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>known life is meaningless my whole life >decide that I'll

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>known life is meaningless my whole life
>decide that I'll make the most out of it while I'm here, decide to see the humor in life
>basically live my life as a joke, I don't want to consider my idealogy to the Comedian from Watchmen but it's definitely similar
>whole life everyone asks me why I'm always smiling or laughing, everyone thinks I'm the happiest person alive
>deep down I'n incredibly depressed and only use humor as a way to cope
>life starts getting less funny to me
>can't talk to anyone because everyone would think I'm insane or just want attention
>when I can't fall asleep, I think about suicide and how nice it would be to help myself sleep

I don't fucking know what to do anymore. What gives you guys motivation to keep going? I'm not attractive, I have one real friend but he lives across the country, never had a girlfriend my entire life (I'm 18)

I want to fucking end it but I have a big family and I know how hard it would be for them. I don't know what to do anymore
>>
talk to a counselor or make an appointment with a doctor. I'm assuming that you're either in school or semi-dependent on your parents based off of your age, use the resources you have available to you.
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>>16540888
Thanks for responding

I've done both and neither was able to really help, not that they didn't try. I've never liked telling anyone my problems because I hate people worrying about me and I don't want to bother them. One time this girl convinced me to, and I told her all the shit that made me like this. She laughed and told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and told a bunch of people
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>>16540900
That sucks man, I think the people you surround yourself with is important. Avoid people who bring you down like that, no one needs that. May I ask what are these problems you have?
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>>16540900
Talking to a "girl" is not the same at all that talking to a professional.
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>>16540862
>What gives you guys motivation to keep going?
I'm basically trying to kill myself without actually killing myself i.e. disappear aka boycott

I'm thinking of every single way that I can make myself disappear to the world and the world to me. I thought life was going to be ok but nope, boycott time.

passive resistance
>>
why dont you turn it up a notch? check out castaneda and his concept of controlled folly

right now you are dealing with symptoms, instead of laughing at life itself
>>
just take a step back man and ask yourself what you want out of life., alot of people who feel the way you do have never really stopped and truly gave thought to that. remember also that your emotions are for a season. theres many times where a person can feel euphoria and happiness and then have a terrible spell like you are right now. if you can decide what you want to go after/live for, then you just need to take steps to work towards it. even if its one day at a time. it may sound cliche but if you truly feel like your life has no meaning then you have to give it one. if you never gave your own life meaning then you shouldnt be surprised to feel that way. suicide wont help you gain anything to deal with that. i can tell you from experience that life has ups and downs, there is a god and you reap what you sow. theres nothing wrong with trying to be a good person and that in itself is a reward.
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>>16540862

I am quite similar. Turn 20 soon. Life is shit. I stay alive for the people, the smiles, the jokes, and the possibility. Life is infinite possibility. Death is a definite mystery. Almost ended it recently. Decided against it. Worst case scenario: a few more decades until death. I don't want to rush into the unknown when I can milk more out of life. In the end, life and death is your choice. I am forced to choose daily.
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>>16540900
like the other anon said, talking to a professional is worlds different from talking to "a girl". you have to accept that the professional is taking a scientific approach to helping you through your troubles. it's not going to be a situation where one meeting is going to magically unravel the situation, but rather that it will be a long process. i've been in that situation and I'd rather take a few months/years of therapy over killing myself
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OP, I'm almost in your exact identical situation, its kind of scary. I'm always happy because I don't care about life. None of it matters. In 100 years no one will remember my name, or who I was. But at night I'm extremely depressed. I don't really want to kill myself, but I wish I would just die in my sleep. Not for my sake, but the people around me. I don't want to leave a mess, or sadness. I just don't want to exist. I can't talk to anyone because my mom left when I was young and my dad never talked about his feelings or anything like that. I grew up in a house where if you were sad you just dealt with it and moved on. But the thing is, all of this is just building up inside me. I have things going on that make me think I'm a failure, and I just want to die so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I'm tired. Tired of pretending that life's a joke. Tired of pretending I care about any of it. Tired of getting up every day and making an effort knowing that none of it means anything. I'm just, tired. I lay in bed every night hoping that when I close my eyes I won't wake up in the morning, and every time my alarm goes off I know it didn't work. So I get up, run through my day like every other normal person and continue on. But every night, I hope, I pray, I beg, I plead that it will be my last.
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>>16540945
>>16541064
I've talked to a professional too. This girl wasn't just some random chick, she was my best friend

>>16541094
That's exactly how I feel.

Do you have a steam or something so we can talk?
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>>16540933
The major thing that's been haunting me sounds really dumb and embarrassing.

