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How do you stop the constant need for validation? Constantly

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How do you stop the constant need for validation?

Constantly I require and seek that people validate me in any way possible. In the end I just end up appearing needy, weak and a pushover. I have been trying to work on it, but it feels so ingrained in my personality, that I almost cannot see myself being someone who does not desire validation.

Should I just accept who I am and live my life as I have been living it?
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>>16534022
You cant. Everyone craves validation.

Just dont let it be too strong
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>>16534030
So pretend to play it cool? As in act in a way that does not show that I seek validation?

Everyone does seek it, but what is the difference between a normal, slightly harmful, and extremely harmful amount of craving validation?
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>>16534034
Dont let the craving for validation dictate your behaviour towards others. Thats the difference - people who seek it too strongly smell like need for validation.

Also keep in mind that friendship and love is validation too.
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>>16534038
That's what exactly what I do. I alter the way I present myself, what I say and how much of my personality I leak out. when I'm around others. For example if you want to impress your employer in order to get a raise, you would act more professional or more distinguished and having desirable traits. I do that with nearly everyone
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>>16534053
The thing is, most people tend to realize someone is faking to be a different kind of person. And if they do, they will most likely assume that theres something wrong with you, i.e. that you dont trust to be yourself - which in return some people do for validation (I see being likable as the same ultimately - why would you want to be likable if not for validation)
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>>16534056

Yeah I understand the negative affects of validation seeking.

But what I'm really wondering is how do i transcend the desire for validation, when it is a major part of who I am?
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>>16534062
I cant help you with that. Transcending need for validation were to be transcending being human itself in my books. Its smarter to regulate your need for validation so you dont need to fake yourself.
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>>16534067
Fuck, yeah that's what i meant. How do i regulate my validation seeking behaviour to a socially appropriate level?
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>>16534091
Are there people who give you validation by love or something else? Try to keep that validation in mind and use this to not give a fuck. Thats what I do, thinking of my parents, GF (even exes work, because they used to love you for _some_ reason, right?) and especially the shit I accomplished, even if it may seem useless to others.
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Why do you need validation? Ask that yourself and try to explain to yourself why you need it in the first place. You can't just say ''I need constant validation''. What does that mean? Why do you need it? What does the validation accomplish? What is validation itself?
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>>16534022
I had the same problem, i just try not to think about the 'consequences' of not being validated. Be energetic, and try to not give a f*ck what anyone thinks. It could be related to confidence, try to work on your confidence, simply things such as going to the gym can trick your mind into being more confident.
Thread posts: 12
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