ITT: in the alternate universe pokemon post threads about humans

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>>33354851
I was going to post something related but I found this

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>>33354851
who here is also trying to legalize trainer on pokemon marriage?

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>>33355094
That's fucking degenerate you humanigger. Never breed.

I want to get something going with my trainer. She is the most wonderful being in the world. Her amazing soft blue hair, her deep blue eyes, her adorable smile that warms my heart and her amazing personality. How do i get her to see more in me but being her favourite pokemon?

>>33355118
t. human who thinks they're an owl

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>>33355118
>never breed
but i don't want to breed, i want to grow old with my trainer, deciddy

>>33354851
Why the hell do these things care so much about my existance? one blue one spotted and oh look! fishing poles everywhere...

>>33355118
>>33355193
Why do you keep posting pics of yourselves?

>>33355207
>>33355207
Because I want all degenerate humanfuckers to get a glimpse of the last thing they'll see before early demise. Pokemon and Humans should never marry. It's an inevitable slippery slope from there on out.

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>>33355247
I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. Humans are pretty hot.

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>>33355247
>implying you wouldn't
what's this picture of you then, deciddy?

>>33355247
Jeesus fuck, ow the edge. Fucking 2nd stages, get off our board.

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>>33354851
I'm looking for a certain little kid that thought it would be a good idea to store me in a trash can. I've been using some pins to stick it to them wherever they are, but I don't get to see the suffer. Can anybody tell me where in Hoenn the trainer school is? I know they still go there... I want to run wild and hear the anguish in their voice when I... well... I'll cross that bridge when I get there...

>>33355326
Dude you need to take a chill pill

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>mfw that hot Lopunny wanted to hang out by the cove later
Holy shit, guys, she was the one who stole her trainer's mega ring and ran off... She's SO fucking sexy. Wish me luck!

>>33355379
>she
C-Cacturne...

>>33355397
>>She
Yes, she. Unlike your 2d drawn pokemon, I can actually tell whether or not she has a dick. So, HAH.

Uh, guys, my trainer keeps talking about finding a Ditto and something about "day care". Any idea what this means?

>>33355503
Oh shit, I heard Lopunny talk about a daycare before. If there's a ditto involved, you do NOT wanna be there.

>>33355503
Run, do it, I remember a lanturn who was found by a trainer looking for one for the "day care", she was never seen again...

Heyyy, boyyyssss ;*

>>33355704
this is why I'm glad I live in hoenn, in the meantime, there is a blue thing with a yellow cross flying towards me, do you know what it is?

>>33355762
Press 'f' to pay respects...

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>>33355704
Ayy lil mama, lemme holler at chu

>>33355762
you live in hoenn? i heard its nice there
atleast you're not here, i had a corsola friend that was eaten by a mareanie!
but, that's life (and i'm not one to talk, as a little popplio, i used to eat wishiwashi, but now my diet consists of beans)

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Listen here you humanfucking shitmons, you are helping me find where on the world or outside of it is this fucking nigger or else I will not stop manboobs and menstruating whale next time they have an argument over who Is dumber

>>33354851
Anyone here /notcaught/? Living in the wild is so much better than being pampered by disgusting humans. I don't how you guys do it

>>33355855
Fo sho, I'll beat on a dumbass humie who tries to catch me. I'm too wild for that shit, nomesayin?

>>33355812
Eh, it's nice, if a bit boring, nothing but clampearls for miles, anyway... WHY DIDN'T YOU [redacted] WARN ME OF THESE THINGS EARLIER? I hope I don't end up stuck in a "PC" forever...
>>33355855
I was, key word, was, fifteen minutes ago, now I have no idea where I am...

>>33355855
/notcaught/ Right here. About to meet a 10/10 /escapecaught/ right now =' 0o.o0 '=

you guys are a bunch of male Jynx's

>>33356049
Can you ask her how she got out?
>>33356088
fuck off, atleast I'm not given to 10 year olds by the dozen.

>>33356099
just you wait once I evolve into a swampert and find a mega stone I'll show you.

>>33355704
uh hi?

>>33356123
show me what? a slaking in a swampert suit?

>>33356099
Her trainer mega evolved her, then she beat his ass, broke the pokeball, stole the key ring, and ran away. She's a fucking badass and I'm the luckiest guy alive to be about to get some from her <3
Be back later, walking in now!

>>33356131
W-wait! You're just a kid! How did you get here?!

So how's everyone feeling about Mewtwo taking over as the admin? I miss Mew.

>>33356160
I've heard Mewtwo is supposed to be less... merciful, I'd going to be careful for now about it.
>>33356144
I wish I could mega evolve, I wonder what it feels like...

>>33356250
mega evolution sounds nice...
but wouldn't you rather have your very own z-move?

>>33356155
I dunno, Dad just dropped me off here while he went out for something

>>33356250
I also heard that Mewtwo apparently a ditto who got mutated

Holy shit that was good... I'm glad my speed's only 55: any higher and I wouldn't have lasted long at all!

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>>33356294
i-is "it" spiky? i feel bad for lopunny if it is

>>33356388
Maybe she's into that kind of thing.
I mean everyone has something strange that gets them off.

