Bound for a remote planet on the far side of the galaxy, the crew of the colony ship Covenant discovers what they think is an uncharted paradise, but is actually a dark, dangerous world -- whose sole inhabitant is the "synthetic" David (Michael Fassbender), survivor of the doomed Prometheus expedition.
>mfw /tv/ babbys can't understand Prometheus and make themselves feel better by yelling "p-plothole!"
Why can't they actually show David and Elizabeth Shaw discovering the Engineer homeworld?
Why must it always be "random asshole crew finds something, the actually interesting stuff already happened"?
Leaked story so far
>Eldra Ripley, the grandmother of Ellen Ripley, is a crew officer on the Not-Nostromo as they visit a remote and dead planet.
>Aboard a derelict vessel, they find a big dead engineer.
>They continue into and find Michael Fassbender, how quickly infects one of the crew with something.
>They take the crew member back and monitor the infection
>After some time, a xenomorph explodes from his chest, and the kills the crew for the remainder of the film.
>Finally, Eldra Ripley stows away on a life boat and destroys the ship
>But the Xenomorph is on the lifeboat with her. So she blows it out of the airlock
Also, you find out that the Xenomorph is just a custom, and its just a tall albino dude inside.
>Alien prequel saga
>Blade Runner sequel/reboot saga
just fuck my movies up
>whose sole inhabitant is the "synthetic" David (Michael Fassbender), survivor of the doomed Prometheus expedition.
>Shaw gives head to Engineers
>not good enough
>Engineers take Shaw's head
>synthetic head remains
And you are right.
>biologist scared of extra-terrestrial life forms
>suddenly not scared, even though it's a hissing fucking snake
>geologist gets lost in a cave
>mercenary has no weapons
>old man isn't actually old
So much is wrong with this shit. Characters going out of their ways to get fucked up is completely anticlimactic.
The goo stuff makes very little sense, is convoluted as fuck, and is pure Lost bullshit: writing mysterious shit that they don't know the outcome of or the origin. Mystery isn't bluffing.
Also, Alien 3 is good. I do not care what anyone says. The special effects sucks at times but aren't CGI, some puppet shit.
>pic related, four horsemen of the Apocalypse
Bait. 3 is worse than 4 though, at last 4 tried something new and had characters and style. 3 was a worse disappointment than Spiderman 3, Terminator 3, and Iron Man 3 combined. Could have had an army of xenomorphs on earth (with a Blade Runner aesthetic), a crazy cult, Newt and Hicks, and the xenomorph planet. Instead we got a boring remake of the 1st movie minus the effects and atmosphere.
They should have gone through with that Jesus is an Engineer shit.
It's all there.
>3 is worse than 4 though,
Fuck right off. 4 was directed like a bad French comedy, which it was. What else to expect from the man who directed Amélie? He's great, but not for Alien.
3 was the bleakest most heartbreaking sequel ever to have been. It breaks your heart, then shits on it, then sets it on fire and laughs as it burns to nothingness.
There's no other sequel like it, anywhere.
Actually, faggot, it's utterly defendable. Aliens isn't all action all the time: it starts with over an hour and a hald of slow-paced anxiety, like the original. Only the last third gets actionny.
Both movies are successes in my book. Cameron did something new, and Disney should learn from him.
>What the FUCK were they thinking?
To be fair, that was before he did Amelie. They liked his work and gave it a shot. I remember Jeunet saying he responded to the offer but thought it was a joke and would never work. So he went to LA and somehow got the job.
He probably knew jackshit about alien and that's why his aliens are just animals.
Wedfuck said it was filmed completely wrong. I tend to believe him. The script wasn't utter shit but it was done wrong.
Wait, thats what I got from the movie. Didnt they said humankind committed a crime exactly 2080 years in the past and considering is fucking X-mas the first i thought was that Jesus was an engineer. When was that debunked?
>Prometheus wasn't that bad.
It fucked up a lot.
A FEW OF MY QUALMS.
