If you could meet Satan, what would you say?

>>17174170
Thanks

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BEHOLD MY DEMONS

>>17174186
your welcome

>>17174170
I have met satan.

Satan has mind control powers, he takes over your mind and forces you to have a conversation with him, making you say whatever he wants.

He is also an insatiable rapist. He has the personality of a manic and sadistic peter pan, he maintains the appearance of a little boy though he is ancient.

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Thank you for creating rock and roll

>>17174194

your welcome what?

>>17174199
He can change his shape and form and can assume the personality of anyone, he is a perfect actor and liar.

His true personality is pure joy and revelry in committing and witnessing acts of pure evil and domination.

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>>17174199
Oh, shut the fuck up you nut

Get behind me...

Does he do nothing more than play out your own worst fears and desires?

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>>17174199
>>17174210

If you want to meet satan too, simply join the masons and rise up a few degrees.

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>>17174224
That's all he really does, is cause pain and commit evil.

Why the fuck did you leave me here so long.. Did you forget about me?

>>17174170

"I'm thankful up until Trump, mate."

Let me be your tool

"So, what do you think of all the shitty artist conceptions of you?"

>>17174170
"Where's Hitler?"

Nice to meet you.

>>17174170

Thanks for giving us the ability to reason.

Satan's a pretty cool guy. Snakes into the Garden of Eden and doesn't afraid of anything.

>>17174224
>>17174210
so this demon I met might have been satan? it appeared when I was trying to summon succubus, then it laughed and made me live my worst nightmare (I had a dream with some spiders)

>>17174170
I'd say damn dude you fucked up. Was it worth it?

>>17174582
Naw, that was Gary. Satan could do better than some spiders. Let's be fair to him on that.

I would submit my soul to him -- humanity's destined to fail anyway. I my as well be on the temporarily winning side

>>17174170
Why are you such a diva?

I ask because all he did was seemingly for the dramatic attention, like a temper tantrume child he rebelled against his creator

No one on this board would have the guts to say anything if they met the real Satan. I would shit my pants and not even be embarrassed to tell my friends if I make it out alive.

Id say "Hello... I'm sorry about how you were treated, my father was abusive too" and go for a bro-hug

>>17174636
Well he'd kill or rape any human within his grasp just to try and upset Jah.

The thread is a 'what if' situation

WHERE ARE THE DANKEST MEMES ALSO TAKE HER BACK

Convert to al Islam ya shaytan.

audhubillahi minashaytanir rajeem.

Hi how are you?

Alternatively where on the north pole do you live?

Is he going to send a letter with the response or do I tell my mom to ask for a letter directed to me in the postal office?

>>17174170
Why is god such a cunt?

>>17174647
No, he'll do that at some point for sure but for now he looks to provide pleasure to mislead humanity

>>17174753
Ok I read that wrong, satan isn't real you fags

>>17174636

This.

I had thought about this question alot.
But a few months back I may have been given this opportunity. Someones voice (claiming to be satan) entered my mind, telling me to sacrifice my soul for riches I could only dream of. Obviously I haven't told a soul since that happened, not even family. Anyone will just think i'm going crazy. But I literally bust out in tears, and prayed (Hadn't prayed in years, losing touch with religion) that night while sitting in my bed... for hours, until morning came.

call me schizo.. But when a voice out of nowhere (keep in mind i'm not actually looney like half of /x/) echoes through your mind clear as day, claiming to be satan.. I can't even put words to describe the fear that will sink in.
Damn it feels good to get that off my chest, been wanting to just tell someone since it happened.

>>17174992
Thanks for sharing bro

I need a raise u aint paying me enough

>>17174170
Got any weed? I mean that good devilish skunk

did it hurt? when you fell from heaven?

Do you even like rock music?

>>17174992
Quick word mate, for reals.

If someone is hallucinating do you think they wouldn't think it was real. As someone who has had a lot of hallucinations, I can say confidently that you really can't tell.

Do me a favour, see a doctor, tell someone you trust and even see a priest if it makes you feel better.

Please at least humor me here mate, what's the worst thing that could happen if you check.

I'm honestly only concerned about your safety.

Are you ready to accept your place in the grand cosmology?

>>17174170
OK, I'd probably ask him if he's hiring and if there's dental.

(This assumes he doesn't look like a young David Bowie, in which case I won't be able to stop auto-jizzing like a point defense gun long enough to hand him my curriculum vitae.)

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>>17174170
"Know any succubi who would like me?"

>>17174170
Are you pissed about how in the middle ages the church decided to throw you under the bus and make you a bad guy instead of gods right hand man as part of the romantification of the bible?

>>17174170
Are you rally as bad as 'they' said?

What's your endgame?

Oh also
>shitskins

Please explain this.

>>17175519

That was my plan!

"Real big fan sir, I dont know how you did it but I love what youve done in the middle east. An the Black plague, A-mazing"

>>17174199
Kill yourself, roleplay faggot.

