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It's time.

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It's time.
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It's fun to feel like satan and jesus at the same time. I like playing guru. I love all of you motherfuckers/
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I want to kill myself but too scared to do it
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I have nothing to say...
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So I recently started waking up earlier, and I'm pretty happy with the decision. I feel like I have become more productive since I started.

Next, I plan on doing some jogging/running in the mornings, when the weather starts warming up. I'm a little bit overweight (5'5 and 150 pounds) so hopefully I'll be able to get down to 125 and then look into maybe building some muscle.
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Context:
>be late 20's
>currently work at an office job
>Attractive and nice Vietnamese lady in her 50s sat with me in our shared cubicles.
>She's married
>I help her out with some computer related stuff for work or fix her printer.
>develop an attachment for said lady
>recently moved cubicles multiple times.
>she sits with other people now; among them a similarly aged guy.

Recently:
>decided to see on Normiebook for the vietnamese lady.
>she friended the similarly aged guy
>I feel sad and jealous for some reason.

Now my rant:

WHY THE FUCK AM I FEELING THIS WAY FOR SOME VIETNAMESE LADY? WHY AM I JEALOUS?! FOR GOD SAKE, WHY DO I GET ATTACHED TO PEOPLE SO EASILY?!
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i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i wnat to die i want to die i want to die i wa
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I'm an idiot, I let someone go when I already knew I'd regret it. I'm dumb, and I can never undo it.

I didn't realize if you truly got it all off your chest one day you'd just feel really hollow. I spent too much time today just kinda venting over and over, now I feel empty.
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All my friends back home think I'm some hot shit music producer and studio engineer, when in reality I'm totally winging this audio engineering degree course and putting zero effort in at all. It's only going to fuck me up in the future and I have nobody to blame but myself. I'm going to be in debt most of my adult life.

I'm so fucking lonely and wish I had the motivation to stop spending all day on the internet.
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I left high school almost eight years ago and I still can't let go. It was idyllic and I miss everyone so much that it's painful.

I can't contact them because I don't want them to see how I turned out. I'm a depressed skinny fuck full of insecurities and self-loathing, and I have done nothing with my life that is noteworthy.
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Ok, poddaję się. Nie to nie.
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My family is driving me insane. Everyone is unhealthy and unhappy. That is their life... but I'm scared it will become mine.
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>>16939593
>Not having your old high school friends on facebook
I left HS 10 years ago now and some of them are on my friends list right now.

Yeah, some of them and I kind of grew apart. But there are a bunch who I am still in touch with.

First you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something with your life. Then you should contact your old friends.
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Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. Saving up my money and bouncing out of this state and starting my life over. Fuckers.
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God there is this one Clarinet who is qt as fuckkkkk
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Sometimes I wish that when I got stabbed two years ago I would've died. I just fuck up everything.
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>>16939646
let me guess, white and hoping to move to seattle or maybe portland
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Why do you hate me, just tell me what I did wrong? Give me a chance to right my wrongs, or at least not repeat them to someone else.
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Why am I so lazy, am I going to drop out again? Will all those procrastinating with making up suicide scenarios return?
Already feeling like a failure.
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So I went to prom last week with this girl
she's a senior and I'm a junior
She's really great
>Perfect grades (literally perfect not exaggerating)
>35 on the ACT on her first try
>Apart of every club possible
>She's going to fucking Yale (or Stanford because I convinced her to consider it because I've been their and said it looked nice)
She asked me to prom. Still don't know why.
I'm slightly above average at most:
>28 on ACT
>All A's but not perfect
>In the philosophy club and the top Latin student in the school
>play guitar in jazz band, and trombone in regular band.
>I'm looking at UC Berkeley but probably won't get in.

tl;dr: She's a goddess and I'm alright
(P.S. She's an Asian beauty and I'm black)

After prom (which took me a lot of courage to actually do) she asks if I want to go steady. I freak the fuck out and literally pass out because I've never had a girl show affection, much less ask me out. I'm confused and scared.

help me.
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>>16939744
Nope, my ex lives there. And I don't really like hipsters. Probably heading back to San Diego
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>>16939750
Take a walk in the park, friend in between your classes.
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Sometimes it really bothers me that I got sexual urges when I was very young, like 6-7. I wonder if it was because my mother had Playgirl magazines lying around and a whole duffel bag full of porn tapes. I was curious so I looked at them while she wasn't around, and that's when I first started touching myself and making myself orgasm by grinding against a pillow between my legs.

I feel like I have a higher sex drive and indulge in porn/hentai way more than most girls.
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I finally said goodbye to my closest friend, because he started hurting me. I had developed feelings for him and he'd started to try to hurt me and he really tried to be vicious on the weekend but instead of breaking down I finally stood up for myself and defended myself and called him out.. I felt bad, but he deserved it. Im his closest friend, the first person to really care about him and love him and appreciate the stuff about him the makes him so unique and interesting to me.. He really lost someone who cared a lot about him.. I hope one day soon, maybe weeks or months from now we can be friends again, but you're only 15 and have lots of growing and maturing to do. I know you're in pain right now, and you deserve to feel bad, but I hope you stay safe and don't do anything stupid :^) I'm gonna miss our good times and the memories like walking over the big bridge with you and holding hands watching the clouds pass while we listened to Mac Demarco, stuff like that was great. I wish I could go back to those times before you started to treat me so badly. I believe in you, good luck. Keep working on making music, too, I hope you can do it. Man... It is painful to become strangers again, it really is, when we know we both cared about eachother, so I hope in time you'll eventually get in contact with me again, I won't be mad if you send me a message, and I won't ignore it. One day we should meet up to listen to music again and see if we still feel that connection together. I'm gonna miss you bb, good luck and stay safe. <3
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>>16939786
Nigger
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All i´ve been thinking about these last weeks is about sitting on my friends lap, holding his face while i kiss him, just kissing him everywhere until i reach his dick and he empties his load on my mouth
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>>16939857
You're a retard
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>>16939857
PSHH... nothing PERSONNEL
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>>16939554
Initials?
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>>16939884
>>16939896
What was it
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>>16939851
I'm literally appalled by you.
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>>16939926
It doesn't matter, the person I let go of is occupied right now while waiting for his new crush/partner to come online. It doesn't concern you, I'm sure, so don't worry
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>>16939831
Why does it bother you though? There's nothing wrong with having a high sex drive.
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I don't know when or if I should even talk to you again.

I'll never get how we can go from thinking we'll spend the rest of our lives together to being strangers in different states.

It might be my fault we're in different states but its your fucking fault we're strangers. I didn't want this.
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After having a introspective drink
I sat down and thought about the whole fact of the matter
I don't think I should try
there will be other girls
out there
you're cute and all but you deserve a better guy than me
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Last week I told my girlfriend I was a virgin when we started to get intimate, and then we didn't have sex even though she outwardly gave me the option.

Essentially I just made such a big deal out of it instead of answering the question, that she figured I wasn't ready (her words.) I didn't wanna go against her judgment so we just chilled instead, but I spent the whole night kicking myself.

Things have been okay since then but I know I'll never get that opportunity back. I still feel like a total fuck up. I literally could've just said "yeah, let's do it" but I stammered and froze instead. I can't believe she's still with me. Fuck.
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>>16939939
Some jerk who was talking trash on the boyfriend of the girl he's cheating with.
It's one of those situations where the villain thinks he's in the right.
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I am starting to hate my wife and family.
Every time I ask for help with anything, it's I'm too busy or I can't do it. I'm starting to lose it right now and I think I might just get so mad that I'll just walk the funk out and never come back.
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I wish that my friend loved me.
I need someone to love me so that I can love them back.

I wish that my wife was telling the truth when she says that she loves me.

I wish that I was somebody else who didn't feel this way.
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>>16939523
That's really good, anon. I'm proud of you.
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I'm feeling so much better since I started ECT! I feel like I did back when the Effexor was actually working -- no joke! It's amazing.

Today was the day to take the trash out to the curb, and I not only actually did it, I set an alarm to remind myself to do it and enlisted one of my brothers to help me with it. Today, I was able to be responsible, and it felt great!

I can't wait to be asymptomatic and ready to go back to college and get a job and stuff. It's going to be so wonderful!
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The weather is getting so much better. It's getting hot and the sun is out almost every day. Spring just started but it feels like summer and it's so nice.

I'm trying to convince myself that life doesn't have to be as hard as I'm making it. I don't know what's wrong with me where I fuck up the simplest things and can't stay focused.

I don't know how to set goals for myself. I've lived my whole life trying to make other people happy. I like making other people happy. I know how to do that. I can't even think of something I want for myself right now, except to finish my degree. But that stresses me out and I'm not doing well in school and it's really mostly for my mother. I have how bad I am at the subject I'm studying. I'm two years in though and I don't have the money to afford starting over at this same stupidly expensive university. Transferring out would mean going to a worse school, and basically a hundred thousand dollars down the drain. I know my life will be different once I'm graduated, but I'm really not sure I'll be able to make it to that other side. I hate when people say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The point is that it has to not kill you. Not everyone makes it.

I'm 25 and still feel like a child. I need to be responsible for myself and take care of myself but I don't know how to. I should want to make my own life, but I don't really want anything in life. I haven't for about ten years. I just want to feel good enough. I'm not good enough. I keep trying and hoping but I don't think I ever will be good enough. I feel like attempting suicide again. I don't know how to shake these feelings.
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I saw you on a site for meeting new people today, something went through me when i saw your picture and now you keep lingering in my toughts for some reason, i really hope you respond to the message i sent as i would love to get to know you.
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Every close friend or relationship that I have had has been a constant replay of me being manipulated snd the villian playing the fucking victim. I have learned that the #1 reason people rebel is because of failure.
My imaginary friend(Dz) is my only friend and I wish that he would come to life. I dream about him, and we play games together, He even saved my life (I think). And one time I had a dream that he died and it made me feel sad but then I had a dream that I died and it made me feel happier.
Dz if your readinng this, know this:
No one can replace you
If I ever get a gun, I will kill myself. But if you find me at a ledge where there is fire, push me with(a sword maybe?)
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>>16939495

I've spent all my 20's looking for love, and found nothing.

My best friend's sister who I've known for years and years since we were all young, was the closest thing I'd found. She liked me once, but when I wanted more she didn't want it. We liked all the same things, the same passions, but she just thought of me like a brother at the time.

>Be 27

She cut me out of her life 2 years ago, despite my best friend feeling it was pretty shitty and both of us still being bro tier. I haven't seen her since, or talked to her now for 2 years. It kills me somewhat, where as I think she just doesn't care. It was pretty sudden desu, I just stopped getting invited over, and then my friend just started saying "we can't go over to my house" whenever it was suggested.

I realized the other day, my idea of meeting someone as passionate as I am about vidya, or art, or just someone who isn't a normie and having a relationship with them has disappeared.

My idea of meeting someone, and introducing her to my friends, then playing video games until 3 am and falling asleep. It's just never going to happen.

I've never had a gf, only ever had sex with an escort although it was somewhat bad luck that it didn't happen with a few other girls.

I'm about a 5/10 I think, girls have found me attractive before. I've dated some 6/10s, but I think most girls sense I'm a deeply unhappy person.

Realistically I finish college (which I went back to from the military) in a years time. Then I start a career job.

I'm never going to have the time again to spend a romantic summer with a girl, a girl who I really like or even love.