>geologist gets lost in a cave
>biologist scared to examine dead alien life form
>biologist excited to pet live life form, oblivious to the risks
>white blonde sexy woman wants to fuck a negro
>running away from giant wheel by running in the same direction
>trips, finds out rolling to the side works pretty well, y u no run to the side first?
>let's die because someone we don't know or trust says this ship will destroy earth, YES, LET'S FUCKING DO IT BOSS, I SURE DON'T WANT TO SPEND 2 YEARS IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT WITH CHARLIZE THERON, WHO'D DO THAT WHEN YOU CAN DIE ON A VAGUE THEORY
>prometheus ship has no weapons
>alien ship has no weapons either
>tiny prometheus crashes into giant ship, and giant ship just simply breaks the fuck down faster than the Titanic
>Wait, thats what I got from the movie. Didnt they said humankind committed a crime exactly 2080 years in the past and considering is fucking X-mas the first i thought was that Jesus was an engineer. When was that debunked?
That's from an interview, not the movie. They chickened out and removed it.
You know, to know this much about Reddit, you must be Reddit. The reason why I never call anyone Reddit is mainly because I have no idea what goes on there and have never been there. But when I see you and the other redditreddits, I'm thinking you guys came from Reddit and still feel stupid about it, which prompts you to try and act like tough cookies about your true origins.
Have I pierced your shameful secret, Redditor?
Nothing offends a redditor more than belling called reddit.
You can call him anything, any insult, but if you call him reddit he will shriek and throw a hissy fit. He's been found out and he hates it, he doesn't even understand how it happened, he tried to fit in but failed.
The redditor is immunized against all dangers: one may call him a liberal, memer, SJW, faggot, it all runs off him like water off a raincoat. But call him reddit and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he suddenly shrinks back: “I’ve been found out.”
AND the fact it was completely uninspired and dull, its as if they completely forgot about giger, adding the giant skull mountain he did for dune was pretty cool tho
check this mad faggot out. the movie was terrible deal with it. you know the people who enjoyed this movie are teens that think its smart and old people that are dazzled. everyone else saw it for the piece of shit it was. I cant believe i was hyped for this.
I really want to, but I think Anderson is a piece of shit and I hated how watered down it was from the source material (read: the book it was based on where some girl gets PREDATORED) both graphically and plot-wise
>3 was the bleakest most heartbreaking sequel ever to have been. It breaks your heart, then shits on it, then sets it on fire and laughs as it burns to nothingness.
>There's no other sequel like it, anywhere.
This guy gets it.
>Go inside the ship
>Everyone is wearing their helmets
>Big discussions of quarantine procedures
>Team of world's greatest scientists remove their helmets in an unstable and unscouted enviroment they suspect hosts life (even ignoring the risk to them, they are contaminating everything)
>Touch everything, split up for no reason, nobody keeping track of where they are going
>Quarantine discussion is opening the back hatch and stepping outside with a flamethrower.
Not that guy and I do like both movies, but Alien is my favorite film. You are also correct to point out the superb pacing and very slow burn of the sequel, which does closely follow the intensity of the original.
I like to think of Alien's plot structure in three chunks-yes yes /tv/, they're acts I know, but just hang on, let me just describe the acts. The whole first hour is dread and atmospherics, and not much really happens, apart from the one thing, but the whole first half is just setup. Then we burst into the action, and the next 20 minutes are everything-goes-to-hell. The final ~30-40 minutes is the horror movie, with almost no dialogue.
In fact, here's a thought experiment: re-think the last act of Alien as having no spoken words at all; no dialogue. Screams, yelps, that can and should stay. No words. The only dialogue that does exist are Sigourney's few beats, and MU-TH-UR's countdown (Helen Horton). The mood would not be altered significantly.
The countdown information (and urgency) could be re-done as a series of close-up cuts of various displays, or musical beats. And if we even keep the final report at all, Ripley could simply type it into a computer and go to bed, done.
Now I have to go back and check, but IIRC Helen Horton's voice is only heard during the above third act. In this sense "MU-TH-UR" is not a character until the end.
My bad. I meant Paul W.S. Anderson.
Paul Thomas Anderson is unredeemably shit. At least Paul Anderson has AvP and Event Horizon. Paul Thomas Anderson's only watchable film was Boogie Nights.
