[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Extra juicy! | Home]

my little sister is getting older, and she's at that age

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 38
Thread images: 1

File: 802.jpg (46KB, 600x816px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
802.jpg
46KB, 600x816px
my little sister is getting older, and she's at that age now when boys are becoming important to her.

unfortunately she's started dressing too provocatively, and loosing her common sense, walking alone, hanging out with bad kids.
and it's not just her, a lot of kids are starting to do it, so she thinks it's "normal" and that's hard to counteract

the more I try to stop her, the more she pulls away.

now some of you might think "let her live her own life", all I can say is that if you think that you are a bad person; we have a responsibility to guide younger people to making responsible choices
I don't want to have to see her just keep going until something bad happens to her
>>
"Stop dressing like a slut".
>>
When I was 14, I was in love with my best friend.
She kept talking about her dads friend, and I eventually clocked on and knew what was going to happen.

So, I tried to tell her it was a bad idea, this that and the other, everything I could think of.

Long story short, the paedophile used her for sex, cut contact with her when she thought she was pregnant and she cried. Heartbreaking.

This happened repeatedly, and she even ended up with a guy who hit her a few times.

It was then that I learned a valuable lesson; She's never gonna learn, warning them turns something creepy into a "forbidden love" sort of thing that makes women think it's romantic and true love, and the shit cycle will repeat.

You can't stop her from hurting herself, but you can stop her from hurting you - just stop caring. She's gonna fuck up either way, nothin' anyone anywhere can do to change that. But you can stop lettin' it get to you.
>>
>>16502719
even if I can't stop her making mistakes, I can still break the legs of guys who don't treat her right
>>
>>16502723
Then she'll hate you forever and runaway with some other shithead junkie or some shit so you can't find them and puill that shit.

Or you'll end up in jail while she let's old guys gangbang her.

My point is, no matter what, shit's gonna happen.

Fighting the inevitable shit storm is just a waste of effort.
Walking away from it, or just letting it happen is alot easier and less stressful.
That's the power of acceptance.
>>
>>16502730
I have a cousin who lives with me like this, and this is basically how I deal with it.

She basically wants to be a welfare white trash druggy, that's her goal in life. She wants to hang out with junkies and alcoholics, scumbags, she wants to live in dirty places, wants to act stupid and mimic trashy people and niggers, etc. This is what she actually wants to do.
>>
How old is she? Is she hot?
>>
ok srsly don't act like a concerned parent in this situation because she'll just rebel against you. you need to act like the cool auntie and try to guide her to be responsible and take care of herself.
>>
You need to learn how to advise her without being judgmental or controlling. To do that, you need to respect her opinions when they don't strictly harm her. Dressing provocatively doesn't strictly harm her. Having friends that you don't like doesn't strictly harm her. You need to pinpoint something that is truly a negative experience in her life and which you are sure cannot be a personal bias, because if you can help her with that aspect then you will communicate to her that you are truly a mature and responsible adult who cares about the right things. Put aside her clothes and her friends. What else can you focus upon that would make you feel like a positive improvement on her life? Can you help her achieve academic results? Can you help her with a personal project? Can you help her feel more independent? Can you help her build self-esteem?
>>
If you want her to move in the right direction again you need to be more involved in her life, spend time together and do things you both enjoy. Be respectful of her opinions and ways of dressing, if you imply she looks like a hoe she won't come to you if she really needs it. You just be one of those "uncool" people.

Does she know what type of proffesion/job she wants when she grows up? Help her reach that goal.
>>
>>16502759
well that's part of the problem
you need both, but if you can't have both you pick the most important

at the moment nobody in her life will enforce anything, nobody will hold the thin red line

it's all fine and good saying "be the cool adult", but someone has to say the things she doesn't want to hear like

"you attract the wrong kind of man if you dress provocatively"
"arts degrees won't get you a good job"
"don't go on holiday, you need to study"
"don't walk home alone at night"
"forget about your friends who do drugs"

I believe there are some things a young person can't reason for themselves, they either do the right thing because they are told to, or they make the mistake and learn the hard way
>>
>>16502808
i sincerely hope your sister realizes you're retarded before she allows you to damage her permanently

the poor girl has no chance
>>
>>16502808
You're missing the point so blatantly it's almost comical. Don't ask for advice if you're not willing to accept it.
>>
>>16502823
so what is your point anon
>>
>>16502831
I'm not even the one who gave you the advice and I think you're being an idiot about this. You don't control her life and she'll be the first one to point that out when you start sticking your nose into everything she does like you're a fucking inspector. By being the "mature adult" (in quotes because that's not the case) you're pushing her further from you and closer to the situations you're trying to prevent. Young people NEED to rebel and if fucking that junkie while sticking needles in her asshole is something she was specifically told not to do she will have the desire to do it even more.

