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Guys, say you are in this situation >friends with a girl >she

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Guys, say you are in this situation
>friends with a girl
>she says she's into you
>you say you're not interested but want to stay friends
>she distances herself with time
>you anchor her back
>she distances herself again
>you anchor her back once more
>it goes on in this cycle for a year now

Why would you do that? I mean, what's the point trying to keep friendship which is already tainted with other feels and why bother with a chick who clearly has enough of this emotional rollercoaster? Can someone explain that to me?
>>
It's completely the girl's fault for not just removing herself from the situation
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>>16514484
I agree. The girl is just as much in fault, if not more so, because she knows she can't have a normal friendship. She keeps going back, then expecting more or realizing that out won't work, leaving then repeating the cycle. She will never have a healthy relationship with anybody at this point. She needs to distance herself for real and quit the bullshit emo games.
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>>16514484
Agreed, the girl is weak–willed, but what's up with the guy pushing so hard to keep in touch? Is it domination thing or being mean?
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What does "anchor her back" even mean? If it's pestering the girl when she tries to take some space, or guilting her into hanging out because "I really don't want to lose you as a friend" then I disagree that it's mostly the girl's fault. That's manipulative and if you flipped the genders most of /adv/ would be calling her a cunt.

If she's coming back of her own volition then scratch that.
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>>16514526
Basically what he does is reaching out over and over again, trying to get her back in the friendship. He's not being manipulative, but every time I try to losen things up, he notices and asks me why I'm angry with him, etc. I tried to explain it's not that, but then he gets really clingy and we are on a square one.
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>>16514526
Nah I still think its on her. If this hypothetical person is an adult it's even more stupid. Nobody can force friendship and avoiding contact with people can be pretty easy if you try.
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>>16514484
>>16514509
>>16514517
>>16514547
Just curious, if the genders were swapped, would you say it's the guy's fault? We seem to get a lot of this sort of question but genderswapped, and you never see it so unanimous
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>>16514554
Yes
I'm a woman in my mid twenties by the way if you were going for the "angry neckbeards hate women" thing

I think she's either naive or lives the drama. Maybe she feels like torturing herself for some reason. The same thing happens over and over and she knows it'll never be different so at this point yeah, she needs to either cut contact for her own wellbeing or quit playing the suffering unrequited love crap.
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>>16514547
It's not that easy if you are in an environment where you have to see each other every day. Don't all of us have the luxury of a simple disapperance.
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>>16514567
"X this friendship isn't working for me and i think it's best if we just end this. Please keep your distance. Take care"


Or just don't talk to him outside of a professional setting. You can be civil without having to be friends.
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>>16514575
You are right. I suppose I just still don't know why he's doing that and if it's only to rile me up.
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>>16514593
You can spend your entire life trying to figure it out but chances are even he doesn't know. That's not your concern though. Your emotional wellbeing is and this relationship is holding you back from being fulfilled and finally getting over him.
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>>16514459
Its not about friendship or giving a shit about the other person.

Its about two things: a surrogate to make the anchor feel good. If he get dumped or is down he can just show they he's still got it by flirting with this girl. When not in a relationship she can also make him feel like he isn't alone.
Secondly its about power. The guy doesn't want this girl but he gets jealous anyway and wants to control her and "have" her.
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>>16515021
Isn't really an assholish thing to do though? Do men who do that do it subconsciously, or they are aware of their actions?
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>>16515064
This is a something that both sexes do and it is assholish. I would
I would say some is subconscious but its closer to the fact that they get lonely and bring her closer without thinking about how it affects her in the slightest. They also may not realize they are actually jealous of losing a friend who is a girl. If they are trying to prove they've still got it they 100% know though.
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How exactly do you anchor someone in, is he flirting with said person then rejecting her?
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>>16515143
In my case it's a mixture of flirting, builiding emotional closeness and basically making an illusion of a relationship (being in touch from early morning till late evening), without being in a relationship. He knows how I feel about him and knows I'd like to level it up. Instead of keeping the boundaries, he pushes us back into this very emotional sphere. I frankly don't know what to do, would be okay with normal friendship but thing with him is, it gets very intimate very fast.
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>>16515161
A normal friendship will never happen.
At best he doesn't consider how you feel in the slightest and at worst he knows it messes with you and doesn't care or thinks he is doing you a favor by bringing you closer. It sounds like he selfishly using you to make himself feel better when he is down/lonely.
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>>16515219
well, that really sucks
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>>16515161
Get rid of him and cut him off. There is no need to remain in contact with someone who is manipulating you.
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