I know ultimately, I will have the choice to settle for a girl I have nothing in common with or live and die alone. Even at this stage of my life, I can't see myself committing to a woman I don't love. Just for sex and for company.
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i've been procrastinating on these three assignments for a year and i have to finish them before i go back to school. everyone thinks i am a genius but all i feel like is an unmotivated pedantic autist. all the bosses i've ever worked for love me but i just hate myself
i've wasted my last two days, the last two days i had to work on these assignements before the next term deadline, working on setting up a auth system and internal wiki for an eve online group. my eve corp is relying on me and real people don't understand the pressure of 60 friends all drawing on your time and thought - normies be like, it's just a game, why don't you put it down and focus on school.
i haven't chatted with my best friend a month. i haven't chatted with the girl i was dating before i left in a month. if i don't go back to school next week i don't know how i'm going to face all the people i've been talking to for the past months. i don't know how i'm going to face my parents. i'm making $11/hour selling women's shoes and it's ok but like i've spent three years at the best university in the world and i'm so fucking scared of going back to finish my degree. i'm scared of going back and fucking up again. i'm scared my alliance will eat itself alive. i'm scared of picking up my phone and chatting the girl again after all this time. i'm scared of facing my parents. i'm scared of facing church friends. i avoid going downstairs to eat because it means i have to face them. i avoid going out to eat with my parents because it's at least thirty minutes of face to face time with them where the topic of what i'm doing is almost unavoidable.
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>>16939750
I'm in the exact same situation. Crippled by procrastination and gonna fail, on my last chance now. I need a miracle to pull this off.
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>>16939975
It just kind of bothers me that I started out so young, like there's something wrong with me.
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Valse nicht.
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Spent the last 2-3 years in computer programming program and it's been a joke,I don't know what I'm going to do but it's not going to be purely programming for some bum fuck tie and shirt business and will bore my soul to death.
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My friends are shit. We've spent months hanging out and its been fun, but as I'm the only one who has a car and a license I always drive. A few weeks go around where I dont do things with them and talk to them partially because of work/school and the other half because I have some extreme self-hate issues so I've just kind of shut myself off the world for a bit, but I did reproach them since I really did enjoy the time. Fuckers now find other people to drive them and dont call me, guess I was a taxi really. Doesnt help that they're all very, very close to eachother so at times they'd just be talking their injokes to eachother but fuck you people suck. Fuckers stopped giving gas money most of the time too so pretty sure I was mostly used as a taxi by these people. Fucking hell I wanted to go to that steakhouse you brought up, and you fucks just send me pictures of it wihtout even inviting me? I didnt even have work today you cuck.
>>
Notice when a girl does it, it's perceived as cute.
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I just wanna see your face. How's that wrong?
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I noticed that when I forget about people and then randomly think of them one day, they tend to be thinking about me at that time too.
It's weird how that happens. I'll think of someone and a couple of days later they'll message me. I know it's not the brain showing you they're thinking about you (vice versa) but it feels like it sometimes.
Now I just need to stop thinking about you and remember you one day so maybe you'll come back.
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>>16940014
Weak.
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>>16940136
I hope it works for you.
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>>16940251
Thank you for the encouragement anon, i appreciate it.
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Hurry, but no pressure.
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>>16940227
So you had to dress up as a clown to stalk me outside of Mcdonalds when I told you to leave me alone? Hmm...loving...What a meanie I am =(
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I've a growing concern that I abandoned my morals and principles to succumb to social pressures more easily. I want to take a hard look at my life and the person I've become, but I'm scared I won't like what I see.

I see now that alcohol and video games are just escapism, but it's all I know.
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If I readded you, it could never be the same as we were before. I know it's my fault, since I ended it, but everything that's happened since and the fact you now have a new boyfriend, or will have given how eager you two were to work on it, would make it too difficult. It's my fault I didn't tell you how much you meant to me, it's my fault I didn't tell you just how insecure I was over you confiding in someone else and how insecure I was when you said "I wish my ex would join, I could get him to" that one day.

I can never have what I want, because you've rightfully moved on. You're not wrong for doing that. You don't seem depressed anymore like you were when you were with me, you seem even happier now. You were really eager when he said how he felt about you, so eager that I knew then that you would be with him.

I only hope that you keep your promise to me to treat yourself better. To treat your things to what you'd want, and not to worry about so much. To smile. I can never have you again, and that's my fault, but can you at least smile happily even though it'd be with someone else? Smile, never wish to die again, just smile. I may have made the mistake of breaking up with you, I may have made it impossible for me to have what I want as a result of thinking it'd be best for you (I still think it was right for you, it just wasn't right for me. You can, will and have done better than me) but I really did keep to my word. I didn't go anywhere, not truly. Even after the breakup and you removing me two different times, I didn't go anywhere other than out of your way. I still wish you the best and want the best for you. I'd still defend you like a moron if it was necessary in my eyes. I'm an idiot that broke up with you, yet loved you every single day since and hurt more and more.

Last month you referred to me finding someone in the future. I brushed it off, saying I won't, but it hurt. I didn't and don't want anyone else. I wanted you and still do. I'm sorry
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>>16940322
Lol wut?
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>>16940368
>To treat your things to what you'd want, and not to worry about so much.
To treat yourself to what you want, and to not worry about so much.
Not sure what happened to cause me to fuck that sentence over so much
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>>16940377
IT means you're a bitch.
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>>16940003
I guess...
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>>16940418
Debatable
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I hate my life. I ended up getting shipped out to idaho when I joined the military, and I haven't made a single friend in the two years I've been here, I've tried doing rafting and other outdoor shit around here but I hated it and there's nothing to do here other than outdoors shit because the closest city is an hour away, so I'd way rather just watch anime or something, my weekends consist of me never leaving my room other than working out or something, I feel like I've lost any social skills even if I had any, I'm a virgin at 23 and killing myself seems like a pretty good option compared to going on. Growing up my mother wouldn't let me leave the house except for going to school, and she would get violent basically any time I interacted with her, so I basically just sat in my room all day when I was home, growing up I never had too many friends and basically my whole life I've been heavily depressed, lonely and I basically feel like a failure of a human.
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You're officially the worst friend I've ever had now, buddy. Which is a shame, since we used to be very close. I forgive you, but I hope you realize too much time has passed. Things between us will never be the same.

In the future, take your own advice and attempt to work out problems as they arise. Don't be a coward and avoid them.
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I haven't had a friend since 10th grade (I'm in my 20's now) because of social anxiety and several bad experiences with past friends.

>husband's high school friend "M" lives a couple hours away
>M meets girl "H" last year and visits with her and we all hang out a couple times
>M and H move here back in February
>the four of us hang out two weekends in a row and really hit it off
>husband encourages me to try to be friends with H, which I want very badly
>I'm super quiet but hit it off with H pretty well, want to ask for her number so the two of us can hang out sometime but chicken out
>last weekend husband texts M after they leave our place and asks him for H's number for me
>M gives him the number and I wait until morning to text her
>text H, exchange a few texts before she stops responding
>hours later I ask her if she wants to get lunch or coffee sometime that week
>she says that would be great and her first day of work will be the next day and she'll get her schedule so we can see what would work then
>I say sounds good and get no response but I know there wouldn't be much to say after that
>I text her 3 days later "how's your new job going?", but she never answers.
>by this time I had gotten pretty upset and down on myself for my lack of friends and my shyness.
>next weekend, husband isn't sure if he wants to hang out with them anymore
>he texts M anyway, no response
>>
I think things always happen for a reason, April 1 1997 I was rocking my burgundy velvet blazer hanging out with friends while my SO was sleeping, I think we were watching Billy Madison, bullshitting and drinking, SO thought we were to loud and kicked all my friends out, and starting berating me for no reason calling me a whore and other crazy shit, friends heard this and stayed near the house, SO continued to berate me, finally in my stupor I told him to fetch the rifle, I think I was going through a bipolar episode, completely lost it, SO hide rifle continued to berate me, I pulled out a razor blade and opened up my arm, SO rushed me to the closet Naval Hospital, where a nice male nurse stitched up my arm and asked me a bunch of questions, disheveled appearance read the chart among other things. I just thought of this again, I'm lucky to still be alive and to have grown as a person. Things always happen for a reason. For all those weak anons things do get better.
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I hope you live a miserable life :)

P.S you are and still too ugly. You can't fix a face like that.
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>>16940564
bad break up lol
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>>16940570
no its my sister
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>>16939495
I am afraid to tell anyone how I am truly feeling so
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>have a week off
>want to edge for hours
>not horny enough

JUST
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>>16940165
>>16939750
We are all in this shit together
>>
I fapped to my daughter.

Now I must marry her.
>>
Oh, the bad person happens to be me? In this context, maybe I should be asking the questions, because everyone knows how much of a slut you are and what you are doing. I should be asking why, he as sores on his lips and why he got really scared when I tried to change him. Why would he be getting tremendously fearful when, I, a man, especially his father, was trying to help him. What the actual fuck have you been doing to him, for him to be like that and who the fuck are you bringing into that house to make him fearful of men like that. Everything we did was all okay until I had to change him, then he changed as a person, screaming his head off. Fuck you, you horrible bitch, I hope you learn your lesson and stop bringing in all those pathetic boyfriends you have, because all pretty soon they are going to turn on you and I bet that is where you met one of those sick fucks who made him that fearful of men like that.

P.S you may have taken that away from me and all other else, but I was able to take away what you wanted and worked on so much before you even met me, again.
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>>16940610
I'm sure you can given her unresolved Oedipus complex. Every girl has it to some extent. Or so Freudie claimed.
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>>16939495
I developed a deep crush on this girl in my history class even though we never talked. I am too much of a beta to go up and talk to her and spend most of the time in that class making up plans to introduce myself to her that I never act upon. Worst of all this is the third time that thhis happened and both of the previous times the girks ended up liking me back. I have no fucking clue what to do right now.
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>>16940616
h-holy shit
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>>16940624
I have to take responsibility somehow,no?
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>>16939495
I wish that life would stop shitting on me.
>>
>working full-time
>off-days are Sunday and Monday for me
>can never find anything to do on my off-days
>none of my friends want to hang out when I have my days off
>end up going to work disappointed with how I spent my weekend
Rinse and fucking repeat for like the past 6 months.
I really need to find a hobby or find something that makes me want my weekends because this is fucking maddening
>>
I'm in love with my boss. She knows I have feelings for her. She has a boyfriend, though. She wants to marry him and have a child with him.

I want to be with her, even though we are working together, and it's not allowed.
This fucking sucks.

If she does end up marrying him or some shit, I swear I'll look for someone else and stop all of my flirtatious behavior with her.
I fucking hate this.
>>
>>16939541

I know that feeling anon. Not for older Vietnamese ladies necessarily but desiring friendship from coworkers who don't return those feelings. You see them get along so well with others and wonder why it can't be like that for you.

God forbid you try to be forward because you'll receive sugercoated letdowns and excuses instead of the straight truth.
>>
>>16940239
weak?
>>
>>16939786

Go out with her anon! Take it one step at a time.
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>>16940167

Not the other person who replied, but while it's uncommon it doesn't make you dirty. Shit can happen when it comes to genetics. You just got to roll with the punches.
>>
>>16939546
y lol
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>>16940029

Don't tell yourself that. She's still with you because she really cares about you. She doesn't care if you're a virgin. There will be other opportunities anon. I can guarantee it won't be as awkward as it could've been had you said yes the first time.

