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How do I help my boyfriend get "up," /adv/? He has

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How do I help my boyfriend get "up," /adv/?
He has no trouble getting it hard when he masturbates throughout the week, and he is not afraid to get naked and do sexy things, but when he or I get on top to do the deed, he loses his hardness instantly and gets frustrated. Same thing for hand jobs. I'm thinking it's psychological and I want to help, but I'm not sure how. He got out of a 6 yr relationship in March with his fiance he had a kid by, and that was his only relationship. He is not the kind to sleep around and will only get intimate with people he knows and trusts well. We have been dating since Thanksgiving. I gave him an herbal supplement to help, but I'm really thinking this is psychological. What can I do to help him, adv?
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>>16595079
Shameless self bump.
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>What can I do to help him, adv?
Roleplay as his ex :^)

But for real, talk with him and send him to therapy or something, his issues seem too deep rooted for an advice post to give you anything of substance.
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>>16595079
Same thing happened to me. Dont know what to tell you. Once you fail to stay up the pressure is way to intense from then on out.
One thing to do that helped me was restart. Dont have sex. Play around naked but with no expectation of sex. This will let him reprogram his dick so that its not afraid of you anymore.
Sex is pretty emotionally intensive for guys. When I was deciding whether or not to break up with my girlfriend I literally would lose my boner as soon as I entered her. I just felt too guilty to be intimate with her. Of course she could see there was trouble and this made her go into a fit of rage and she thought I was sleeping around and shit.
But again, best advice I have is stop trying to have sex. Play around naked, dont let him masturbate or watch porn. Always rub his dick for him gently and try being sexy. After like 3 weeks try having sex again but make sure he understands that he doesnt have to do it unless hes really horny for it.
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>Roleplay as his ex :^)
This by far the most subtly brutal thing Ive read on 4chan. Every hour wasted here today was worth it for this one remark. Thank you.
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>>16595079
Ah yes, the dreaded death grip masturbation. Classic erection killer in the bedroom.

My advice is to tell him to stop masturbating for a good long while. The logic behind this is as a male masturbates, they condition themselves to believe in an unrealistic vaginal tightness, due to them squeezing their penises tightly when jacking off.

Abstaining from sex helps too, as it will help his brain break the conditioning, however it is not necessary.

If worst comes to worst, get that nigga some Viagra.
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Try and find out his fantasies and fetishes. Would you be willing to do most things?
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>>16595079

Here is a bit of my sexual history:
My first time making out was when I was 15. that girl would get me hard as a rock just from holding my hand.

First time getting a "blowjob" was when I was 16. It was June, and the girl lived two towns over. Because I didn't want to oversleep and miss my opportunity I stayed up all night and left shortly after my mom left at like 7:00am. I walked, in the summer heat a total of 20 miles. I was tired, sweaty, and exhausted. When I got to her house I had trouble getting it up. I dwelled on it.

My first time having "sex" was at seventeen. It was in a storage closet in a parking garage at a shopping mall. I had trouble getting hard. That really fucked with me.

I lost my virginity for real when I was 21, had trouble staying hard but after the third time with her I was able to consistently get and maintain an erection.

Had sex with another girl at 22, same issue, but after a while and a decent diet change, I have never had trouble with getting hard

Slept with like 3 other girls in the past year and have only had a mild issue getting hard, but once hard I don't lose it.
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>>16595206
>>16595206
I've tried asking about fetishes. Anal is the only thing he's expressed interest in, and I told him I'd do that for him any time. Thanks for input though.


So far what I'm thinking is this:
1) Abstain from sex for a while.
2) Lay it on thick and do some RPing (he's hardcore into DnD, LARPing, and basically anything role playing, bet he'd get super hard with a sexy nerdy girl doing some RPing on him with a costume of some kind, no one can resist that)
3) Just giving him time and assurance that there is no pressure and no rush, and I'm there to support him and help him however I can (basically, time heals all wounds).

Which one(s) should I do?
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>>16595226

Advice:
What has helped for me, firstly, was trust that the girl wouldn't judge me. I've explained that sometimes I have trouble getting hard with a new partner and i've never been judged for it, thankfully. after that it calms my nerves.

Secondly, stop watching pornography. it desensitizes you and makes you think of sex as a mechanical act, and not a physical one. sex in the flesh becomes like trying to watch a movie. As a girl you may have experienced the feeling of monitoring yourself while with a guy, self analyzing your actions and how you look and not being able to relax. it is similar to that.

Thirdly, create a comfortable and relaxing environment. Clean bed sheets, nice lighting, cool temperature. My childhood bedroom was very bright and hot and it make getting intimate difficult for me. I wasn't relaxed.

Fourthly, foreplay and kinky stuff. I like a lot of saliva, being dominant, choking, slapping, etc. you two may be into different things but I'm sure you can find something you both like.

Fifthly, make sure his diet is in order. I don't eat the best but once I started eating less salt and soda I noticed an increase in the hardness of my erections.
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>>16595231

tell him to stop jacking off numnuts
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>>16595079
>How do I help my boyfriend get "up," /adv/?
>He has no trouble getting it hard when he masturbates
Because maybe he uses the so-called "death grip" when he does, i.e. he grips his penis too tightly and probably goes like a train — like most men, I suppose. Tell him to lay off the fapping for a couple of weeks till the sensitivity returns. Either that, or it's anal forever.
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>>16595201
Yeah, no. This meme is stupid.

First time I had sex I had never masturbated before and couldn't get it up out of pure anxiety and not feeling comfortable. We kept on seeing each other though and worked up to it.
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>>16595226
>>16595233

Just to clarify, this is a two part post from the same anon explaining that psychological ED is somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy, but it can be overcome.

Good luck!
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>>16595241
No its keeping it up. Because the vagina isnt actually that tight so the sensation is inferior to and death grip hand job. Now obviously its just a different sensation but if youre death gripping youre getting off to the massive amount of pressure that only a female dolphin could replicate. A womans vagina wont cut it for you.
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>>16595233
>>16595236
He has too much respect for women to periodically view pornography. I told him I would be totally okay if he did look at porn, but he said it's just so fake for him it doesn't really do it.

>>16595239
He masturbates once every few days. I wish he did it more and was hornier.

>>16595233
Diet is a key area of opportunity for him. He used to be ridiculously obese and has lost a lot of weight, but he still has a good ways to go before he is not fat. I've been doing my best to cook for him every time he comes over and give him low carb stuff, but it's something that will take time.

>>16595233
This is probably the most helpful advice I've seen so far. Thank you, anon.
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2nd shameless self bump. I want input, anons.
Thread posts: 17
Thread images: 1


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