Meanwhile on dragon /tg/...

I've had similar experiences.

is it weird if it turns me on?

That's why I only hoard stocks.

>>54611982
Recently came into a small army of kobolds, never ran something like this before. Do they typically try to murder every envoy the kingdom sends, or are mine just really vicious?

This is why I melted mine down and used it to build an animated statue of myself. It can pretty much defend itself against thieves.

>>54612067
Which part? Getting fucked over by adventurers, getting revenge on said adventurers, or something else?

>>54612176
You got lucky. Most kobolds are wimps that rely on trickery, and get BTFO as soon as they get into a fight. Just be a bit more cautious with the more savage kobolds; they can have in fights more regularly than your regular run of the mill kobolds, and require disipline.

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>>54611982
Hoard gold in a legitimate bank vault.

Hire leprechaun to make you a false hoard.

Now the king and his men guard your hoard for you, base their economy off of it and will defend it to the death.

Any faerie gold the assholes take will now land them it prison the moment they try to spend it for magical forgery.

Also the banks offer interest. Your hoard will grow all by itself if you let it.

>>54612423
But then how can you sleep on it?! What's the point without sleeping on it?

>>54612489
Sleep on the leprechaun gold. It feels the same until you take it out of the cave and you get that lovely warm feeling of knowing that your hoard is safe. Or it's the magical radiation from the glamour enchantment, either way comfy as fuck.

>>54612388
>Which part?

all of it

captcha: WOODFIELD Electra

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>>54612121
Stocks you say...

so.. let's say, purely hypothetically of course, that a dragon, let's say a virgin dragon for funsies, had gotten a penpal with this cute ginger girl who just gets him and they sorta maybe had decided to meet up.. but the dragon never wrote anything about him being a dragon.
What would you guys do?

>>54614095
Take the form of a human or elf for the first meeting.

>>54614139
okay.. and let's say for arguments sake that the dragon in question never learned magic to transform himself.. or any magic for that sake

>>54614177
Please keep in mind that you're probably gonna outlive this girl by a wide margin.

That being said, I know how the pangs of love can calw it's way into your heart when you're a youngling still. Try the discreet approach and play on sympathy: invite her to a somewhat secluded location and hide in shadows or amongst trees. I'm assuming you're very young still since you can't use illusion or shapeshifting, so you shouldn't have any problem hiding your bulk yet.

Then just ham it up. "Wait, don't come closer. There's something I haven't told you, something that might frighten you, but please know that I'm still the same person you've written to..." And so on and so forth. Humans are suckers for the whole starstruck lovers kind of deal, and if she's the sort to be able to look past that then great! You've got a trusty diversion for the next 50 or so years, make sure to care for her.

If not, well, humans are pretty tasty.

>>54614177
>>54614452

Not the draganon who you were talking to, but I suggest learning a couple basic light orb cantrips beforehand. They're not hard, just an hour or two should be enough to keep three or four up simultaneously, and it means you can sort the whole shadow thing out of there's no convenient spot around, or enhance it if there is.

Also, humans mostly have absolutely no magic skills, so it might actually impress her even if it's a rather simple trick.

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>>54611982
Call me old fashioned, but I think we all know what to do about that sort of thing...

>>54614177
get this double wyrm out of my dchan

no magic my scaley cloaca

>>54612423
My local bank is ran by a sphinx and guarded by griffins...

Griffins....
How is that safer than protecting my hoard ,myself.

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>>54614004
No survivors?

Well /dtg/, you know your lair options. Which one is it? Cave, keep, or mountain top?

Cave master race over here. Got tunnels for days, and the kobolds keep digging out more. Got a whole underground highway network, and it even hits the Obligatory Oddly Spacious Sewer Zone of three different baronies. I'm considering opening up a toll roadway service down here.

>>54614862
Oh trust me, I mulled over doing exactly that. There are some things that made me reconsider that though.