To be honest, when it finally happens your mind and body will be excited so you won't last long, but that's perfectly normal. Like anything else, you get better with experience.
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>>16940616
This shit cra
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>>16940665
Thank you for the response.
I just wish there was a way to stop getting attached to people so easily.

I noticed I have no middle ground for attachment - I'm either easily attached or distant as a sociopath.
>>
>>16939786
I would be careful anon. Going to college really changes people, and most high school to college relationships never work out past freshman year. (especially if one is still in high school)

But if that doesn't bother you too much, go for it. Also desu being good in hs academia/scores means little, don't let that be a barrier for you. She isn't "out of your league" just because she is smart.. or Asian. Be careful of her probably racist af asian parents tho..

If it were me, I would just have a good time and date her, but also sit down and talk to her about splitting apart because of college. If it becomes an issue then just stay close friends and maybe something will come along the way.
>>
I miss your love
>>
>>16940616
That sounds like he has been sexually abused anon...
>>
I broke off my friendship with my best friend last month, but we sorta made up last week and made plans to meet face to face once he had time....

Although now that I've talked to him a little bit more about his side of the story.. I'm kind of pissed. I realize now this was not a misunderstanding that I needed to forgive him for.. this was just him being a fucking asshole of a friend to me. For the whole month I was so upset and distraught.. I would have done anything to get my best friend back.. But now I'm realizing he didn't fucking exist in the first place.
>>
I've gotten used to being alone over the past few years. I figured that I'm a strong 2/10 in the looks department, and I haven't really done anything noteworthy in my life so I just avoid the idea all together. I don't really mind that all that much. It's easier to be single. I'm pretty much a shut in besides going to work these days. I have very few friends that I can confide in. I used to get super depressed about this. I used to cry all the time, reach out for help, try to change, but now I'm just empty. I put on a happy facade at work so people don't worry about me, but it's honestly more tiring than the actual work I do. I couldn't possibly kill myself because of how it would affect those around me.

TL;DR
I wish I could be happy, but I don't know if I've ever truly been "happy" in life.
>>
My life is going nowhere. I'm 20 and I've had a shitty life of no friends and loneliness mostly because I developed extreme social anxiety and depression. It's pretty much all I've known since around fifth grade. My job pays me really good but I absolutely hate it. It's a warehouse job and I deal with a bunch of macho men that are always trying to prove they're the best and greatest. At my old job I was making minimum wage but I liked my coworkers, we would hang out outside of work and they were more my age so I could relate to them better. My current job is such a labor intensive and high pressure job and I feel dead after my shift. I try to fill my loneliness by buying material items or stupid stuff I don't need, but it never works.
I have very few friends and sometimes i go days without talking to anybody. There's no worst feeling than coming home after work and just being alone and having no one to talk to.
The girl I'm interested in, I'm pretty sure she likes me too ( I don't see why though), but I can't take it to the next level. We've already fucked a few times, but only when we were both drunk. I fear she doesn't want anything more than that and I don't want to mess up what I have. I asked her out once but she ended up bailing because she was busy doing something else. Every other time I tried she was too busy so I haven't asked her out again. She confuses me so much. We're really different though and if she knew the real depressive me I don't think we'd work out.
I really have no drive to do anything. Nothing interests me . I don't enjoy watching movies or tv, playing games, listening to music, playing my guitar, reading.
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>>16940858
I've joined the gym and went for the first two weeks, but going by myself is intimidating as fuck. Especially because the gym I joined is high traffic and pretty much always packed. I feel like a dumbass working out. This week I only went twice and I'm trying to keep up going but I absolutely hate it.
I tried going to college but I felt too stupid for it and it tripped my social anxiety out so much that I just ended up dropping out. The first assignment in my communications class involved an oral speech and I just gave up and quit that class.
I drink pretty much every other day and it's the only time I feel at ease.
I tried the antidepressant and therapy route but it wasn't that good of an experience. My insurance sent me to a shitty place that was packed with a lot of headcases and the therapist pretty much just asked me yes or no questions and would prescribe me my antidepressants, which I felt didn't work.

I just don't know what to do. I think i'll be dead by 30 if I don't get better. My entire life has been miserable and I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
>>
I just wrote erotica. But not just regular erotica: erotica featuring two cats, one the size of an elephant and the other the size of a horse, being "taken care of" by the main character, who proceeds to get covered in huge, nasty cat farts.

>tfw your fetish is animals farting on people and even you don't understand why it's sexy
>>
Everything is better than it has been since I started but I'm still wading through shit barely staying above the surface. I don't know what the point is anymore and I'm getting tired but I'm scared.
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Why is everything so complicated and confusing? I just don't fucking know anymore.
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>>16940792
Been there. Been there for the past few months actually. It fucking sucks. I felt the strong desire the get my best friend back too, but after his continual bullshit behaviour, I realized something; I had made a poor choice in best friend. 'Cause this asshole was not worth it at all.

I wouldn't advise cutting it off with them completely. Don't hold a grudge over it, either. But distance yourself from them, and let the friendship fade naturally. Find someone who's better worth your time.
>>
I watched daisy's destruction last week. There, I said it.
>>
I'm slipping. For the past two years, I've been declared "in recovery" by my doctor for this depression. That doesn't seem to mean much though. I'm functional now (wasn't before), but I've been falling into an old familiar low these past couple months. I guess I shouldn't call it familiar. It's a level of bad that I experienced 6-8 years ago. But I remember it. Everything seems so distracting. I can see myself getting worse and worse, and I'm considering doing an inpatient stay. Never done that before. I have one friend who said it helped, and another friend who said it was the worst thing he's ever experienced. Part of me doesn't want to do it because it will interfere significantly with my classes (25 year old returning to uni here) but I'm not sure I trust myself right now. I know no one can tell me whether or not I should seek help. I need to figure it out on my own. I'm torn because I actually feel like I need to stop and seek help but that's why I don't know what to do. This desire to seek help is new - I never wanted help in the past. I just wanted to die, which is why I attempted suicide twice. Even after I failed, I didn't want to get any better. I just wanted to wait until my physical health was recovered enough to try again. So the fact I want to stop myself now is a good thing, right? Or does it mean I'm getting needy? I still feel like I'd be a pussy if I were to check into inpatient all of a sudden in the middle of a semester. Have to email my professors (or however the hell it works) saying "Sorry, can't be in class this week. In the hospital for a minimum of 3 days. Needed a holiday!" or at least, that's how I see it. That's how I fear I'll be seen. Like I'm not trying hard enough and I'm not in the hospital for a real reason. Not like I have cancer or a disease people can't fucking help.

I'm sorry all the time. I'm sorry to all of you. I'm sorry for whining here and posting. I wish I could have clarity on what to do.
>>
>>16940995
Do you have a therapist? If not, then maybe you should start seeing one; you sound like you really need someone to talk to who knows what they're talking about and can give good advice.
>>
you just wanted a break from me so you can continue fucking the guys on your long list of fuck buddies.
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>>16941015
I stopped seeing my therapist about a year and a half ago because I noticed that rehashing all the same history that started my depression in the first place was keeping me down. I think you're right that I need to see someone again, but the only person that helped (when I was bad) was him, and he didn't take insurance and cost a shit ton. I don't know. Maybe I should contact him again despite the price. Fuck. Seeing a therapist again is like actual proof I'm mentally fucked once again. I guess I should recognize we're past that point now. There's no use hiding it.

Thanks.
>>
I have a crush on a guy online that I've never seen. Fuck.
>>
I have a huge stupid crush on a guy I met on /soc/ and when he doesn't reply to me on skype it makes me sad. my friends ask why I don't seem as peppy as usual, but I can't talk about it out of embarrassment because it's so ridiculous. he's the only guy I've had feelings for since my ex. it's even more absurd when I consider that he likely has no feelings for me beyond platonic

I feel pathetic
>>
I still can't sleep. So it really might be because of all that sodium intake as you said. I shoulda listened.

>>16941042
You think seeing his face makes you uncrush this guy?
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Ok, I can't sleep and I'm tired. I've watched Nat Geo trying to fall asleep to no avail. I like watching these kind of shoes my teachers in high school would have made us watch. I learn something. I'm watching the generation x series and it is alright. It covered thru President Obama which I thought was kind of weird. I feel like the oldest of the millennials elected him. Oh well.
>>
Im in a really good relationship right now. I'm super scared that they'll find out that almost every person I've been with prior I've cheated on, and brutally cut ties with. I'm more so scared of when I tell them, cause I feel like it's something I have to get off my chest. But I feel like he's gonna be appalled.
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>>16940916
Your post just put all my shit back into perspective.
>>
I'm super depressed and I often wish I was dead most days. I've struggled with this before and it comes and goes in my life but it's back again and its hitting me hard. Just typing this made me burst into tears. I was lucky enough to get a job in the creative field I studied but it's become to the point where I hate every day at work. My boss is extremely condescending and doesn't respect my work or skills. No one seems to be one my side or give a shit about me. I worry they're going to fire me everyday. I feel trapped here though as I feel worthless and don't think I'll ever get a decent paying job like this. On top of this my gf relocated to a new job about 300miles away this month. I don't even know if I want to be with her anymore. But now that she's away, I feel more sad and hopeless about my future. She's very loving and supportive but she keeps pressuring me to quit and move to be with her. She gets jealous easy and its like some crappy codependant relationship. I don't have any friends really and my family and I are not very close. Every day I spiral down into a deep depressive state and my only thought is just things would be so much easier if I were dead. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel broken.
>>
I hope ebk fails miserably. You guys were selfish. Also, mihne you backtalk people way too much and i highly doubt people like you as much as you claim.
>"I'm friends with the whole faction!"

Yeah, right.
>>
I'm studying psychology, because i want to be neuro-scientist whenever i finish.

And then i hear my closests friends's life Stories from childhood to shit that happened in the first years of college.

Meanwhile, my life had a whole lot of nothing happening TP me when it comes to trauma shit, beyond not receiving enough attention as a child and thus leading me to being kinda lacking in the empathy dept. And maybe almost failing to get born, but i don't think that affects my current self.

Nothing happened to me and when hearing all the shit that happens to everyone else, i'm not sure if i should be mad at not getting character-building traumas, or being thankful that i had a relatively good life, when compared to everyone else.

Goddammit.
>>
So the other day i was on omegle for whatever fucking reason, and i start talking to this girl. We hit it off pretty well and long story short she gives me her snapchat, and we've been talking literally all day today. She is cute as hell, but there is a problem, she honestly looks like shes about 16. Im 22, I feel like this is pretty dangerous territory. Is talking to a 16 year old at my age fucked up?
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>>16940982
Glad to know I'm not alone. I hope things work out for you, Anon.

And yeah.. that's honestly what I planned on doing. I was super relieved when I finally pried him open to talk about fixing our friendship, but I realized it was me falling for his same shit again and not actually him feeling remorse. At least now, when I leave, I won't have the crippling hurt in my heart anymore and that I can walk away without giving a shit.

And yeah thankfully I have another group of friends who have been very supportive of me during this time.. While I have really shitty trust issues, at least I know there are people who actually care about me.
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>>16941164
To be completely honest its a little ehh, but as long as you guys aren't having/working up towards sexual conversations its completely fine.

