heres the basics of what happened >invite guy over >this

>>16440008
Is he doing it in a playful way (smiling, laughing)? or did he look you in the eye and openly taunt you?
If he's openly taunting you to piss you off, then he's an ass and fuck that.

But you could possibly just be acting over sensitive to him trying to make a joke.

>>16440029
>acting over sensitive to him trying to make a joke
my money is on this

>>16440029

it seems a lot more like he was laughing to himself to be honest, i had a roommate who would do something similar, and it always seems more like a mock the way they will continue to do it after they know you arent laughing. it has that air of superiority.

but perhaps that observation is part of my possible overreaction.

the bigger issue here is that last time he was here i asked him not to do that, and i asked him nicely and explained that it makes me uncomfortable.

second time (today) i told him firmly, not to do that. third and forth time i continued to be firm.

to be honest if you have to tell someone 3 times within a half hour not to mock you, whether they think its friendly or not, there is a problem.

>>16440056
I have trouble spending time with people like you. I often point out silliness or throw things back at people in a way that sticks out because it's funny.

If you can manage to laugh about yourself with me then we'll be great friends, but if you get upset it will end up with me laughing at you even though I would much rather laugh with you.

Lighten up, if you can't be amused by the shit that you do and laugh at yourself you'll always be laughed at by others rather than laughing with them.

>>16440056
I agree that he should have gotten the message by now, and it is very disrespectful for him to not listen to you.
Make sure he knows that you were being serious, though. Sometimes it's easy to be like "stooooooop ;p" when someone does something that you hate but you don't want to look like a bitch.
Just make sure he knows you're serious and that it actually really hurts your feelings.

your feelings are justified.
However, it would have been more alarming if he were seriously taunting you- then I'd understand if you were super pissed. It's likely that your sensitivity does alter your perception of the situation- I'm sure he's not activly trying to tear you down and does not realize that he's doing so. That being said, he really does need to be more respectful of your wishes and emotions.

I think that it is most likely an overreaction on your part but maybe you should try telling him that you're over sensitive about it and explaining what a pussy you are being about it and acknowledging that will be enough that he will get it.

But maybe you should see a therapist or something about how not to be overly sensitive about stuff? Because I don't have any sensitivities but from time to time I mimic my bf and he mimics me and it is just playful. And when you're oversensitive about something sometimes people just don't get that in dig in deeper.

But at the end of the day, if he's upsetting you, fuck it. There's a billion other dudes out there, plenty of them will respect your weird over-sensitivity, it will just be a bit of a pain to dredge through finding them.

>>16440073
This Anon has a point- though I will say that if he's a true friend he will respect your wishes and adapt his behavior to your preferences when around you.
My best friend is very sensitive to certain things. I unintentionally made comments that hurt her at the beginning of our relationship, but she was open and clear with me, and I am mature enough to adjust my actions accordingly. Our friendship has grown signifigantly, and I have learned a lot of things that I wouldn't have if I had dismissed her emotions as invalid.

>>16440073

honestly I've never had this problem before. the issue i have is with mimicing only as im sensitive about my voice. i dont throw a fit, never have, likely never will, but i politely ask not to be mimic'd.

i come from a family where all we do is make fun of each other. I'm gay and i dont mind abuse with words like 'faggot' or inappropriate jokes from my father. its literally just my voice.

and to be frank, if you have to ask 3 times in half an hour for someone not to mimic you like a six year would, then there is an issue.

>>16440085

thats the thing is hes angling to be my boyfriend. this was a date. and within a half hour i had to in very serious terms ask him not to do this. like i mention above im well open to other ridicule. this is the south park generation of making fun of each other, and my family was no exception at all.

but if you gotta ask someone 3 times in half an hour not to do that little voice when copying you, its probably just not a match.

>>16440083

i did tell him how i feel and politely asked once on tuesday. three times within half an hour today.

>see a therapist

isn't that a little far for this one particular issue? when i think back the only time i ever had a reaction like this was when i sent a guy home for literally playing with a knife.

obviously this isn't nearly as big a deal, but literally right up to me pushing him out the door and saying ill see him tuesday, he still mimic'd my tuesday.

Just as a heads up, there's literally people out there that cannot tell the difference between teasing and bullying.

Even when you're genuinely upset and hurt they still think it's playful and fun for both of you.

>>16440079

i think the bigger issue was the rough day he was having. and even on his way out i offered that he could stay if he wanted to talk that out and get it done with, but he refused. so my choices were send him home, or willingly take his abuse.

as for the scenario, i was very striaght forward in asking him to soft. once with a please and thank you, three times firm and explaining it is a pet peeve of mine.

idk man it just seems like if someones going to mimic you that much in just half an hour then he needs to grow up a bit.