1. The kingdom didn't actually send those assholes my way.
2. The kingdom trades with me very often, and I have bulked out my hoard quite considerably because of it.
3. I had a large part in building the kingdom into what it is, and I actually like the respect that comes with it from them.

I just picked the shortest mortal I suppose. Either way, the transgressors are dead, and I have some shiny new equipment for my hoard, so I guess it isn't all bad.

>>54614095
>>54614177
Clean your scales, style your spines, and offer to pay for your date. You're a fucking dragon. Act like one, and be confident.

>>54617998
>paying
>ever
What the hell is wrong with you?

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>>54611982
Oh i used to feel your pain.
I started up a risky business and it worked for me. I fund adventurers and let them chill around my lair. I get top tier adventurers as guards, new ones come in all the time, and they pay me back double, if not triple the gold i invested.
Also, some of the retired females hang around, and they have some age extending items if you know what i mean..

>>54618016
>Never buy anything
>Ever
After certain points, you end up screwing yourself by being stingy. This is one of those points.

>>54618669
You are living the absolutely best life. Any tips for a draganon who might want to get into that style of living as well?

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>mfw I realise I have slaughter bossy red dragon for betraying me to cure some fucked-up disease druids put on me out of spite
>mfw I find out a band of dumb fuck-ups kill the idiot black dragon
>mfw I infiltrate the town they use as their base of operation
>I even polymorph as a dude halfling so they can't tell I'm a dragon
>mfw fuck-ups fucking figure out fucking seconds before I willingly reveal my identity
>mfw this idiot FUCKING half-elf FUCKING Mary Sue Special Fucking SNOWFLAKE starts screeching about how much she wants to kill me
>mfw her idiot-ass emo boyfriend calls me names
>mfw idiot-ass emo's boyfriends twin sister's boyfriend with too many fucking names is the only reasonable one, probably because he's a pussy and scared I'll kill his town.
>mfw I really have to just sit there and take their fucking insults because I genuinly don't want to fuck this up, really focused on killing the red dragon who betrayed me.
>mfw I even offer to leave their stupid fucking continent if they help me cure my affliction.
>mfw they only agree if I help them kill the white dragon first
>idiot-asses twins boyfriend flirts with me
>but after we kill the white dragon he fucking tries to stab me for NO FUCKING REASON
>mfw I thought I'd finally found someone who understood me, even a little
>mfw the druid bitch screeches at me some more
>mfw they send me to find the faggot whose guise I took instead of doing anything useful
>like the plan they agreed on that would've actually ousted the red dragon out of his lair
>mfw they've at least gathered a large force and the time to strike is near
>mfw everything goes right, we take down the dragon and the band of fucktards don't even die
>mfw the immense relief that I'll finally get the secret to my salvation from this red dragon
>THE FUCKING FUCKS ATTACKS ME
>mfw I barely escape
>mfw I try to get any revenge for condemning me to cancer
>mfw my final moments are afflicted with Alzheimers

I just wanted a cure! Was it too much to ask?

FUCK HUMANS
>Be me, kissless virginlizard
>be on the crystalchatball
>meet this 9/10 ginger chick
>She is cute
>and fun
>We instantly hit it off
>don't say anything about me being a dragon and whatnot
>fast forward a couple of weeks
>we want to meet each other
>set up a date
>I know no magic so I have no idea how to transform myself into a human form
>Ask /tg/ for advice
>decide to say "fuck it, we will go with the hiding in the shadows approach"
>I get there an hour beforehand because I want to make sure there's some good hiding places
>I get in place
>5-10 minutes later the maiden of my dreams come walking by
>get ready to assume full chad-dragon mode
>But wait
>SHE
>BROUGHT
>A
>MOTHERFUCKING
>DRAGONSLAYER

>apparently she knew I was a dragon
>she wanted into the dragonslayer guild by killing me and she had her senpai or whatever look over her

>well fuck that. I will just hide here until you grow tired
>12 hours later I get back
>write this
>fuck human chicks, not with my dick but with like.. a rake or something
>And I am still a kisslesslizard :'(

>>54611982
Learn a fucking Cloning spell and make a copy of your self to guard your hoard.

