ITT: We write an episode of Seinfeld 2015 line by line. I'll start us off with the opening stand-up bit.
>doo ba doo do da doo PUH PUH
So Donald Trump...
Donald Trump wants to kick all the Mexicans out of America... He wants to kick them all out, AND... build a wall to keep them out.
>laughter and snickers
Have you read this? Have you heard about this? He wants to build a wall, AND he wants the Mexicans he's kicking out... to BUILD this wall!
>cheering and whistles
Now everyone thinks he's crazy... But I think... He's a genius.
>whistling and applause
I looked it up. There are around 35 million Mexican people living in the U.S. I can see him now... Donald Trump standing down there at the border... A line of Mexicans 200 miles long... A big pile of bricks next to him...
"Hi, thanks for visiting. Mexico is right over there... And if you wouldn't mind, here's a brick... Could you stack that right there? Yeah, on top of that one the last guy put down."
>loud laughter, applause and whistling
I think he may be onto something, I really do.
>bubba bah bup bah bup! Doobie do doo!
This is Reddit memeing. How would the soup nazi episode be any different? How would cell phones help baboo's restaurant? How would a cell phone stop that girl from seeing George's shriveled Penis?
JERRY: I dunno, I like this woman and all, but...
GEORGE: Yeah. But what?
JERRY: I don't know... I shouldn't say...
KRAMER: OH COME ON JERRY! You can't leave us on the hook like that.
JERRY: Alright, alright. We were talking the other day, about... You know...
>Kramer stares blankly
JERRY: YOU KNOW....
KRAMER: OOOOH, oooh la la.
JERRY: Anyway, she said it might... be interesting if I just... You know... Watched.
GEORGE: Watch? Watch what?
JERRY: Her... Getting busy... With a another gentleman of African persuasion...
>Kramer does a spit take, stammers and slaps the counter
KRAMER: you're a cuck.
JERRY: a... What?
KRAMER: You're a KEK! A KEK, JERRY!!!
GEORGE: a cuck. Hah! I wish I was a cuck. Do you think it's better as the cuck or the buck?
JERRY: The buck, by a mile.
>George's smartphone beeps
KRAMER: what's that?
GEORGE: oh, it's this app I got the other day. It's called Sausage Fest.
JERRY: Sausage... Fest??
GEORGE: Yeah, you know. A dating app. But only for men.
JERRY: But you're not gay!
GEORGE: I know, I just like the compliments.
>long bout of laughter and applause
GEORGE: "BigPackageDeliverer69: I love a big hairy chest."
>Jerry and Kramer peek over
GEORGE: Wow, that is something. I've never had a woman compliment my chest hair. Let's see what this guy looks like...
>All there's expressions change to horror
GEORGE: Is that...?
>roaring laughter as Jerry runs for the bathroom clutching his mouth
KRAMER: Wow, so he's holding the box over his...
GEORGE: YEAH. Yeah...
>George hurriedly put the phone back in his pocket.
>laughter slowly erodes as Jerry finishes up in the bathroom
>he emerges and stares daggers at George.
>George gives a sheepish smile
JERRY: You are really something, you know that?
>Kramer pulls out a cigarette and begins to smoke
JERRY: HEY! What are you doing? You can't smoke in here!
>Jerry attempts to take the cigarette but Kramer resists
KRAMER: Oh come on Jerry! It's not a cigarette!! It's not even smoke!
>George sniffs the air disgustedly
GEORGE: Smells like... burning pancakes... And cough medicine...
KRAMER: Yeah, it's a vaporizer. Doc said I had to cool it on the cigars. It's just harmless water vapor, Jerry! Almost as good as the real thing! Here take a drag...
>Kramer attempts to put the vaporizer in Jerry's mouth as Jerry swats him away
JERRY: Get that away from me! Ugh, that smell. You know you're going to have to smoke a real cigar in here now to get the smell out.
>George mutter from under his shirt still sniffing
GEORGE: And... The hotdog section at the supermarket...
JERRY: put that away! Elaine's coming up.
>Kramer puts the vaporizer in his pocket.
>Elaine enters, her hair dyed neon pink
>cheering and applause
ELAINE: Death to all cishets!
>she pumps her fist in the air, then pauses for a moment, wrinkling her nose
ELAINE: Did you burn some pancakes?
Last year on
r9kme and my robot buddies made a full thread for Seinfeld "fanfic" with a robot twist. The thread turned out to be pretty successful and was full of keks and laffs. Some weeks ago I found this screencap and it had the best of that thread. All except the second last are written by me.
I tried to have a new thread every now and then for fresh material and make it a tradition, but it's not going to work anymore because that hellhole is filled with ledditors and normies who just don't get it.
>[George and Jerry are in Jerry's apartment, on the couch looking at their iPads]
>George: "Have you seen this new baneposting meme?"