>>16440109

id imagine so, but like i said, even when i said he should go home and i will see him tuesday, he mimic'd me saying "tuuuuuesdayyyyyy".

he was halfway out my door mate. if he can't take that seriously then idk.

>>16440116
just reading you writing about it already makes me laugh

sorry anon

>>16440116
I used to have this problem when I was a teen, I didn't know when to stop with teasing and I would really upset this girl I liked.

If this guy doesn't knock it off he's probably too immature.

>>16440111
Yeah, sounds like he just is not respectful enough to try to understand your emotions.
He's just not mature enough right now. Maybe give it some space/time

>>16440102

Well you say that this voice thing is an insecurity you have and I thought that implied it was kind of something you live with day to day not only just with dudes your dating. If that is the case it might be good to learn how to let go of that and laugh at it.

I know you asked him in clear english but in spite of the fact that it should have been clear that you weren't cool with that perhaps he doesn't understand that it is something specifically that you're sensitive about. Politely asking should be enough but sometimes people don't understand that that is like a weak spot in particular that you obsess over.

>>16440126

that might be an issue. otherwise we've gotten along great, the first day we met we ended up hanging out for a straight 24 hours, and that was cool. hopefully by tuesday hes over this sort of thing.

>>16440125

it happens no worries.

>>16440127

hopefully its just this stress, though it worries me about future stress. i mean i dont see him as being very long term, but hes trapped in a single room with 4 guys so theres drama a plenty there.

i wish he'd just talk it out more cuz i live for bad roommate stories.

>>16440130

you can be sensitive about things without it dominating you though. my voice isn't really that weird. i have a bit of an accent blend because of my travels, but ive never been accused of having a faggy voice and literally the only two people that have laughed about what i say (save for my slang from the various places i lived, but that doesnt bug me) is this guy, and that annoying old roommate. its just something that i dont like about myself so am not appreciating it being harped on so much.

i guess you might think of it like a woman with her weight. she may be thin as fuck, but if you make a joke about being fat, she still gets offended. though im hating this analogy.

hopefully giving him the boot was making it clear enough that its not appreciated and well see what happens.

>>16440130
>last time he was here i asked him not to do that, and i asked him nicely and explained that it makes me uncomfortable.
>second time (today) i told him firmly, not to do that. third and forth time i continued to be firm.

Sounds like OP did all of that though. You shouldn't have to go way overboard explaining how uncomfortable something makes you. OP shouldn't have to hold his hand and walk him through it like a child.

>When I say I'm uncomfortable and to stop something, I mean it's upsetting me and I'd like you to stop doing it. If you can't respect that you'll have to sit in the corner for time-out.
Pretty much what happened. Except asked him to leave instead of sitting in the corner.

>>16440173

thanks for acknowledging that, felt like a lot of people werent really listening to those points.

ultimately i hope he just gets his shit together, today was a rough day for him, but i made it clear i want to see him tuesday and he said that would be good so lets see.

>>16440146

Well I don't know, it's not that I think you're wrong because I think this guy shouldn't have kept being a prick. But even though women don't like joking about their weight, you better believe it still happens and you have to get the fuck over it and not flip your shit about it and in fact if you protest too much about the joke it can turn into something people specifically try to target you about before anyone actually begins to understand that they're legitimately upsetting you.

But like I said before, there are plenty of dudes out there and you shouldn't have to compromise over this. I just meant to suggest that if it was something you were living with all the time you should deal with it at the root and live a happier life being free of it.

What about maybe a voice coach? You could learn how to talk anyway you want. I don't know, I'm not saying you should have to change yourself, not even a bit. Just that you should consider the possibility that it is a lot easier to rid yourself of the insecurity than it is to expect anyone to respect that you have the insecurity. Just because people are shits.

>>16440173

The guy is for sure being a little cunt about it but like I said above, maybe op would be happier if the insecurity no longer existed? But you're correct otherwise.

>>16440198
>felt like a lot of people werent really listening to those points
Welcome to /adv/. Only a small portion of responses will be helpful or from people who actually read the entire thread.

>>16440199

the thing is, there is no sure fire way to remove an insecurity.

my voice isn't that high pitched or faggy, i just hate it. literally only two people in my life have made fun of it, so changing it so ic an avoid those occasional two peoples taunts (as opposed to just avoiding those people) seems like a moot point. i just hate my voice, its the reason i quit voice acting. i cant stnad to hear it, even if im purposely making it sound funny.

i mean if you think about it dont you have some insecurity that people just dont generally harp upon? no matter where you go in life you are probably going to have one or two. perfectly beautiful people in every way will find something they hate about themselves.

idk maybe im just being close minded, but it seems way easier to just not associate with people who go out of their way to annoy you then it is to get therapy and hope it changes how you feel about your voice.