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>>54617924

Well, if you've got the respect of the local kingdom, perhaps ask them if they can do something to curtail this sort of thing? Perhaps refusing to trade with or protect adventurers who raid your lair?

So i figured out the best way to guard my Hoard.

I spent a lot of my youth shapechanged into different humanoids learing different things like magic, martial arts and thievery.

As such i came to discover the best kind of guards i can get.

Fucking monks.

They are excedingly loyal and abide by their oaths.
After i've built a monastery for them and instructed them for a while they became totally devoted to me.

And can you imagine the faces of any thieves or invaders dumb enough to attack or intrude upon the monastery?

I once dropped of a dozen sun monks onto a fort due to a contract i had with a kingdom in regards to helping their defense.
These dozen or so humans were enough to incinerate most of the invading army while being practically immune to magic and ranged weaponry themselves.
Then there's their melee combat capability and speed that allows them to catch and capture most individuals.

If only Kobolds and Dragonborn weren't such lousy martial artists i'd raise them instead of Humans and Wood Elves to guard my shit.

>>54616308
Because no one is thinking about robbing the Griffin Bank.

Think about it. Griffins exist at that perfect point in threats where either people are terrified of them and will stay away, or Griffins and whatever they are guarding is trivial and not worth killing them for.

Get a bag of holding
Shovel your horde in
Go to the Sphinx DISCREETLY
Tell them you want to open the account with everything in your coin purse

Sphinxes aren't dumb. They'll figure it out and handle your business.

>>54617317
A major city.

Let me explain
>Some petty king establishes a good fortification
>A "Dwarven Merchant" arrives one day, makes friends with the petty king, agrees to be a financier in exchange for certain heritable privileges
>With great wealth, and "fate on his side" the king grows to great prosperity
>His capital grows, and grows.
>Then his son takes the throne
>The "Dwarven Merchant" continues to finance the kingdom, while making large returns on investments
>And the capital grows, and grows.
>Repeat the process, a lot.
>Said "Merchant" lives in a manor that will rival the king's palace.
>Effectively protected by a human kingdom
>Servants of multiple kinds, rather than just short, scaly dog-lizard-men.
>A large vault that just happens to be big enough for a massive dragon to sleep in and is filled with tons of treasures.

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Why is she so perfect? Pic related, me and my wife.

Just woke up, how long has this existed?
Also I need to check if cities realy can count as part of a hoard? Let me explain. This Half-Gold paladin came by with her farthers disintegrated remains came by to request access to some restricted parts of my library and for some ingredients for a ritual, she was respectful so I said yes, after we were done she said how nice it was that I was content to keep a beautiful city instead of pursuing wealth that serves no purpose and left with her band of bipeds.
Decide to check what she ment, I drained the swamps and made this city as a trade hub, everything else was secondary. Turns out that land mass sun fall became accessible and that's where all the trade comes from now, added to that some dispute or another has taken most of the other trade routes and my hoard's just not growing. I know it's my fault but everything looked fine a century back when that emperor came by to try and invade although they tell me it's been like this since before then.
I have I've been told one of the greatest libraries in the known world (many of the others I knew of are gone so I may have the only remaining original of some works), one of the best music schools in the known world, a renowned school of magic (why they didn't get that up to one of the best in the known world I don't understand), a renowned school for architecture and historical warfare and a few other things they tell me are impresive.
In short Human city, what do?

>>54621114
>Also I need to check if cities realy can count as part of a hoard?
Do it belong to you?
Then fucking yes, it's part of your horde.

A better question is "Are the people inside part of your horde"
The answer is yes, they're also your property, but in the same way a kobold is your property.

>>54621175
Good to know, I feel up for a bout of activity and I need to know if I should do something to gain prestige or if the city is enough since it makes up nearly the whole of my hoard at the moment, I'm the oldest Dragon around by some margin so gaining more is posable but I could use that time to learn what advancements have been made in magic or find a mate instead.
Also was there a mass migration or something I missed? All the other Dragons I knew of are gone?

