My mom is addicted to narcotics and alcohol. she had been drinking

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Go to an Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon is for relatives of alcoholics to find support.

You can't control other people, man, no matter how much you care about them. If it makes you crazy to be around it, you just need to leave. Hopefully she'll choose you over the booze, but it's her choice, not yours.

so sorry to hear that anon. it's not uncommon for people to act violently to their family when they feel that they've been wronged/hurt by the family. it's a subconscious thing but you have to realize that your reaction to your mother is rather clouded by this. you have to stop seeing her as a mother whom you sometimes love and sometimes hate but as a regular human being with a bunch of flaws like the rest of us. she needs help and so do you.

now, because your mother is scared from the incident, i would take a week break from everything and spend time away from her. when things cool down, have a heart to heart with her. tell her you love her but it just triggers something in you when you see her drinking. she will most likely deny that she has problems but this is normal. it's important that you do not criticize her no matter how much you feel like she deserves it because she won't get it and it'll only make things worse. i know you'll get angry and start having urges to lash out at her but try your best not to. the important thing is that you apologize for what you've done. you probably feel that your actions are a bit justified but that is not the case and she could have put you in jail if she wanted to. a lot of men who hit or even kill people feel that they are justified but we know this is often not the case.

afterwards, i would suggest you become a more independent person. i know you love your mom and it would suck to leave her in her state, but you have to distance yourself from her because she's not a good influence. you might actually end up in jail when your rage problems come back in the future and this would probably make you get angrier at your mom. don't let it get to that point. start having control of your life and try not to mind things that are not in your control.

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>>16631747

I did something very similar to my little sister who would not stop drinking and doing drugs, we were homeless at the time, my mother and I gave up almost everything to try and help her, but my sister, she spit it into our face, stole money, and it just kept degrading, my mother became unwell at the time as well, bipolar. We were living in a crappy, low, run down hotel, my sister would steal my mother's card and use as much as she possibly could and then cried to be picked up when she was half across the state buying fuckers booze, drugs and food at bars, acting as though she was rich.

At the time, I was working a moving job and trying to go to college to finish my last math class to get my Associates degree. I drowned my sorrow, depression and suicidal thoughts by immersing myself in my laptop and games to try and live in a different realm of distractions. My mom and sister would fight constantly, pulling each others hair, punching, pulling, scratching, etc. This incident though was when we were still living in our house, my sister pulled a knife on me and started slicing towards me as she was both high as fuck and bipolar too atm, I grabbed her by the wrist as she finished one of her swings at me and punched the shit out of her forearm, she dropped the blade and ran out crying outside on the front lawn, high as hell off whatever prescription pills, heroin and crack she was on.

Another time, my mom and sister were fighting, and getting extremely violent, I tried to ignore it, they were both bipolar at the time, unwell, and my sister high off shit. My mother kept telling me to do something, but I had enough of both of them, I hated both my mother and my sister, I gave up almost everything to help them, my mother, on a side note, never wants to take responsibility, she abused me physically, mentally and emotionally as a child because of bipolarism which I did not understand at the time.

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>>16631747
>>16632179

>Cont.

My mother kept yelling at me to do something, but I was tired from working a long day moving rich people's belongings around, and going to college trying to figure out math I barely understood. My sister was yelling random crap about birds telling her secrets, illumanati, people talking to her in tongues, etc. It became insane in that little hotel room, I damn near lost my mind, with blind rage, as my mother and sister were fighting I shoved my mother to the side and put my hands around my sisters neck, threatening her that I could/would choke her out if she would not calm the fuck down and shut the fuck up. I did not choke her, I threatened her, she looked at me with a smile and spit in my face, "I'm telling the cops you tried to kill me" as she went gleefully out of the room.

Other times when she was unwell we tried to restrain her in the house, blocking the door with our bodies so she couldn't leave or holding her back so she wouldn't go to anymore trailer parks, half high and half out of her mind on porches drooling.

We held her back and tried to keep her inside because I at least, did not want to see her be killed, or raped, or any other terrible thought that could come of drug related tragedies.

We also tried sending her to rehabs, she left, she was hospitalized, but she got the sympathy of the doctors and nurses and manipulated them into thinking she was okay.

My mother was willing to go into 50k debt to send her to a private rehab location in Florida for the year just to try and help her, but my sister refused and kept going back to drugs.

I later found out too, when she was gone for some time, some niggers took her hostage and pimped her out, I did all I could to help her, me and my mother, she is a alive and well today, trying to go back to college.

>>16632205
>she is a alive and well today, trying to go back to college.

holy shit did i actually read this right? you're a superhuman anon. i didn't expect a happy(?) ending at the end of this. i woulda noped the fuck out.