>>17174199
You got raped by Satan?

So do you have demon aids now? Did he turn you gay? I heard Satan loves to turn people gay.

"Sup, Bernie."

>>17175714
I'd respond the same way but with trump, but I honestly can't give him that much credit.

>>17174199
How good of a screw though? Scale of 1 to 10

>>17175698
If you look closely at trap porn, you'll always find demonic symbols.

But... ya know, look real hard. Give it some time to work on ya.

>>17174170

"I really need to get laid, can you help me out?"

OUT SATAN!!

"Oh hey Satan, there you are."
"Meesa back."

>>17174170
>implying you have wealth or taste

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>>17175466
nope

>>17174199
Yeah, I did too buddy, did you see him when you were done? Right before I saw the Lord he snarled at me.

I'd ask him if he ever regrets his actions and if he can smell the sulfur yet.

>>17174170
are you the Promethean or the Adversary?

>>17176159
Are these roles the same, are they necessarily opposed?

>>17176171
Literally yes; they are opposed concepts. One is like a legal prosecutor and the other is like your uncle who lets you have beer.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satan#Hebrew_Bible
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prometheus

It's almost like you get high and ask jerk off rhetorical questions all day instead of reading.

>>17176237
idk, there just seems like a little overlap if you think of people as God's subjects and their liberation as an escape from that relationship...

and I LOVE asking jerk-off rhetorical questions. Thanks for noticing.

Hello Father. Ψ(Φ皿Φ)))~††

I'd tell him, tick tock tick tock.

http://youtu.be/ZtAHGZffoLI?t=4m17s

>>17174170
I wouldn't say anything, I'd just listen and be there for him.

All hail the late King

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>>17174170
Thanks for the vices that keep me occupied, and tell James he is missed.

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>>17176404
Maybe Satan just needs a sensitive boiferendo?

>>17176404
>I wouldn't say anything, I'd just listen and be there for him.

you got that off of that interview with Michael Moore and Marilyn Manson about what he would say to those Columbine Kids.

>>17176524
What? I don't even watch American TV shows

Yea though I walk through the valley in the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. The Lord my God is my shadow wherever I go.

>>17176524
I thought the same. Figured the Australian kids wouldn't get it though.

>>17174170
Oh shit, what's up satan?

>>17174170
"Can I help you with anything? You helped me a lot in the past and you made me very happy. You know that I love you and I would do nearly anything for you."

I am a Satanist or a "devil-worshipper" as most other satanists would call me.

>>17174170
If one rel igion is false, then all religions are false.

Prove Gödel wrong.

>The first incompleteness theorem states that no consistent system of axioms whose theorems can be listed by an "effective procedure" (i.e., any sort of algorithm) is capable of proving all truths about the relations of the natural numbers (arithmetic). For any such system, there will always be statements about the natural numbers that are true, but that are unprovable within the system. The second incompleteness theorem, an extension of the first, shows that such a system cannot demonstrate its own consistency.

>>17174170
Absolutely nothing. Move on.

>>17174187
You I like.

>>17176971
Except that Satanism has nothing to do with devil worship.

>>17174170
Om a hung mahen yana guru pani siddhi hum

Faggot will run his ass off.

>>17174636
I guess it depends on what he looks like and what vibe he gives off. But I'm assuming he would look like a demon and give off the feel or being very dangerous and hostile.
So yeah, I would probably have a panic attack and not be able to breathe.

>>17174170
'wow man, you dun goofed'

i want to know the real you.
also funny how life turns out isnt it?

>>17177124
There are different kinds of Satanism. I don't even want to know how many different believes there are. Some of us are atheists, others are theists. Some of us think Satan is Lucifer or/and Enki. The most important thing about Satanism is that every sect is different and every sect thinks they are better than the others.

>>17176987
If one scientific theory is false, then all scientific theories are false

Prove Gödel wrong.

>The first incompleteness theorem states that no consistent system of axioms whose theorems can be listed by an "effective procedure" (i.e., any sort of algorithm) is capable of proving all truths about the relations of the natural numbers (arithmetic). For any such system, there will always be statements about the natural numbers that are true, but that are unprovable within the system. The second incompleteness theorem, an extension of the first, shows that such a system cannot demonstrate its own consistency.

>>17177155
I won't.

>>17174170
Why do you bother when the game is rigged for you to lose?

>>17177155
Its because you don't know the essence of all beings. Demons come from God too. They are ashamed about their defects, meaning if you represent the light they're afraid of you. Its true for every being, you can scare lions if you are really rooted in your inner light.

>>17178387

>>17176344

Thanks! It's nice to be reminded that my prison guard job is appreciated and I will be done with my shift soon!

;^}

I would tell him to follow my hand then he will be a ball gazer when he goes below my waist

Steel fuel can't melt jet beams

>>17177234
Spite

>>17177241
True this

>>17174199
How many times uncle bob raped you?