When I was 16 I had several friends that were 20+ and we would just chat about our lives and got along fine. So not unheard of.
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I'm just so on edge and angry as of late, and its terrible. I have an incredibly low self esteem and am about 20 lbs overweight, but I've been able to cope with that mostly. Frankly my life is pretty good, I have a job, friends, a car, and I go out fairly regularly. I just hate myself so much and I really dont think I deserve any of what I have. I'm also bitterly alone and its been fine for a while but lately I've been feeling it. I really do just hte myself and a lot of the shit that happens to me is because I sabotage myself so that I dont succeed, probably because I'm used to failure and am scared of success as its a new experience, so better to be comfortably failing than to try something new. fug
>>
I want to die as means of escape. I feel like I'm slowly getting on top of all the fuckups I've caused/ let happen, but I know from past experience, I could be back down in the thick shitty world that is depression and anxiety. I constantly dismantle meaning in everything I do. I just wish there was someone who could point me in the right direction. I wish there was someone to teach me, like a father figure. I wish someone could see that I want to communicate, even when I block anyone's attempts to help. All I can do is try and pull it together. And when my brain chemistry fucks me over again, I guess I'll escape.
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>>16941152
Dude...start looking for jobs elsewhere. And/or move in with your gf.
Maybe you "feel" like you don't wanna be with her anymore because you're in a depressed state.

When was the last time you felt happy with your gf?
How long have you had this job?
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>>16939495
I'm so lonely I would sell my penis on the black market just for the chance to embrace a girl
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>>16941214
Well, to be completely honest, I don't know if she makes me happy for the right reasons. It's like she's just filling a void in my life. I certainly don't want her to be the only happiness in my life. I had a really brutal breakup in a longterm relationship prior to her. I gave myself time afterwards but we hooked up and before you know it she's my gf and we're spending all our time together. I enjoy our time together and we are really close but something feels off. It's almost been a year now. She's rather insecure though and often says she's just a rebound or she's too fat or xyz. Sometimes I agree. I wonder if she is just a rebound. Or she is too fat and I'm settling. And then I feel guilty for being an asshole. She says she loves me, I'm her world, and constantly needs reassurance we'll be together. I feel so guilty for not feeling the same. I don't want to hurt her. I don't know what I want. I feel like moving 300mi just for her is a huge gamble. I took a gamble in the past and it ended up bad for me.

As for my job. It's been 3 years now. This past year being really bad and miserable. I keep saying I'll look for work but nothing I've done there is good. I feel worthless and no good at what I do. My confidence is shot.
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I WANT A FUCKING PETITE BLONDE GIRLFRIEND SO FUCKING BADLY

I'M GOING TO GET ONE OR DIE TRYING
>>
>be 17
>took lethal dosage of pills
>overdosed
>woke up next day
>feelslikeshit.jpg
>took a shower
>went to school
>zombied around
>went to doctor next day, fucked up liver
>going to cause major health complications in the future
>never told anyone
>>
>>16941031
Initials?
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>>16941234
...Just.. Just become a male escort...
You get to embrace heaps of girls and make lots of money! It's a win-win.
>>
>>16941286
Lmao the amount of times I've done exactly this and have only told a doctor about not even half those times.
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>>16941275
Same but I want her to be tall.
>>
I'm pretty sure I'm failing half of my classes right now because I was a lazy piece of shit who couldn't motivate himself to do piss easy papers and assignments and instead faffed about doing absolutely nothing of value most of the time. I already failed one of my classes last semester. I just keep spiraling further down and I want to fucking stop but at this point I have no idea how.
If that wasn't enough bullshit as it is, I'm also falling for one of my friends except I'm too consumed by self-loathing, despair, and a desire to first fix my own life to do anything about it. She and a bunch of my other friends are all studying abroad next semester so I won't even get to see them.
I don't want to fall behind. I don't want to fuck everything up again. I have to stop being a burden. I want to get better. For my family. For my friends. For her. For me.
I have to get out of this fucking endless loop of a nightmare that I'm living. I've been getting worse for years now. It needs to fucking end. I need to be able to face myself and say that I am alive. Cause right now I'm not much more than a walking corpse. A ghost of who I used to be.
But then, I've always been nothing.
>>
>>16939495
I've spent years trying to be social, smart and sexy. After all that I'm starting to realize the world is generally stupid, anti-social and my ex-girlfriend is just crazy.

I can't wait to see a psychologist in a month. I'm getting help in finding a job. I guess going to a comic con would help me be a bit more social. Fuck autism, man. "Why can't you act normal? Don't you even know so-and-so? Are you serious? Are you really serious?! I can't believe you are serious!" I've done my best to understand people, but it's like I'm studying monkeys hyped up on drugs. Nothing makes sense and the more I do stuff without thinking the better it gets... according to them...

Feels a little better...
>>
>>16941354
At least I'm not the only one
>>
I told you I can't play these games.
Losing and losing makes me lose my mind and I don't want to go and yelling at everyone because of a fucking game.
>>
I'm 18 and going to film school soon. I'm fucking terrified to live on my own and make a name for myself in the film industry. This is gonna be the hardest thing I've ever done so far and I sometimes sit up for hours, scared about how I'm gonna pay for this
>>
>>16941365
Cmon man. You'll be good after awhile. The first step is exactly what you said. You have to face yourself and make the decision to be happy and vibrant. It's easier said than done, but eventually it comes to a point where you dwell on it and get angry, furious even, and then you have the energy and strength to change... stay good and stay healthy my friend. Even tho we don't know each other, spiritually I give you good wishes
>>
I have a co-worker that I think of as a friend, although she might not think of me that way.
I have a huge crush on her that I'm not really doing much to get rid of.
I can't ever be with her because I'm in another relationship, she's not interested in me, and we wouldn't work well together even if she was interested.

As soon as I post this I am going to go and masturbate, thinking about her. Thinking about her pretty face, and her hot body, and the sexy clothes she was wearing last week. When I cum I'll imagine that I'm inside her and I'll whisper her name.

When I see her next I will feel ashamed that I did this. I hope that she asks me if I ever fantasize about her. I want to tell her, even though I know it will ruin our friendship. I want her to know how stupid I am. I want her to know that I have masturbated hundreds of times thinking about her. I want her to know that I'm not her friend and she shouldn't trust me.

I want to masturbate at work and come back to talk to her with my cheeks still flushed, and look her in the eye, and have her know that I just came thinking about her. I am disgusting. I need her to know.
>>
I still can't wrap my head around why you did what you did.
To me it seemed like we had a blast, and personally I'd never been happier in my life. I miss you, a lot.
>>
8 years later and im still in love with you. Thats why i blocked you. Im tired of e-stalking your profile just to continue our unspoken music war. I see you posting deep meaningful songs about unrequited love just to mock my feelings for you. i will still love you though, even if we never speak again.
>>
I'm a worthless example of the human race. I'm basically responsible for the deaths of both of my parents, I pretty much ignore my special needs brother who was relocated to a town closer to me explicitly so that I could see him more, I'm taking advantage of my high school friend/crush's family as they have taken me in so I can go back to college for a degree I'm sure I can't get, and while living here with my old crush I ended up having sex with my best friend's sister.
I'm seriously contemplating suicide as a viable option.
>>
working with radiology ey, feeling so great you can hold a job like any normal person can
dumb whore, it would be the best joke on earth if you would die in cancer now
please do, i want to piss on your grave and dance around it
>>
>>16939495
Why you had to disappear like that?, I'm not someone to take on lightly.
We had something, at least a thought we had it. I love you Dulce, and you don't love me back. Fuck this, Im done with waiting and begging for your attention.
>>
I'm really pathetic and slightly torn.
Sometimes I will think about the last guy I was involved with. I get mixed feelings whenever he pops into my mind.
He's the only ex-lover I've had in which things didn't end in a terribly ugly fashion compared to the rest. I mean sure, it was short-lived, and he led me on and left me to rot, but I fell way too hard for him at the time.

He wasn't mean to me when things ended. He just didn't care. I knew he didn't give a rat's ass about me. Who the fuck acts like they seriously love someone, tells them about it, and then just drops them as if they're a toy?
He stopped talking to me altogether, and only gave half-assed responses when I yelled at him and cried. He didn't care about me and he never did.
>>
>>16941562

I kind of hate him for it. Especially after I fell so hard for him. He was just another one that took me for granted and left me broken.
The other feeling I get is slight regret. I miss him a little bit. I miss the good times we had. This is only because he wasn't a complete asshole to me.

I have a boyfriend now who is everything I could ever want, and I wouldn't dare do anything to jeapordize our relationship. I love him more than anything in the world.
It's just these stupid mixed feelings I get.

Sometimes I'll take a quick look at his steam profile. I still can't stand seeing or hearing his name. I won't look at his facebook because I hate seeing his stupid face.

I won't ever try to contact him. I just want to be able to stop thinking about him altogether. My current boyfriend is ten times the man he ever was, and I don't want to be plagued with thoughts about the people who screwed me over in my past.
>>
>>16940162
If you're going through hell, keep going.
You'll meet someone, just try to get in contact with more people. Honestly, tinder isnt even a bad choice to consider. Yes there are a lot of people there just for hookups but i met my girlfriens on there. We've been together for 10 months now and everythings pretty good.
>>
I love you, boy. I'm sorry for ending it. Please smile and treat yourself well. Please take care of yourself. You could do better than me, and already have, which is why I ended it. I miss you so much. Not a day has gone by where I haven't been in pain. Stay well. Stay happy. Smile every day. I miss you so much.
>>
>>16941592
die pedo
>>
>>16940473
What branch are you? Similar situation here.
>>
>>16941606
He's 22. It's a demeaning pet name for him because he gets called a girl so much
>>
>>16940442
What?
>>
God, I hate myself. Feels like every major decision I've made throughout my entire life turned out to be a mistake. Sometimes I just wanna fucking end my life because I feel like there's no going back and I've set myself on the path of never being happy.
>>
I live in America and I'm scared that one day after mass surveillance has become the norm I'll be sent to jail or worse for being a peace-loving citizen that dares to imply that most wars are based around keeping people hating each other so we won't realize those in power are fucking us, and less about any actual reason for war.
>>
My half sister tried to seduce me and it worked :s
>>
it makes me sad to think that now, your only friend is Ian, and even he doesn't care about you, you even told me he just talks to a lot of people to try hard to be popular. Do you regret losing the one friend, me, who actually cared about you? Who loved and appreciated and understood you? And shared in your music taste and enjoyed spending time with you? Do you regret losing me?
>>
I hate my job.

I used to love it, but things have changed.
They're actively looking (and sometimes trying to set us up) for things wrong so they can have us in the office and complain about us and make us sign shit.

So, it came to me that if I'm going to be treated like I'm lazy, then I'll bloody well deserve it.

I started to leave my work area early once I'd hit my rates. I'd go outside for a smoke and sit in the cafeteria with a drink until it was time to clock out.

Now it's biting me in the ass. I could handle losing my job for that (but I wouldn't anyway... they're still holding out because I'm still hitting my rates). Shit, I'd be happy if I lost my job because I just don't give a fuck anymore.

But nope. The problem is, a manager off the night shift, who often got there just as I was sneaking off - who saw me do it, has no moved to our shift.
She eyes me up alot, and based off past experiences with girls, I'd say it's not for a good reason. She doesn't trust me, and is making sure I don't step out of line. That's what I think anyway.