>>16440226

I don't really have an insecurity which would cause this level of me chiding someone or considering telling someone to fuck off but I don't totally disagree or anything. I mean if only 2 people have ever made fun of you about it, it seems pretty easy to just tell those 2 to fuck off. I guess the reason that I keep trying to present alternatives is because I find it likely that perhaps you could alter and come to grips with your voice enough to move past worrying about it. I do know what you mean about not liking hearing it.

But that's the last I'll say of it, you're perfectly allowed to not try to fix yourself and instead reject the people that make you feel bad. I was only ever trying to talk about options, I wasn't saying you should feel as though you should HAVE to fix yourself.

I have always experienced that it is easier to fix myself because I am in control of myself than it is to try to control other people but you've been plenty straight up with this guy so if he can't stop, you're more than justified in telling him to fuck off.

In either case, I wish you good luck and don't think you should HAVE to go to therapy or anything like that.

>>16440258

>no insecurity like that

like there is nothing that if someone harped on for half an hour wouldn't make you leave or tell them to leave? not saying you have to have one, but why would you just sit there and take abuse on something you dont want to hear? i understand there are certain allowances but half an hour?

>alter your voice

ive done that quite a bit just because when i was sixteen i realized puberty hadnt done a good job, so i began to alter my voice. its much deeper now and i enjoy that, but its still just hearing my voice. even when i alter it for voice acting, i hate to hear it, and couldn't watch (or listen if it was a radioplay). perhaps thats where most of my issues derive from. i mean no one likes to hear their own voice, but i quit work over it.

>Easier to control myself than others

thats an interesting point of view. i moved a LOT so was used to 'saying goodbye' a lot. went to five highschools and all that. so while i do find it easy to change myself and consider life that great self sculpting project, i find it much easier to remove the people from your life that you dont like, its always been as easy as saying goodbye. but thats just me.

either way sorry if my responses sounded like they were attacking you cuz i do realize in all your posts you were agreeing with me and suggesting other stuff, the other stuff just always felt like ... this may sound lazy but, an awful lot of work (and perhaps a lot of 'hope') as opposed to just saying goodbye.

again, sorry if i came off as aggressive in response (even above in my first paragraph of this post)

>>16440272

I would definitely not be okay with someone harping for a solid half an hour. I was under the impression that this was like 3 or 4 comments within a period of time. I admit while I have many insecurities there is no specific one that would cause me to try to eject someone over that, I would just go home and feel like shit and try to wake up in a better mood. But I think the difference is exactly as you say, you've moved all over and I have only ever lived in a 30 mile radius my whole life so it has always been simpler for me to alter myself than to eject people from my life.

No worries, I was just only ever trying to be helpful but you're not wrong either at all, you shouldn't have to accept people being toxic. People are really shitty all the time on 4chan so you've been quite nice altogether and still whatever you decide to do I hope it all goes well.

here's my input and im biased about this so take it for what it is.

mocking/mimicking can potentially be a very hurtful form of joking/playing due its nature. the element of humor is literally what you said, implying there may be something wrong with you, just by being you. i dont know you, or him, or how well you click but i would leave this style of humor out a relationship until a bit further due to its potential to draw out nasty opinions of others. anyways, i think you handled it just right, you confronted him in a reasonable manner and left a channel of communication open so you can still talk. but it does seem a bit douchy of him to keep mocking out after you asked him multiple times to stop, but then again thats just my bias towards mocking people

>>16440298

perhaps i exaggerated with harping, but i felt that 3 instances of literally mimicing someone within a half hour period seems to be harping. perhaps not though. its pretty annoying to say the least.

sucks about the 30 mile radius. ive been here for 5 years now, its the longest ive ever been anywhere, but its a big city so its still easy for me to just drop someone.

>>16440309

thats the thing is, despite how this post may seem it wasn't really hurtful i would say. its mostly just annoying or frustrating. it doesn't make me wanna cry or hate myself or feel bad about myself, its just annoying. the thread itself was really just for 'did i handle this okay' versus 'was what he did right or wrong' i suppose.

either way its all appreciated. i think for the most part i needed to get it out to process exactly what happened because frankly im surprised it did at all. the only other person to mimic me like this was such a smug asshole it was like seeing one of those greentexts about really awful people that you just dont think could be real

meh youre sick and he was having a shit day so you two were a little pissy. im sure youre both at a mutual understanding about that. i wouldnt worry about it

I make the assumption that, barring extreme cases, most folks aren't going to engage in actions that are malicious in nature without any tangible or perceived gain from it.

