Please help me summon literally anything. I want to study the

Done.

bumperino

>literally anything
>throw out money in the public
>summon hobos

y'welcome

>>17242901
You can summon an Imp : you need about a half gallon of bleach and a half gallon of ammonia. Make sure the room is secure, no open doors or Windows. Mix the two chemicals and a smoke will rise. . What you do now is focus on a shape, close your eyes and concentrate. Imagine the shape and say "imp I bind thee" three times then give it a name. The smoke will form into the shape and will last a few hours. It is a. Weak summon but good for starting

>>17242901
I can tell you how to summon the illumined ones, for a fair price.

>>17242927
>itt we see who can kill OP the fastest

>>17242931
You'll have to tell me what that is.

>>17242938
The price, or the Illumined ones?

i can't do both.

>>17242945
Illumined ones.

We can talk price if you're serious.

>>17242953
I'm serious.

>>17242953
He is a bored discordian newfag and tripfaggot... and you think this fellow might be serious?

You are a damned fool.

>>17242969
Do you have another way I can contact you?

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>>17242971
Why are you accusing me of things?

>>17242972
I do. Shall we discuss the price? It isn't a monetary one.

>>17242983
Because they sound accurate to me, nothing personal against you really, just the type of people who would believe someone like you.

You post in just about every thread and they are posts of no consequence. So I assume you are bored.

You are new, because you have that new guy energy. You act like you need to prove something.

You are a tripfaggot, this is undeniable.

Accusations are not inherently bad, and in this case they are correct.

>>17243011
I do not post in every thread, if you look through the archives I only post in very few, maybe 6 tops.

Perhaps we have the same interest, which could be good for discussion.

>>17243011
I am desperate I suppose

>>17242983
Tell me your price.

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>>17243023
Very well. It involves a semi-complex ritual and at least a level 5 knowledge of how the magickal principles operate. If, by any chance you aren't already initiated, (though I assume you are) do not under any circumstances attempt to perform any of the following parts of said ritual in the post below.

If you, by any chance, are uninitiated, and you do so chose to attempt the ritual, do at your own risk.

>>17243039
Is there any way we can talk elsewhere? Kik is the best thing I can think of.

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>Error: Comment too long (6582/2000).

>>17243051
I suppose I have no choice.

>>17243039
>at least a level 5 knowledge
lmao fuck right off

>If you, by any chance, are uninitiated, and you do so chose to attempt the ritual, do at your own risk.

This is actually hilarious. There is no institution that magically decides whether any ritual you perform will work.

Belief is a tool. Your only tool, actually. Believe it will work and your mind will do the rest. Just look into chaos magic and you'll be summoning local entities in no time.

>>17243057
My kik is Gurathoth. Speak to me there.

>>17242927

This is poison OP

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>>17243065
1st - Entered Apprentice Degree
2nd - Fellowcraft Degree
3rd - Master Mason Degree

There are two more, but I am not allowed to say due to the majority of the uninitiated.

>>17243080
I'll met you at 4am (EST).

>>17243095
>dis guy is doopid

>>17243095
I'm actually a Mason and you're full of shit.

>>17243107
>I"LL MEET YOU AT FOR AM FOR YOUR SECRET MAGIC STUFF
>ITSS COOLER THEN

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>>17243146
1. I think you're not a mason
2. Masons are always full of shit outside of the lodge. Especially when dealing with people who told the truth like >>17243095

Your secrets are on google.

>>17243095
Why so late? I'd prefer an earlier time so I can know you're serious about this.

>>17243164
When do you plan on doing the ritual? I had made the assumption that you plan to perform it shortly after I have instructed you. You will need to perform it at 5am for specific reasons.

Other days you will have to perform it at different hours as the planets are in different positions.

>>17243172
Fair enough. Could you message me on kik so I at least know I'm not wasting my time? also for any preperations I may need to do.

>>17243183
If you are short on time we could perform the ritual right away, I will not be home for several hours, however at work, I do have access to a computer.

>>17243190
Whenever is most convinient for you. I'm just desperate for results.

>>17243160
Dude it's practically a fucking charity do you really think this is some super secret club where we sit around ploting the downfall of humanity rubbing our hands in disdain ? Just fucking go to your local lodge and ask around or just get chummy with a member and they'll recommend you but before any of that spend a year volunteering at a soup kitchen or something and join a church.

Op is being lured into a rape....a magical rape

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>>17243211
Alright.

This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by many POEE Priests to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony.

1) The Priests and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the Initiate in the center facing the Priests. If possible, the Brothers on the immediate right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a human being and not something else in disguise like a cabbage or something.

>>17243213
Quiet, you. You're disrupting a special ceremony. We don't have time for your lies.

2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest, assume a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is repeated four more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we Erisians.

3) The Priest begins: I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designations, offices, etc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority invested at me by the High Priest of It, Office of the Polyfather, The House of the Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do herewith Require of Ye:


ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING?
The Initiate answers YES.

THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF?
The Initiate answers YES.

HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED?
He answers YES.

VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT?
The Initiate answers PROBABLY.

THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME:
(The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.)
The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name), LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL ERIS! HAIL HAIL! HAIL YES!

4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of wine and offers it to all who are present.

5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.

>>17243223
I cannot wait

>>17243225
10/10 you got me

>>17243095
nigger detected

>>17243276
You got me. Masonry is just an old mans club.

>>17243288
You got me all excited. not sure what i expected.

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>>17242901
Well for starters you're going to need a really cute blonde girl in the 13 year age-range, preferably not your own. You'll need some rope, zip ties, candles, a cat, some methamphetamine, and a Rolling Stones album (Beggar's Banquet)

Report back after you've gathered the supplies for ritual instruction. No, this isn't a joke.

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>>17243292
When in Doubt, Fuck it.
When not in Doubt... get in Doubt!

dafuq is going on here?

>>17242922
/thread