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My parents (my dad especially) always beat into my head that

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My parents (my dad especially) always beat into my head that if I don't graduate college, I'll be a nobody who'll be in crushing debt for the rest of his life. My mother is stricken with terminal breast cancer and was diagnosed years ago. I was motivated to become a wealthy scientist so my mother would never have to worry about her outrageous medical bills.

I'd like to think I worked hard to get the scholarships I need to make it in school, never falling below a 3.5 GPA in highschool. I'm an undergrad Sophomore in pre-med who did pretty good in freshman year.

Now though, I can hardly sleep. It's not even from studying - I just can't sleep for the life of me. When I do end up sleeping, I oversleep and miss classes. Yesterday I missed and failed a big math exam because I'm fucktarded. I'm numb to everything and have no motivation, no sadness, no tears, just this massive void that seems to have come from nowhere. Haven't cried since middle school, to be exact.

Last week one of my professors stopped me after class and said, "You know, being a doctor isn't for everybody...". I'm failing two classes for stupid reasons. I don't want to be a failure to everyone who has these expectations of me. But I just can't care enough anymore. I have until May to get my grades in order.

I don't know what I'll do if I fail this semester. I don't want to fail my parents.

What should I do, /adv/? This semester and last semester are digging my grave.
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I don't want to come off as being too forward, but you should spend more time with your mother as she will not be around here for long.
If you continue forcing yourself to study attend classes, you will neither spend your mother's lasts moments together with her, nor graduate. Why? Because it's very hard to go to college when your mother is dying, especially if your motivation for the major is some unrealistic dream of becoming a wealthy scientist to pay for your mother's bills. Your mother will be dead by that time.

You should cherish the last moments you have with your mother.
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>>16944607
Dammit, the feels...

OP, this anon is right.

Also, have someone explain to your dad just how expensive med school is. If you want to avoid crushing debt, that's probably not the way to go.
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>>16944577
>My parents (my dad especially) always beat into my head that if I don't graduate college, I'll be a nobody who'll be in crushing debt for the rest of his life
well he's not wrong, but the sad fact is that if you do graduate college you'll be a nobody who'll be in crushing debt too
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>>16944621
Also, forgot to add: OP please accept my sympathies on your mom's illness.
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>>16944632
Thank you Anon. It's been hard and confusing. One month she'd be stable, the next month she'd have tumor growth, getting progressively, slowly worse each time. She can't sleep, had a mastectomy a couple years back (to no avail), and works full time. She's in constant simmering soreness. I don't understand how she does it.

>>16944607
I want to, but I know my mom would never accept that. She would die a bitter death if I postponed school to see her more.

>>16944621
>>16944630
Hence the scholarships, which would hopefully cut the debt down a little. The biggest insult to my injury would be failing med school because I didn't have the grades to get good scholarships, thus being a failure with a huge debt bubble looming over me. It's just all so confusing.
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>>16944577
Several things op

1.- Yes you do need the degree, or will in fact stay in permanent debt

2.- Medical doctors do ok, but they never get "rich", also theres is no "wealthy scientists", there are some yes, but they are not the norm

3.- Tell your professor to gtfo, he doesn't know shit and that your mother is not ok, he wouldn't be even there if it was her mother

If possible take a break a semester, until you get your shit together and then come back and finish what you started
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>>16944696
Do you think I should get screened for depression? Also thanks for the tips.

Maybe I should take a break. Family would be furious but oh well I guess. I'm afraid to admit to myself that I'm a pre-med burnout.
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>>16944577
Sounds like depression to me my friend, the fact you feel nothing is a classic symptom.
You're mums terminally ill and you're in college trying for a medical degree, all this is incredibly stressful.
I'd speak to a professional counsellor to ascertain the best way forward, also if you can squeeze in a bit of exercise, gym or running, that should help you de stress and relax. Works for me.
Good luck
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>>16944655
My mother died from leukemia a year and s half ago. Your school should be able to work with you, my sister was able to leave to help care for my mother and return afterwards.
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Are you studying for yourself or for your family? When you do something that big for the wrong reasons its bound to fail. Youll end up sabotaging it or just not caring enough.
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Stay in college, even if it means changing majors. You're too far down this path to quit now.
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>>16944577
>Pre-med
Not to be a party-pooper anon, but if you have below a 3.7, hell even a 3.5 right now, your chances of getting into medical school aren't that great. The new MCAT is an absolute fucking bitch, and you'll want to get a metric assload of volunteer hours, both medical and non-medical. In addition to that, you'll need references from your professors.... The list goes on and on.

From what I've seen and heard, the people that get into med school usually either
>personally know someone at the school they are applying to
>have god-tier MCAT scores
>get affirmative action bullshit

The final nail in the coffin is that med school is so goddamn expensive. There's a reason most "pre-meds" switch within the first two years. It's goddamn hard, and balancing required classes for med school and the bullshit electives required by your college makes for an ungodly courseload.