Basically, people usually aren't dicks for no reason.

My diagnosis is you've got to handle the banter better, homegirl. Proper banter with someone you love is one of the highest joys in life.

>>16440521
Explain bullies. How about stabbing the fucker in the throat OP when you see him next time.

>>16440008
hahaha

you're one crazy bitch OP, I hope he runs for the hills

>ill see him tuesday
uH-oh hope that didn't offend you!!ww

>>16440073
Autism: the post

File: 1404971679153.jpg (92KB, 607x900px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 607x900px

>>16440543

>act like a 5 year old trying to annoy his parents
>I'M the crazy one

almost had me there

>>16440529

thats a bit extreme in the opposite direction but yeah.

>>16440521

like i said, i think he was just out of it from a rough day. but since he didnt want to work that out, there was no reason for him to stay if he was just going to purposely do things i ask him not to.

again, not a crazy person, literally only other time i had to make someone leave is when they wouldnt stop playing with a knife. both are rather infantile behavior.

>handle your banter better

I come from a family that has no limits on what kind of ribbing we do. having someone mimic me like their a 4 year old on our third date is not the place for that. if he wants to continue to do it, thats fine, but i should not force myself to deal with it to be with a guy ive had 3 dates with.

i mean fuck, if i didnt go in with me saying i was insecure about my voice and just said its annoying to hear someone mimic you all the time, you'd all just agree and say hes acting like a little kid.

>>16440529
That would be in the "barring extreme cases" bit.

Also, do note my intentional use of the word "malicious", very important. Plenty of people are unkind or uncouth to others without realizing it, without being cogniscient of it. They don't think of the victim's suffering, they simply act on impulse. I do not consider this malicious behaviour. Only behaviour with a primary intent to cause damage to another person is malicious.

>>16440556
>i mean fuck, if i didnt go in with me saying i was insecure about my voice and just said its annoying to hear someone mimic you all the time, you'd all just agree and say hes acting like a little kid.

I mean, if I was somehow a magical observer in the situation, I'd probably say to myself "wow that guys being a jackass lmao"

The humour value in what he was doing is pretty fucking low. Actually, if there's something to upset about I'd say that homeboy there needs to step up his comedy game.

I wouldn't really think of doing something like this. Not because of terror at the prospect of offending or causing a slight, but because the shit's just fucking retarded, from what it sounds like.

I redact a little of what I said. I don't reckon this is a case of mis-handled banter.

I'm leaning towards the guy thinking "fucking lol this shit is hilarious i bet she loves it lol shes just saying she doesnt because thats how this works you gotta tease her to get in her pants right?" when you're thinking "wow why is he being a cunt lol"

Still, I find it extremely important to differentiate between malicious intent and general garden-variety jackassery.

Sounds like this guy was being a bit of a jackass, but it would surprise me greatly if he had any sort of malice in his actions, trying to intentionally upset you.

>>16440348

Yeah we are like a Monsanto town in the middle of nowhere of 30k people in a vast desert of extremely small towns. I'm perfectly happy here but it has probably changed my attitude about dealing with people vs. your traveling. Probably some compromise between the two attitudes of dropping people vs. dealing with people is the best.

Well was he mimicking you to make fun of you like in a mean way? Or was he just having a laugh? Because you're making it sound like you're a no fun allowed kinda person.

>>16440609

there plenty of fun allowed. im not sure what his intents was, like i said, i assume he was having a rough day and just kept going for it for whatever reason.

you gotta remember, this is me kicking him out for one thing. the only thing ive ever kicked a guy out over before was playing with a knife.

both are pretty infantile behavior. i mean would you mimic someone on a third date? would you even think its okay to happen to you?

again i come from a family where all we really do is make fun of each other. but when i say 'dont mimic' me 3 times in a half an hour, then im not really the problem here.

>>16440609

and having one thing i ask him not to do is not really 'no fun allowed'. he asked me not to make rape jokes and i adhered to that.

>>16440047
One time is a joke. Two times is in poor taste. Beyond that is proof he is an asshole.

>>16440785

How did he take being kicked out? Has he contacted or responded since?

Many people deflect nervousness with humor. He is giddy and nervous around you and doesn't know how to react. It is a more advanced version of that 11 year old dude that played footsie under the table in 5th grade.

Does he do it in front of others?