For as long as I could remember, I've felt violent urges. I've had fantasies where I've murdered someone in a violent fashion or thrown a small animal off of a tall building. I've also had fantasies of killing myself, such as through hanging or a more gruesome manner like jumping headfirst into a woodchipper. I'd never actually do any of these things, but they're pretty powerful urges. Should I seek help? Like I said, I would never actually murder someone or hurt an animal. I don't know what it is but I think want to feel the visceral madness that comes with these behaviors without actually engaging in them.
It's a phase and you're lying to yourself. Get over it and do something productive.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought
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This is something that I have as a result of OCD. If you know that you aren't going to act on it, the thoughts alone are okay. If they're hindering your ability to function normally, speak to someone.