you'd go about approaching her with that. Try to figure out how you feel about her and what you want from her, and if she isn't prepared to go along with that and, say, go out with you then you need to accept that.

Just take time though to carefully consider what you actually want. Don't just have confusing feelings and not try to make sense of them, have a goal, have a plan - if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out but at least you can get through that.
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Anyways I had to make my visit short because the girl was coming to see her as well. I promised her that she wouldn't see me until she wanted too. Which is probably never. I've been crying myself to sleep for the past 3 weeks without her and it seems like she's doing a lot better without me around. I try to keep happy with memories. Like this one time during Christmas, while we were stargazing outside, she said that she was cold and started hugging up to me. Me being the huge ass fucking idiot I am. I acted as I was uncomfortable. I don't know why the fuck I did it. I wish I could've lived that out a lot longer, maybe hug her back. During Valentines she kept leaning on me and laying on my lap, We played video games together that whole weekend. God I miss that. Another thing was when I was helping her clean her room, We were listening to yourfavoritemartian on her huge ass TV and when they said "for you baby girl, I'd change religion." She did a cute little thing where she moved her hands in a circle and then pointed at me. I wish I wasn't thinking like this at my age. I should really be just doing typical annoying shit but here I am I guess.
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>>17088956
>I value this family more than my own
Don't try and get romantically or sexually involved with this girl in any way shape or form. If you do and it goes bad, which it probably will, you will absolutely lose the connection you seem to have with not just her, but the family.
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Her family is pretty much just her, her brother, grandmother, aunt, and her other sister which just moved out. I've told her grandmother because she is a very kind women, as well as a very wise one. She said she'd love for me to be her son in law one day. Her older sister supports me as well. I forgot to mention that she's on her period but I don't want to blame it on that.
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>>17088993
Supporting you is one thing, but if you try things with the girl and it goes sour, they are going to be more inclined to side with her than you.
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