>Jerry: "Again with the memes, George?"
>George: "Well, have you seen it or not?"
>Jerry: "No, George, I haven't seen it."
>George: "It's ridiculous, Jerry! All they do is write 'you're a big guy' and 'for you' over and over!"
>Jerry: "George, you know I'm not really into the meme stuff. I don't meme. I'm not a memer!"
>George: "Well, this meme has gone too far! Too far, Jerry! And I'm going to do something about it!"
>[Kramer bursts into the room]
>Kramer: "What's George yelling about?"
>Jerry: "He doesn't like the new baneposting meme."
>Kramer: "Oh ho ho ho! Looks like we got ourselves a hothead!"
>George: "That's it! I've had it!"
>[George storms out of the apartment]
ye, didn't want to interfere with the narrative you had going on, I guess this is a different episode
>Elaine comes in with a Duffel bag.
GEORGE; What's in the bag?
ELAINE: Oh, just some pepper spray cans.
>Kramer gets excited
KRAMER: Do you think I can burrow some of them? This guy, man, keeps showing up every morning and shoves letters in my mailbox. Sick of it.
>loud bout of laughter
GEORGE: What are they for?
ELAINE:For the Feminist rally, wanna come?
GEORGE: Well...yeah! Will there be a lot of women?
KRAMER: I don't think they're your type.
>Jerry comes in
GEORGE: Hey Jerry, wanna come to a Feminist rally, I've heard these gals get friendly if you support the cause.
>Jerry stares skeptically
JERRY: Support the cause, or SUPPORT the cause?
ELAINE: Definitely SUPPORT the cause, they'll smell your intentions from a mile away. That's why I'll bring pepper spray.
>Jerry still with the skeptical look
JERRY: You're only going because you want to meet riot control police men.
ELAINE: Well, yeah. That's a feminist cause.
KRAMER: I'm telling you, Jerry, it's a great idea!
JERRY: Oh, it is not.
KRAMER: Is too! You know my friend, Bob Sacamano?
JERRY: What about him?
KRAMER: He used to work in construction. He's gonna have a crew in my apartment next Wednesday, and they're knocking all the walls down!
JERRY: Do you ever listen to yourself? How are you going to live with no walls?
KRAMER: It's like a canopy, Jerry! An apartment canopy! I have no secrets, so people will be able to see everything I do. Sleep. Watch TV. Shower.
JERRY: That's a nice image.
KRAMER: I'll be living the dream!
JERRY: Kramer, for the love of God, don't knock your walls down.
KRAMER: I'd like to see you try and stop me.
JERRY: Oh, I will.
KRAMER: Oh, will you?
JERRY: You tear the walls down and I'll just build them back up. Mark my words: I will make Kramerica great again.
Open at monks
>I mean if its called a drone , why is it so quite
>the worlds gone crazy, so did ya see that video I posted of Johnson at work slipping on the spilt coffee
> well did you like it? I thought my slow mo editing was ...pretty good
> yeah it was pretty funny
> so ya liked it!
> yes , I liked it
> well Jerry I'm checking right here ...and it seems that you didn't physically like it
> well, I mean it just you said you liked it...and yet ... No like
> ah, geez George , are we gonna do this again, I al-
>Hey you're the one who said you liked it , Jerry, I need these validations of myself, and it shows that Im a well liked popular guy, the guys at my new job think I'm cool
> wow, if those guys are that delusional, I don't think one more fake Internet point is gonna help your fake reputation
It's about poking fun at society's interactions and such
If anyone has any 4chan made seinfeld episodes please share them here.
I had a ton of them on my computer but it crashed a while ago.
Some are even extremley well made scripts.
Please help a fellow dude out.
There often was a disconnect in communication. But the joke usually wasn't that a character didn't know something in time. It was usually just explained to the viewer that way. A modern show could just use a narrator. Or knowing the characters on Seinfeld, they would probably intentionally withhold information if they knew it was for others misfortune.
She would have taken a picture of George and it would have gone viral if made today.
JERRY: So how's it go with Monica last night.
GEORGE: Very well. Up to a certain point. Then it inexorably began to go wrong.
JERRY: I'm anxious to hear this.
GEORGE: Well we were on the couch. And I was thinking about how to make a move. What kind of move to make? She wanted me to! I wanted to! But I was paralyzed with self doubt.
JERRY: This sounds familiar.
GEORGE: Then it struck me! And I thought it was the best idea I ever had.
JERRY: Go on...
GEORGE: Spinning. I thought it would make her like me. She left of course. What was I thinking? I'm such a failure.
KRAMER: Whats this about failure?
JERRY: George tried to get a girl by spinning and it didn't work. She walked out on him.
KRAMER: Well it wasn't because of the spinning. [gestures with cigar] That's a good trick Jerry. Best there is.