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I'll just get right to it.
My girlfriend and I broke up a year ago.
Since then, the last friend I still had living in my state (Jersey) moved down south almost three months ago. He also happened to be my best friend and drinking buddy. I was already a little banged up before he left, but now?.
All the others before him had steadily been moving to other states every couple of weeks or months for the last few years. North Carolina, Texas, and Arizona are the usual suspects.
I have very little family, and the little I do have is all way out of my age bracket (I'm 27. The next closest to me in age is my youngest uncle at 41) and all but my mother are what I could consider "Toxic" family that do more harm to me emotionally and mentally than anything else, and my Mother is an emotionally fragile woman in her own right and...I don't think I have it in me to burden her with my own problems while she herself has so many.
All I have left are some internet friends (Although I have visited some of them in the past, so I suppose distant friends would be more appropriate) that I've made over the years when I played World of Warcraft, but even then I don't get *that* in touch with most of them.
This lack of both physical and emotional intimacy from a loving woman, the lack of friendship and brotherhood from other men, and a dysfunctional and toxic family environment is causing me a great deal of negative emotions.
When I'm not feeling anxious, I feel angry. When I'm not feeling angry, I feel depressed. When I get depressed, I just sit in my room, alone, in the dark and drink cheap wine and spirits in an attempt to feel something and, while I would never admit this aloud, cry. No matter what, I always feel one emotion in conjunction with everything else. Loneliness.
I must contemplate my own death at least three times a day now.
I don't know what to do, I don't have anyone to talk. I put on a brave face, but internally I think I might be a mess.
Please help.
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>>16910236
I honestly can tell you that its not going to be easy from here on out. Losing your inner circle and partner isn't something so easy to bear. I can say that its not easy, I've been in this kind of situation before and trust me, alcohol and suicidal thoughts aren't the key. I know that it can be really easy to fall in that kind of thinking. Sometimes its easy to think that leaving this earth is the best thing you can do, for yourself and others. But your death will affect someone, one way or another.
As for trying to seek help, try to find a group in your local area, you will be surprised how many actually exist. Keep yourself busy, plan things out. Try to have a goal you can achieve or get done in a weeks time. Pick up a hobby or simple read a book. It will help, trust me. I often found myself listening to music and reading would calm me down and keep me focused. Hope this helps. Keep your head up.
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