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Anonymous
*Psychological question* Is my way of dealing with romantic feelings unhealthy? 2016-03-12 23:57:36 Post No.
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*Psychological question* Is my way of dealing with romantic feelings unhealthy? 2016-03-12 23:57:36 Post No.
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*Psychological question* Is my way of dealing with romantic feelings unhealthy?
Anonymous
2016-03-12 23:57:36
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I'm 19, and my romantic life has been as follows
Fell in love with a woman I never dated in high school.
Dated a girl I was into at the time, but our differences drifted us apart. Only woman I've had sex with.
Was seeing another girl off and on for six months.
I've been "into" other girls before, but nothing like the three above. Sometimes there are strangers, like the other night a girl approached me at a concert, chatted me up, offered to buy me a drink, etc. Felt a connection with her. She wandered off without me noticing before I asked for her number. Those will usually stick around in my head for the next week and then I forget about them for the most part.
But with any woman that get's stuck in my head for an elongated period of time, I have a system for "losing any feelings for them" which is where instead of dwelling on any feelings I had for them, I just masturbate to them. When I just sexualize them as objects to dominate instead of people that I had strong feelings for, it makes me forget about any romantic feelings I had for them. In turn, it makes the process of getting over them extremely easy.
Is this a healthy way of processing my emotions? I still treat them with respect and as human beings when I see them in public, but it's the only way I know how to but a cap and diminish my feelings for them.
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Bumping because curious
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>unhealthy
Hard to see why it would be unhealthy aside from classic conditioning. If you masturbate to them as objects then your (subconscious) assumptions about them will be that they're just sex objects really. So when you meet them again that could be problematic. But as you say, you treat them with respect. You're not your conditioning, you can work against that. But all of this is assuming your fantasy about them is associated to them. It's not entirely sure that it is. Personally I've done similar things and eventually I realized that my mental image of them when masturbating was really just a projection of what I wanted them to be like but with (most) of their normal looks.
I don't see this as a major problem.
But I'm interested to know if you experienced the same thing I did. If you see any signs of conditioning working in this case. And if you have to actively force yourself to respect them as more than sex objects?
Terms:
Classical conditioning - you know that experiment where you ring a bell and feed a dog. The dog associates the ringing of the bell eventually to getting food. So the body (and probably mind) reacts as if it was actually given food when the bell rings.
In your case my idea is that perhaps you get hard when you see them or have changed your view of them. How you actually act is more rational I'm sure.
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I don't get turned on when I see them. My feelings for them surface again and I do treat them like human beings because I truly believe they are. Not just a facade. It's just afterwards, I'll I guess "cleanse" my mind of them by thinking extremely filthy things about them. That way they're no longer a girl with these things I loved about them, but just any other girl on the street with a hole between their legs. But no, I've never had to force myself to respect them. That just comes naturally whenever I see them.
I guess take it as a "drink to forget" but a "Masturbate to forget"
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