Normally I try to be invisible, but I'm on her bad-side and on her radar right off the bat.
This is a problem.
I'll have to put all my social skills and hiding my powerlevel to the test to see if I can charm her and win her over.

If she likes me, she'll hopefully turn a blind eye,
>>
>>16941753
Yes anon i do
>>
>>16941756
Nah, if this was him he would call me by my first name or the nickname he gave me. Not "anon"
>>
>>16941731
Bait? If not you are fucked up man
>>
>>16941771
I lost a good friend an it sounded a bit like what you said thats why I said that
>>
So, here it is, something to get off my chest.
Right, so just about a week ago, I cut all contact with a pal of mine. I just sort of came to the conclusion that you know, there was no basis for our friendship. Apparently he didn't deal to well with it, and I'm not going to lie, I've had a shit time with it as well. Apparently his sleeping patterns have been disrupted ever since then, and a part of me wants to reach out to him. I'm not foolish enough to do that, and I won't, also I'm blessed with the fact our paths will never cross again.
Anyhow - I'm a girl, my life is on easy mode, so of course I had a date within 5 days of making the decision to get rid of him.
The date itself was fine, at times I found myself cringing at both myself, and the guy. He's all right but a bit too /reddit/ like, for my tastes. A bit too clingy? But all the same I kissed him, I guess I like him to an extent. I mean, we've play video games together, he's partially got the same humor as me (I put so much emphasis on that for some reason), and so far he's been everything I wish the other guy had been. But I feel so weird, moving on so fast, obviously I should have taken the time to fully recover from my losses (though they weren't substantial in any form). I don't quite know where I'm getting with this, it's got a melodramatic undertone to it, and I don't really enjoy the idea of dwelling upon my 'miseries'.
Anyhow, I guess this all draws back to what's been on my mind as of late, which is, I know that liking a person and being sexually attracted to them isn't exclusive to one another, but I'm having such a hard time trying to figure out who's genuine, and who isn't. It's doing my head in, and it's been a reoccurring theme for the past year or so. I just keep on hoping that one day I'll find someone who'll see me more than a novelty item. Shit, I just wish someone understood me. Anyhow, it's 12:30am, I ought to stop with this teenage drivel.
>>
>>16941822
leave them both, a slut of your caliber isnt allowed two boyfriends. you hung out with one and then began looking for other options instead of fixing or breaking off the old relationship
>>
>>16941829
Nah, it was nothing of the sort, honestly. The reason why I stopped with the first one was because he wasn't putting in the effort, like we hadn't seen another for about a month. We weren't in a relationship, either, it was clarified that none of us was expected to be exclusive to another.
There wasn't much to be salvaged, either. I had done all I could, and well, if you've ever been with someone who doesn't make the effort, you can sort of relate to how frustrating and taxing it would feel to constantly be rejected yet strung along. That's how it felt like, anyhow.
>>
I haven't really spoken to anyone today and I'm still so depressed that I can't get out of bed.

I'm also so sick and exhausted, I have zero energy and zero motivation to talk to anyone. I never initiate contact anyway because I'm a burden and don't want to bother anyone or ruin their day.

I did see my doctor and psychologist though, but it wasn't a good day. My doctor told me something that really upset me, even though it's more than likely true and I'm convinced of it anyway. I think that's why I haven't spoken to anyone.

My ex/man-in-my-life/whatever-the-fuck-he-is-to-me-right-now even messaged me this afternoon and said he misses me and that he hopes I feel better soon (apart from the night before last, I honestly cannot remember the last time he said that he hopes I feel better, whether it's physically or mentally, it's been so fucking long since he's said it that it genuinely surprised me).

But I haven't even opened the message yet because 1) I don't think I'm in the right headspace to talk to anyone (especially him, after what my doctor and I discussed), I know I'll probably be tempted to reply, and 2) if I'm not tempted and I don't reply because of the first reason, then he'll more than likely get angry.

I just feel weird about everything, and my psychologist helped me understand some of it, which was insightful, but actually painful and a bit of a shock. I knew it all in the back of my mind, but I guess I just hadn't really realised it properly. Articulating and discussing it made it real.

I'm just empty and broken. They're the only words I can think of right now that are even remotely close to how I feel. And I hate feeling this way but I don't deserve to feel anything else, I actually only deserve to feel worse.
>>
He's out having fun and no doubt getting sloshed beyond all belief while acting like I don't exist and forgetting me, if he hasn't already.
>>
>>16941895
I know how you feel. My guy's moved on, though he should be sleeping right now. He's replaced me, has someone else to be happy with and has forgotten me. I would do anything to be able to turn back time to just before Christmas Day and stop myself from ending it.

Stay strong, anon. Being replaced and forgotten hurts so much.
>>
my crazy ex brings in strangers from the internet
>>
I can't stop thinking about you. Seriously, it's all the time now. I knew my feelings would wax again, and here I am. And yesterday, you showed in such a subtle way that you think a lot like me.

I just stop sometimes and think to myself "holy shit I really like this guy" and I'm not sure why, I'm not sure how this turned into more than a casual crush.

Maybe it's because of all of those free drinks, those free milkshakes on occasion, that time you wanted to give me a milkshake so bad you told me I could share it...I just get so mad at myself for being oblivious when I look back at all the little things you did to show me you liked me... Do you still? Oh, please do. Please.

Otherwise I need to find a way to get these thoughts out of my head
>>
>>16940624
Freud was a quack. The only thing he got right was psychoanalysis.
>>
I really don't know what even happened. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I know what I'm going to do. But, I'm also at that point in my life where every move feels like a bad move. I can tell people are worried about me now. Unfortunately, not in a good way. I don't really care about other people's perception of me. That's my problem or the problem. I also think it's one of my greatest strengths. I think I'll just have to use it differently. Yes, it's a fact that humans are social creatures by nature but some of us are just tourist.
>>
>>16941520
Initials?
>>
While I respect you, I find that respect waning. We barely talk anymore, but with everything I've heard about you from the people you were close with it's no wonder I tend to avoid you. You act like everyone owes you something, or that everyone else has a problem and that you couldn't possibly be flawed.

You're more toxic than the people you call toxic. Toxic. I'm starting to hate that word with how often I hear it being said and how people use it. Quite frankly I'm fine that you don't trust me enough to confide in me anymore, because I wasn't much of a confidant to begin with anyhow, considering how much you hid from me about yourself.

Oh, and if you ever do decide to grow a fucking pair for once and use what little courage you can muster to kill yourself, you deserve it. I've tried to help you. You never heeded half the advice I gave you. You choose to drag everyone else down around with you because you can't stand to accept that you're going to be a lonesome sack of shit for the rest of your life until you stop being such a fucking sadboy for no good reason. No wonder your parents despise you.
>>
I'm surrounded by ghosts again. My ex wants to sleep with me. He's not outright said it, but I know how it goes down the line.

I'm not looking for anyone or anything anymore. Not since I met him, and definitely not since the guy I was seeing went and ghosted me.

I have the strangest feeling he is the one. Not the ghost, the other one. The one I don't have yet. And something is working to pull everything I do to forget him apart. Maybe it'll happen. Maybe I'll end up sad in a loveless relationship again.

All I know is how badly I want him and how far I could go, if I weren't this scared, to get to him.
>>
Another day with you in my mind. Beautiful, lovely you. I tell myself it will never happen, that you never cared, that you never loved me. Yet somehow wherever I am, you're there to remind me of your presence, this hold you have on me, I can't get away. I need to be free, and I know freedom comes with us being together. I can't shake it, I need you. I love you. I want to scream from the ancient rooftops that you're always mine, celebrate our love, untouched, unspoilt, honest and liberating. Our love. Please see me
>>
>>16941562
>>16941566
Yo, >>16941370 this guy here.

I think I get it. My ex is being the pinnacle of passive-aggression as she ever was. She wants me to say hello, but when I do she give an annoyed reaction. She left me for another and acts like I didn't matter but she still wants me to look her in the eye and just hello. I eventually refused.

When she broke up, I took it. Like a man. I didn't cry. I didn't shout, complain, bargain or ask. "This happends", I thought. "That's life and it's just a new chapter closing and starting another." She made a comical gesture of relief when I gave her a hug and said that I understood and was okay with being friends. It was only later that I got that her intentions were never that friendly, nor that it was about me.

I took it. Like a boy. Crying about what it missed even though it was never his in the first place. I had to accept it, and I wanted to accept it, quickly. Quickly, because I knew that it would rot in my mind for all eternity. I chose to swallow every moment I saw them together and her being happy. She even tried to get out of my eyesight. Strangely sympathetic of her.

Men frown upon crying, complaining and yelling. We are taught that disrespecting women is not the way to go. Keep soldering on, be strong and don't show that you're broken by anything in life.

I think she hates me for that just like you hate him. As if he never cared. He cared, but he didn't show it. He accepted it. He didn't want to be repulsive by crying until his eyes went red and puffy. He didn't want to be remembered as 'my ex who went baawww when it was over'. That's men.

To me, the feeling of hating someone for not being sad is very alien. Being sad or angry doesn't change one's feelings for the other. That's why he remained calm. For himself, not to hurt you.
>>
Forgive me, Mari. We'll never get back together because too much time has passed, and you've moved on. Forgive me for making you think I stopped caring out of my own fear. Take care of yourself, please.
>>
On Friday, I was driving my rental car and a bicyclist was in my blind spot (on the wrong wide of the road) didn't see my turn signal and I hit him. He fell off his bike I jumped out of my car to help him. He said he was okay but all these people gathered around acting like they wanted to be the star witness for the fucking prosecution and the guy said he should probably call the police to make a report. I managed to talk him down, the people left and he took my dl# and license plate, got on his bike (which was also completely unbusted) and rode away. I was high and had had a beer on an empty stomach. I would have been SO SCREWED.

Then, just about an hour ago I was fucking around with some homemade cosmetic in the microwave. I took it out, looked at it and the stuff EXPLODED in my face. Right in my face. I felt the hot waxy stuff hit my face I ran over to the sink and splashed my face with cold water thinking I'd have 3rd degree burns all over it but there was nothing. No wax on my face, no burn at all. Just a small 1st degree burn on my hand.

I think God saved me both times to show me just how much worse things could be for me. Because I've been suicidal all weekend.
>>
>>16942196
This guy gets it.
>>
I'm terrified about going to jail over your irresponsible decisions.
>>
>>16941503
Really? I thought it was because you couldn't stand me, when you said you didn't want to be my friend anymore, I didn't understand it, after what we had, it was so lovely. I said it's what I wanted, yet I've always been so deeply in love with you, I'd do anything for you
>>
>>16941520
Fuck off, A
>>
My "secret" is that I am desperately unhappy in my marriage.

I told my best friend. She helped me to get the courage together to talk to my wife about it at the end of last year.
We are now trying to fix things. Slowly and clumsily. It doesn't feel like we've made much progress and I am still heartbroken most of the time, but we are making some changes.

Today, I told my second-best-friend.
She said that she had figured out a long time ago that something wasn't right.
She was quite matter of fact about things. I got the impression that she didn't quite believe me when I said that I thought things could be repaired and I wanted to fight to make my marriage work.

I feel better for having told someone else. I am a little more confused now, though.
It's good that I have two friends that I can talk to. I am very, very lucky.

