I am planning a romantic evening for my 20 year old gf.
I am a very unromantic person and I am happy for any ideas and stories of your past romantic evenings.
don't. seriously don't. apart from the fact this thread belongs on >>>/adv/, this is bound to fail.
you don't need ideas what some other woman found romantic. you don't need ideas what women in general statistically find romantic. there is only one opinion that matters: your gf's. and you know her waaaay better than us. we only know she's 20. nothing more. individual women find all sorts of things romantic - from motorcycle trips and paintball matches to slow dancing and stargazing. go by your knowledge and when in doubt, go by your gut.
also: this can only turn into some generic sappy bullshit if you take someone else's advice. do something that *means* something between the two of you, not something you find in every other made-for-TV rom-com.
also also: be fucking authentic, will you? romantic relationship are hard enough already when people *don't* play pretend. do something that fits you, your style, your mindset. not something an internet wanna-be casanova on 4chan recommended to you. it'll only come across as forced, awkward and bewildering. don't try to be someone else! ffs, this is your intimate relationship - shouldn't this be the one place where you can be yourself with all your flaws (and strengths)? and hasn't she chosen to be *your* gf and not some other super romantic guy's gf?
My very generic relationship advice as a scholar of second-wave/radical feminism (no, that doesn't mean cutting up men) is to
- let go of all possible prejudices and preconceptions about women,
- understand that half of their personality is a vain imitation of an eons old identity of "femininity" that ultimately serves to subjugate women but is forced on them all,
- let go of all your insecurities about masculinity and "being a man" and generally be honest about your own feelings, weaknesses, and insecurities (without getting all whiny and self-loathing),
- try to get your partner to be similarly self-aware and honest about herself and tell you about her real desires without the worry of being criticized in all the ways women are often criticized (being too uptight, being too childish, being too prude, being too slutty, etc.),
- understand that women are, as a matter of fact, normal human beings, ultimately not that different from men when you remove the farces of femininity and masculinity and all the related baggage,
- never try to imitate Hollywood style or other mythical style romance all of which are utter fucking lies,
I could go on and on but I'm not sure how much it will help you to really get a proper mentality about the whole topics of gender and relationships.
Generally, you should have the exact OPPOSITE mentality of "pick up artists" and other people who see flirting, dating, etc. as "performances" and whose mentality regarding women and relationships is deeply rooted on the idea that women are foreign creatures and have to be manipulated in sophisticated ways (even if "gently") to make them happy and have them make you happy.
Instead, identify with them, and bond.
nobody and why would you think i was angry? how the fuck do you want me to give advice? "please, honourable Mr OP, consider the following: it might not be the best course of action to present her with a generic romantic evening without considering her personality and likes" - come on, fuck that, here's honest good adivce - take it or leave it. i just find it incredibly tiring that so many refuse to see people as individuals.
she has a vagina, so tell me what she finds romantic.
he has a penis, tell me what will be the perfect christmas gift for him.
yadda yadda yadda, all the time
that's just sad. you have a (literally) intimate knowledge of a person and you can't even fathom her personal preferences. or you just don't care, which is also sad.
consider the reverse: wouldn't you find it strange if your gf took you to a boying match, or a race track, or any other generic location men on average are supposed to find entertaining? i'm sure you have your own idea of what would be an awesome evening. one that's maybe not in every sit-com ever. and that's exactly the thing you're looking for to make the perfect evening for her. we can't provide you with that. that's all i'm saying...
As the radical feminist anon I would like to point out that we're basically saying the same things with this anon.
(It's just that I base it on radical feminist culture analysis and start with the assumption that both of your personalities are damaged/constrained by the coercive gender binary norms and try to right all the wrongs resulting from this, whereas this anon just gives pragmatic advice based on common sense. I don't think it's coincidence that we end up saying similar things though. Hint hint. If anyone wants to read some RAD feminism you can go to radfem.org, and especially the Andrea Dworkin section; start with Woman Hating if you want to read any of the books.)
STICK IT IN HER POOPER!!11!!
Or... y'know,: do *anything* that encourages conversation instead of spending an evening at a restaurant or whatever, looking at your phones. In fact leave the phones at home.
>Not overthinking shit also helps.
Hey, Anon. What kinds of things does your GF like? Are they a new girlfriend and you don't know anything about them or do you know a lot of things about them?
Girls tend to like rare and unexpected gifts. Get her something that's just a little too expensive that she would never purchase for herself but that is related to something she likes. If she likes anime, find her some dumbass cosplay hat of a character from a show she likes. If she likes books, find her one of those dumbass replica necklaces. Things like that. Is she a gamer? You do the math.
Perhaps she's more old fashioned. If she is then that's really easy. Flowers, take her out to dinner, and do the really cheesy rose petals leading to the bed thing. Women LOVE it when you show your work and display some modicum of preparation. Preparation is sexy. Then play it off and be coy about it like it was easy and that this was effortless for you and DON'T BRAG about it. Respond to "How did you do this?" with something that makes it sound like you didn't even have to try.
We are social primates. We like stereotypes. Use stereotypes. Be cheesy. You can make a girl laugh and arouse her at the same time.
Relationships in western(ized) cultures do, generally, have problems.
(Relationships in non-western(ized) cultures tend to be not actual relationships but elaborate forms of slavery.)
You think that now.
OK I'm just half-kidding, though I'm also half serious. If everything is fun and games in the relationship then a silly cliche won't hurt but generally, asking other people for advice on what to do with your girlfriend is an indication that you're not properly bonding with her.
The OP of this thread isn't asking for existentialist relationship advice. They were asking for something nice they could do for their girlfriend. Thank you for your contribution to this thread but it wasn't necessary or warranted. Your experiences are valid but not relevant to this thread.
Asking other people for advice doesn't mean he isn't bonding, it means that he isn't creative or that he's humble enough to admit that somebody else might be more creative than he is.
>it means that he isn't creative or that he's humble enough to admit that somebody else might be more creative than he is.
I am asking for ideas and stories of other people to get more and better ideas I can do.
I know what she expects, I currently have planned the evening and now I need inspiration to make it better.
Do something different?
I took swmbo to a photography exhibit before the obligatory "I'll just have a salad" dinner on one of our first dates. Despite neither of us being the "artsy-fartsy" type it was fun, probably because it was... well, different.
Given the endemic of "pick up artists" and the general mentality of viewing women as an "other", I'd say the responses were fairly fitting. If OP is an exception, that could not have been discerned. We are living in a culture where bad relationships are the norm, usually related to a strong influence of sexism.