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Hey /adv/,
I need an outsider's opinion. I'm in an inter-continental long-distance relationship. We've been together for 2 months, if that says anything. Our plan involves me moving in with him once I graduate. There's something that really bothers me. Sometimes he makes jokes that make me feel on edge (I'm diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder). I've already expressed my dislike and told exactly why yesterday, but I'm afraid this will keep going because he doesn't realise when he says something insensitive. I was telling him about a girl who liked me months before I met him, and he said something about "Is she up for a threesome? I'd bang her too". Of course she wouldn't be, as she is a lesbian, but anyway, I found it very hard to keep the conversation going after that one. He says that he would only have sex with a girl who I allow him to have sex with, but I still feel discomfort, anxiety and a very nagging urge to leave. Then he says if that ever happened, he wouldn't cum in her or something, which was supposed to make me feel better. Then I keep saying "Errr", to which he replies "Do you want me to cum inside her too? I can do that".
This entire time, he was talking dirty but I couldn't say much. I'd only reply with "teehee" or something silly like that. I was on the verge of an anxiety attack.
He is a guy who speaks his mind but I can't help but feel he's being disrespectful. I've already expressed my dislike a couple of times and he's not dumb. Am I blowing this out of proportion? What do I do if this really keeps going? Should I appreciate him being honest? Should I break up with him because we're not compatible at all? Please help.
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How long until you graduate?
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>>16910802
1 year
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>>16910795
Speak with him about your anxiety problems. If he's a man with a brain AND a little bit common sense, he will realize that he is a insensitive prick. Talking about having a threesome is ok ofc, because partners should always talk about needs and desires they have, but in this case it would be about respect and consideration of your feelings to not be a guy aksing if he may cum into the other girl. (dickmove IMHO, pun intended)
tl;dr Tell him about your problems, if he can't or won't understand your situation, leave him
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>>16910795
First of all, 2 months is too soon to be serious about a relationship even when it isn't long distance.
Second, you do not plan major intercontinental moves based on a short relationship. At the very least, you try a couple of short-term visits first.
Third, it is very odd for a guy to begin speculating on threesomes when you haven't had twosome sex yet. It suggests very strongly that he's not interested in you except as a step toward fantasies.
Fourth, while sharing sexual fantasies can be fun, they have to be shared. For him not to pick up on the evidence that you were uncomfortable with the conversation suggests he was so deep into his own masturbation fantasy that you were just a prop.
Where in any of this did he give any indication of being concerned with your happiness, either in the fantasy threesome or in forcing the unpleasant conversation on you?
Where did he give any indication that you exist to him, except as a prop in a fantasy?
And you are going to move across the world to be with this guy?
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>>16910902
holy shit. this x1000
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>>16910902
I know it's very premature and I thought by the time I graduated, I'd already have either broken up or be positively sure that he is right for me.
From the start, he was the one making the wildest plans, marrying me, living together and so on. And now this threesome thing. He said it was up to me, but that doesn't particularly make me less anxious.
Your post was very helpful and has gotten me thinking. I usually doubt my own judgement, but now everything indicates that my instincts were right originally.
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