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How do I stop being a negative person?
I am not satisfied with my life, and I am working to change it. I work REALLY fucking hard. I already have a "career" read: shitass day job that I could have done in middle school but pays more than most other careers. I already work out 3-4 times a week. I can cook for myself, clean for myself, handle my own finances, etc. I'm a self-sufficient, in shape, dude with a career. I have a satisfying choice of women.
But I am not happy. I grow more irritable every day that I live this life that I've built for myself because it's utterly unfulfilling. I get on here often to dispense advice because I like helping people learn from my mistakes. I just dumped my girlfriend. Afterward, I read a few articles about "negative people" and perfectionists... it's me.
I feel like I've always been this way - unsatisfied with my life because most people seem to hate who I actually am inside. I like to talk.. A lot. My ex used to bitch at me for talking too much. I'm bisexual. That one kills a bunch of people. I turn to hard drugs because they're some of the only things I get pleasure from anymore.
I don't want to be in pain anymore. But if I collapse the charade, I collapse my entire life. If my work knew about the drugs or really anything about me, I'd be fired instantly. It's like I'm two different people - publicly excelling the way every mom wants but privately hating everything.
How do I stop this before I go postal.
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>>16906637
>If my work knew about the drugs
That explains it anon. Legal highs?
Or are you sensible and only smoke weed but call that a drug habit?
Start taking classes in uni or college again on a new topic like Philosophy or Psychology, who gives a shit
Don't actually use the degree, but learn something new for the shits and giggles
If you're not constantly experiencing something new, you're flushing your life down the toilet since any "same" experiences all blend together into one grey uninteresting mess
I would've suggested travelling, but it doesn't do anything for me. But you could try that, idk
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>>16906653
>drugs
Coke, molly, shrooms, lucy, opiates (but these make me throw up so I stay away)... ummmm.... I want to find some DMT and GHB. No meth or injectable heroin thought until I want to be truly addicted and die. OH and yes I smoke weed. I don't drink. Fuck alcohol.
>Philosophy
Already have a bachelor's in it.
>But you could try that, idk
Lived in England, Japan, and 6 US States. Traveled to Costa Rica, Israel, France, Germany, and Wales. I enjoy traveling but my job doesn't really permit it anymore unless I use up my vacation time, which I usually reserve for my family and a bit for me personally when I can't fucking handle my job anymore.
>If you're not constantly experiencing something new, you're flushing your life down the toilet since any "same" experiences all blend together into one grey uninteresting mess
I totally agree, but that type of adventure is only encouraged within boundaries as you get older. I've experienced a lot so far; it's hard to find new "highs." And... honestly... most people I've met are pretty shit. Not that I dislike them... but objectively they're not that bright, or not that interesting, or totally put off by my many escapades like being bi or liking drugs.
I actually try to not chase the 'high' anymore. if you chase the high... you end up in a bad place.
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