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Daily reminder that if you've not surgically replaced your heart with a Balor, or are eating Dragon Eggs to extend your lifespan you're a fucking disappointment to Tiamat and should let your young cannibalize you.

>>54620969
fleshies get out

>>54617924
>He thinks the kingdom respects him when he's got adventurers raiding his shit
Obviously they don't respect you enough if they allow that to happen. Your fault for trusting the scaleless.

>>54621333
Focus on the here and now. It is time to evaluate your assets. If there is a stable/growning population, then you need to remind the city who is their benefactor. Don't go burning anything down. Land just outside of town, demand the local lords and leaders come to you. Once they arrive, start figuring out what the hell is going on starting with the trade routes and work up from there. Then its time to diplomacy.
Since, for one reason or another, you are presumably the largest, oldest and strongest around, find out who are the major players and bend them to your will or entice them with added protection. That necromancer on the far hill would help make great undead slaves to use as labor. That demon cult down the river would probably be better off working for you, get them to realize who the real power in the lands is.
Then you go find a like-minded, somewhat younger dragon and make some eggs, especially one whose hoard has been suffering due to some adventurers showing up while she was hunting.

Hey, so I'm a Gold that has been asleep for...probably too long. I'm considerably bigger than what I was when I went to sleep, and my cantrips tell me that its been almost 600 years.
I have a few problems with my situation. I can no longer stand up enough to be able to move, I can't remember the incantation for shapeshifting either.
Worst of all, I have a cramp in my tail that I can't seem to work out, and I cant see it to figure out whats going on since it kind of curled around a bend down a tunnel. Actually, it may just be stuck.
>Help?

>>54620528
Sounds like a good idea. I think you solved my problem, so you have my gratitude.

>>54624223
They weren't even the same race as the city. They were a bunch of tieflings, a minotaur, and kitsunes boasting about how their thousand fold swords would cleave me in half. What the hell is a thousand fold sword? You tell me, because they aren't common around here, and they didn't damage me for shit. At least the minotaur taste good.

>>54624851
Where do you remember going to sleep? If it isn't too far out of the way, I'll see if I can help. Just don't panic, otherwise you could get a boulder to smack you in the head.

>>54625206
Well, up in the mountains above Whitecliff of course. Also, I am laying on top of my hoard and while i can crane my head around, none of it is visible, though i think i remember a spear that was lying on top that seems to be embedded in my scales now. Its getting rather itchy considering its a dragon bane one.
I still don't know how i overslept. my alarms were set for 100 years.

>>54625308
Oh god, I just realized that I'm 1400 years old now. I've been a Great wyrm for 200 years. No wonder I'm so big.

Hey guys, just woke up.
It seems that someone built a city atop my lair.
The dwellers of the sewers were more than willing to guard my horde.

Should i just trash the place or should i negotiate for the ownership of the land? I think i have a good chance of getting the rights, plus this could be a pretty good source of gold.

>>54622147
A whole Balor or just its heart?

>>54625308
Okay, that's good. I was just heading back from Zanderfeldt Ridge, and you are right on the way. I'll pick up some scrolls and be over there as soon as possible. Try not to scratch at the spear, it could get messy if you do.

>>54625387
Well, at least you feel rested now, right? I bet you slept quite soundly to be able to sleep that long.

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/dtg/, i may have fucked up big time, and definitely need some help.

