Mom offers boyfriend of 5 years her engagement ring so he can

>Has a kid
>Throwing a tantrum because of an outdated symbolic tradition
>Said tradition is all risk for the man

Yes. Yes you are.

Not at all. He sounds really shitty.
If you have a kid and you're together why wouldn't you marry?
And to embarrass your mother like that, disgusting.
Your own fault for having a kid before marriage tho. Dump him

>>16601376
If that guy is like me, then you're being too demanding. He is probably not like me though, so you better tie his ass up before he bolts with all his shit.

>>16601389
>If you have a kid and you're together why wouldn't you marry?
As long as he's faithful, kind, and provides for the kid, marriage is completely unnecessary. It provides little benefit, depending on your situation.

>>16601389
Yea it was humiliating.
He was acting like a douche all day and he went out to grab some food because he said he hates my moms cooking and I told her he did not buy me anything for Xmas and was mad at himself and she said well I wanted to make sure you want to marry him but I was going to give him my ring.
Then she asked and he said no in front o our kid. It was super humiliating.

It is a beautiful ring and my mom was trying to do something sweet for both of us.

>>16601392
He has nothing. He drives one of my cars and I own all the furniture

>>16601394
Being engaged is not the same as marriage. It is a promise to get married.

>>16601395
What more do you need for you to understand he's not the one?
By the way I'm pretty sure your son is going to remember this moment for life, and it can be quite damaging. Maybe you should talk to him and explain because I feel it's one of those things that's going to stick with him.
I feel bad for your mom, she's basically giving away something so important to her...
Get a better guy who respects you, your mother and your child.
I'm sorry he ruined your christmas

>>16601376
Holy shit yes. Thats insulting. Why the fuck cant women understand how guys want to keep a small portion of their pride.
Dont offer me a ring. I will buy one. No I will not tell you that Im busting my ass because I cant afford one right now. No I will not hint at saving for a ring. Hell even if I wasnt, by offering me a ring Id feel hella used. Like you and your mom were trying to control me. The relationship would probably start falling apart right now because Id start closing myself off because you pulled that shit.
>>16601389
>If you have a kid and you're together why wouldn't you marry?
Maybe I dont want to lose half my shit. Maybe I do but dont want to tell you. But probably because I dont want to lose half my shit.

>>16601409
this isn't about you dickhead. youre the reason guys like you get a no when you propose

>>16601409
Well he used to say all the time he wanted to get married.
Then the opportunity comes and he says no.
My mom has been saving the ring since her divorce. She suggested he use the diamond and craft a new ring if that felt better.

>>16601416
why are you with him? i dont understand how women can be treated this way, do you like feeling like garbage?

>>16601395
You and your mom were kind of waaaay shittier for putting him on the spot like that.

Don't act like it wasn't strategic. You're just pissed your ploy didn't work the way you'd hoped.

>>16601413
The question clearly asked why one wouldnt get married. And everything applies to all guys.
>>16601416
>Then the opportunity comes and he says no.
You just dont get how insulting that is. Go ask you guy how he felt when your mom pulled that stunt. probably like shit. Its so incredibly insulting especially because he you know he wants to get married.
>Hey you failed at life and cant buy your woman a ring. Heres one.

>>16601428
I had no idea she was planning to do that at all. So it was no strategy from me.

>>16601416
Are you retarded?

Why would ANYONE, want to use a ring that ended in a divorce?

>>16601432
Regardless, it was pressuring him into it.

if you want to marry him so bad then you propose to him. Jesus christ.

You're acting like he's an animal that needs to be trapped.

>>16601416
I honestly cannot imagine any man saying yes. Especially in front of his gf and kid. Good on him for having the balls to say no. Id hate to hear about some spineless guy saying yes.

>>16601394
I don't know the situation, but I kinda agree. My parents never married because my mother had a previous marriage before my dad, and her husband passed away. My half-brother received social security from his dad's untimely death, and my mom used it to save for my brother's college.

Kinda shady from a government perspective. But my dad couldn't turn down the opportunity for my half brother to have 2000 dollars per month given to him from the age of 4 to 18 and put away for when he became an adult.

My parents stayed together.


OP, does your boyfriend have a job or insurance that will cover his family? Sometimes it is better to stay "technically single" because of insurance and taxes and other financial stuff. Did you ask him why he said no? Or ask your mom?

>>16601376

>Have a child together

>Ready to end relationship because "He wont put a ring on my finger and have a day with me standing in a church with a priest while we say some stuff"

I dont think people like you should be allowed to get married

I'm f and I don't freaking get the big shit about rushing to get married. It changes nothing except involving the govt , and just makes it hell to get out of. What is the big deal? Because everyone else is? Everyone else is also getting divorced 2 and 3 times or they are miserable and scared to change.

I know it's temping to fall back on traditional sexism but he doesn't owe you a marriage. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, regardless of whether the other person is a man or a woman, it's your job to seduce them into wanting marriage. Buying him a ring doesn't change a single thing about the situation. If you think it gives you an excuse to think less of him for not being interested in marrying you then think again. It's your problem. He owes you nothing. If it sounds to you like a shitty deal to have to seduce someone into wanting marriage then perhaps it is because you want marriage for a shitty reason.