>Paul Thomas Anderson's AvP
So it was 2.5 hours of literally nothing happening while we watch a Predator overact and pander to critics? The Predator would have some stupid convuluted relationship with the Alien, there would be no rising action or climax, and the film just ends after overstaying its welcome by 90 minutes?
the moment when they land:
>HEY GUYS THERE IS OXYGEN HERE
>YEAH, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT CAN BE IN THAT OXYGEN BUT LET'S TAKE OUR HELMETS OFF
>magical black liquid
>biologist and geologists are stupid as shit
>four dot star map
>android obviously dipping the finger in the drink
>main character runs a lot after having her belly cut like a fucking tomato
>space expedition, only takes flamethrower and space axe
>magical talking zombie head
>archeologists that know how to revive a head
Yeah, the movie is just too deep for me.
Alien 3 made the franchise come down from action movie heaven to just rape. Figuratively and literally. It's a masterpiece. They should redo the lame effects and it'd be awesome.
Why do movies still keep doing Human origin stories?
Everyone learns about evolution in school now. Saying "Aliens made you from black goo" is like saying gravity doesn't actually depend on mass, it just depends on how much black goo aliens spread around. Its unnecessary and stupid. They should have just stuck with Engineers creating Xenos and killing humans.
it's still stupid as shit mate. It's only a plot device that is meant to explain everything. Also, engies didn't only create humans from the liquid, they created all the animals.
>Also, is this whole thing official?
If yes, the bloody snake is even more stupid, because there would be no reason for that snake to be there. It would need a human host to grow.
>Everyone learns about evolution in school now.
That's the movie's theory too. I don't think you paid attention.
And you're wrong, even Dawkins says it's entirely possible that life was originally brought here by aliens, that's how little we know about how it started.
The only thign I remember about Prometheus is when that lady gives herself a robot abortion. Even then I remember my reaction being a muted "That's pretty cool." I don't even remember who was in it or what happens.
>Not-Xenomorph chasing Not-Ripley through the Not-Nostromo
>Not-Ripley trips in a room
>Big red handle that is labeled "particle beam accelerator" next to a canon that is aimed in the room
>Not-Ripley puts her hand on it and looks the Not-Xeno straight in the face
>"Prepare to get scienced"
>Audience erupts into laughter. Cackles can be heard two theatres over
>Ripley slams handle forward. Big green lazer blast the Not-Xeno into tiny bits.
>"Whew, I'm glad that worked. I was worried the laser would turn him into a super hero just like in my nerdy comic books"
>Audience laughter lifts roof cinema. A digital upvote ticker appears in corned of screen, furiously counting up into the billions. Laughter awakens Carl Sagan from death and he comes, laughing also, to pin a big gold star of science on the theater screen himself. Ridley Scott awarded Nobel prize, all while Nobel prize committee rolling on floor laughing
>If yes, the bloody snake is even more stupid, because there would be no reason for that snake to be there. It would need a human host to grow.
Promtheus 2 will have time travel. Its how the Engineers will go back and create the Predators. They'll also take the Xenos back and build the AvP pyramid.
>Alien 3 made the franchise come down from action movie heaven to just rape. Figuratively and literally. It's a masterpiece. They should redo the lame effects and it'd be awesome.
Alien 3 broke the cliche happy ending bullshit that affects more series. It was mostly not intentional, but the film really brought home the isolated, dark and hopeless atmosphere of the story arc. It was a perfect ending to the Ripley trilogy.
I'd love them to redo the effects too. Hell one day when it's possible with cheap, home editing technology I'd give it a shot myself.
>whose sole inhabitant is the "synthetic" David (Michael Fassbender), survivor of the doomed Prometheus expedition.
I thought it was about Noomi Rapace and David going to the engineer planet.
>It was mostly not intentional, but the film really brought home the isolated, dark and hopeless atmosphere of the story arc. It was a perfect ending to the Ripley trilogy.
Makes it difficult to watch this movie again. It's a painful experience.
>I'd love them to redo the effects too.
Put Lucas in charge.