>>33356388
yeah, so am I, atleast it isn't something like ferrothorn though.

Apparently, my pokeball has wifi, so I should be grateful. Not going to reveal my identity, because it really doesn't matter. But I'm just like you all -- caught by a trainer.

Surely I can't be the only who doesn't like being tamed. Being captured as ruined my life. I mean, just two days ago, before it happened, I was set to start a family with a Milotic, ya know, only the most beautiful pokemon in the world. I found love. My life finally meant something. Then, while I was flying around looking for a special gift to give to my soulmate, I found a trainer and... you know the rest. I wish someone would free me. I don't belong in a pokeball.

>>33356548
No you belong in there.
Milotic is better off.

I am a ditto. Could I breed with my (lvl 21/M/Timid) human?

>>33356388
I-it's not spiky! I'll have you know that it's naturally ridged! She, uh... walked in on me showering in the waterfall once and she... well, liked what she saw.

>>33356155
Forgot to ask you before but who are you again miss?

>>33356548
Can't you just use a move to break out? It seems easy enough doesn't it?

>>33356575
i'm not sure breeding with humans is a good idea, i just want to marry a boy my trainer knows, but, humans have levels? maybe that's why my trainer lets rockruff attack him?

>>33355837
Calm down rayquaza, I am not arguing with that piece of hot shit again

>>33356626
Is that trainer's last name kukui by chance? in a different question as you seem the nicest 'mon here, apparently someone in a place called "sinnoh" is interested in me because of my colour, do you know anyone from there? I kinda want to know what it'd be like if I'm getting sent off...

>>33356621
U-uh! Look, kid, you shouldn't be on this website. It's not for kids. Hey, maybe you can play that game that you kids love so much these days instead!

Okay faggots, I'm going to start a speedrun of Australia. What should I bring a team of for an extra challenge? 6 niggers?

>>33356674
No, putting Blacks on your team makes the game too easy since they have STAB beat up and 6 will kill anything. Go with 6 rednecks instead: they only know Rage and Bullet seed. THAT should be a challenge!

>>33356650
i heard some pokemon are different colors, are you pink or blue?
also, i've only been in alola, i know nothing about sinnoh

>>33356650
Native from Sinnoh here, its a nice place, a little cold.

Guys do you know why nobody wants to catch me? I want to evolve but humans look at me like I am garbage...I just want a trainer :B

>>33356709
>he doesn't train himself
>he thinks he has to be caught to be trained
Shimmy Diggy.

>>33356656
Well Dad said it's okay if Pokemon of the same type hang out and since were both fire type it should be okay?

>>33356709
Are there any fire types, it could be warmer with them around

>>33356704
I'm a blue one, though I've mostly seen pinks around where I was.
>>33356709
great... I really don't like the cold, one of the main reasons I refused to go any further than Sootopolis...

>>33356725
How can I train? There are only more bidoofs here and starlys are giving me a pain in the ass. Please help :B

>>33356736
Man watch out! I hear humans love different colored Pokémon I think they call them Shiny or something like that, you are going to be un a pokeball soon

...Do you think I can get an human to catch me If i paint myself yellow?

>>33356736
oh yeah, about your first question
yeah, i see how happy he is with his wife, so i want to be a "wife" as well
i would marry him since he's my trainer and it'd be easier, but... y'know
every time i try to tell him about the boy, he thinks i'm "just hungry," its like he can't understand me!

>>33356742
Just beat the shit out of rocks until you feel strong. Maybe you'll learn a new move.
Then challenge a weaker bidoof to a fight. Beat him
Rinse wash repeat with more powerful foes.

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>be ghost bird elite
>be sent out by my loud overweight trainer to get grocery
>no biggie, i am used to this
>get to the store with the wallet
>get what I need, hope to get back as quickly as possible
>look to the left as I get to the counter
>some trainer is walking with some oricorio (the purple kind) outside its pokeball
>oh shit
>that oricorio
>oh shit she's a total qtpie
>a total fucking beauty like none ever seen before
>she must be some supreme pokemon contest super star with that beauty stat
>be compelled to greet her like a gentleman
>fix my hoodie three steps away
>UGH
>fixed it too tightly, choked and let out the most ungentlemanly screech of my life
>pretty sure I spooked the oricorio and her trainer with my ghastly noise
>land flat on my butt
>fuck
>my feather arrows are spilling from my wing pockets
>in my hasty attempt to recover my arrows, end up tripping over myself
>land right ontop a ketchup bottle conveniently on the floor, it fucking explodes and erupts ketchup all over my face and wings
>run out hiding my face in embarrassment as I heard nothing but laughter
>get home, trainer fell asleep watching some shitty pokemon wrestling show
>realize I forgot to buy the grocery
>fml

>at least I didn't forget the wallet
So how have your day been, /vp/?

Anyone managed to find a way to glitch into North Korea? Or can hook me up with a gameshark?

>>33356742
Ohhh poor weak early route shitmon
Just accept you are worthless garbage
Or steal some Blue Candies from humans and eat them, then beat up whatever other shitmons are in sinnoh

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ollkkefsavfde nlnjk effwfwa nlkm;km;lnkm;l

>>33356777
Nice trips Zoroark! How do you feel knowing that you are not popular like me?

