Okay I have got one real group of friends, friends whom I consider my best friends.
Matter is that I go through cycles where I become really paranoid, thinking that they hate me and do not want to hang out with you. It is triggered by them hanging out without me, looking through snapchat stories with the whole group having fun. Also happens during long periods without communication. We live on the countryside and my communication with them is limited to a facebook groupchat and snapchat. Not helping is the fact that I never ask whats going on, only jumping on the occasion when they say something about it in the chat. I did however ask them if they wanted to meet tonight, and im actually afraid looking to see if they've seen the message or whatever declining answer I might get.
It is really awfull and im going crazy and this keep happening during cycles where it feels like they shut you out and I go crazy only to forget it when they do include me. Hate that it keeps happening and i've begun wondering if its healthy. But then again it probably is my fault.
So its making me feel really deppressed and alone, though it might be my own fault.
+Its new years eve tomorrow so that only adds to it sitting alone at night watching fireworks from the distant city, knowing they're out there having fun.
Any advice no matter how trivial the solution might be?
I used to be like that. Sometimes I still feel odd being left out, but then I wonder, does it really matter? If I said I wanna hang out, I know they'll say sure. And if they decline, it's not like they're conspiring against me, else they'd have done it a long time ago. When people can avoid you, why will they want to deliberately spend time with you. Pitying doesn't make sense, that's still wasting their time. So yeah, believe it or not, they do enjoy having you around.
But everyone has someone they talk to a little better than the other person in the group. They'll be into something on the side anyhow. Sometimes, you can push yourself in there. It's okay. You're a groupie. If it's private, they'll be evasive. And you give them space.
You don't need to be alone on new year's eve. :)