>redo the lame effects and it'd be awesome
Fuck, if Fincher wasn't such a faggot about this movie maybe it could come true.
Can you imagine if they had made a Xeno closer to the original ideas of Giger for the film? The damn thing was creepy and disturbed, and it even had some symbolic meaning to the movies story.
>a xeno that is not only in the form of a beast, but has sexual woman features to it, making it a literal demon to the prisoners of the planet
>Put Lucas in charge.
I just want them to touch up a few things, not shoehorn in an entire extra hive, add floating robots around the prison, digitally replace Ripley with a new actor from Alien 5, and CG in an engineer.
>closer to the original ideas of Giger for the film?
Reminder that it's pronounced Geeger (I'm Swiss). Closer to his design? You would literally have had a giant cock pumping black cum up everyone's ass and face.
I always read "Geeger", fann.
>you would literally have had a giant cock pumping black cum up everyone's ass and face
Almost. The thing would stick it's tongue (more like a dick with a blade) and shove it down your throat, and it would pull it out along with all of your guts.
The facehugger is a hand-vagina whose long ass clitoris goes down your throat.
The original writer wanted to be an SJW and "attack men" in the theaters by making them feel bad. The result is the exact opposite: women resent the sexual violence in Alien more than men. My mom cannot watch it at all, she had three kids and 2 cocks.
>dat Helvetica, or if it really isn't it's close enough
>dat down-leftward wisp of green-ish ring/nebula/stardust
Looks like someone wanted to expressly ape the title screen of the original.
a wheel could stop rolling because of friction, it then falls eather to the left or the right, if they have this in mind they could have tried to outrun the rolling ship so it wont fall on them sideways.
>engineers created man
>man sins against engineers
>engineers set out to destroy world with Xenomorph
>Engineers and man reach a COVENANT and Engineers promise to not destroy world
I remember when I first started hearing that they were making a fourth Alien movie. There are a number of conventional reasons to dislike its existence in the first place, which I think have been somewhat forgotten since the movie has been a fact for almost 20 years now.
-You're ruining a nice neat trilogy (trilogy! Three! Three is a trilogy! Autism! Not four, three!) which ended logically with the death of its main character. You're just-about-literally "resurrecting" that character not because you have an interesting story to tell, but because you want money.
-I have never heard a satisfactory explanation for exactly why and how Ripley and Queen DNA were 1) salvageable, and 2) seemingly bound-up together as they were. In fairness, I've never cared to look for this. Even if you found a hair or skin cells somewhere, it's a stretch to say that there would be trace Alien Queen stuff extant as well (although studies now show that men's sperm DNA stays in the women they've fucked IIRC). Otherwise why not just go to the eggs on the EEV and get DNA there? Forced, forced, forced and stupid.
-DNA and genetic engineering were becoming more popular as sci-fi movie themes around this time (Jurassic Park, Gattaca), and more "topical" as nuclear war had been during the 50s, so the subject matter feels forced and going along with a cultural fad.
-As an immediate result, the few available "trilogy" boxes of the time (VHS would still have been predominant but I seem to remember that such boxes existed, someone fact-check me) were immediately void. Time makes a fool of all collectors.
-they shoehorned in the crippled guy as a sort of PC nod that felt forced. I also thought it was bullshit that he survived.
-the Winona Ryder robot character is also vaguely PC, suggestive of animal rights activists. Whiny and unlikeable, even next to the various criminals and mercenaries.
-The stupid variant creature introduced at the end (and its ridiculous killing)
>Bound for a remote planet on the far side of the galaxy, the crew of the colony ship ________ discovers what they think is _________, but is actually a dark, dangerous world -- whose sole inhabitant is _________
GODDAMN IT RIDLEY STOP
That movie lacked, uh I don't know, any emotion at all. Were you scared? Excited? In awe? Hoping for the memorable main character to reach her goal? Curious about the mysterious alien ruins? Because I sure as hell was not. And I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be. All I remember about it are the parts where people act irrationally to advance the plot creating false suspense at the cost of believability, and answers to questions I wasn't asking, and characters in trouble who I don't care about.