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All of it is like things that can't have happened When

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All of it is like things that can't have happened

When people do lots of bad things, and they have to be things that didn't happen

but when I or we try to do good things, they can't happen either. Like that star wars convention, they can't say it happened , or that thing in theguardian, they can't say it happens in case anything good can come from it, it can only be good according to what they want so that it's theirs not ours

do you get this? When nothing can be changed for the better? it can only be worse
What, if anything, are you talking about?

Stop, take a deep breath, and try real hard to be coherent.

What is "all of it"? What is "that thing"? What exactly are you so upset about?
"all of it" is like the things that happened at work or locally where people did really bad things that damaged me. But it could always keep going on as it was pretended that it wasn't happening.

I'm sure it did,

it's so sad, that was my life, if it hadn't have happened I wouldn't be like this probably.
for years and years and years I trudged to a building at work where they hacked the hell out of my head all day, then trudged home to a town that was turned against me to a situation where I was being played, gleefully sometimes.

then after I tried to take my life, which was quite a full on experience it carried on. my mates taking the piss, being really horrible,

people turning up outside my home to shout they were going to kill me (they're still here I guess)

then being ferried off 200 miles with people making out I was Ian Huntley and having a really good time of it, then forcing themselves on me in bed then hating me

then trying to get a degree to get out of the situation , re-build things, then getting jumped on at their 'do' (I swear they knew things about me) and then all that hard work through my illness collapsing

uh, I worked so hard for it

and doing these drawings while people were playing me and conspiring to do weird things to me

when I lost my cousin, I couldn't bare it, he died before I could fix it, I screamed and screamed,

then the whole fascist overseas nut job bullshit which was re-enforced by people in my head so I don't even know...

then another year, another year

it's all rubbish throw it away

then not being able to go places because I don't fit in "NOT IN HERE!" you're putting off the customer they don't like it

how many years is that?

I really tried, now I'm in pain every day and none of it worked. another year...

to do it all again

I know it's a long whinge fest but jesus christ that was a bit much, wouldn't you say. Any one would struggle under all that.

So that's nearly two decades

"you seem to have mental health problems" yeah, amazingly
some people are really good to me, but I can't get my mind back
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so this is what this was about

you see there is a sun coming up through the clouds, and breaking through them

the pink blob to its left is a face , moving into the new day

down on the right is a whitish face then a white mark showing a hand, pointing towards the sun , bringing it up

it's meaning being that I hope for you there is a new day, that things got themselves together and your lives sort of worked out after, or it could as easily be a shadow of the sun, the moon, it's full of symbolic gesture but the main thing being "you got to start again"
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so then with this one, you have the world, and the couple holding hands , back together again

and she points to her left (our right) at a heart, you know?

that I hoped you're loved and found love and happy things again

...re-united, or having made it to a happy place
so there you go,

the idea was to be able to show all of this, and that you would know you were cared about

and then if I could have got it together it could be talked about and by doing that, all the people caught up in all of this awful... it would help put it behind them

that we did it, restoration
things don't always work as smoothly as this, but it's to try, maybe it could work
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or, another interpretation is that these circles are the movement of the sun rising...
because I called it winter sunrise, then this album cover came out later that year and I ws like

"great, you've picked up on it! it might work!!!!"

so I thought it would be like "yeah definitely , we can do this!"

but that was last year...

everyone was still like "no way, "

this video came out


and this one


and it was so like the character's identity I'd taken on , I was in floods of tears that it'd work!
This entire thread is severe autism.
yeah, of course

then these two album covers seemed to reference this image I made of a sad person in a ruff with a clown's nose

I'd made it before they came out, and it was like they knew

and then I get a bit teary, yipeee we will win!
but then they said 'no'
as time persisted I started to get embittered, nothing much changed my health got worse,

I began an epic new painting...
and again more recently this which ,again ,what I was doing had a shared imagery, by this time my character had gone from pushing forward as much as I could, to an anti-social drinker, it was sucking me under, oh no, I couldn't keep my head straight or understand what was happening, I hit an even lower state, upsetting people and getting it all wrong
Are you heavily drugged OP?
no not at all
Thread posts: 19
Thread images: 7

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