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I woke up to the person I'm seeing scrolling down pages

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Thread replies: 26
Thread images: 4

I woke up to the person I'm seeing scrolling down pages and pages of naked women. I ran out crying and left the house. Needless to say I have some prior emotional issues that contributed to my response. I'm so fucking angry and disgusted and hurt. Why the fuck are you looking at that trash right next to me? When I'm sleeping? In hindsight I would have immediately said "what the fuck are you looking at" and go from there. But I just booked it out of there. Fucked myself over. Now I don't know what to do. I royally fucked up my response and now I have the lower position. Any advice?
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>>16503399
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>>16503399
break up. leave that poor guy alone.
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>>16503399
Yeah, reconsider your notion that looking at pics of naked women is bad.
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I'm OP: I'd like to also add I'm a rational person and I like problem solving and working with people through communication. I'm not looking for anyone to explain that that behavior is natural in any way, I'm looking for advice on how I can enhance my awareness and move past a small incident like that and possibly not have the same response I had.
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You're not emotionally ready for a relationship. Stick to your chick flicks and romance novels.
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>>16503399
All you can do is apologize, explain that your past experience caused you to overreact selfishly, and ask how you can make it better.
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>>16503411
>"I'm a rational person"
>As soon as I saw him doing something I don't like out of context I booked it out of there crying hysterically

Yep, everything checks out.
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>>16503411
>I'm not looking for anyone to explain that that behavior is natural in any way
You cannot enhance your awareness of your tendency toward sex shaming and overreacting if you don't accept that you are sex shaming and overreacting.
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Oo look! Already got a comment on how I should forget that notion ;;) thats similar to saying guys shouldn't get jealous if their girl gets hit on, sure they shouldn't, but more often than not that response does happen. The smart people are the ones who acknowledge that and try to move past it... Its kind of futile asking for real intelkigent advice on 4chan but I'm literally still in the parking lot I drove off to. So yeah, its obvious that as a rational person I shouldn't be mad, but I just got that emotional response and I don't want to have it, so I'm asking if anyone actually works on improving their self and any tips they can share in that area.
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I guess "ran out crying and left the house" automatically translates to "ran out screaming and hitting things and sobbing uncontrollably loud!" So I apologize for that, not what I meant. Obviously i cant tell you my life store. But In reality this was not made into a scene or anything like that, my guy probably doesn't even know I left the house, I'm a quiet person and not unreasonable... And sex shaming? Oh buddy if only you knew...
All I'm realllly looking for is advice from people who actually take advice. They usually have best advice ;;)
This post is more about how to change an automatic response without subconsciously or unintentionally holding a grudge or something along those lines.
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>>16503430
>>16503472
You sound like the worst kind of drama queen.
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>>16503410
I don't think I said that anywhere in the post
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>>16503472
Stop perceiving sex as a bad thing, there's nothing else to it. Are you suck in the 40s or something? Everyone is looking at naked people nowadays. Hell there's probably a sex club within a couple hundred kilometers from you.
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are you some kind of religious nut?
just tell him you are not ok with him doing it when you are around and you'll like him to stop doing it at all.
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>>16503472
>This post is more about how to change an automatic response without subconsciously or unintentionally holding a grudge or something along those lines.
Alright I'll tell you. Take a deep breath. Count to 10 in your head. Look at objects around you and name them out loud one after the other. Stretch your arms, your neck, your shoulder. Take another deep breath. Try to make a joke about the subject. Try to talk about the subject with other people. Make short and simple sentence. Strive to remain calm and rational while approaching the subject from every angle. Don't judge yourself for having a lot of emotions about it, just do your best to not be argumentative about it. You start with this thread. You can try to talk here about the idea that people enjoy looking at pictures of attractive people and that perhaps it doesn't define their ability to love or respect other people.
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>>16503430
>>16503472
Hey OP

I have a similar issue. I am 100% okay with porn- it's normal. After my bf cheated on me, it's been upsetting me & making me feel ill to see him watching porn. I asked him to do it when I'm not around, so he does.

In order for you to change the behavior, you're gonna have to figure out what deep-set belief causes you to have those feelings and subsequently do that, and change it. Or, you'll have to have a stronger, conflicting belief that tells you that behavior is unacceptable. I can't tell you what's in your head, but you'll have to change whatever it is.
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you should have:

seen him doing this thing
felt some sort of emotional response
dwelt in it for a few seconds, feeling it fully for a second while you attempt to figure out exactly what it is
tell your partner how this makes you feel
he will then explain himself and offer some sort of defense/rationale
the two of you use these two things (your feelings and his motivations) to come to some rational end to the situation

note this is true for every situation ever, not just this one
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>>16503429
what a complete monster
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>>16503503
Well thank you though! Obviously I had to start somewhere to get to what I was actually asking. I do appreciate your genuine response, even though you seem a little fed up ;) I know all these things, I just need to be reminded and have it reinforced once in a while.
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people like porn, how terrible

just tell them that you are sorry for the scandal, and that you are not used to porn. perhaps you could even take advantage of that, and learn a few things.
or, if you are still disgusted, tell him you don't like porn and it disgusts you. or just leave him... but you will have the same problem with other guys.
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>>16503478
So why was your first reaction 'wtf' or to leave if you don't think it's bad?
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>>16503399
Looking through your responses, I gather he didn't even know you left. So this was very internal and quietly done which means you didn't fuck up. If he doesn't know what you did, you did nothing wrong other than maybe to yourself. So no, I don't see how you did fuck up.

Secondly, no one can help you with the information you've given. The only thing that one can gather is that you're not okay with porn in which the only response is to get over it. In general, it sounds like you're neurotic and you're going to give him grief consistently so when you're in situations where you feel yourself being emotional, try to think that you're just overreacting because chances are, you are. A logical person doesn't think like a victim or in terms of what the situation feels like. A logical person looks at how everyone is affecting the situation and adjusts him/her self because that is what you can control and then rationalizes with the other person.
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>>16503413
this

You have to scoop yourself up and develop a self-esteem.
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>>16503657
>I gather he didn't even know you left
He's probably still looking at the pictures.
Thread posts: 26
Thread images: 4


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