>be Cacnea
>tired of being fat
>decide to go out training to get some SICK FUCKING GAINS
>trains
>having fun training
>punching rocks all day until I'm strong
>Fight water types because type advantage
>Goes on for a few weeks
>evolves
>Now I'm a badass and everyone thinks I'm cool now
>Fucking Dark type, bitches
>Even that badass lopunny thinks I'm sexy
>good life

How's everyone else doing?

>>33356788
Boy how are you writing with no hands? I mean I dont have either but I am a computer program I can do wathever I want here Even downloading free human porn

>>33356813
Wait what? Some 'mons actually decided to make that? I don't even know anymore... I'll just wait to see how cold it is over in sinnoh, hope I get to one of the few "warm" spots there...

>>33356813
>Human porn
Fucking ew

>>33356831
It might be gross to us, but I hear people are willing to pay quite the pretty penny for that sort of thing

>>33356867
Are you, by any chance, referring to... Marshadman?

>>33356877
What has he been up to ever since he got banned from the Smogon Empire?

>>33356877
eww, don't even MENTION that togepedophile

>>33356730
Oh, fine, just this once~

I heard that Alola's got a looser policy on illegal aliens, and they're letting in those nasty Ultra Beasts. Any truth to that, or have I been on /pol/iwrath too much?

It makes me happy seeing Pokemon talk to each other in harmony! I'm Togekiss. I have two beautiful Togepi children and I always do my best to make everybody feel better.

Please no fighting or posting naughty things. I'm very timid and I can't stand strife of any shape or form.

OF [redacted] COURSE IT'S THE COLDEST PLACE IN A REGION I'M SENT TO.

give me a minute, I hate the cold and there is nothing but snow as far as I can see, also some weird temple, but there's no way I'm going out there.

>>33356953
It's all true. I found it horrible enough that I've joined a protest to oppose that policy. If you see a Decidueye in that crowd, that's probably me.

>>33356956
so is there a Mr.Togekiss?

>>33356975
I don't like talking about this, but my husband got killed from those nasty humans. Now it's only me and my kids. I still miss him every day.

But I don't want to feel sad every day! I still want to share my blessings and my gifts of kindness to all of the Pokemon. It's what help keeps me moving forward.

>>33356968
Does this mean the Ultra Beasts' strategy to use anchor babymons like Cosmog to claim residence in the region is true? A lot of the media is playing Cosmogs off like they're some kind of new 'mon, but I'm not buying it.

>>33357019
Everything bad you've heard about Ultra Beasts is all true. All of it is true. You can learn more over at the NoUltraBeastsAllowed website, which has comprehensive information on them and explains why you should not let them in.

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>>33356953
>illegal aliens
Fuck off back to /pol/iwrath, I can't even post my hand without being spammed with "AYY LMAO"

>>33357041
AYY LMAO

>>33357038
Even how there's one who controls the humans? this cold and angry coral is curious now...

Why does my trainer keep trying to fuck me?

>>33357051
>"This hideous and disgusting ultra beast latches on humans to take direct control of their brains, forcing them to perform horrible acts. While the average wild pokemon need not worry about them, pokemon with trainers should do anything to keep these parasites away from the humans they care for."
A direct quote from NoUltraBeastsAllowed.

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>>33356810
>be me
>motherfugging badass legendary
>chilling on the ozone layer
>hanging with my bros arceus, kyurem, gira "cralwin in my skin" tina, zygarde, necrozma, you get the idea
>bang Meoletta and Cresselia every night
>suddenly the earth starts rumbling
>take a look
>everything is flooded and storming, with one tiny island with harsh sunlight
>notice Manboobs and Menstruatingwhale arguing like the huge idiots they are
>fug it
>go back to chill on the ozone layer
>arceus comes bitching about his beautiful creations being raped
>asks me to fix it
>fug it
>go down to this fucking shithole
>slap Manboobs and Menstruating whale
>everything goes back to normal
>years later
>be fapping to mythical porn
>one edgy human girl named Sonia or Sina or something like that offers me a blowjob
>tell her to fuck off
>weird boy with white hair (which I later found out it was a Fugging hat) comes
>might have been a hot girl, I can't remember
>asks me to save them cause a meteorite or shit
>take them to space
>fug meteorite
>it has something inside
>a school shooter looking nigger comes out
>weird alien speak
>says "Sex"
>we fight
>we kiss
>we fug
>hottest sex in my fugging life
>shit happens
>I don't notice cause I was in the DEVASTATING FINAL CLIMAX
>still mad at Deoxys
>have to watch out for it, Manboobs and Whale
>just because arceus doesn't want his hoomens to get hurt
>mfw

>>33356956
You may wanna look at this babe >>33356897

>>33357051>>33357067
I've been told they're putting chemicals into the humans' drinking water to turn them into puppets.

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>>33357048
I swear to god when I evolve I will mindrape you all

guys, i just thought of something! if my trainer can't HEAR me, maybe he can READ me!
but first, i should tell that boy, since he is "pokesitting" me while my trainer's out doing stuff (i have this conspiracy theory that my trainer's actually a wrestler)

>>33357081
That's true too, but word has it that it has a less potent effect than simply latching onto them. Still, never turn your back on an ultra beast. They will kill you for your berries because they're savages.