So, i was trolling about on the human mananets and stumbled upon this particular story.
It seemed like a novel idea. I mean, who wouldn't want a hoard that simply adores you and never leaves your side?
With a bit of power imbuing, you could even hold telepathic conversations with them.
So i started to animate my hoard one by one.
Make it nice and difficult to alter.
Shock and horror, at about the 1560000th piece, they started clumping together. And i heard the most sonorous voice ask for more.
More coins. Halfway through my hoard, i had a roughly wyvern sized humanoid shape chatting with me. Again, asking for coins. Even once my hoard was spent and the creature had taken on a distinctly human shape, that of a human female, she asked for more coins. When i got back from my little side hoard with one thousand bags of holding full of coins, she mentioned she'd beaten down a group of adventurers who tried to steal her away. All fine and dandy, right?
It gets worse. The moment i'd exhausted both hoards, she broke out through the citadel ceiling and started walking off towards the southern regions muttering something about getting married and having our honeymoon. And after the third city she trampled in her lovestruck lollygagging, someone called in dragoons to deal with the giant coin golem lady. The one time i got a good look at her eyes, they looked like something i'd seen before on mad mages...

Anyway. Yandere(is that even the right term?) Coin Golem, wat do?

>>54626630
>What, you aren't big enough to fit an entire balor in your chest? out with you, youngling.
>>54627023
Thank you. I hear scraping sounds and I think something is gnawing at my tail now. I normally wouldn't be worried, but this is an unusual situation. By the way, what color are you, or does that matter in this potentially forward-thinking world?

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>busy fucking up a city for pleasure and profit
>having fun times flinging hellfire around
>suddenly a bunch of adventurers show up
>ohboy.jpg
>fly over to tell them to fuck off
>they tell me to fuck off instead
>isthatso.jpg
>take the time to defeat them ironically
>they manage to slip away
>shrug and go back to destroying the city

All in a day's work. Who the fuck watches gates anyway?

>>54620403
That's what you get for trusting in hairless monkeys

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>>54611982
>not bribing an adventure into claiming he slew you to get them off your back (with your manufactured "evidence", of course), lying low for a few years and then getting right back to where you started
>with the added bonus of people convinced you're either immortal or have a divine patron bringing you back
>plus the former adventurer having a vested interest in sabotaging efforts to kill you lest you spill the beans
They just don't make them like they used to.

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I just got my first cave and I'm not sure how to do any of this.
Any tips from the more experienced dragons who might be able to help out a dessert dwelling dragonling out?

My hoard isn't that big by the way, I've only got like a magic spear and a small heap of gold.

>>54628656
Make a secondary cave deep in the desert, put some of the gold there and spread rumours of a small treasure.
The locals will ignore it, and all the city folk will rush in, promptly die of dehydration, and leave all their stuff to you.

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>>54626630
See disciple of Ashradorn.
The whole fucking thing.

>>54627454
I am a silver, though I don't think my color really matters. I am almost there. I will be using a polymorph scroll to turn you into a human temporarily. I will help get rid of whatever is gnawing at your tail, I will get you into a larger area, and then I will help you with the incantation for shapeshifting. Alright, see you momentarily.

>>54628819
Oh. That's not a bad idea. Thanks man.
What about servants, I can't seem to find any kobolts out here.

>>54620403
Damn, that's a tough break dranon. Was actually kind of rooting for you, it would've been a salve to my own increasing cynicism regarding the non-dragon races if you had gotten it on with that woman. Re-kindle that spark of compassion you know?

But I guess in the end they'll never be more than conniving rats even when you have the best intentions.

I'd suggest a low profile for the time being. They'll likely be on the lookout for you for a few years. Maybe you could spend the time getting that #nomagic sorted? I know a silver who does correspondence lessons in exchange for future favours from his would be students.

>>54620403
>I have no idea how human romance works
The dragonslayer is just foreplay you uncultured snake, you kill him and she gets wetter than a dragonturtle.

>>54627169
Send her my way, I wanna grow my hoard.
Alternatively - dispel her before she grows jealous and stabs you.

>>54629159
>>54629269
This is a metallic only board.

>>54629318
I'm sorry, I didn't know. My mom wouldn't allow me on the dragonet until after I moved out. This is my first time on this board.

>>54628936
Thank you for Freeing me, young one. Come, tell me your name. Names have power and I give mine freely so I can know you In the future when you are as large as I...and maybe not so careless. And thank you for saving my tail. If you wish, I will reward you with a claw that is a bane to all your future scaled foes. That spear hurt quite a bit and I can bind it to you. Its a +3 mithril dragonbane greatspear once carried by Hurin the Dragonscourge, though that was over 800 years ago. Remind me, how old are you?

