All my life I've wanted to be treated like a...normal person,

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All my life I've wanted to be treated like a...normal person, taken seriously. Very narcissistic and caring about what others thought of me, self image. I've tried scholastic achievement, being in leadership positions, 'faking it until you make it', but through all of this it just seems like I'm a kid in a fat young adults body. Now I've dropped out of Uni twice, 19 years old, 22,000$ debt because of loans, chronic physical health and mental health conditions, and no matter how much something makes sense to me, like the only person whose opinion you should care about is yours, I've never felt that way, and I've been fighting it only to find I'm losing. Hard.

Now I'm a disgusting blob and my family and "friends" are getting on with their lives. I went to college about two years earlier than most, was hopeful of ivy graduate school. Now I'm hoping to see if I won't end it.

Saw an old friend go into marines, come out a respectable person, has money, muscle, a sharp mind. I can't do that. Spondylosis, mental health record, among other things. So I guess what I'm asking is, does it get better for people like me, the kind who internalize everything, who victimize themselves or are just stuck in a never ending thought loop? Is becoming an hero best idea if it won't get better? Also a poor fag, living in someone's home on charity with senpai.