>>33357076
Hah! Fucking LEGEND, dude! Yo, I don't know if you'd accept cause legendary status and shit, but come chill over by my valley sometime. We got the best oddish you've ever had in your damn live over here and I've actually saved up enough of the grass to make you a decent sized joint! What do ya say, bruh?

>>33357076
B-but...that's not me at all! How could you say such a terrible thing?

You don't sound like a nice Pokemon either. That unknown Pokemon you met in space might've said something different other than the S word. (there's no way i'm writing that!) What if that unknown Pokemon didn't want what you want?

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My trainer can't stop fucking talking about malasadas and trying to feed me a truckload of them.
SEND HELP

>>33357094
That'd be pretty neat, do you think that he might be doing that for fun, or might it be his job?

>>33357121
Outspeed him with that fucking hovertail of yours
>>33357108
Shit, forgot the name

>>33357121
You could probably sue him for that. If you need some legal advice I know an Alakazam that's helped me out with some other problems.

>>33357128
the boy pokesitting me or the crazy thought of my trainer being a wrestler?
sometimes "kukui" gets this malasada addicted kid to watch over me, so the boy doesn't always watch me when he goes out, so i don't think its a job for him
either way, i'm still thinking of what to "say" to the boy

>>33357108
>>33357134
That sounds great, every hoenn mon is a good mon, but I have to babysit a retarded literal mountain and an obese fish, I might accept your offer later and bring Kyurem, Giratina and Zygarde

>>33357120
Maybe, but would you rather die smashed by a giant rock and an alien virus invasion
besides, I might want to sex that thicc fairy ass of yours

>>33356772
sounds pretty shitty.. At least you dont get used as a hoverboard all day.. good thing my trainer is pretty slim but kinda.. odd

I fucking hate baras and trannies. Marksman is objectively the best human in SuMo.

>>33357165
Oh shit, you bringing them? Yo, Imma have to get some more leaf, if all y'all comin over.

>>33357163
I got nothing for that, I'm just planning on how to get somewhere warmer, and I was talking about kukui

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Stop being specisist toward Ultra Beasts. They did nothing wrong.

e v e

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So how do you guys feel about the lucario statue over in kalos being taken down?

>>33357192
they dont belong here, shuu off you low end school kid's science project

>>33357212
I kinda understand that some 'mons didn't like how Lucarios treated non-megas in the past, but I don't condone destroying the statues. We should have em put into some kind of museum.

>>33357165
Of course not! But I don't want to be doing bad things to the unknown Pokemon either.
P-please don't. I got children and a whole world to take care of. Ohh, if my husband were still here, he would not be afraid to use Fairy Wind on you!

>>33357223
Holy shit fantastic opinion irl
Ex fucking zactly

>>33357192
Hey Necro! Isn't it to early to go on your STOP crusade?
Dude, you have seen what do mons from space do, do you not understand what are things from other plane of existence capable of? Sick shit man, stop being so mysterious and tell us why do you love Ultra Niggers so much

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Why aren't you heathens praying today?

>>33357271
Because I'm cold as all hell and stuck in the exact opposite of the place I'm supposed to be.

Screw this I should be able to break the window there and roll to warm water.

>>33357271
e‿e

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>>33357271
Fuck off roleplayer, everyone knows Arceus isn't real.

>>33357292
maybe if you pray for warmth, your prayers might come true!

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Why all of you so negative today? Let me hug you and bring positivity!

>>33357212
Really sad! Mega Evolution is a beautiful sign of friendship and trust, and it has been very important in our history. To think that those humans would be taking the statue down makes them look more selfish. I don't want a selfish world!

>>33357271
I pray every day for every Pokemon's safety. I'm happy with the life that you have given to me.

>>33357302
Go back to Mascquereddit with your Atheism. Everyone knows it's a human invention.

>>33357316
Can't pray right now, rolling through snow to get somewhere warm

>>33357324
e O e !!
c( e ‿ e c ) <3

>>33357316
Ay, Prim, how's Alola?

>>33357316
What's Alola like miss?

>>33357324
I'm not feeling negative! I'm happy to receive a big hug from you.

>>33357353
>>33357362
great!
despite the fact the boy turned down my offer because "its wrong" and he still has feelings for that literally nihilego human...

>>33357343
>>33357375
Forgot that I can't hug through laptop. Learned from mistake by hugging laptop instead of friends.

Is okay though. I will go to Poni Gauntlet with laptop and wait for friends to show up so the hugs can be properly given.

>>33357402
If I could go there, knew where it was, and wouldn't likely get ripped appart by toxipex, I'd go there, good luck to you.

>>33357387
Hey, don't worry! What do you think is so good about humans anyway?

>>33357418
now that i think of it...
maybe pokemon on pokemon marriage should be a thing...

>>33356779
Fug XD

>>33357402
I'll fly to Poni Gauntlet as soon as I take my children to my babysitter friend, Blissey. I can't wait to meet you!

>>33357402
aren't you taking things too far?