I mase a friend online a few years back. We'd always play games together and talk all the time. One day he came to me and told me he thinks about killing himself. I told him my outlook on life and how I wished I was brave enough. I never heard from him again, he's been offline for 2 years

All I do is blame myself and how horrible it is for everyone around him. That's also why I don't kill myself, I'm "brave" enough to now, but I can't do it to the people around me
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You sound pretty depressed
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To preface - I'm turning 18 in a few days, had the same fucked up depression last 2 years. Am feeling the same when it comes to life, I care about people a lot (not as much for what they say or think) and I laugh and joke a lot.
>>16542135
Exactly. You care about people and you have a smile on your face most of the time. That's it. You're that guy who is always there for people who are feeling down and who manages to get them happy again. You're that guy who will always make you smile when it's tough. You are useful to this world and you should realize it. Those who you make happy definitely love you to some extent and they may show it or not.

Also, you can't blame yourself for that deceased friend. You made his life better. You tried to save him. You tried. Others did not. You tried, and you can't blame yourself for anything. That's a great deed OP, one that makes you a greater person.
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>>16540862

>known life is meaningless
>known

stopped reading there.
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>>16542465
I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. It's so tough

But whenever I hear something like "it's not your fault, you tried" it just makes me feel worse because I didn't

He came to me as a cry for help and I told him that I also hate life and wish I had the balls to do it. I didn't try and stop him. I just tried to tell him he wasn't alone.

I feel like there's a threshold for me. I'll help anyone with their problems and tell them everything will be alright unless they thing remotely similar to me. Then I don't bother lying and tell the truth
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>>16540862

you don't even understand your own inner workings.

a lot of teenagers act the same way you do, but some don't grow out of it. your problems are as follows.

>inability to see beyond the current moment
>inability to savor
>overstimulation
>misleading notions about life in general.


lets start with
>1: inability to see beyond the current moment.

you say you laugh and smile all the time, but deep down you are actually depressed. neither of these is true. you are really happy in one moment cuz its a happy and funny moment. in the next, when you are alone and have nothing making you happy, you feel depressed. because you are unable to see beyond that moment, you assume that all you ever REALLY feel is depression, and that those happy moments were just you faking it.

they were just as real as your sadness. the fact that you claim to have such few relationships proves that you are happy in those moments, because you are happy someone is actually talking and interacting with you at all.


>2: inability to savor

this is perhaps the most important part. because you do not savor the regular occurrences, they are seen as boring. therefore, if you are not stimulated by something extra happy then you default to depressed. so when you are alone or just doing regular daily routines, you assume its extreme sadness.

the best way to fix this, and i sweat it worked for me (Cuz i was once just like you) is to savor the moment. right now, breath in, then breathe out. think about how nicei t feels. think about the last time you had a congested nose and couldnt breathe for days and how awful that was. take more deep breaths and acknowledge out loud how happy and grateful you are just to breath.

your brain is now taking the first step in framing breathign as a positive event. do this often and your brain will assume that breathing, your normal daily second nature automatic function, is a happy even, and you will be happy. now do this with everything.
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>>16542491

now, open your phone and schedule two events a day for the next week. set it to vibrate. now everytime your phone vibrates this week, you know to savor the moment.

>in class? think about how interesting hte lecture is
>on the toilet? think about how relieving it is to empty your insides
>eating? think about how nice it tastes
>cant find anything worth noting? go do somethign that will make you happy!
>can't because you are stuck in class, work, etc? then just breath deeply and cherish that

doing this twice a day frames those events as really happy ones, even if ur alone, and makes your brain automatically happy when these things occur later. it becomes second nature. i do it five times a day and just cherish it.

it makes the actually amazing moments even better its like a drug how happy i can get just playing a board game iwth friends.


next
>3: overstimulation

basically we grew up in a time where kids werent expected to work very hard, and were given great gifts to keep em happy. video games, internet, 24/7 cartoons, there is never a time where you DIDNT have something to keep you happy. the days where kids would spend most of the day working / doing chores are long gone.

because of that, your pleasure center shrinks, and it becomes harder and harder to enjoy the regular moments. like with drugs you stop experiencing the great rushes you had the first time, and start just needing them to get by in a groggy haze.

another example: the first time you see your girlfriend naked, you get instant bonered, sometimes just from touching her. after six months of dating she has to blow you just to get you hard.

but going back to part 2: savoring the moment and thinking hard about the little things (whether its what can make you happy, or what is sexy about your gf) makes you automatically appreciate them more.

you are conditioning your brain.
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>>16542509

finally,

>4: misleading notions about life.

most people come into life and grow up with this in mind
>i need to find the love of my life
>then have two kids
>also maybe some best friends4lyfe along the way
>figure out what my 'purpose' is

thats 99% bullshit right there. but the inverse is also true. you are not supposed to rack up as many sex or love partners as you can.

the way life is right now, the best you can ever hope for is to enjoy what you can. so make a list of everything wrong about your life, and try to fix it. but use the right concepts

instead of
>find a gf
say
>try talking to more women

that way you arent trying to just give an arbitrary role to a stranger. you are instead going out and talking to a bunch of people and seeing where it goes from there. you'll have fun even if it doesn't go anywhere.