>>16601401
>Being engaged is not the same as marriage. It is a promise to get married.
And? Marriage is still the end-game. It's not necessary, and more people in this generation are realizing that.

>>16601460
I've been with my guy for over half of my life. The only reason why we're married is because I needed cheap insurance coverage for expensive anti-seizure medication. Outside of that, it's always just been a piece of paper I keep in a folder. We were the same before and after, but he has everything to lose if I magically turn into a crazy, spiteful cunt.

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>>16601395
>Then she asked and he said no in front o our kid.
The more context you provide the more I can get the guys perspective. It wasnt like she pulled him off to a corner to talk about it and he acted like a dick, she was trying to pressure him by doing it in front of all of you.

unless you don't care about your kid having a fucked up future then don't end that relationship

maybe your boyfriend has different values than you or just doesn't want to use your mother's ring

>>16601416
>He used to say all the time he wanted to get married
Ask him if he changed his mind about how he feels about marriage. Ask him if anything happened to him that changed his idea of marriage. If he has difficulties expressing himself then help him discuss it together. Ask him which part of marriage is turning him off. Ask him if it's the ceremony. Ask him if it's the commitment. Tell him that you aren't going to judge him no matter what he says. Tell him you want to understand him. Tell him you want to listen. You have a head, use it. Talk together.

>>16601493
DIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>16601416
>Well he used to say all the time he wanted to get married.
>used to
People change their views, OP. It's allowed.

>>16601395
>Then she asked and he said no in front o our kid. It was super humiliating.
She put unnecessary strain on your relationship when it wasn't her place to do so. It's great that she wants to help you both out, but she did the exact opposite due to how she went about it. SHE forced him to decline in front of a group of people, when she should have taken him aside in private. He didn't have a choice. Say yes now, only to get everyone's hopes up or be straightforward? I'm sorry, but I'll take blunt and honest any day.

>>16601493
>she was trying to pressure him by doing it in front of all of you
This pretty much. "You have to say yes or you make the kid cry and everybody will stare, ha ha!". Seriously. It's a huge lack of respect to pretend in front of many people that a person made a binding promise that they didn't officially made. Even if the person was interested to make that promise before the event, they may change their mind after the event.

>>16601376
>Am I being too demanding? We have a kid.
No, you have two kids.

>>16601383
This desu

Coming from a married man, I have been offered a ring from my own grandfather. I didnt accept them because I decided I wouldnt purpose to my gf until I felt I was able to buy my own ring and pay for my own wedding. During this time I had a lot of criticisms and arguments with her family thinking I wasnt serious about her. On the day I married her, her family changed their opinions of me, and I told my wife, "fuck your family, I dont want them comin around on my birthday". I still visit her family on holidays and allow my children to see their cousins, but I hate my in-laws and my wife knows this. And she understands my view on the whole matter and respects my wishes, just like I understand and respect hers.

Thats pretty much how successful relationships work, you listen and make an attempt to work things out. Especially when children are involved, a relationship is no longer about you or him, its about what is best for the children. I highly doubt your children understood let alone care what happened. Kids remember fights, and divorces, not social stigmas. If you're willing to throw your children's father out because of a piece of metal. I think you are a piece of shit parent and I hope your children grow to hate you for your selfish attitude.

>>16601460
He has a good job now with benefits but he uses my car and he lives in
A house 100% furnished by me

>angry over tradition not being upheld
If you really loved him you'd just move in and not get married, ever.

>>16601488
He is a really immature guy and he takes
Advantage of me then basically.
Instead of having two older model cars I could trade
Them in for one nicer model but I cannot because he needs a car to drive to work so i pay insurance taxes and licensing fees on a vehicle i have driven maybe 2% of the time since i owned it.
I would like to take my car back if he is just going to drive it down then ditch.


But I agree with the other anons for my sake too she should have asked him privately because it ended up being a super hurtful
Surprise for me

>>16601930
We already live together and i own everything and he uses it.

Basically now i feel like one of those girls men stay with until they get their own lives together then instantly leave once they have used everything up

>>16601389
>Not at all. He sounds really shitty.
Jesus christ /adv/.

>>16601376

It depends why he doesn't want to be married. For some people the concept of marriage is off putting, but being a life partner with somebody is completely okay.

You should really talk to him, and try to understand his reasons.

Your boyfriend is an ass OP...

Did you ask him why?

Ask him and then come back for advice - there are a thousand different reasons he might not want it; some bad, some good.

>>16601376
You likely were too demanding.
BUT!
Ending the relationship while havnig a kid is a very bad idea. Make sure that he can do his part in raising the said kid
Expect him to disapear once the kid turns 15-16.
>DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT CHILD SUPPORT! THIS IS CRUCIAL!
this will fuck up the kid since he likely won't have any paternal reference figure

>>16601433
My mum used the diamonds from her first marriage's rings for her engagement/wedding rings she wears now. Her and my step dad have been together for over 12 years now.