>>54624648
I live in/under the city, they class themselves as a constitutional monarchy (I'm working out if I need to fix that? Honestly we're at the point where I don't really need much control over the small stuff) and have been happy enough to answer my questions. The missing Dragons problem isn't clear I'm afraid, seems a century back all the big names of the time had a scuffle and then another in short order and many have gone quite. The Old bro tier guy sunrise about a fifth of the globe hasn't been active since then but that place is quite secretive apparently so he could still be running things, locally it seems humans have got all types of methods of killing Dragons because that scrap hurt them and they got organised and shared their ideas (no such items are allowed in my city, my humans saw to that apparently) so if I travel away from the sun to the cold there might be a Dragon living under water that's a bit older than me, past the sun has apparently been a mess for about 2 centuries with places no mortal goes so working out if any of them are older than me will take me checking things out myself and none on that land mass sun fall are believed to be 400 yet! The only confirmed Dragon older than me is asleep and not expected to wake up (or already dead), I didn't know him when she was awake so I don't want to disturb her but it would be nice to talk to someone who remembers.
At the moment I'm thinking just offer protection to the other near by nations and see where it goes from there.
Thanks.
>>54625682
Go for it, I suggest showing curiosity, it puts the biped mind towards influencing the situation rather than confronting it so they're more likely to encourage the you own the land and will look after them for gold idea.

>>54629269
Easier said than done, by this point she's large enough that i could rest on her head and it'd just be like my old hoard. That, and she strolled through New Anthauma, and you know how crazy those guys are about antimagic fields. I swear, my ears are permanently damaged from the sound of hundreds of AM fields crackling and fizzling out under her feet.

On the plus side, she seems the caring type rather than the stabby type.

Hey Draganons I'm more of a collector interesting things than just straight gold. I have a couple collections so far.

My first one includes artifacts, weapons, etc both magical and non magical with specific dates of creation, the designer, purpose, all organized by type and date. It's interesting to see how some of the weapons evolved and some of the artifacts I've found or acquired are pretty powerful, though I don't plan on using them. This collection is in a medium sized mountain a little ways from my main collection.

My second one and the one I'm most proud of is my library. I dare say I nearly have a copy for almost every book/tome written so far. This collection is by far my largest, I started it in an abandoned ancient Dwarven stronghold in a mountain and has taken up about 75% of the place all the books are sorted by topic, author, and date (I use my own dating system as the standard one around here has changed too many times to be useful). I even developed a magical cataloging system with the help of a few wizards that I met during my travels (They were very helpful in developing the system and maintaining it), They also help restore the older books so everything is in good condition. There is the restricted section of course, though only I know and I have access to this part. A couple of the books I've acquired from some less than reputable beings even I dare not read them. I must say though I started collecting about 1600 years ago by this point and the quality of the books made hit it's peak about 700 years ago and has been declining slowly ever since, the quality of work varies throughout the years. I've thought about this for some time but I there is a very prominent book publishing company in the nearby human kingdom that I could acquire for the small amount of gold I actually do have in my horde. This way I would get some gold back slowly over time but I could finally deal with the quality issue of some of the books.

>>54630419
Land on her head, you need to enforce your claim.

>>54630462

I already am. For one, how do you think i know i could rest on her head and for two, where do you think i planted the crystal ball?

Ah, cripes. Looks like she's gone fully autonomous. I just saw her strip a dwarven mountainhome of all the gold and integrate the load to herself.

>>54630458
You don't need to buy it, inform a suitable party that you're looking to return certain books to circulation and many will offer to pay for the privilege.

>>54630512
So throw a bag of holding on her. Ought to give you a good laugh.

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>>54611982
>Someone hold me, I am seething in anger.

Time to go back to your s̶a̶f̶e̶ ̶s̶p̶a̶c̶e̶ dungeon, Snowflake the Special.

