Hey /adv/, it feels like I'm constantly being pulled in

>>16906953
it a tough one, but you just gotta not care what others think...i know i know.....easier said than done! but it's still true senpai

>>16906953
>I want to play vidya
>my friends don't like it
Don't play it around them, and don't strike up a conversation about it with them. Otherwise they can fuck off.
>I don't know how to be myself
Get a pen and paper and write down who you are and what that means.

>>16906953
Find people you can relate to and build a connection.

>>16906968
>>16906961
yeah but I feel like I could learn to love anything if I tried...I don't know. I guess part of it is just sense a deep sense of shame about myself. I'm very hard on myself in a lot of ways. I fall in love and then I want to be everything that person wants me to be...it's hard for me to break that cycle.

another part is I'm trying to better myself all the time, so when I play vidya part of me goes "this is a waste of time and bad for you", so I constantly feel like shit and it ruins the experience for me.

>>16906978
google "doormat personality"

>>16906953 youre like me and i told my psychiatrist exacly what you said and over The course of The sessions she diagnosed me with cyclethymia and um taking medication for the mood swings and seeing a therapist once/week.

I've been sleeping to Allan Watts and praying before bed. Maybe it could help you too

Also bumping this because right now I want to be a big shot lawyer and I think this is best for me but I don't want to change my mind again. Want to get better too.

>>16906953
Anon. There will ALWAYS be people, who think that some particular thing is lame.

Just work on your self-confidence, because that's the root of the problem and start doing things your way. You don't have to stick to people, who think your hobbies are lame. Fuck them. Stick to others.

I wish I had the guts to just walk up to you and say wassup g? but I can't. All I can see is your eyes filled with hate. All I can hear is you telling me about your ex's mother who prays for you and the way you spat out the word "woman" like a curse. Remember when I hugged you and you pulled away and turned your back on me? There's no way in the world I could ever talk to you again after that. It was just too painful and I'm not strong enough to let you pain me and shame me again like that.

Find something that people do that pisses you off
Not rapists or pedos- like, every day society. They are very much fucked up in a lot of ways.
Turn on the news, step outside, see how convinced everyone individually thinks they are so right.
They fucking flinch at the thought that one of their trusted beliefs might be contested.

Fuck people. They're idiots. One day you'll make their hypocrisy clear to them.
This is quickly sliding into Elliot Rogers territory, but it doesn't have to.
You can be an open minded, ever-learning, ever-growing sense of awareness not bound by any of these dumb fucks. It seriously helps to look at people like they're a bunch of mindless idiots- because when they do start talking to you directly, they instantly become smarter/ more respectable. But you still have to carry over that open-minded mindset.

Like- approach people with the idea that you want to discover something together. Circlejerking, jumping to assumptions, or sticking to the same thing is kryptonite. Oh, so and so thinks this is lame? That assumption is 10x worse than the act itself. Is it really lame? What about the 10 things that person does that you consider lame? Who gives a shit? You can kill him if you want to, because you're a fucking adult and can do that if you want. You don't need permission to do jack shit.

To be yourself, you have to re-evaluate how you think of others.

>>16907068
I'm going to see a therapist. I've been diagnosed with severe depression/anxiety in the past, but I think I may be more.
people piss me off all the time, but then it's like..the people I do like, I become obsessed with (not in a creepy way where I'm stalking them, I just keep thinking about them all the time and look forward to when I see them, but I think about them way too much and see them in way too good of a light).

on the other hand I hate a lot of people and i hate being judged. for example, I'm into nerdy stuff and when people reject me because I like something nerdy, I get really angry. like, I've had in the past where people judged my entire person because of one aspect they found out about me (for example, liking video games or finding out that I'm gay). I've actually socialized a lot in my life and it's like, instead of enjoying company more with the more people I met, instead it's the opposite. the more I get to know people, the more people I end up hating and the more I think negatively of society.

>>16907358

Me too, I usually like a person for some quality I respect a lot one moment and then I start despising them later for the same quality or I create another image of them. It's just based on idealizations really.

I think the therapist will be of great help. You can say everything without being judged and then you can start growing your confidence through these talks
It's helping me seeing myself in another light.

>>16907507
yeah only problem is I've seen multiple therapists for years. I mean literally since I was 15. it kind of helps....

last bump