I don't know where I am going. Every possible option I consider is terrifying in some way. I will probably end up leaning on my friends much more than I should because I'm not a strong person.

And that is what is happening.
>>
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>>16940203
man i feel you,*bro hug. i'm so close to say fuck it, im join the army...
>>
>>16942382
I'm in love
>>
>>16942450
>guy with two best friends that are female

Man you are a living red flag. If I were your wife I would've filed for divorce as soon as possible. No offense but that's just asking for a strained relationship.
>>
>>16940646
join a gym or martial arts club.
Try and find new friends.
>>
I want to be the guy to keep you company for longer than just that. I want to be the guy who keeps you company every day, for the rest of our lives. I can only make mistakes.
>>
>>16942524
>clingy red-flag tier
>>
>>16942534
Of course I'm a clingy red flag. I broke up with someone despite how I felt for them. I'm an idiot and you calling me a red flag just solidifies they'd be better off, and they are. I'm a clingy person, yet a hypocritical one because I'm the one that ended it. That's how dumb a person I am
>>
I feel so off balance today, down I suppose
If he's here, everything's in place. It's all I need
>>
I'm sick of living.

I'm 24, virgin, kissless. I dont act weak but people constantly treat me like shit based on my looks, height, etc. I'm ignored by my gender socially and the opposite both socially and romantically.

I'm not very smart either. Have ADHD and possible autism. Find it very hard to concentrate and do things. Severely depressed. Skinny, pale and ugly.

Even if I had lots of money I would still be lonely because I wouldn't date somebody if they were dating me for my money.

whats the point? Going to kill myself when I hit 30 if nothing changes.
>>
You must think I'm such a loser
>>
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>>16940162

Same here bro, same here.
>>
>>16942450
>best friends are female

yeah no wonder you're unhappy. maybe spend less time around strange pussy. the grass is NEVER greener. unless your wife like beats you and makes you prep a bull for her or something.
>>
>>16942548
Why did you end it?
>>
>>16942645
Because I'm an idiot. I told myself that they'd be better off with someone else. I told myself that they couldn't trust me enough to confide in me when they had an issue, which is why they'd confide in someone else instead and still it'd come back to me. I felt useless to them because they couldn't confide in their partner to help them, cheer them up or to be of use to them. Yet every single day I've missed them, even the times I try to pretend I'm not hurting. Last time we spoke it already seemed like they'd moved on, so I had to act as neutral to it as possible but it hurt the longer the conversation went on. The final words said were "I'm sorry" by them just because I brought up not feeling trusted, and instead of saying what was on my mind "Don't apologize, you're not the idiot that ended the relationship with someone he loves" I just went silent and that was the last time we spoke.

But no matter how much I wallow in self pity over my stupidity, they're not in the wrong for any of this. This is entirely my fault and them moving on is natural.
>>
>>16942676
Maybe she's still in love with you too

This feels so familiar somehow
>>
>>16942689
They would be foolish to still feel anything for me. I'm certain they've moved on, they have plenty of people who would love to be with them or spend time with them. I'm just an idiot, and even though it's "only" been since December that we broke up, and less time since we last spoke, that's enough time to make repairing this impossible. I want to, but I wouldn't even know how to, especially not without a sign that they did still feel something for me. I can't just walk back and attempt to re-establish contact or a connection if it'd be of inconvenience, I don't have the right to do something like that
>>
If I knew where you were I'd be there. But, I'll always search for you.
>>
>>16942495
Nah, it's not like that. And my wife seems to be remarkably content with the way the marriage is going. Which is part of the problem, really.

>>16942629
Best friends are female because I went through several years of severe depression and everyone else that I thought was my friend baled. These two are what's left. I would trust either of them with my life.
One of them is a family friend that my wife has known as long as she's known me. She trusts her. The other one, I don't think there's anything to worry about there.

I'm gradually putting my life back together at the moment. Making friends (male or otherwise) isn't top of the list of priorities.

I ain't chasing strange pussy. If I was it wouldn't be with one of my friends.
>>
>>16942706
If they have made any attempts to communicate with you in this time, tell them how you feel. Actually, do it anyway, don't leave it unresolved, it is while you make excuses not to face it. It's up to you now. There's nothing to lose. You can do it
>>
>>16942931
They haven't, that's what I mean. That cropped image I posted was them, but it wasn't directed at me it was just there, likely for the guy they spend so much time flirting with now. There's no sign that they even think about me anymore, chances are they want to forget about me completely and focus on someone else. I can't blame them. I can't do anything about this without a sign, some sort of sign that I even exist to them beyond being a memory they want to forget. If I had a sign, I'd jump at the chance to do whatever I could, even if it was to just get it off my chest.

I know it doesn't seem like there's anything to lose considering the state it's all in anyway, but I don't want to tell them how I feel if it'd just make things inconvenient for them. I don't want to be a reason for them to feel any negativity again. I know it sounds cowardly, but if there's no sign and our last conversation ended how it did, and them being occupied with the people that are fond of them then there's no reason to make more of a mess of it. If I had any hint that I had a chance to fix this, to reconnect, to correct my blunder then I would do everything in my power to. I just don't think it can be done, as much as I wish to I just feel like I have to deal with the consequences of being a moron.
>>
>tfw reading through this thread trying to find a message from someone you know

It's kind of sad how so many of the posts almost fit your situation, then you find some specific detail that doesn't match and you know it's not them.
>>
>>16942989
Forget labelling yourself so negatively. The message was for you! They're no doubt waiting for your take up of the offer. It's not going to be so direct when they're afraid of your rejection. Show them your love. Your self.
>>
>>16942990
Initials?
>>
>>16943017
There's no way it was for me, they have no reason to even think I'd have seen that. Whereas the guy I referred to that they've been spending more time with would have seen that if they checked. I'm not labelling myself as anything false, I'm just who I am, and I'm an idiot. I'd love to show them how much I care, that I still care, that my feelings for them went nowhere in this time. But I know I can't just do that. A sign from them would be all I'd need, but I won't get one and I shouldn't expect one.

I'd do anything I'd have to do in order to be with them again, but there's no sign that such a possibility exists. There's no sign that I can have that reality, and it's my fault entirely. This hurts so much, of course I'm gonna blame myself for letting this come about.
>>
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>>16942802
>it wouldn't be with one of my friends.

But it would be with the other one!
>>
>>16942268
Where should I see you?
>>
I can't believe I am crushing on someone I have never seen IRL, and that I have met through this accursed website.

Not going to end well. Nope.
>>
I didn't really give a shit up until this point. You've stolen or destroyed good portions of my personal belongings out of pettiness. It was replaceable and most of the more personal items I kept locked up.

I do give a shit now because you just messed with my pets. You knew there was nothing you could do to make me snap. You tried to make up false rumors, messed with my things, nothing pissed me off. But now, you've succeeded. You DO NOT fuck with my pets, you filthy fucking cunt. You better believe I am now gathering evidence and you're going to pay. I'm going to fucking sink that smug boat you're own and watch you drown with your lies.
>>
>>16943051
It feels like a diversion. You have all the signs you need. If they feel you no longer love them but you do, then it is your duty to inform them as fellow human. They're in pain too because of it. If you think you're not the person for them, it is you saying you don't want them, so if that's not true, then let them know! Good luck to you, sir
>>
I'm turning 25 in a few months and I've never had sex, never been in a serious relationship, never even kissed a girl. I don't have anyone in my life with whom I feel like I have any real emotional intimacy except maybe for my dad.

I don't know how ashamed of this I should feel and I don't have any specific idea of how to fix it.

Not sure if this would make more sense as its own thread but w/e
>>
>>16943112
Call me
Meet me
I'll go home with you
Come home with me
>>
>>16943151
There aren't any signs, this much is certain. I feel the same way for them now as I did when we first got together, I feel nothing but love for them and I hate myself for ending it. I've hated it every single day, and even when I did it I felt nothing but self-loathing. But there aren't any signs. That message was definitely for the other guy. If there was a sign that without a doubt meant me and not someone else, I'd take it. I know it's cowardice, I just don't want to inconvenience them. I made enough of a mess by ending it, I don't want to make more of one by troubling them and lowering their opinion of me even more than I likely already did. If they're looking at someone else, me telling them how I feel would make everything awkward and get in their way. That's why I would want a sign that couldn't give confusion, and that's why I know I won't get one. I fully expect that I just have to deal with the consequences of my mistake and know they've moved on
>>
>>16939786
Private school problems
>>
>>16943171
If there's someone else, they'll let you know. Take your chance if it matters to you. What's stopping you being with them I wonder?
>>
>>16939958
Welcome to 4chan

The classiest site on the internet 12 years and counting.
>>
>>16943169
Send me a text and I'll come to you, now.
>>
>>16943175
The fact I already ended it, they cut contact as a result of me ending it and my own inability to fix it before it was too late. I don't want to be told that there's someone else in response to my feelings. I know they're looking elsewhere and without a sign I can't bring myself to do it. I even know they're not posting anywhere on 4chan right now because they're banned until early May.

I'm the reason we aren't together, this is true and I hate myself for it. Them moving on is natural and they're completely innocent in all of this. Yes, I'm scared to be told what I already know before having come to terms with it, I'm scared to be told that I blew my chance and no matter what I feel now it's too late. That there's someone else they enjoy being with and want to spend more and more time with. That person, I know was eager to bond with them they made it clear and I can't be surprised that they'd reciprocate. It hurts, it hurts so much and yes I'm holding myself back with my own stupidity and cowardice. But no, there's definitely no sign and I don't feel like I have a chance. I can only feel like I've blown my chance, made a mistake I can't revert and be with them, I only feel like I have to stay out of their way and not inconvenience them.
>>
>>16940916
Had to stop eating after reading this desu
>>
I am terrified. I don't know what to do.
>>
>>16939554
Dude i felt exactly the same this weekend... If i only had some bigger balls...
>>
>>16943165
I found someone later than that. Been with her ten years now.
Don't despair, just keep on being the best person you can be for your own sake.
>>
I just got fired.
I'm losing my apartment.
My best friend is getting married to an emotional timebomb.

Why don't I care?
I have 3 months to find a new job and a new home or I'm living on the streets.
Why do I just feel empty?
>>
>texts me saying no sexual stuff
I literally can't count on my fingers the amount of times she's said something like "nothing sexual" or "we're not doing that again" only to have sex again later that night.
What sucks is that I never really know when she will seriously mean what she says.
It hasn't happened yet so so far her track record is pointing towards "we're doing it".
Disclosure: she is always the one to go forward with sex after she has said something like the above quotes, so this isn't rape or anything.
>>
>>16943264
From my point of view it looks like wants sex but has formed some kind of reason to deny her desire.
I have a bit of an issue with alcohol and I do the same thing. I'll say "No, I'm not drinking tonight", but then I do anyways. Because the desire is deeper than the rationalization not to.

I'd guess she was raped or abused or something so that she throws up a shield of "I don't want this", even though she still desire it.

Or maybe she is insecure to the point that she thinks if she doesn't have sex with you, you'll leave her. Her attempting to deny sex might be her trying to find the confidence to be with you without feeling guilty.

