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So I have been seeing a girl for the past year, it started off purely sexual but then I realized I really do like her. We talk basically everyday, know each other's friends, and know these weird quirks that you learn about a person. However, she told me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship because it is obligations even though she claims to not want to have sex with anyone else. We have literally never been on a date besides when I bring her to my fraternity's date functions, not even for something simple like coffee. She says that she wants the option to hookup with other people but she doubts she is ever going to use it.
Over the summer things died down a little bit and I had sex with someone else because if she doesn't want to be exclusive then I have every right to do whatever the fuck I want. She was pretty much devastated and I spent months repairing things with her not wanting to talk to me and her ending things again and again. Things have finally returned to normal but I told her friend that I wanted to take her on a casual date somewhere. New Years morning she tells me she still doesn't want to be exclusive or go on dates and we were interrupted before I got my say in.
Our pseudo-relationship is basically a fucking timebomb and I don't know how to get that through to her. If she hooks up with someone else I will never talk to her again. If I hook up with someone else she will never talk to me again. I'm fucking craving something more than us hanging out at 11pm in her room and occasionally being at the same social gatherings. She freaks out when the term date is thrown around thinking candlelit dinner cruise around the city, and I've explained its more lets smoke a joint and go to the city. I don't even know if I am asking for advice because I don't listen to half the shit people tell me in person, maybe I just want some strangers on the internet to tell me what they think.
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She can never trust you ever again, the fact you slept with someone else puts throws this relationship out the window. She probably talks to her friends and they probably tell her to ditch you but she might be holding out thinking that this strained relationship is savageable.
Honestly I think you need to move on to a much more healthier relationship where you can't say what you want because the relationship will implode. Honestly you are walking on eggshells anon and it is not healthy mentally and emotionally.
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>>16635810
Some of her friends tell her to end things and some of them tell her to never let me go.
I know this is completely fucking toxic but I literally can't let her go. We tried not talking for a week and it ended with both of us being miserable and having sex.
She breaks down and cries all the time when she is with me saying that she wishes she could commit to a relationship and that she wants me to be her boyfriend. I'm terrified one day she is going to ignore me the way she did in the past and I am going to pull a similar move feeling abandoned.
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>>16635785
Jesus Christ kid. How in the fuck do you manage to type all that shit out without realizing how fucking stupid your situation is. The only value a relationship has is what both people get out of it. If you're both happy with the way things are now, you stay, if you want something more and she doesn't, then you leave. It really is that fucking simple.
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>>16635852
So because you two coward are too scared of being alone, you miserably stay with each other? Anon do you hear yourself? Relationships shouldn't be this toxic and unstable.
Honestly you know the correct answer in ending this but because of how much a pussy you are you can't do it. Jesus I have a better relationship with my landlord then you two as a couple.
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>>16635879
>>16635880
I know I am stupid and a pussy, I'm a rational person usually and nobody has ever been able to do this shit to me. She literally makes me want to grow up and be a better person though and I am fucking crazy about her. I feel like a fucking girl typing my feelings half the time. She has childhood issues from her parents not being affectionate or ever telling her that they love her, and I just want to reassure her that I love her. I don't know how to leave her and its fucking weird because I have never talked to any of my ex-girlfriends after breaking up.
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>>16635912
And have you tried telling her exactly what you just typed? You're not a fucking shrink, you aren't going to fix whatever bs is wrong with her. So you either accept the way things are now or you move on. It sucks, but that's life.
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>>16635912
Have you guys ever had a serious talk about your fears or tried to explore what might actually be causing them?
Like, what is she afraid? Is she worked that she might not really love you? Is it actually something like her being afraid that she can do better? I mean there might be some unpleasantness but something has got to give. Have you actually told her that you love her?
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>>16635912
>i don't know how to leave her
Call her dickwad and let her know that you love her but you love her happiness more and so you will break up with her.
Make it clear you don't want any further contact with her. Delete her number or hell block her. This is very unhealthy and you are just wasting time you could be dating other girls who you are more compatible.
Man the fuck up you spineless faggot and do the growing up for the both of you.
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>>16635935
She has never had a relationship before and had low self-esteem in high school. Now she is hot as fuck and super confident. However being so self-conscious made her super neurotic about a lot of things.
>>16635935
I have told her I love her, she actually said it first when she was drunk but pretended to not remember. She doesn't know why she doesn't want to be exclusive but in the past she says she fears obligations
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lol drop her
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