>>54630458
Continued

It's only really the human and other short lived races that the book quality has been decreasing. The Elves and Dwarves have stayed consistent over the years and I have someone people who send me every copy and every revision of a book whether they're published or not which is great for me so I don't have to go out and find all the books from those races.

At the rate that my library is expanding I'll need to move it to someplace larger or go deeper underground. I have my sights set on the largest mountain in this region though it's already inhabited by various creatures so clearing it will take a lot of time. I do have a section on Dwarven mining and Underground Architecture I should probably read which would help in planning out the new library and could teach some of my other underlings which would make the construction go smoother.

Lastly the nearby human kingdom has finally released to the public their grand library, claiming that it is the greatest library that has every been created. I've visited it and it doesn't even have a quarter of the books I have. I know that only a select few creatures even know about my library but them claiming it's the greatest in history really irks me a bit. I want to show them that their library really sucks but then I fear that would comprise the amount of work I've put into mine. But still whenever I visit the kingdom every time I hear them bragging about their library.

>>54630512
You need to get out of there if you can't fight what she's getting you into a fight with, can you Gate? The elemental plain of Earth has lots of gold while you plan your next move, if plain shifting is out try and get her to form a pole tall enough to reach the moon, you need to pick the battle field here.

>>54630534
Tried that. None of the coins went in and i can't find a big enough bag to fit over her head anymore.

Also, incidentally, i've slipped down to her shoulders. She just straight up donkey punched a dragoon out of the sky. Just like that.

>>54630616
Suggest to the human in charge that they change their claim to "the greatest public library" they should get the hint.

>>54630527
That is a perfect idea, there's been many books I've noticed over the time that have gone out of circulation and have been lost. They would pay quite a bit to get some of their older history books back too. I could even get some royalties and get some more gold so my horde doesn't look so bad compared to some of the other in the greater area.

>>54630704
Can you still talk to her? If so you should try to get her to agree to let you take her to another plane. Promise her more gold so she'll go?

>>54630735
Ooh good idea. This iteration of the king seems be smarter than some of the recent ones so he should get the hint!

>spend 200 years writing down the most creative enigmas the world has ever seen
>group of adventurers come to my cave
>they don't even try to speak to me

When did humans stop caring about some foreplay? I mean, it's not like I actually need that single specific gem amongst all my treasures, so I wouldn't actually mind giving it away if they actually tried to play some mind games.

Am I asking too much?

>>54630814
>not mind giving that gem away
>what kind of dragon are you

>>54630807
Okay, i can try, but as long as that dwarven war machine is in her sights, i don't think i can get her attention.

>>54630814
Try putting them in a position where they're forced to talk to you then

You could try putting them in a maze, try to talk to them telepathically or being loud. Then whenever they get one of them lead them through a section of the maze or open a section of the maze for them to pass until they answer the next one correctly. Just one possible option

>>54630862
Hmm try to get a the people out immediate area put some gold in an area then once she's doing her thing with that pile of gold do whatever you have to, to talk to her then you can promise her more gold somewhere else.

Hey guys, noticed a chunk of worked marble sticking out of a pile of boulders awhile back. Just got done digging it out yesterday, turns out it was a Dwarven Ruin. Shapeshifted into a cat and headed in to explore. There is a huge camp of ilithids building...something.
Anyways, I managed to get near the vault (cleverly disguised of course, but still warded so the ilithids clearly don't know about it). I need someone who is young enough to fit through the door (nothing larger than an ancient copper, cause thats what I am and i can just barely fit) but old enough to help get through that encampment. Psionics are a bitch after all. I'll split the horde evenly with you for the gold, gems, and we take an equal split on the number of magic items, you can even have the odd ones out. Based on the size of the hall past the door, it should be a pretty massive horde, considering I could easily fly inside it.

>>54630952

I...i don't think there's enough gold left on the continent.