But what do I know
>>
Everything I have to say is trivial irrelevant bullshit, that no girl would find interesting. How the fuck am I going to find someone when most of my interests are retarded (cs go, one piece, & coding). I don't know how to make the first move let alone not come off as a dork. Nearly everything I like keeps me ostracized by women in my area. I need to stop being a dork and like what everyone else likes. Maybe I can sacrifice my taste for friends and pretend I am something I am not because as far I am concerned the girls at the sports bar I went to were hot.Then again I don't like drinking so this will be tough.
>>
It's been only a month and I already feel the urge to have sex with a different girl

I can't stay with the same for too long
>>
>>16943225
Yeah. I tell myself I'd rather wait years for the kind of deep, intimate relationship I really want than have a casual fling right now. But on some level that's just an excuse. I don't really know how to get close to people, and opening myself up to strangers frightens me. I'm actually afraid that if I had sex with someone I didn't really trust it would fuck me up emotionally pretty badly.

Even if I were better with all this stuff it's hard to believe anyone would want me - I'm depressive and anxious, strongly opinionated, don't take especially good care of myself or my body, and have a lot of pent-up loneliness and rage inside me that sometimes inadvertantly leaks out in subtle words and gestures. I also have a lot of pent-up tenderness and love and I feel like I have nothing to do with it, even less than the solitude and the rage. I just don't know what to do with it all.
>>
>>16943272
>I'd guess she was raped or abused or something so that she throws up a shield of "I don't want this", even though she still desire it.

hmm this is an interesting point.
Glad I posted in the thread, thanks for the opinion anon, been needing to vent.
>>
Took the red pill. Now I want to get off the ride.
Is an hero my only hope for that?
>>
lonely as fuck.
think I might have depession.
don't know what I should tell my roommates. I sometimes just feel terrible and want to lock myself in my room.
they probably think I'm weird or something.

been sleeping with this one girl and the thought of someone actually caring about me makes me incrediblly happy. Which is sad because I know this will never be a relationship but I'm sitting in the happy cloud that I'm in now.

which will make the departere that much painful.
might soduko desu
>>
>>16943314
Better than having more neo-Nazi trash in the world.
>>
I've realized I don't really want to be friends with you anymore. But it would still be nice if we could end things on a positive note.
>>
>>16943378
>Implying /pol/tier pill
I'm fine with almost everyone as long as they don't chimp out.
It's mainly about females desu
>>
I fucked up.
I fucked everything up.

Yesterday was so perfect; we made love, I fell asleep next to you, we were happy. And my stupid fucking pettiness and delusion ruined everything.

Why did you have to find that post? Why didn't I delete it? It was barely 3 months into our relationship, I was in a mixed episode, and my delusions turned into doubts, and I had to ask fucking reddit about it (FUCK reddit, and FUCK me). I selfishly and falsely compared to some other girl I thought I had interest in.

But I didn't, I stuck with you, and have falling more deeply in love than I thought possible. It's been almost 6 months since that post, I nearly forgot about it, but like an idiot I didn't delete it. You found it. And I betrayed your trust in that post: where my manic delusions morphed into false doubts. We spoke over the phone, I could hear your voice as shakey as mine. You're coming over soon, and I know you're going to leave me.

And rightfully so. You deserve so much better than me. Sure I try to be good to you, I can keep a good career together, but I'm a debt ridden bipolar freak. Not the wealthy doctor or lawyer to be that all your friends are getting engaged to. You deserve someone who can give you the european vacations you wistfully dream of, the big home that you dream of...I can't give you any of that. Just delusions to betray your trust and pieces for you to pick up when I fall apart.

You and everyone else will be better off without me.
>>
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My girlfriend was a gigantic slut that slept with over 20 guys over the course 3 years, and her complete negligence and lack of responsibility have caused me to second guess our relationship multiple times because of her past sexual relationships
>>
>>16943388
Initials?
>>
My feelings for you seem just become stronger every time I'm around you, even though I'm trying to stamp them out.

I wish you weren't married.
>>
>>16943392
So go gay then faggot.
>>
>>16943392
A man comes across a snake in the spring.
There was a warm period but now it's cold again and the poor snake, having awoken from hibernation, is dying from the unexpected coldness.
The man takes pity and put the snake under his jacket to warm it up. The snake shouldn't be dying, it's just a freak of weather that would have killed it.

But when the snake warmed up through the body heat of the man, it bit him and slithered away.
The man lie dying and asked "Why? Why did you bite me when I saved your life?"
The snake responded, "You knew I was a snake when you helped me." and it slithered away.

The point I'm getting at is that everything has its nature.
It is in the nature of the snake to bite the man.
The man knew that but applied to the snake the principles of a man. A man would be grateful, but a snake, obviously, would not be.

What I'm getting at is that don't assume the nature of separate beings are the same.
Men and women want different things.
But that's OK.
The hurt comes from assuming they want the same and forcing them to want it.

You can live with women and accept them as they are. They're not like you and that's OK.

Some people rise above their natures, but they are rare.
Just like there are men who hoot and holler at women and act like Brads, there are women who have similarly degredacious behaviours.

Either find someone who fights their impulses and natural urges, or accept that women have different desire and impulses than men.

There's no need to cut them off and become a hermit.
So long as you understand them, you can't get hurt.
>>
>>16943298
I hate to be devils advocate here but you have to realize that there is always the possibility of getting hurt. Don't put all your eggs in one basket is all I'm saying. I only say this because it happened to me after having your mindset. I waited and waited for the "right" girl. I was anxious and scared to get close to anyone all throughout my teens. You could argue this was good because I wasn't tied up in all the drama and bullshit of teen love. Who knows. When I finally did meet someone, I'll admit, it was great at first. But I lost sight. So cliche, but I was blinded by love you could say. I got too comfortable. Of course she turned out to be a back stabbin bitch and I saw who she really was but I learned a great deal about relationships and myself. So while you're probably not ready for a relationship in your state of mind now, I say casual flings and workin on yourself is good for you now. Get some experience with women so when you find "the one" you'll have a better idea of why she's the one.
>>
>>16943440
initials?
>>
>>16943445
>full Milo
>>16943470
Thanks a lot, I'll keep this somewhere
>>
I wish I had problems as simple as girl or financial problems.
>>
>>16943490
I mean, I know this makes sense to a certain degree, but also I haven't really felt romantic/sexual feelings for a girl in a long time. I think the last time was maybe a year ago, when I was working at a local afterschool program and found myself mildly attracted to one of the volunteers - then just when I started to seriously consider asking her out, I looked her up on Facebook only to discover she was jailbait. So in the end I never even spoke to her and felt awkwardly uncomfortable every time she was around.

Since then I haven't really met any women who piqued my interest. It doesn't happen often.

I have plenty of experience with close relationships turning sour, though.
>>
>>16943388
I'm sorry.
>>
>>16943490
Also, I could see myself having some kind of a relationship with a girl who was a close friend where we could, I dunno, experiment with sex outside the pressure of a "serious" relationship. But she'd still have to be someone I liked and trusted a whole lot, someone who I had some kind of special connection with. I really don't think I could ever do a "casual fling".
>>
>>16943134
ABANDON SHIP IMMEDIATELY
>>
There is comfort in insignificance. Some people may have the drive to be important. No thank you, although I admire their tenacity and courage. I'll fly under the radar. A small, comfortable life is all I ask for. I am not a "big dog" and I'm fine with that.
>>
>>16943408
Don't judge. Maybe she was looking for the right one and part of that exploration is finding someone who is sexually compatible.
>>
>>16940003
This hit me like a fucking train. -s
>>
>>16940003
Fix it. If you both know you can't be apart then there's your answer.
>>
>>16941469
Where do u work /b/ro
>>
I don't feel sad. I just feel that, rationally, I have no chance, and in the meantime I'm bored for not being with her, and get a strong desire to be with her.
But I don't feel defeated. I don't have it internalised that she might not want to be with me.
It's almost as if I had a chance, but then she is 21 and I am 18, plus I say a lot of stupid shit that makes me unattractive.
I'm forcing myself to write this, I don't feel sad, but I want to be with her and won't see her until next week and I don't even know if I'll talk to her properly.
>>
I thought that I would try and get to know this girl since she had gotten really cute since we last met and she seemed keen.

She texts like an absolute moron and she's really needy, blunt, and just generally annoying because she doesn't use punctuation and she doesn't bother correcting spelling mistakes so figuring out her texts turns into a guessing game.

I don't care if it's shallow but I find intelligence to be a really attractive feature in a woman. This girl is really lacking in intelligence and maturity and it's a massive turn-off.

On the plus side, I've been talking to an old crush and we might be meeting up in the near future so I'm looking forward to it.

My lifts are improving and my social life is developing.
>>
I havent been fucked in close to 2 years. I want to sleep with someone so badly just to fill this ever growing void in me. But i need it to mean something. I feel like ill never be touched again and it makes me want to die.
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_Jqv5IuZ2s

help i have an earworm
>>
Why the fuck do people ask for one another's initials on here? Are there a lot of people that use this site that know other people that use it? Always seems desperate and hopeless.
>>
>>16943841
I ask because I know a couple of people irl who use this site, specifically this board, one of whom introduced me to it.

I think others do it out of hope, the majority of people who post in these threads probably have depression/anxiety/mental illness and/or are lonely.
>>
the television hates me for calling the police.
>>
You must be mocking me. Right?
I'm not a fool like you, and many others want me to believe. It must be revenge then. Right? Do you feel like I've wronged you? I would've done anything for you, I still would. Maybe, you just don't believe a word I say and that's understandable. People are pretty shitty, especially men to women. I need you, though. Even if it's just as a friend. My feelings wouldn't change though because the truth is always constant, even when the reality is in favor of liars and swindlers. Ive never said I was perfect. I've never pretended for a second. But, this love I'm holding on to is pure and it's very real. I'll float away now but, hopefully in the future I can stand next to you.
>>
>>16943629
He is amazing though...

He writes so well, he's intelligent and attractive. There is something about him. Ugh.
>>
>>16939522
You had to say that you had nothing to say thou.
>>
>>16943827
Were you in a serious relationship where you were denied sex, too?

Looking back, I think she was probably cheating.
>>
Miss you and our awkward encounters, you're gracious and I choke, hope you are well.
>>
I know that you're lying to me, but I don't want to face reality.
>>
>>16943924
You'd be surprised by the very large amount of women who deny sex for reasons that aren't cheating.
>>
I miss making people laugh. Depression has zapped my sense of humor.

I'm feeling pretty loney. And like >>16939593 I feel nostalgic for my high school days. I just started community college and there doesn't seem to be many opportunities for socializing.

