Oh shit nigger, you're a mutant eagle-man boxer that's also a cyborg, and your name is Timothy.
You're preparing for your next match.
What do you do?
LAST TIME ON FUTURE BOXING
VAMPS ARE JERKS AND TRIED TO CHEAT
THE SPIDER STOLE YOUR WIFE
YOUR SON JOINED THE MOB
YOU WENT TO JAIL AND ARE NOW FREE
NOW ITS TIME TO FIGHT FOR YOUR WIFE AND SON BACK
*DING DING DING*
As you punch yourself in the face you consider who to fight next
Oh, that's the Rookie Champ, you can't fight him until you've beaten the other guys
>implying there won't be more animal-mutants in the higher tiers
>implying you can even reach those
"Oh hey, sup?" Asked the skeleton mobster who's teaching your son to open safes
"Depends. Do you have a time machine? Because canonically Villain Adventure 2 is set before Future Boxer"
Beep Beep Beep, your built in phone just got a new message.
Your wife requires alimony
"Ayyy someone wants a haircut?" asked suddenly appearing robot barber
"Yes, hello? Sorry, Tim is busy right now, can you leave a message?"
mean while Tim is ranting about mgsv on the internet
It's been years, but you're still mad and random people on the internet will know how mad you are, goddamnit.
Damnit, and you jsut finished writing a savage reply that will surely leave anons crying in a corner due to how great it is too
But the power's out! You can't turn on your PC to play Hot Pursuit.
Oh no! Your Eye Beams were too powerful! You wrecked your PC!
And the only way you know how is to win! So who will be your next opponent?
And so you get ready for your match.
Your coach has some tips:
"That guy can't fly! So use that to your advantage, but watch out for them webs! He'll try to piss you off with taunts relating to your ex-wife, try to not let that get to you"
"You will never win against the spider...UNLESS YOU BUY THE EXCLUSIVE "UNFAIR ADVANTAGE" DLC! PRE ORDER NOW! ONLY $999.9! AND YOU'LL GET THE EXCLUSIVE BONUS "ACCESSORIES PACK" FOR FREE! Also take your vaccinations like a good goy, goy"
Do you want to change anything regarding to your entrance? Liek theme or entrance style?
And so you flin tinto the ring, spreading embers from peacock feathers while "Im a Real American" plays loudly over the speakers
The Spider is carried to the ring by Giant Spiders while a weird remix of the Spiderman theme plays
And thanks to his cyber enhancement: an internet browser, he can freely shitpost while fighting, and he just got trips on Spiderchan
"Here, Mr Health Inpsector, I'm just gonna leave this comically large sack of money with a dollar sign on it in front of you and return to the completely clean ring that is definitely not full of spiders"
>he still pays alimony
>his wife left him because he can't pleasure her
>he still has to look after their son
>he will never win the championship belt
>he has to become a cyborg to compensate for his shitty skills
>he's an oversized chicken
>he thinks freedom is real
>mfw I will never ever be Timothy
who keeps sending these into your cyber brain
Oh, I'm none of those guys then. I'm just not a paladin
"Actually, spiders d---[SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE]
"lmao you had to copy me and my multiple arms to stand a chance. Nice originality faget"
"The same move won't work twice in a row!"
He counters with a triple uppercut
You start to throw some implications at him
"Pffft, like a care what an eaglefag has to say"
"Here, Mr Mod, I'm just gonna leave this comically large sack of hotpockets with a Hotpockets logo on it in front of you and return to the completely legal ring that is definitely not full of rulebreaking spiders"
Yes, time for the finishing blow, the final punch, the deciding attack after a grueling series of rounds that left both of you battered and only with one arm left each
I save all the threads myself
And the fuck is up with all these connection errors I'm getting
[I'm A Real American plays triumphantly while you bask in the cheers of fans]
Normally only getting fun out from this board by gore threads and/or making dumb people rage about the content and/or fallibg to obvious 8/8 b8.
So they rage around in the threada like the autism they celebrate in lowkey.
Have to admit i skipped a lot of these threads cause not in interest range.
Looks like theyre allright though.
First thread ever anon here.
Keep on truckin', drawbro.