Stop being a fucking snoop and get closer to her instead. Gain her trust by being there for her and spending time with her so that she actually comes to you when she has an important question and not her bad influences. You're trying to validate yourself through her discipline and it's going to bite you in the ass.
>>
>>16502808

You look at her as a person that isn't responsible and in charge of her own life. You moralize and judge.

1. Men like women, she can still attract fucking creeps regardless of how she dresses. Do you really think that women that dress conservatively attract ONLY the nice guys?
2. That's not for you to decide.
3. It's possible to do both, her teacher and she would know if its a good idea to take time off. Sounds like you just want her to study more, if a student has reached all the goals for curriculum that year and passed all the tests it's okay to have some fun.
4. Is it really that dangerous to walk alone at night were you guys live? Either way it's still the rapists fault if anything happens. She should still walk in a group or take a cab.
5. It's her friends, doesn't mean she will do any drugs. I had lots of friends that did drugs but I never thouched any of them. What is her view on drugs?

You can't force your views on other people, you do realize they are their own people right?
>>
Don't listen to the idiot in this thread. You can be the cool adult while still saying stuff to show disapproval of her bad choices, you just have to say it in the right way. Sort of an insulting cool way of saying it that gives the appearance that you don't care, but acknowledges that she's a stupid bitch making bad choices.
>>
>>16502860
lol
>being this autistic
>>
>>16502854
How old are you, 16?

>Do you really think that women that dress conservatively attract ONLY the nice guys?

Do you really think that dressing provocatively doesn't make it more likely to attract the wrong guys and less likely to attract nice guys?

>2. That's not for you to decide.

Going to college and getting a job with a real degree is very hard today, getting a useless joke degreee is nothing but asking for a lot of debt. Telling her she's a stupid bitch and informing her of the consequences of going to college for a joke degree is something that's necessary.

>4. Is it really that dangerous to walk alone at night were you guys live?

It is where I live.

>Either way it's still the rapists fault if anything happens.

That's not going to get her un-raped.
>>
>>16502851
I think you have a false dichotomy in your head, there are more options here than "be an asshole" and "try to be her keked gay friend"
>>
>>16502854
where the fuck did you grow up, some hippie comune for wineswilling cocksucks

creeps go for whatever is closest, and whatever is easiest and I'l be damned if any female in my family is either

and let me tell you it doesn't matter if she does the drugs, her friends do other drugs, it fucks their futures up
>>
>>16502899
Where the fuck did you grow up? Some hippie commune were people think it's ok for their kids to do whatever they want?
>>
>>16502899

Norway, we don't even lock our doors at night....

She won't stop seeing her friends though, unless she is old enough to get grounded still.

>>16502872

>Do you really think that dressing provocatively doesn't make it more likely to attract the wrong guys and less likely to attract nice guys?

Sure it does, men look at women that dress slutty as an easy lay or willing to do anything. But plenty of well dressed seemingly nice men are wolf's in sheep's clothing wanting to currupt the innocent.

>Going to college and getting a job with a real degree is very hard today, getting a useless joke degreee is nothing but asking for a lot of debt. Telling her she's a stupid bitch and informing her of the consequences of going to college for a joke degree is something that's necessary.

I agree, but what if her dream is to become a Graphical Designer? It's hard, and not for everyone. But some people make it, if getting a shitty art degree or design degree is her dream shouldn't people support her? It's smarter to go for something more solid that pays well, but would that make her happy?

>That's not going to get her un-raped.

Yeah.... fine it's stupid to walk alone, she should stop doing that.
>>
>>16502919
well le me put it out there that I was that kind of guy, and I still went for girls who looked like sluts
>>
For once there is a decent question on /adv/, but i think its really hard to help in a situation like this.
I cant really think of anything that could've been said/done to me that would help me make responsible choices and save me from the shit ones I've made. You can't say what a reasonable choice is. Words don't carry any weight if they are just words and the kid cant associate anything with them. The meaning the kid gets from the words isn't the meaning you said them with. It becomes "the thing my xxx didnt want me to do" and form there its just if they rebel or not.
If you bombard with these "right" choices sometimes it just becomes harder to make them because the "right" choice was taken form me its not my choice anymore so I only get to rebel. At lest that's how I sometimes felt.

the only thing i can think of is to try and find something she wants to spend her time on. any hobbies/art/sports whatever. Shell have better chances finding friends who don't spend all day smoking weed.
>>
>>16502927
well I don't know

I figure it's best to let kids break away in a controlled environment

the risk isn't of what they would do it left to their own devices, I see the risk of them being led seriously astray by bad people

it's not the drugs that get them, it's getting pimped out by their drug dealer friends
it's not wagging school, it's deciding they don't want to work at all
>>
>>16502919
>if getting a shitty art degree or design degree is her dream shouldn't people support her?

