did any of you guys tried to kill yourself? Are you still affected

I did, I'm sort of affected by it still?
Tried to kill myself, obviously failed and have tons of friends and family that were angry/sad/scared on how it could've turned out this way. In the hospital, I thought a lot. Obviously I had failed and perhaps (although I'm not believing in God or anything of that) I felt entitled to live. Like I gave it a honest shot, it was not my time to go, so stop wasting time and get a life instead of pitying myself. I wrote a list about everything I hated in myself, both physically and mentally, together with goals I wanted to achieve. Broke them down in small pieces so they were manageable to achieve. In the end I came out with a sense of clarity, but it's fucked up that one person needs to literally be in on the edge of dying before one gets what one should do with life.

What's affected me; well first I saw how much people I got around me that cares. So now I'm in a constant fear of making them this sad/angry/etc again. I'm constantly planning for a future so I'm keeping myself busy from suicidal thoughts. I have reasons to wake up in the morning, although I may still not be society's most functional human being, I do have purposes. Because my goal/change list gives me that.

Do I have suicidal thoughts? Yes, especially when plans do not turn out as I want and I feel worthless. But I'm not actively self-harming or killing myself because of it. I know that there will come a better day, and honestly, why does it matter if I fail? I got my life, and that's all I need. If I'm still alive, I still have the ability to change what I don't like about myself and my situation.

Kankerdraad.

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>>16952766
If you want to kill yourself, it is harder than it looks like. Four failed attemps, last time I tore off the knob I was hanging my belt on from the door, and i gave up

Feels bad and I wish I had an easy, painless AND free way to do it, but there isn't. I often dream of dying, I feel blood on my mouth and how I lose my breath, it is really sad when I wake up

So, dont do it don't obsess over it and live a happy life etc