And so you planted some hair seeds. Don't forget to water them everyday!
"What skill do you want to learn?" Asked you good ol' Doc [REDACTED]
"Very well, first, I need you to stand where you are, don't move and start screeing at that punching bag for 10 hours."
"Already giving up? So you don't weant to turn your screeing into punches afterall"
Hot tamale hand canon that comes with two abilities: Standard fire which shoots a hot tamale at 20,000C, Raidiated shot which shoots a hot tamale at 2,000,000C temporarily giving the opponent cancer
Instead learn Hot tamale hand canon that comes with two abilities: Standard fire which shoots a hot tamale at 20,000C, Raidiated shot which shoots a hot tamale at 2,000,000C temporarily giving the opponent cancer
And so you did. YOu sat in a corner and tried to guess what people are going to say before they say it, for 10 hours
And so you screeeeee'd at the punching bag for 10 hours. At the final 10th hour you haven been able to push the bag back, not as a punch yet, but it's progress.
"Sure, but first, the Scree Punch, now that you've trained your Screeing enough, to use this skill jsut pull your head back like so then launch forward and screeee"
"Seems like he hanged himself, inside this locked room with no witnesses"
As you watch the news report, you decided you should eat him to gain his powers
YOur fridge has:
- A bowl of birdseed
- A carton of milk
- A Huge jar of Mayonaise
"Oh hey, where are you going? You wife just came by asking for alimony, again. I told her you had diarrhea so you couldn't meet her today"
"Oh her? She already left, said something about going out with a mutant octopus or something, also said she'll be back to colect tomorrow"
MEANWHILE, AT THE CRIME SCENE
"Oh hey, this must be a suicide note"
"What does this mean? Better send it back to the lab"
"Alright, first things first, what are we having for dinner?"
"For the last time, Bob, we're not eating chinamen"
The council of Boxers are made up of high-tier boxers, you're still a rookie, not even low-tier to even look at them
"Right, are you sure you wanna skip straight into the high tier? Not gonna slowly climb to the top from the bottom huh? You vanna strap a rocket to yourself and launch right to the top"
And so you rapidly climbed into being the champ. Due to the fact that all your opponents met mysterious accidents right before your fights, amking you the winner by default.
"Sir, what do The Champ think about this strange fact?"
"Timothy is very busy and cannot answer right now, but I assure you he sympathizes with the losers--ahem--opponents very much and wishes them a fast recovery and hopes the mysterious accidents can be solved soon"
"All the accidents involve the boxers having a fist-sized hole through their head"
"Then maybe they shouldn't have accidentally fallen onto my fist, hehe---I uh mean, Timothy deeply regrets he couldn't fight them and wishes them a fast recovery"
"And why are you here interviewing us anyway? Shouldn't you be getting ready for the fight?"
"Oh I'm actually a reporter, boxing is my side-job"
Maybe jumping straight into high-tier without gaining experience from beating the other tiers was a bad idea
"HEY! Where are you going?!"
"Timothy is tired and need to rest to prepare for his match against you, being the champ is tiring work and in order to give the fans a match worth watching, he needs to be in his top form! And to do that needs a rest. Preferably for a few weeks, or months. No more comments"
"But the match is tonight"
"Patience is a virtue"
"No more comments"
"Go my son...avenge me....defeat the evil skeleton....to restore our family name....."
"Shut up, Rainbow Son. Can't a man be delirious due to getting his asked kicked by a skeleton in peace? Gimme a break here"
and save it on a floppy disk. Just in case.
"LOOK! CAN YOU FEEL THAT?! THAT SKELETON HAD A BOXER OF HIS OWN! AND HE'S GOING ON AN EPIC TRAINING JOURNEY! WITH LOTS OF TWISTS AND BACKSTORY! SURE WISH I COULD SEE IT! IF ONLY TO MOTIVATE YOU TO DO THE SAME!"
"Dad, you're talking weird again"
"JUST GO AND BEAT UP THE SKELETON SO I CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT DAMNIT"
"Now you're just being silly"
And so you did
Like the skeletons, he maybe a supernatural entity that is six gorillian+ years old.
Or that could just be his ancestor