Do yourself a favor and switch to engineering. No 7 hour MCAT, no sucking dick for letters of rec, no bullshit volunteering, and minimum liberal arts classes.
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>>16944577
>Last week one of my professors stopped me after class and said, "You know, being a doctor isn't for everybody...".
They weren't just referring to your grades. You need to be the right sort of person with the right motivations to be a doctor, and you're in med school for all the wrong reasons and you're psychologically a mess. Take time off school, and get some therapy. I'm sure your parents would rather have a happy, healthy child who's not a doctor than a robot who is.
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>>16945827
>never falling below a 3.5 GPA in high school
You seem to lack reading comprehension
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Take a weekend off every month.. like REALLY off. Sleep a lot, go out, maybe get drunk... loosen up for those two days. It could relax you enough so the sleep could come easier.

Btw yes, doctor work isn´t for everybody (much work, not enough sleep, etc etc), but there are great many specializations, you´ll find yours ;) (Some of them are easier and could make more money too...) Still...doing that kind of job is a GREAT responsibility with possible dire consequences for too many people (all on you), so if you are doing it mostly for the money, just pick a right specialization to go towards and you´ll be fine.

Taking too much (future) responsibility you don´t want or can´t handle may be one of the reasons you can´t sleep
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>>16944577
>My parents (my dad especially) always beat into my head that if I don't graduate college, I'll be a nobody who'll be in crushing debt for the rest of his life.
People make mistakes; people are wrong about things. This includes our parents.
How much debt do you have already?
Do you know the *average* med school graduate has $166,500 in student loan debt?
> I was motivated to become a wealthy scientist
There actually aren't many.
Did you know the median income for a family practice doctor is about $140,000 a year? That even ER doctors average $209,000/year?
Did you know you'll need to be a doctor for a decade or more to make that kind of money?
Did you know that for the first 5 years after medical school doctors make about $55,000 a year?

>"You know, being a doctor isn't for everybody..."
The filter on being a doctor isn't intelligence; it really isn't. Sure, you have to be at least some smart, but the filter is - the hours. The incredible grind of med school is actually nothing compared to the crush of residents. You won't have time for anything but work and sleep for at least a year.
.
If you really want to make money and quickly your best bet is to get an Associate's degree in Accounting, get to work at an accounting firm and get your Bachelor's in Accounting while working, then test for and get your CPA. You'll be making as much as a doctor (well, for the first 5 years as a doctor) with virtually ne edebt, the firm will pay for your BA and test, and when you are done you will be capable of making as much as a doctor with much less education and debt.
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>>16944577
And my prayers are with your family
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>>16944577
You are showing some signs of bpd go see a doctor.
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>>16944577
>>16945918

>The filter on being a doctor isn't intelligence; it really isn't. Sure, you have to be at least some smart, but the filter is - the hours. The incredible grind of med school is actually nothing compared to the crush of residents. You won't have time for anything but work and sleep for at least a year.

This. I was in a PhD program until I realized that it was turning us into obedient, workaholic zombies, and all the people who were leaving, very smart people, were making more money and living more fulfilling lives.
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I'm really sorry, op. I hope you live happy moments with your mom and show her a lot of understanding and unconditional love. Stay strong, my friend.
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>>16944577
You don't need to care to push through this part of life.

Wake up and do push ups and sit ups. Grab the edge of your bed and lift it a few times. Bro, that stagnation of spirit comes from all that mental stress. If you want to sleep you need to treat yourself like a dog who doesn't get enough walks. Work your body out. Exert great force. Have at least 2-3 moments in the week where you exert force as if you it is a life and death situation. Like sprinting as hard as you can. Lifting something till your arms feel like jello and burn and you keep going. This will help you sleep.

I'm an oldfag. The truth is all your mom wants is to know you will thrive when she is gone. When you have kids you'll realize that feeling becomes your lifes purpose. The same goes for your dad. They both know that a degree makes your chance at a happy life easier to achieve. Don't get the pressure they put on you twisted and think for a damn second that they will see you as a failure. You've been thinking too hard on this and have built it up to something it is not. Fuck that part of you. They just want to know you will thrive.

Bro, your motivation is gone but you are still going through the motions. Keep pretending. Pretend the fuck out of life for now. Allow yourself to cut off any train of thought that dwells on possible futures. Fuck those thoughts in the ass and focus on doing today what will help you in the next 24 hours. Fuck having fun, you won't feel better after the movies or hanging with friends. You'll feel better when you slaughter a homework assignment and get an A and call your mom to tell her about it.

You don't need motivation right now. You need to put one foot in front of the other and become an unstoppable force which acts at all times towards it's goal. Don't you fucking let yourself die before she does.
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