>>33357271
Cause you owe me some berries dude, and you threw me on this shit planet to take care of two mentally disabled children that hate each other

>>33357429
Why even marriage?
Why not just something... casual?

Will Solgaleo and Lunala talk about Ultra Beasts? Presence of aliens and lack of words about them worries me and friends.

>>33357454
Cannot go too far when the subject is hugs.

>>33357461
like i said my trainer's marriage is an inspiration for me, so i want to be wife just like "burnet"

all you humanposters need to go to your fucking containment boards.

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Go back to /trash/, faggots

>>33357488
Gardobor, GTFO here, nobody likes you

>>33357464
Hate to break it to ya, buddy, but Solgaleo and Lunala might just be Ultra Beasts themselves. They've rigged the elections in Alola so that they're the only candidates in the primaries. Whoever wins'll let more UBs in, unless enough people vote for that 3rd party candidate Magearna I've been hearing about.

>>33357509
No, don't tell him to leave! He deserves forgiveness.

>>33356810
>be me
>chillin' on 114
>this edgy white furfag comes up to me
>can smell the faggotness
>furfag unsheatheds crush claw
>holymoly.gif
>try to poison him
>the fooker is immune
>Let out a screech
>REEEEEEEEEEEEE
>he fuggin dies
It was nothin personell lol

okay, after a bunch of rolling, and getting stuck twice, I've managed to get to some huge mountain, any of you in sinnoh know about this thing and how to get around it?

>>33357533
And you deserve the fug baby

>>33357557
Oh, you're at Mt. Coronet. I was there last winter to see Spear Pillar. The closest way to the water'll be to the west.

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>>33357559
Yo, I made the joints for you guys. They're this but x10. Whatdya think?

>>33357529
Magearna is just soulless - she'll bend to the will of the Solalgeos and the Lunalans and let more UBs in

Vote for Volcannon instead, I heard he's a decent third-party, he should be able to keep those illegal aliens out

>>33357584
Thanks, anything I'll need to keep watch of while traveling through?

>>33357594
>Volcanion
Literally who?

>>33357479
that's great, i wish i had an inspiration around

>>33357585
Awesome 'turne, you have some girls over there? Me and my bros can visit next week and maaaaan they want to fuck whatever they have in front

>>33357600
Some of the Abomasnow have formed a kind of anarcho-capitalist society near the peaks, so watch out for their "private property."

>>33357559
Umm, not really. I'm too humble for that. Don't you have duties or something, anyway? I hear you stop fights between Groudon and Kyogre.

It took me several weeks playing the Human game, but I've finally done it. I've recruited Zeus into my party! What do I name him?

Yo, any nidoqueens up in here?

>>33357623
did you just turn down the ray-lay? boiii i've seen some shit @Rayquaza sup with your game boi?

>>33357647
pics or it didn't happen

>>33357606
We got some Pompous-ass Salazzles who think they're hot shit just cause of some pheromones. Gothitelle's been trying to seduce guys with hypnosis. Idk if there are any GOOD girls over here, but we sure as fuck got bad ones.

>>33357623
I'm supposed to, but lately I have been feeling like just letting them kill each other, I just don't give a shit about those idiots anymore, but if you want some protection from them you can come over here babe

>>33357677
This is exactly why almost nobody visits your tower anymore Rayquaza, you demand all the respect and do nothing about the problems until people go up there and force you to deal with the problems.

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>>33357654
BTW anyone ever noticed how much Zeus resemble Santa Claus?

>>33357708
You niggas think I owe you something?
Last time two unevolved shitmons climbed all the fucking tower because a meteorite was coming to earth AGAIN, like I'm the only one capable of stoping them, and then when I asked them to at least say please and thank you they attacked me

And all those time my retards fight? No one ever says "thank you Fug", "you are very cool Fug", "do you want a blowjob Fug?" I'm done with taking care of shitmons and humans and only having you pointing at me and saying "oh look, a legend"

>>33357748
Yo, Fug, eat a snickers.

>>33357757
Shit, I probably am still mad about Deoxys, I need some Sex, specially if it is with that flying/fairy lady

>>33357765
Yo, rate our girls

>>33357771
If they can take the legendary dick, that will do

Anyway, later fags, melloetta is getting wet and I need to go all the way to Unova to fuck that slut, try to not get yourselves killed by meteorites while I fug

>Pikachu still hasn't won the human league

>>33357788
Later, senpai

>>33357788
See you I guess Rayquaza. I'm just gonna take a break in this river, should lead me to the ocean.

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>>33357456
Fine, here's your berries.
Also, you shouldn't complain about taking care of Groudon and Kyogre. Without them, you'd be unemployed!

>>33357653
No, it's not that. I choose not to be in love with anybody, especially after the death of my husband. Please understand!

>>33357677
>>33357765
But there's so many Pokemon out there who value life and happiness! Maybe you might not feel greatful, but every time you save us from Kyogre and Groudon's rampaging, we are all thankful for saving us.

Also, please stop flirting with me. I'm sure there are other Togekiss's out there besides me who would find your flirting charming.