I wish I hadn't invested so much emotionally in that harpie bitch. She was my best friend and just tossed me aside like I was nothing. Fuck her. She'll probably be dead before 30 of heroin or some shit, junkie bitch.
>>
I h8 seeing my crush and her bf in sschool.
I've liked her since freshman year.
I can't do nothing about it.
Am an little fgt :^|
>>
I like it when guys chase me.
>>
this just in next episode saul goodman wears a multicolored suit to his fuddy duddy job that he secretly hates, onion headline ensues
>>
>>16943561
Well that's what I meant by losing sight. I got with a "close" and longtime friend too. I thought it was so perfect and magical. But she still fucked me over. My problem is that I was overthinking everything. Just go with what feels right. Just try tinder or something. "Connect" with people first and see how it goes. If you're not ready for that then just work on yourself. Become the best version of yourself and girls will come to you organically, like that jailbait.
>>
>>16939495
BOB SAGET RAPED AND KILLED A GIRL IN 1990
>>
I am a fucking idiot to much anxiety plagues me and I wind up frittering away opportunities. Then when I look back I realize she was into me. I probably could of fucked you back then but now you have a boyfriend now.
>>
I had scars on my arms and I got shamed or pointed out to fix them or if I'm taking care I got tired of people bashing on me I got a tattoo and now important people are now bashing on me for it. I feel so mad, confused, angry, and sad that first I was told my scars are hideous then a tattoo was a cover-up my insecurity even though I wanted it so it'd be prettier to look at. I wish the important people saw the tattoo in my eyes but I feel dumb and sad cause I was shamed for both my scar and tattoo... I feel so dumb and scarred that the people who shamed my scares will do the same. I wish people accepted me as I am and the desicions i make and back the fuck off
>>
>>16939495
I accidentally killed or may have killed 10,000 people
>>
File: cuck.jpg (39KB, 500x375px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
cuck.jpg
39KB, 500x375px
ALL I WANTED WAS TO GET SENT TO THE MIDDLE EAST! THANKS OBAMA!
>>
>>16944264
If they're judging you and being cunts about something like this, then they're not your friends and are just shit people. You deserve better.
>>
>>16944328
Thankyou I wish there were more people like you
>>
Im so sorry, I wanna go back to before I broke your heart. I want to go back to what we used to be.
>>
You've just turned into a disgusting human being. You represent and enjoy so many things wrong with this world.
>>
Given your instincts and talent you know what to do. Good luck. :/
>>
>>16944407
Tell me more
>>
>>16944415
You already know, so I don't need to. You know everything there's to know about me and more. So...yea
>>
>>16944418
So I know you?
>>
>>16939554
L
Miss you, Hope your doing well
AP
>>
>>16943961
I always assumed it was because they were foolish, honestly, and they didn't realize they were sabotaging their own relationships.

But what do I know, right? What were your reasons?
>>
>>16942285
I didn't do anything to him, though. He just left me for dead and I yelled at him because he deserved it. He didn't want me anyway.
It was pure apathy. He didn't care, and did a terrible job at feigning it.
>>
>>16944391
I'm sorry too and all I want is the same thing.
>>
I can't tell if me and my current girlfriend both have the idea in our heads that after I graduate we'll probably break up.

I think we see it as likely, she wants to move to California, I want nothing to do with California.

I wonder if we are both just together out of convenience and out of the fact that we make each other happy and comfortable.

The weird thing is it the idea makes me feel a little sad, but a part of me accepts that there's a real chance of it playing out that way. Sometimes I think she feels the same, and we are both sparing the drama until a more convenient time for drama.
>>
Kyle

Konbanwa
>>
As much as I don't want to admit it I know I am a failure. I cannot process classes in my college classes that require complex/technical thinking (i.e. math), I'm scared of working in a job that deals with cash because I know I'll miscount something, and right now my friend is letting me stay with them for dirt cheap rent.

I told myself I'd go into the military by the end of the year and thought that plan was great. 20 years and retire by 45. Then my friend on the phone tells me he's getting out because the more security you have with a job the more of a slave you are. Yeah, I'll admit it. I can't function properly in the real world. Slave or not I need that. Dammit I wish I could handle those damn math classes. Everything else would go some much smoother.

I honestly just want to die. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. Sometimes I think about buying a garden hose from home depot, driving my car to the middle of nowhere, duct tape one end to the muffler, and have the other end hanging inside of the slightly cracked driver window while I'm heavily intoxicated off of liquor.

This life just wasn't made for me. I should have been born in a time where I could work using my hands. Just moving shit around. Even construction work requires a bunch of math.

It's probably good I stopped talking to that one girl. In the current state I'm in it wouldn't have been good. Not at all.
>>
>>16939939
an ebin copypasta
>>
>>16944391
Initials?
>>
New game plan:

I'm gonna do all the things I normally do when I don't feel like shit, so maybe the rest of me will get confused and think, "Hey these things only happen when I don't feel like shit, so I must not feel like shit right now," and then I'll stop feeling like shit.

Seems obvious now. But before I'd try to make myself do things because I "should" be doing them, and not because there were ever times I genuinly wanted to do them. Make sense?
>>
>>16944643
also in my defense, in the past I would just stop feeling like shit after a while automatically, so it threw me off when I realized I probably was gonna have to do it manually
>>
It's embarrassing that you're pretending to be a girl online when we all know who you are. The extra lols don't help validate your fake character. Can't wait until shit hits the fan :)
>>
I had a dream we were together. I woke up and immediately felt pain. I wish I'd hear you say that you want or love me, that you want to kiss me, that you miss me. Any of that
>>
>>16944624
SD
>>
>>16944661
Initials?
>>
Where the fuck do I even start?

>approaching 30s
>awkward introvert, like get flighty making eye contact awkward
>got a degree in math with no real specialty
>hopeless weeb who wants to go to Japan
>try and fail to get a few English teaching jobs
>constantly spending time picking up different Asian languages to no real end, can't devote enough energy to get good in one (except Japanese)
>spent over ten years on Japanese and can kind of converse but lol nobody to practice with/anxiety trying to talk to randoms online
>no real friends since high school and even those friends were very fake
>live with parents, okay relationship with them, very shitty relationship between them, both are getting old and resentful, constantly walking on eggshells around them
>been reliant on parents financially since they wanted me to "focus on my studies" and not do anything but go to school and come home, and then continued to treat me the same after I graduated, give me no ability to have or take care of responsibilities, give me shit because of same
>manage to randomly get a job with a very big company doing extremely shitty support work, have to move towns and sort of live on my own, though I still have to have financial support from parents to have apartment, car insurance, etc.
>at least job let me use my Japanese a bit
>job done, no extensions of contracts, go home bud
>have to live with parents again
>job was shit and made me get close to suiciding, was pretty depressed for a long time through college anyway
>lost all interest in previous hobbies except half-heartedly doing languages
>no idea how to find another job that's worth doing
>want to go traveling but job didn't make for much savings so too broke to do that
>lacking so much life experience compared to others my age
>kind of want to just fall asleep and never wake up again
>>
Mouth surgery is a nightmare of stitches and soup. Fuck wisdom teeth forever.
>>
>>16940167
actually dated and had sex with two other women (25 / 24) that learned how to masturbate at age 5-7. i am a 23 year old male that learned how to jack off in late preschool early kindergarten. you're fine.
>>
>>16944678
Don't worry about it
>>
>>16944507
Initials?
>>
I've been in a relationship for 1.5 years and the majority of it has been great. I love my girlfriend.

Before we started dating there was another girl I was interested in, but ending up choosing to pursue my now-girlfriend as I saw her more often and thought I had better chances. The other has become my "what-if" girl.

My relationship is good, but I still think about the other girl (we are friends/ kind of keep in touch) and find her very attractive and we get along well. She's the kind of girl that I always saw myself being in a relationship with, whereas my girlfriend was unexpected but still good.

I can't tell if I regret not at least trying with the other girl before dating, or if I am just a little bored.
>>
>>16944694
wisdom teeth was how i discovered my secret love for mashed potatoes
>>
Sometimes I trick myself into think I have more allies in the world than I do.

Value the people that truly care about you. Don't lose them.
>>
I have a friend.
She is not my wife, or my mistress, or my fwb, or my anything. She's just a friend.

More than anything I want her to fuck me up the arse with a massive strap-on cock. I don't think I can tell her this.

I want her to use and humiliate me. I don't think I can tell her that either, it would make things too weird between us.
>>
>>16939495
I'm starting to think that there are a lot of people on this website who have an unhealthy interest in children. Seriously, what the fuck, just look at what is in /b/ and /v/ all the time.
>>
I want you so bad it hurts
>>
>>16944661
Too bad dreams can't be shared...
>>
>>16944811
Ditto
>>
i've lost my ambition. i have no set goals. i'm regressing back into depression again and i'm too stubborn to get help. i'm resigned to the fact i'm a loser and i've let so many people down with my bad attitude. i only use jokes as a defense and am willing to take many secrets to the grave.

but when i'm around friends everything is ok. i'm not constantly struggling to try to be perfect. i'm not drowning in self-pity or frustration. i don't hate life, but enjoy it.

i feel like i'm stuck inside two different people and i just don't know how to focus my energy into being happy.
>>
I look up on Google once and a while on how to get cancer but I never get the results I want. Don't know why I still bother doing it, it's not like the results are going to change. That kind of shit just ain't out there.
>>
You seem to implicitly blame me for everything, just like with your previous girl. I'm beginning to see a pattern here. Not to mention that you directly stated that you keep me close only because it benefits you.
>>
I am paralysed by fear. Overwhelmed by everything. I can't get started on the work I need to do, which is going to stress me out and have huge consequences when I don't do it. I can't face up to the reality of my personal circumstances.
I am putting strain on my friend to vent and bitch and moan but then ignoring her advice when she helps me.
I suck, man.
And today I am fully planning to suck some more.
>>
Dropped out of University, want to try learn something I've always wanted to while just working some semi-decent job.

Any jobs you can suggest that you can get qualifications for pretty quick/easy or require no qualifications (besides high school grad). Something sort of respectable not like fast food, janitor, that sort of shit. Being from Australia, the land of nothing interesting happening and dying economy probably doesn't help much but meh.

My family is trying to paint me out to be some lazy ass hole who never wants to commit to anything and runs at the first sign of trouble. But I want to actually teach myself something while I'm not at University, on my own schedule. I never ask them for anything and rarely even get anything yet they act like they've fucking moved mountains for me.

Might learn Norwegian, move to Norway and work for a few months there doing something shitty, so done with this shit.
>>
>>16943388
Why not?
>>
>>16944658
You take these threads too seriously, friend. How would a guy who is supposedly having a conversation with himself going to have the "shit hit the fan"?
>>
Jon is all I think about.

Help.
>>
>>16945088
I'm Jon, if you approach me tomorrow things will go well for you.
>>
I will never be as good and confident as them. I'm terribly shy and act like I don't give a fuck because I don't know shit about socialize with everyone. I blame my introverted personality. God I just wish I could be more confident and not afraid of being laughed at, because I have trauma of it.
I know I should do something about it but I don't fucking know how to start and I can't find someone to talk about this problem because I know they won't help anything. I want to be a normal person too, you know.
>>
I'm a horrible person: I'm arrogant, love myself way too much, pretend I'm better than everyone else, look down on people including the ones I love, insult and disrespect my amazing boyfriend, constant breakdowns, constant lying, not to mention how unreliable I am, I can barely maintain a single friendship. I blame others for my mistakes, I'm lazy and insecure.

Somehow despite all this people still want to be around me and tell me I'm a great person and forgive everything I do. I don't deserve pity nor hate, people shouldn't waste their emotions on me. Not sure when I became such a mess but by the looks of it I have a lot to work on. I can't stand being the way I am. I want to be truly happy and make others feel the same way. I'm tired of being a piece of shit. If I don't do anything about it now while I'm still young I'll just become a bitter old bitch. Not quite the life I had in mind, I owe it to the nice little girl I used to be.
>>
I'll ask my curious side to follow you to a bed of angels.
>>
>>16943492
It's not you. He doesn't go on 4chan.
>>
>>16945088
What is his last initial?
Thread posts: 330
Thread images: 17


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