No. I don't think you realize, it's not that she will be getting a job that doesn't pay well, it's that she won't be getting a job at all. It will be tens of thousands of dollars wasted. People with STEM degrees struggle to get jobs.
>>
>>16502919
Also you live in fucking Norway, they have free college education there.

Here in the US it costs tens of thousands of dollars, and it leaves many people in crushing amounts of debt after they leave college, many of whom can't get a job to pay off the debt with their degree.
>>
>Do you really think that dressing provocatively doesn't make it more likely to attract the wrong guys and less likely to attract nice guys?
It doesn't matter what kind of guys she attracts. She picks the kind of guy she wants to be with. If she doesn't attract guys who are her type then she'll be alone or she'll reconsider her approach. That's how it works. She either has the right method or she doesn't. The rest depends on her taste in boys. I think the real problem here is that you don't like her tastes in boys. You -pretend- to disagree with her method for approaching boys but you actually disagree with her taste. You try to control her clothing (the result of her behavior) instead of discussing her opinion (the source of her behavior). You're communicating "I don't care what you think and how you feel I just want you to shut up and do what I ask". You need to stop communicating that. For that, you need to accept that your sister's happiness doesn't depend on what kind of boyfriend she gets. Your sister's happiness doesn't depend on whether she develops a long term relationship or has several sexual flirts. There are people who are happy going either way and there's nothing wrong with that. She can dress however she wants and she can have any relationship she wants. You need to focus on the things that actually define her happiness. When you make broad generalizations to justify disagreeing with her tastes you're just putting her down.
>>
>>16502954
You must be a teenage female.

>It doesn't matter what kind of guys she attracts. She picks the kind of guy she wants to be with

You forgot the part where she's a stupid bitch so she'll fuck the first asshole that treats her like shit.

>She can dress however she wants and she can have any relationship she wants.

Sure, father's should just let their daughters dress like sluts and be sluts. That's one reason the world is in such good shape today.
>>
>>16502885
You are so fucked. Enjoy pushing your little sister to the edge
>>
>>16502719
>It was then that I learned a valuable lesson; She's never gonna learn, warning them turns something creepy into a "forbidden love" sort of thing that makes women think it's romantic and true love, and the shit cycle will repeat.

You can't stop her from hurting herself, but you can stop her from hurting you - just stop caring. She's gonna fuck up either way, nothin' anyone anywhere can do to change that. But you can stop lettin' it get to you.

I almost cried when I read these words of true wisdom.
>>
>>16502954
that's a very sheltered liberal view

real world 101:
guys pick girls, and exert a lot of social influence over them directly and indirectly
girls who have no clue get pregnant
girls who get pregnant have shit lives
girls who have lots of sex early, struggle to maintain relationships later on, and pick up reputations that hinder them

you're right though about making broad generalizations, I can work on that
>>
>>16502965
>Sure, father's should just let their daughters dress like sluts and be sluts. That's one reason the world is in such good shape today.
So fathers collectively just gave up for awhile and caused the current state of the world?
It really is the fault of the patriarchy?
>>
>>16502989
>It really is the fault of the patriarchy?

You mean lack thereof?

Yes, in general the lack of good fathers and traditional family structures has made the world a significantly worse place.
>>
>>16502989
the male-female dynamic has been the same for at least forty thowsand years

trying to change it is revolutionary
pretending it doesn't exist is delusional

women DO de-value themselves the more they sleep around, so do men to some degree

women can have lots of sex and not be seen as sluts, or can have very few partners and tarnish their reputation
it's about perception of intent.
if a girl is looking for a decent guy, and works through ten to get there, she's unlucky
a girl looks for quick fucks, and passes ten good men up, she's a slut

there are girls I broke up with because I found out they had a lot of previous partners
I'm sure there are girls who didn't date me for the same reason; shit cuts both ways

point is modern women want to ignore realities that don't suit them, and because they ignore the risks walk into the shit blindfolded
>>
What worked for me - mostly.

If you refuse to let me care for you then I have to let you go. I can't care about anyone who will not look after themselves.

Bluff was maintained and she sharpened up her shit. Don't know what I would have done if she had called - I guess cut her out like a growth before she poisoned my life.
>>
>>16502985
>guys pick girls, and exert a lot of social influence over them directly and indirectly
Yes, guys can do that to girls. Girls can do that do that to boys too. Both genders can be influenced. Both genders can be manipulated. If it bothers you that someone is at risk of being manipulated then you should help them develop into strong, independent, responsible and mature individuals. You're not supposed to start telling them how they can dress and who they can frequent. You're communicating "you're too stupid and easy to manipulate so I should make all decisions for you". This will only push people away. This will only make them distrust you and do the opposite of what you want. It will be entirely your fault for being a stupid cunt with no social skills. I greatly recommend influencing people with love and care instead of judging them too incompetent for freedom.
Thread posts: 38
Thread images: 1


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.