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>>33357302

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>>33357818
I LOVE TO JERK OFF MALE GARDIVORES

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Has anybody else tried disguising themselves as a human? I have no clue how to actually act.

Anyone been to Hot Topic lately

>tfw no trainer to hug and cuddle with
Why live lads?

>>33357874
different humans have different natures, err, "personalities," so there's no "one way" to act when it comes to humans
maybe just act like yourself?

I hate when my mom tries to talk to me like she understandz my pain

>>33357901
I'll try that! It was getting a bit chilly outside where I was, and I thought it cozy to go inside those human hotels, but the humans kept staring at me. It was so awkward, and I was escorted out eventually.

I guess it helps to learn their "language".

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>>33357914
Oh, good luck with that. Humans are the most misunderstanding of species. They chase me away when I come to warn them of danger.

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>>33357823
IMPOSTER!

>>33357929
Every absol I've ever met has been the sweetest friendliest pokemon I've ever met. I love cuddling with them their fur is really soft

My male trainer keeps trying to touch my dick. What should I do, /vp/oreon?

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>be me
>Stuck in one place on random river
>No trainer knows where i am or care enough
>tfw no trainer will catch me
>tfw ill never be beautiful

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>all these namefags

Shalom, Poyim! I was wonderin' if any of yous would enjoy a loan? Free pokedollars!

>>33357083
An illegal admitting that he is prone to crimes such as rape. Sad!
This is what we get with weak people leading the Alola region.

>>33357995
Let him do it, it feels nice. Maybe he gives you a blowjob

>>33358960
Fug off you stupid mongoose pokemon you guys are all the same

>>33354851
>Thinly veiled "let's all rp as pokemon!!1! xDDDDDDDD" thread
We never talk about our personal lives here why would we as pokemon
>>>>/trash/

>>33354851
in the alternate universe pokemon post threads where they pretend to be human

Good morning, you stupid cunts.

>>33359539
Oops, I poster my name in the wrong field.

One people from the Mainland Feng Yuan online? I feel like single mainlander in this place.
Also, communism are gold

>be me
>sitting in my cold, wet cave
>haven't spoken to my brothers in years
>dumb kids keep trying to beat me up
>nothing but zubats and krabbys for company
>three quarters of the year it's too hot and bright to go outside
>just spend all my time shitposting 'cause theres nothing productive to do
Am I officially the most pathetic legendary? Just kill me.

>>33359643
You gotta remember, Phinoe exists.

>>33359643
I advice you- go to Shan Bei. Get job in temple, easy 15K rub\4 weeks. Also cold in winter

>>33359643
Regigigas has it worse.

>>33359676
Yes due to not able to work in temple in Shan Bei. I not know where he can work but still he can go out of the cave

>>33356155
Sup fag.

Wobbu-woba

>>33357803
Hello there, gorgeous. Want to come over to my place for dinner?

>>33359802
Well, considering I started the day in hoenn, ended up being caught, sent to the top of sinnoh, then I managed to break out and get to the other side of sinnoh, and we're currently in completely different regions, I don't think I have the time, also you'd probably eat me so even if I did have the time the answer is still no.

>>33359760
Tы знaeш кaк гoвopить?

>>33359821
Bro I can get you there instantly with my rings. Wanna go?

>>33359821
You can no swim to the mainland? Jiang Dong are pretty close, most big cities of nation are there.

>>33359838
That's probably not the best idea, but that's coming from the one who took a bet to wake up groudon for a starf berry, let's do this anyway then.

>>33359849
Are you making kid? This is most dangerous! Go to Jiang Dong, to Dong Xiang city, get a SP, and then dry the Toxapex over!

>>33359828
пшeл нaхyй c мoeй пoкeпoмoйки

>>33357949
W-Well, thank you! I'm sure you're fun to cuddle...given all that slime and stuff. It's something..

hey is there any wild eeveluion

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I'm your only friend
I'm not your only friend
But I'm a little glowing friend
But really I'm not actually your friend

>>33359897
Пoкeпoмoйки? Чтo?

>>33359917
...Which are you?
>>33359917
I think I've heard stories of wild Eeveelutions. Some Eevees find stones in the wild, and evolve by touching them.

>>33359903
As Dragon I know what it is because goodra is most similar. But slime is very bad and I no like. I stay with dragonites, many dragonites in mainland, thank

>>33359979
/vp/ - этo пoмoйкa c пoкeмoнaми
native rus

>>33359981
i'm a vaporeon
some fucker has caught me and throws me to these fucking electric mons at this fucking power plant

>>33359828
Wobb? Wobbuffet!

>>33359992
Oк, cпacибo.
Am from Feng Yuan so Russian and English not so good. I know many mainlanders speak russian so I speak russian to idiot wobbufet.

>>33360026
Wobbuffet! Wobba! Wobba wob-wob!

>>33360017
>>33360017
Humans can't be trusted.
That's cruelty! Will you be okay?

>>33360023
You stupid human troll. Go die in distortion world please. You try to mimic advanced pokemon encription techniques, only humans who goodly do that are mainlanders.

>>33360026
What pokemon are you anyway? in the meantime with you saying how dangerous my idea was earlier, no risk, no reward.