>>17178460
Oh boy
Let the cringe fest begin

I would ask, if it it was all worth it.

>>17174170

Why are you so evil and stuff? Why don't you just like, chill man.

>>17174170
i like your sheets

>>17179220

You keep using that word my sweet love.

It makes you sound VERY clever!

>>17179253

I'm evil to those who are evil, if I were to... "chill man"...

You would be perma raped by a pack of wild niggers.

;^}

"Cigarette?"

>>17175280
I don't know whether you intended that to be funny or not, but thank you. I can't say using a pickup line in response to this scenario had really occurred to me but you provided an honest lol on a crappy day. You have my thanks.

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>>17174170

>>17174170
I would say nothing, demons need to be ignored.

Happy birthday

>>17174226
How? how do i join

Probably ask to see all the celebrities in hell

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Your picture reminds me of the passage in which God witnesses Babel.

>But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower the people were building. The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.”

I thought about this for the first time when I was getting my Associates Degree in Biblical History.

I imagined myself in a candid conversation with Satan over coffee/tea/beers (I don't know what he drinks)

I think that he would be very interesting, insightful, and even somewhat charming. Someone that you would deeply enjoy getting to know.

I imagined hours of dialogue with him and not understanding the conflict between him and the person of Christ.

I have quietly been thinking of this since our introduction. I have to know, "what do you think about Jesus?" I ask

His demeanor changes instantly.
He doesn't slam his beverage on the table but he grasps the container very firmly and rests his arm on the table.
Cold piercing eyes stare straight on mine.
All charm, courtesy, and honor gone in an instant and replaced with hatred, malice, contempt, and violence; all at the mention of a Name.

>>17174205
Y-you're welcome, senpai

>>17174170
Hello Satan, Mind making me a slice of Get the fuck out of my house?
Seriously I'm trying to masterbate.

>>17180127

This. I want to see the things they've done to get what they have.

Yeah I'd rather keep my spine right where its at. thanks tho.

>>17180188
> Look! Humanity is joining together for a single cause. They're making progress. Let's fuck them up and keep them from evolving as one.

L-Lucifer-senpai, please let me serve you in Hell

>>17174170
Why do you hate so much oh Satan? Why don't you accept the human race as what it is, god's masterrace? Why do you want to disconnect us from god, why do you want more and more suffering? Hadn't you enough? Why don't you return to god?

>>17174170
I ain't your budday guy.

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>>17174170
Joan of Arc down here then? Cause I wanna pound that ass.

>>17183484
Well I don't believe he'll be your guy, friend.

>>17174170
"Hey."

>>17174199
No that's just a confidence man. Trust me, they're not gods.

>>17174578
>Snakes into the Garden of Eden and doesn't afraid of anything.
This one line made 2015 worth it for me.

>>17174637
>my father was abusive too
/thread

>>17175466
If you have to ask...

>>17175698
No that's just another fetish from the hypnosis community. Unrelated.

>>17174521
>where's hitler
Got the wrong place, bud.

>>17176295
>Thanks for noticing.
Not that anon, but you're welcome.
Most of us can tell, we just don't talk about it.

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>>17174170
Isis wants to get you.

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>>17174170
Hey baby what took so long!

>>17180127
Hell doesn't exist, inbred.

>>17177161
Not gonna lie, that made my day.

did it hurt when you fell from heaven

>>17177197
Lel

I'm working on it but intelligence augmentation is a much easier problem to solve. I can't always show Gödel wrong later.

I'd love to talk about he seems to be more loving of humanity than God.

I mean, he gave us truth, knowledge, and was kicked out of heaven asking why angels can't have free will like humans.

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>>17176987

If one scientist is wrong, all science is wrong.

hurrdedurr

>>17183368
If that other anon's quote is legit, it basically means god admits to creating something beyond his power to control. I could spend two years working on translation algorithms and god would be fucked.

>>17184498
>I can always show Gödel wrong later.
Fuck me, that typo.

>>17184512
>god would be fucked
lol

>>17174170
He freed us from the garden of Eden.
Why does the caged bird sing?

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>>17174170

"Hey Lou, what took you so long?"

>>17185186

How many of this clubs fights were fake!??!

>>17175786
As in shemale porn on Pornhub and shit?

Because I like 2D traps.

>>17184459
I'm going to beat you up

Jesus get me the fuck outta here plz

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Fuck you!

>>17174170
I feel like meeting satan would be like meeting darth vadar. Hey, how does it feel to be a fictional character who's only trait is being evil? Eh, at least you don't have a prequel series yet man, wait until the new new testament, that's what ruins your character arc...sorry for spoilers

>>17174199
dude you're probably a 16 year old mormon-or just an edgy motherfucker who wants to be a schizo. either way, get over yourself

>>17174170
I would ask him:"Why the fuck did you create 4chan?"

>>17187359
This

Is there any ketamine in Hell?