instead of
>figure out what i want to do with my life
do
>try new things, including but not limited to:

and then make a list of things you'd like to try, both just for fun, and perhaps for work. theres nothing wrong with trying different jobs to see whats best for you.

any questions?
>>
I used to be the same way. I met an amazing girl and .. stuff happened. Doubt she's alive. but I felt depressed for one and a half year until eventually I gained my confidence.. it helps to have a lot of friends.. people you can be deep with. I hope you can get the help you need.
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>>16542491
>>16542509
>>16542523
Thanks anon. I'll be sure to put a lot of thought into this

>>16542528
Thank you
>>
>>16542538

>a lot of thought into this

no. simply thinking about it will do you know good and if you dont follow the instructions right fuckign now, you are never goign to. open your phone right the fuck now and just type in some reminders that are set to vibrate.

it'll take five minutes of your time to see if your life gets better, dont be a faggot and 'think about it.
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>>16540862
>What gives you guys motivation to keep going?

only that my heart beats
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>>16542564

this is a pretty good way to put it^.

for much of history doing something has always been its own motivation.
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>>16542556
Okay. I will
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Dude, I understand you. Right now I´m going through a tough phase in my life and I have considered giving up. What is the meaning of going through all the crap in this life if nothing will really matter? Well, it does matter, it affects everyone around you, it affects you, and if you go by with a smile on your face everyday, even though you are feeling like crap, you might make someone have a better day. As for friends and girlfriends, trust me, you will make them along the way, some people just take a little longer to find someone they can really trust, especially girlfriends.
As for what to do, I suggest you keep that smile up, workout, go out, play some games, read and invest yourself in something you love. And dont question the meaning of life, we are here because we are, I have struggled with this question many times and i only got sadder the more I thought about it, until I realized that thinking about it wont get me nowhere, just focus on the good things, thats what keeps me going, thinking about the people that care about me and trying to make the best of every situation and trying to improve myself. Dont give up bro, you can get through this
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>>16542602
Thank you
>>
>>16542538
Of course. I'm glad to help.
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People who believe "I'm only in it for the ride" and aren't ready to die at will are lying to themselves. You lived your life around such a sad principle and so you got a depressing life eh? Ever heard of "life is what you make it" as bullshit as everyone claims it to be for being so often told?

Personally, I think the meaning of life is a life of meaning.

It's funky how those like you think you have a superior sense of thinking for feeling "different" from others. Where "what's the meaning of life if it doesnt last forever" Is bunked as "high level thinking"
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>>16543149
Oh, yeah I get what you mean
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Kills yourself
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>>16540862

Read The Humans by Matt Haig. Specifically the 97 points toward the end of the book.
>>
>known life is meaningless my whole life
>decide that I'll make the most out of it while I'm here, decide to see the humor in life
>basically live my life as a joke, I don't want to consider my idealogy to the Comedian from Watchmen but it's definitely similar

who could have guessed that resigning to a life devoid of meaning and treating everything in existance as a fucking joke would make you more depressed

like who could have guessed that

besides you, considering you're literally citing the comedian from watchmen

that is a shitty and depressing way of looking at the world, no wonder you are depressed

in terms of how to keep going

people give up because they feel like they have zero control over anything in their life

you can actually fix your problems it will be ugly and take forever but you are not trapped
>>
>>16544706
Don't listen to this guy OP

Comedian was cool
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>>16545268
Rorschach was cooler
>>
I bet you believe most people operate on happy (but functional) lies, which you simply see through and can't make use of.

Aren't you fucking clever? You've really got it all figured out, don't you?

If you were so god damn smart and wise and able to see through the bullshit, you would be able to reason your way back to being happy and having meaning in your life.

Try this on for size.
You're not as smart as you think you are. A lot of what you think is correct, but you're only looking at a small part of a big picture.

Meaning can encapsulate meaninglessness.
Philosophers have been contemplating and conquering meaninglessness for a long time. Go read a book written by someone who's already had all your brilliant thoughts, and then a lifetime more meaningful and productive ones.
>>
>>16545960
They were both miserable fucks who genuinely hated being alive why would you want to emulate them
>>
>>16546157
Fucking solid.

Where I'm from we call OP 'egomaniacs with inferiority complexes'. It's absolute doublethink but these people simultaneously see themselves as both superior to everyone around them and yet worthless and undeserving of anything.

In the end the only way out is to get humble and accept you're not 'all that' and recognize that the people around you have something you desperately want, be it friends, peace of mind, motivation, coping with everyday existence, or whatever.
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>>16546175
nah I wanna be Nite Owl 1
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>>16540862
Relatable.
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>>16546195
Not OP, but I also have that sort of mentality.

>In the end the only way out is to get humble and accept you're not 'all that' and recognize that the people around you have something you desperately want

I think I have already realized that in a bunch of different ways, but things haven't changed after that.
>>
nice gorilla
>>
You're 18, your life hasn't even begun yet.
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This thread won't die

Unlike OP
Thread posts: 45
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