>>33360026
>дpaгoнaйт
Кaк ты нa этих кpылышкaх лeтaeшь?

>>33360034
Do not worry humans where I live can be trusted. They give me many money for transport of goods. So I buy a good PC.

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>>33360044
Wobb...

>>33360059
I guess they're not all bad. The young ones cause so much trouble that I had to hide my home using illusions.
But the humans pay you? Where can I get a job with them?

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>>33360073
Take it from me, the humans cannot be trusted

My trainer kept trying to fuck me... and I got mad an used flare blitz... and now he won't move... What do /vp/oreon?

>>33360044
well, at least now i know that dragonites aren't very smart
i have impish nature, idiot

>>33360052
Я yмeeт лeтaю из céвepный фeнюaн к южный фeнюaн в 30 минyт.
>>33360048
Dragonite

>>33360089
I can clean up the mess

>>33360086
I knew it. They're always out for themselves. I don't know how any Pokemon can be happy captive.

>>33360089
congrats, now you can fuck him to celebrate this

>>33360109
I am quite happy as a "captive", thank you

>>33360073
Mainland. Yes communist mainland.
>>33360093
He are clearly a troll

>>33360109
I agree, I didn't think I'd agree, but then I got stuck in a freezing cold fish bowl, and now I'm waiting for hoopa's portal to turn up.

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How do I reliably catch the Frog Human in the latest Human game? Whenever I think I am about to get him to critical health, he always unleashes his Autistic Screech attack, 2HKOing my entire party. Are there any Humans I should bring along to fight him with?

>>33360124
use sound based moves on a bunch of them, you'll eventually find one with the "Deaf" ability, this makes them immune to sound based moves, including Autistic Screech, It's more common in the City enviroment.

>>33360122
shut up, i can even tell why this shitter who names yourself "e treiner" captured me

>>33360118
They cut your fur! Don't you get cold? I'd freak out if somebody trimmed my mane.

>>33360124
The Turks.
I not know why, but turks are really good.
BTW, humans isn't a shitty game created by communist supporters to send overseas?
I also remember now when to use is, I always forget

>>33360124
SJW-type moves are super effective against frogs. Be careful, the reverse is also true

>>33360140
Have you ever HAD your mane cut? It's relaxing, I assure you. And I don't have to worry about the cold if my master keeps me inside when it gets cold.

>>33360138
How? Here all the balls are usless (thanks communism engineering) and never capture so nobody uses them but the army. It only work for army. I not know why.

>>33359991
Don't be mean! My slime isn't all that bad. It's actually very warm and cozy in the winter when it gets really cold
>>33359903
Well maybe I could curl up with you sometime :)

>>33360124
Soldierman and Terroristman is also bretty gud against Frogman.

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>>33360158
Who's best Humanbro and why is it Soldierman?
>good typing
>great stats
>useful abilities
>wide movepool
>viable on all playstyles
>available in every generation
>consistently top tier OU since the Ancient Generation

>>33360173
I prefer Royalman, may not have that good stats, but those typing bonuses, they make the pain of getting them so worth it.

>>33360153
I'll pass, thank you. I don't have a cozy human cage to sleep in during the winter like the captives do.

>>33360156
so he was goin with his new toy named gemboi i guess
i just learned hydro pump and tested it on him because he looked like a shithead
he was so angry
really angry
he just wasted a master ball on me

>>33360157
Sorry I mean slime is bad for me. I tried with SP- I prefer not.

>>33360185
Ah okay.You can not escape when he releases you? I do not know how overseas balls work, sorry.

>>33360199
Yeah, that make those things much stronger in hoenn, I did manage to get out of it, but by that point I was in sinnoh.

>>33360199
he wants me to suffer but these fucking electric/grass mon battles are frustating, not suffering

>>33360208
In here the balls are very simple.
If you want, you go in. You cannot go out, you cannot feel time.
Also goverment is starting to make these with the new SPs, so humans can go in.

>>33360222
Do you have TM's there? I found one a couple of weeks ago you might want to take a look at.

oh, right now this idiot tried to catch mewtwo, but he have his masterball wasted on me
his frustated face is a fucking masterpiece

>>33360187
I just want to hug and cuddle with someone anon

>>33360246
TMs? They are not made anymore, we lost tech. But goverment managed to make new ones and now in testing. I will take English and Russian TMs because knowlage is not good.
>>33360250
Mewtwo is not real, only legend

>>33360258
you can find and hug an eevee

mewtwo was right before this loser and it was even noted in his pokedex

>>33360258
Than use an SP and because something easy to cuddle. Because slime is not best for cuddle.

>>33360287
Impossible. Why would mewtwo be overseas? He can be caught there. So here, proof there is no mew 2.

>>33360270
i don't recommend russian TMs пoтoмy чтo oни - гoвнo бeз зaдaч

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>>33360309
what you will say about this?

>>33360310
I mean TMs of the lanugage russian, not TMs made by Russians. Goverment here is only 40% Russian so good yes?

>>33360331
Our goverment is weaker than I first thought... If they not obtain a Mewtwo with 3 bilion Pokemon somethings wrong...

>>33360336
doing a bit of work with this thing I've figured out it is the TM for "Stone Edge" it should be good at helping you deal with ice types, if you'd want it.

