Quick question /adv/. I had a good group of friends (friends

What did you do 4 years ago?

>>16989972

it seems to me that they universally agreed you were the problem in the last circumstance. so if you had shown up and said 'thats his problem' or just gave that vibe, it would have just been selfish. you did something wrong, you know you did, and you cant expect everyone to forgive you just because the others did.

you did somethign wrong, so instead of just expecting forgiveness, reach out and try to make amends to him specifically, see what can happen.

what did you do by the way?

>>16989980
He let everyone fuck his (at the time) girlfriend regularly. She decided she liked me better. Shit was weird.

I guess i should just hang back when he is with them. That sucks. But ok.

>>16989998

>let everyone

like cucking or open relationship or 'let' as in she cheated and kept forgiving her. did the other guys fuck her too? you end up dating her?

>she decided she liked me better

sounds like you decided yo liked her better than him too, so you cant blame him for two of the closest people in his life screwing him over.

maybe you havent changed if you only blame it on her. bros before hos.

>>16990014
Open relationship.

One of the other guys fucked her too.

And i know i fucked up, like i said,i was in a bad place. Really desperate.i was a virgin before hand.

But all that aside, i still know i fucked up. I did "choose her over him". I know that was shitty. I don't like the situation,or how i handled it. But doesn't at least a little blame lie on him for letting her fuck us in the first place?

I learned my lesson, and it seems to me that it's easier for him to just completely blame me rather than admit he fucked up as well, and learn from it.

Is that reasonable, or am i just rationalizing it because I'm upset?

>>16990029

>i know i fucked up

and yet you made it tou to be her fault, and you said it in a pretty condescending way. 'she decided she liked me better'.

the fact that you worded it that way to anonymous strangers on the internet tells me that you dont really feel remorse for what happened. you feel bad abotu yourself at the time, but you dont feel bad for what you did to him it would seem.

>doesn't at least a little blame lie on him for letting her fuck us in the first place

he can make the rationalization that even in open relationships he shouldnt let his friends touch the goods. but the fact that you are trying to place blame on him for the nature of his relationship is really fucking shitty of you.

you knew he was in an open relationship. you knew he cared about her. you decided to say 'fuck that guy, im going to date this slut' and didnt care what bridge it burned.

you and her betrayed him. just because he let you have sex with her doesn't mean he is partially to blame for you deciding to fuck him over. by your own logic if he doesn't lock his door, its his own fault that he got robbed. the robber is still the scumbag. hesj ust a guy who learned a hard lesson.

>i lesrned my lesson

the fact that you are stil trying to put blame on him tells us you haent.

>and it seems to me that its easier for him to just completely blame me rather than admit he fucked up as well and learn from it

you havent learned anything. your logic is the kidn people use like 'OH WELL HE SHOULDNT HAVE LET HIS GF TALK TO ME IF HE DIDNT WANT HER TO CHEAT ON HIM'

same logic, just a less traditional scenario.

you're a jerk. dont get me wrong, hes dumb. but you're the one who thinks he should be punished for being dumb.

you are rationalizing because you still cant admit what you did wrong. saying 'i did wrong - BUT ISNT HE PARTIALLY TO BLAME FOR HAVING A CERTAIN LIFESTYLE?'

you are a tool. i dont blame him for still being mad. you havent changed.

>>16990029
Nah it seems like you're kinda rationalizing it there. You stole his girlfriend, even if he made it easy.
But it shouldn't matter anymore anyways in my opinion. That's kind of a dumb thing to still be shitty about four years later.

>>16990055

i disagree. why woudl you want to let that person back into your life?

your gf left you for a man. that man, one of your supposed best friends, chose her over you. why, 4 years later, should a man say 'well that was 4 years ago, im sure you wouldnt screw me over to benefit yourself again'.

forgive, dont forget.

>>16990048
Nah, i already said i fucked up. I shouldn't have fucked her in the first place. I wouldn't have caught feelings if i didn't. I would not do it again if presented the same opportunity. Doesn't that mean I've learned my lesson?

So i did the right thing by not going then?

>>16990066
Because shit happens and sometimes people get caught up with sluts. The dude was letting him fuck her and he probably got a bit too comfortable with the situation and crossed a line he shouldn't have. Four years later, I personally wouldn't care anymore. Not saying let your guard down, but don't avoid the guy. I think "forgive, don't forget" would actually fit that a little better, cause what you're saying doesn't even involve forgiveness

>>16990096

>nah i already siad i fucked up.

sayingit and believing it arent the same thing. case and point

>i shouldnt have fucked her in the first place
>i wouldnt have caught feelings if i didnt

you are still reducing it to his fault by saying its all cuz you slept with her. you are not taking responsibility for what you actually did, which was choose her over him. you reduced it to 'well its cuz i slept with her' which still indicates that you believe its his fault.

you arent a good friend. you werent before. you arent now. saying ' i wouldnt do it again ' doesnt make it true. at that age would you have actually said 'id date her if the opportunity arose' before it happened? i highly fucking doubt it.

hes right to want you out of his life, you sound toxic.

