Have you ever been in a high place, like the edge of a roof or a cliff, sittinf with someone else? If so, have you ever thought of pushing them? Maybe it was just a thought, maybe you thought about what would happen, maybe it was even an urge, a complusion.
Why do those things happen?
Why does our brain make us think about these things? Is there any reason?
Sometimes I randomly have these quick flashes of me severely injuring someone, but I am not violent and have never hurt anyone in my life. I don't know why it happens. It's not super frequent but sometimes I just think what would happen if I... Etc etc
This reminds me of an experience I had about 5 months ago when I was in San Francisco. I went to SF to see my little sister graduate from college, did all that family/friend stuff, such as going out to dinner, seeing the sights, generally having a good time. There was one day when we all went to the Golden Gate Bridge to check it out. When I was approaching the bridge I began to feel as though I was on some mild acid or something, just sort of the body high from the drug. I was looking over the edge of the bridge with my family, they were pointing out this and that in the distance, and all I could think was that I should just throw myself over the edge. It was like some kind of force was encouraging me to just tip over the railing and go down. I really couldn't shake the feeling until I was well away from the bridge, driving back into the city. I guess it's the opportunity to perform such an act with ease that causes us to think in these ways. I just wonder if anyone else I was there with was feeling the same way.
Usually the opposite for me. Kinda just wana see the look on the persons face as I leap from the balcony and fall to the ground leaving behind a bloody mess.
I feel as though I could die happily knowing I've forever engraved that scene of bloody concrete into someone's mind. At least I would die remembered.
>Why do those things happen?
That's your brain calibrating itself. If it didn't shove those thoughts in your face, the part of your brain that rejects such actions would literally wither into nothingness and you'd become a psychopath. We have those thoughts purely to remind ourselves that we don't want to have them. Take solace in the fact that the idea is still off-putting for you.