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How can I have a better relationship with my dad?
>21/F
>live one hour away from parents because of school
>mom and I talk almost every day on the phone and see each other at least once a week for work
>dad and I only talk when I call and he picks up instead
>always using this weird loud voice/fake confidence when talking to me like he uses with strangers, is always clearly uncomfortable speaking to me
Our relationship has always been stunted and uncomfortable, always forced, he worked all day and I only saw him at night when he was exhausted from working in a shop and couldn't do more than sit in his chair. The only two or three times we did things alone together was because my mom made us and was horribly uncomfortable (think a 12 or 11 year old at a cider mill with her dad who is basically silent the entire time). Also growing up my dad would rarely talk to me unless he was screaming at me as backup for my mom, so I think that is a part of why I am so uncomfortable around him. Since I moved out he kisses me on the cheek and hugs me every time I leave and as bad as this makes me feel I hate when he does it because I'm closer to my Aunt than I am to him.
I don't know what I can do to repair our relationship at this point. My mom is always on my ass to talk to him more but he never calls me EVER unless I call the house and he just happens to pick up, I'm not sure what I can do to make our relationship better when it seems like he doesn't care if things stay the same
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>>16952688
Parenting is not an instinctive skill, nor is it taught. You pick it up as best you can. For any number of reasons your father is not very good at it. That doesn't make him a bad man, or even an unloving one. He just doesn't know too many ways to express his feelings toward you.
Accept him on his own terms. I can assure you that for a man like that a goodbye hug and kiss is a VERY meaningful effort. Instead of wishing it was more, accept it as a real effort to express his love, and appreciate it.
Meanwhile, gradually try to guide him toward more. When he ;picks up the phone, don't immediately ask for Mom, but engage him in conversation, as awkward as it may be. It will get better with time.
In a similar situation my own father used to shake my hand whenever I left. I made the very awkward move of hugging him instead, and eventually we both got better at it.
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>>16952688
Don't stress about it.
Sometimes people are just not compatible, even if they are related..
He loves you. He raised you. paid for your upbringing and tries. That mean something.
You can't choose your parents.
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>>16953118
This poster has value info.
Let me tell you something though. I am a guy in the same position. Youngest of two sons at uni (20), can say I'm the more successful one atm. But, my dad and I have never exactly been friends and we both kinda realized that over the course of visits etc. Though I played sports and was decent at them I never liked playing, he loved playing and watching though. Alot of unfamiliarity comes from his absence at childhood with business trips.
Our problem is similar, we actually just don't know our fathers too well. They've been good parents, we just need to make them friends. My advice, have genuine interest in him. Ask questions, relate yourself, try to establish your common ground. Good luck to ya
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