>>16990114

just cuz you forgive someone for what htey did doesn't mean you have to let them in your life. maybe he hasnt forgiven him even, and i dont blame him either. but this isnt 'not avoiding' the guy.

this is a tight knit group of friends who had been together since middle school, welcoming one back into their fold. this is a change to the entire dynamic. be real, search your feelings adn experiences, and look back at when simialr things happened. not even this kind of instance, but when your friends start hanging out with a new friend you dont like you cant just 'not avoid him'. hes part of your life now.

why would you want this person in a position where they could fuck you over again. why would you want everyone around you who knows this story to think 'wow i cant believe hes hanging wout with a guy who stole his girlfriend'.

i dont blame OPs old friend for not forgiving him, especially iwth how telling OP is in his statements.

I've been OP before. perhaps i still am. i dont blame OPs friend.

>>16989972
Its grey, but I think you did Not do the right thing here.

If the dude is still being a bitch about something that happened 4 years ago without even seeing you or giving you the benefit of the doubt, hes actually probably a massive faggot, especially while the other 3 seem cool with you.

I also think the other dude could possibly have been tough talking. You can disarm those guys so early. If as soon as you saw him, you smiled and offered a friendly handshake, asked how he was doing, and let him talk about himself for a bit, he may have even come around.

When this kind of time has passed youd be amazed how easy it is to win hearts back.

>>16990127
I definitely wasn't a good friend back then. I think I'm a much better friend now. I know i shouldn't have picked her over him. But i did. There's nothing i can do about it now. I would take it back if i could. But i can't. So i have to deal with the situation as I've made it.

I understand that. I am sorry for what i did, and there's no amount of telling me that I'm not that will change my feelings.

So i was right to not go? What do i do now? Text him later? Leave it alone?

>>16990154
Not the same guy,
But thats really it, bro.

Everyone does shitty things. Everyone fucks up. I personally would suggest either showing up next time, and seeing what happens, then if hes cold, either doing a man to man, or if its too awkward text him later what you just said here.

If he still doesnt come around, its actually him who is a faggot if he doesnt at least give you a chance. And that is, sincerely, his problem.

>>16990154

>i definitely wasnt a good friend back then.

sure you can say that now, but again would you have said it? you probably thought you were a good friend. i mean ufck you think you're a better person now, but you arent (At least not by much).

>theres nothing i can do about it now

yes there is. you can make amends. but lets pretend you couldnt do that. why would that make him obligated to get over it? you did something wrong, this is your punishment.

>i have to deal with the situation as ive made it

which might mean not seeing your old friends as much as you'd like to, if at all.

>so i was right not to go

yes, that is perhaps the first decent thing you've done.

>what do i do now
>text him later
>leavei t alone?

your call. my advice is to try and make amends without the goal of hanging out again. ask to take him out for a beer, 1 on 1, and talk. say you understand and wont hang around if he doesnt wnat you to (and it should be his choice in my opinion, you are the one intruding on his life) and try to hash out your feelings.

if he even agrees to meet, there might be a chance of salvaging all this. but he still might just not want you in his life. could you blame him?

>>16990154
>>16990165

Also props for admitting what a piece of shit you were.

On the topic of everyone being shitty, That, ironically, puts you in an elite of good people.

I never liked the 'cuck' fad that has passed through 4chan, but jesus, some of you are acting like real fucking cucks.

this guy should just get over what OP did and let him back into his life without OP ever even apologizing?

he may have let other men sleep with his girlfriend, but hes not nearly as big a cuck as you guys would apparently be in the same situation.

he is under no obligation to hang out wiht someone who ran off with his girlfriend.

>>16990127
Nah, I think you're just being a bit dramatic there. Either that or you surround yourself with people who gossip too much. But it wouldn't even cross their minds enough to judge me for hanging out with that person again. I've seen many of my friends forgive other friends for some fucked up shit that happened, even past enemies forming bonds. Nobody else says anything cause it's not their business. It's all in your ability to move past it. It's easy to sense if a person has bad intentions, just don't give them power to hurt/take anything from you and don't let them get close. It sounds like the guy hasn't even given him a chance and has no idea what kind of person he is today. Even if you think he is right to, he still has no idea.

>>16990177
yeah i bet youre the type that cries about things that happened forever ago like a little fairy

>>16990177
OP here. I think you're right. I haven't even apologized to him yet. I think I'll give him a call sometime this week.

Thank you.

>>16990169

>your call. my advice is to try and make amends without the goal of hanging out again. ask to take him out for a beer, 1 on 1, and talk. say you understand and wont hang around if he doesnt wnat you to (and it should be his choice in my opinion, you are the one intruding on his life) and try to hash out your feelings.

Won't hang around with the other guys if he doesn't like it? Nah. That's not his call. That's not "intruding on his life". That's between me and the other guys. I feel like I'm being accommodating by making myself scarce when he's there, but if i hang out with the other guys, how is that any of his business? At all?

I like the idea of trying to talk it out with him. I think I'll try that. Thank you for your time, i really appreciate it.

Polite bump for any opinions of the late night crowd

One last bump for morning crowd