>>33355125
Fuck off, fleshfag

>>33360351
Uh what?
I not fight... But if I need to fight against ice type I know flame breath so is all good. I do not need move TMs now but language knowlage is useful

>>33360336
i don't think that there is any rus language TM that is made not by russians
but you can get Гипep-Лyч if you're lucky enough

>>33360379
I understand, are there any myths or legends where you live, if I decide to go back to hoenn I'm going to check out some cave that everyone was talking about, it's supposed awaken three legendary pokemon if you do things right there!

Native Russian vaporeons molecular structure is close not to Boдa, it is close to Boдкa
guess now i know why some of vps i've seen had a very strange smell

>>33360382
We will see about TM soon. Way they built all the language TMs is very similar. They are also very tested I heard. I trust them.
Гипep-Лyч is very tiring, I tried and I tired.

>>33355125
go learn attract

>>33360419
then go and find rest TM if hyper beam is very tiring for you

>>33360397
The myth here is that Japanese and Germans conquered the world 100 years ago... I do not know if that is real or not. But many places here had Japanese names before.
>>33360405
I always wondered from what they made it from, thanks.

>>33360419
alse
>dragonite
>nearly fucking legendary creature
>tires from hyper beam when furrets aren't
are you fucking serious

>>33360465
Every one tires from HB. While HB attacks once you can burn twice. Not useful.
Also not really close to legendary since SPs came.
Also how all of you are using a computer? Especially the caught ones...

>>33360492
Some guy drowned one time, took his phone, quite useful really.

>>33360492
>especially the caught ones
really easily, i'm using my trainer's computer
he doesn't mind as long as i don't look in his folders labeled "my bod" and "dusk form conspiracy"

And phone is water proof? And you managed to hide with it inside a pokeball?

>>33360556
yes, these guys are crazy about there phones to the point the phones are water proof, and apparently I kept the phone because I held it, no idea how that worked, but it did.

>>33360574
Ah nice. I use a shoddily converted SP (These things replicate themselves and have a CPU), it's not best but it works. Internet costs here 100₽/Month, I can get that in a good day or so.

>>33360492
I just stole one of the phones this idiot has
I took the smallest one so i can easily hide it if somethin happens

BTW, I reccomend all of you here. LEARN HUMAN PHONOLOGY. There is no more useful thing than human phonology because it allows you to speak with humans. Took me a week

>>33354851
>STILL liking Glacia

>>33360659
Only a week? I thought the language was more complicated than that.

>>33360670
You're writing in it right now. Learning to speak it isn't that hard for most mons. At least here.

>>33360492
Unova's got a lot of e-waste so I just magnet'd some parts together until something worked. I was gonna try using people money to buy one, but it turns out their coins aren't magnetic.

>>33360659
any online guides?
or known teachers?

I'm gonna swim my way back to my cave in hoenn, shouldn't be too far from here, when I get back I'll leave out some rarer berries I've managed to grow there, route 128 if you want to pick some up when I get back.

>>33360722
In the mainland it is compulsary since forever. It was the first compulsary subject here. So for teachers, EVERY mainlander.
IDK where to search online, maybe just search phonology charts. Start with the easy stuff- For you, start with Vo, Pei, Vi, Pi, Ro, Ei... Until you reach the hardest one (For me it was the vowels, so for you probs ga).

>>33360753
You live in a CAVE?
Still better than shitty 2 room 10th floor apartment I live in Jiu Yan

>>33360807
Yes, I live in a cave, underwater, next to where the humans go to see how strong there caught pokemon are, I still question why they do that.

atleast it isn't the desert.

Can someone tell Salazzle to stop fucking flirting with me?

>>33360424
I don't think attract works on her

>>33360958
She flirts with everybody. Threaten her with rocks or something.

>>33360958
Threat with an overseas pokeball

>>33360988
Ooo, I like how you think. I'll do that.

>>33360969
Try to ask her to go to the mainland, we have a new SP in develepment. Become an attractive human male and it might work.

humans-male-20-male-23-twink-jock.zip
MD5: b2e648de8e81669b39273c717c4985de

enjoy

>>33355855
Better /inlove/ with ur humans,amiright

NEW THREAD:
>>33361095
>>33361095
>>33361095

>>33360764
so i tried to say "fuck you" to mah treiner
he just got away from the room slowly
maybe i did something wrong?

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>>33361051
BRB ordering a pack of human dildos

Hi I'm Pojiflax and I'm a Meowstic as you can see.

I used to live in Route 6, but then I evolved, fainted my parents, ran away to some place called Parfum Palace, where I found an old book, learned Pokerian, and thus learned how to use the Internet. I gave myself the name Pojiflax, and even sorta befriended some humans. I did'nt get caught, but I did explore Kalos a lot with the help of some of my friends. Eventually I found myself in Camphrier Town, where I discovered 4chan and got addicted. I also love Tumblr, TVTropes, and Reddit. I'm currently logged in from my laptop, and I'm in Cassius' storage lab.

>>33355094
Good luck finding the hole

This is the weirdest place i have been to its like 4chan for pokemon

wat