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>>16631747
>>16632179
>>16632205

This isn't even 1/100 of my story, if I told you the whole thing, from beginning to end, it could fill a book of tragedy, sorrow and later on, hope, but, from what I learned, both from that hellish time with my sister and my mother and my own experiences growing up with a mother who would beat me for no reason, tell me I was a retard just like her brother (uncle), I became quite violent, not understanding what I was doing wrong or why she would become enraged with me over things that would sometimes happen years ago.

I learned, that confusion, rage, and love, to an extent can make us go insane, not understanding why these people in our lives cannot see the damage they are doing both to themselves and people around them. At times, they do not care, sometimes, they even want extreme violent reactions subconsciously, just for the attention or reaction, to even feel at least someone responding to them in a certain oppressive, caring way. Sometimes, and this is most common and usually now in most situations, that they must hit rock bottom, where every person that is of quality is gone, that there is no where else to go... but up. It is up to the individual for them to pull themselves up, and not with the help of others.

It seems you loved your mother so much, to see her hold onto her wicked, self-destructive ways, that you reacted in a counter extreme manner to attempt to put her back on the right track, which came out as violence and rage and pain.

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>>16631747
>>16632179
>>16632205
>>16632253

Simply, learn peace and acceptance, acceptance, that there are many things that you cannot change, and let all of these things in life that haunt you, pain you, enrage you, guilt you, go..., let your loved ones go, material possessions if you have them or hold onto them (these are in more extreme circumstances), and begin anew away from them, you must focus on your own personal growth and your own personal destiny. They must find their own path in life, whether that be at rock bottom or at their current position, they must learn and grow, and so must you. Grow and learn...

Do not let these things burden you, and simply, move on, to bigger and better things, if she must fall, she must fall, if death comes of it, then so shall be it, no matter what you could or can do, they will spiral out of control, and at that point, they will hit the bottom and learn.

Help them, yes, as much as you can, but, there comes a crucial point of them not changing, that you begin to enable them with their self-destructive ways and at that POINT you MUST let them GO. If they ask for legitimate help, help them, for love and kindness weigh more than gold.

It will be hard, one of the hardest things you will ever do, but you must let them fall and learn, and if they do not learn, show them, but do not do things for them, they must do them on their own, and learn...

Be at peace, fellow human-anon, be at peace...

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>>16632246

Yes, she is attempting to go back to college, she finally has her own car that she bought on her own and is living on her own, with ambitions of going into the medical field. I myself, at that time did not finish my Associates, but came back 2 years later to finish the last class, I have my Associates now with ambitions of finishing my bachelors degree sometime in the next 2 to 3 years, saving as much money as I can in the lucrative trucking industry (making roughly 61k to 75k yrly), so that I can fulfill my own, personal destiny of becoming an artist... my mother, though is a different story, as I said before, this tale is long and sad, and my mother is with her brothers (uncles) and sisters (aunts) back up north, whom abused her as a child, and there are even rumors of incest and molestation that occurred when they were children, she is being manipulated and lied to by them, mostly, because she has a share in a house and land that are well over 1 mill. in potential profits, they want her portion, so, they have brainwashed her to use and gain advantage of her, making her feel terrible and inciting her bipolarism... she has now since lost her own car because of their manipulation, lost her job and self respect, they use the word of God as a means to justify that they are holy people, they are anything but holy... They mistreated me poorly when I was homeless when I lived with them, my Aunts and Uncles and even Cousins whom their parents taught them a similar sickening style of life that has spread into their children. I slept on a couch in the basement as I worked in the Northern winter on a plane tarmac cleaning rental cars with a hose in below freezing conditions for minimum wage, I would come home at 3 am in the morning, as they all sat around the TV on the weekend watching movies and having fun, they would scold me, as I went down stairs, when I did return to the basement, the laughter and fun would begin again.

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>>16632246
>>16632354

Leaving me to my own thoughts, and imagination of being off in far off places of fantasy and wonder, as my boots and socks and clothes were frozen to my cold, dead body, I drifted off into my own world... my own paradise... where no perversion of life could penetrate.

Staying with them, I was also forced to show them my bank account, they would keep strict tabs on me, as their own children went out and smoked weed and drank heavily. I simply wanted to be away from all humanity, in a cottage, out in the middle of the woods, to heal, and die a peaceful, solitary death.

But alas, things are not so simple, I will cut this story short here, as I am way off course and topic.

But, you must follow your own path, dreams and destiny, and let these people who hold you back go, for when you do, the entire universe will conspire to help you achieve your goals, ambitions, dreams and destiny...

Anyway, that's my over winded soap box speech, I hope it helped somewhat...

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>>16632379
Your life story is very sad but inspirational. Keep up the good work on working toward your dream. Wish you a happy and healthy life.