That war machine? Damned goldhogs built it out of enchanted gold. On the plus side, she now has clothing, but on the minus side, she also has heavy thaumatic artillery. She's started blasting the dragoons away with it. I landed in her cleavage after the recoil and then got pelted by a swarm of cats that i could swear was a dragoon at one point. Help.

>>54630952
>or being loud
Would not recommend. Tiny ones tend to spook easily and can become hostile when presented with loud noises.

>>54630990
Ah I'd loved to go and find out if there's anything that I could add to my collections but I'm too big to fit

>>54631055
Well at least you aren't the one getting hit out of the air right? You've created a monster my friend.

>>54631144
Oh yes that is very true, bad suggestion. Oh I know! And the end of each section there could be an open area and you could be there chilling then they have to talk to you and once they answer correctly you let them pass

>be me visiting distant relatives in distant and mysterious East
>hear about some dragon-emperor
>don't know guy but sound important, I'll drop by and say hi
>dragon-emperor isn't a dragon
>he is human
>he died of fear when I landed in his palace
>PANIC.jpg
>ate corpse
>some random old fuck comes
>"My emperor, you did it? Is that really you? You managed to become a real dragon?"
>Don't know what to do I say yes
>Now I am emperor of some humans
>They want me to rule and I don't know anything about this ruling
I will never ever visit east again.
Fuck I can live with adventurers once in a decade, but this bureaucrats keeps waking me every day so I can attend some state ceremony and give my royal consent.

>>54631263
But now your horde is literally a nation and all the wealth in the nation.

>>54631239

I just wanted some company is all, i didn't mean it!

Oh, great, here's some blue dragon yelling into my ear about something, as if i didn't have enough problems already...

>>54631292
They use JADE COINS and PAPER NOTES as currency. What kind of shit-tier hoard is this?
Plus I'm sure chancellor Huang is plotting against me and grand general Wu is insufferable faggot that wants me to invade some places I never heard of.

Also I feel bad for late emperor's family. His son have some father issues and is in difficult "phase" as humans call it, daughter is sweet child that I don't have stomach to tell that her dad is dead and I am scared of day when empress will come back to palace.
I know right magic, but was never one of human-dragon relationship fags.

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>Chromaticucks

>>54631423
You're going to need a lot of help to deal with her...

What's a blue dragon doing there?

>>54631496
Oh right they don't use gold, that is a pretty bad hoard. Well do you know anyone that could resurrect the "Dragon-Emperor?" back in your home land? You ate the body right so you still technically have it with you. Then you could play it off as oh the "dragon ritual" only worked for so long etc etc and then you'd be free to go home. The Empire would get it's leader back and the kids their father back.

>>54617317
>not a Keep deep within a Cave on a Mountain Top

30,000/f/Mountain Top Cave Keep Frostwyrm here. Anyone want to destroy some villages?

>>54630704
Portable hole then.

>>54630807
You're welcome, most humans don't want to be a nuisance and as long as you don't trigger their confrontation response can be dealt with easily. I also learnt that the humans near me were very glad I had stuff that was otherwise missing (I missed out on getting payment for it, one of the perils of a mostly public library), letters between kings and similar types are of quite a bit of interest to them (I had a few that I hadn't filed because I didn't think they were worth anything so I managed to extract some "to be named later" for them).

>>54632045
>white dragon overcompensation
Colourlets, when will they learn?

>>54632212
That's true. However I've kept my presence in this area a secret as to not influence to the people around here I got out in my human or other race form to gather the items for my collection. I'm only really in my true form when I'm in my home or when I go out to get some food. In all the time I've been in this land only a handful people have seen my true form aside from the people I selected to assist in my library.

It's unfortunate you weren't able to get anything back for your contributions. I have quite a mass of copies of letters between nobles but for my area at least I think I'll hold onto those though. One of my personal rules that I set in place for myself has to not meddle in the affairs of the smaller races and not influence their behaviour. I've only failed that once and don't want to have to do through that whole thing again.

HELP!!! I CANT STOP EATING HALFLINGS AND IT IS MAKING ME FAT!!!!

>>54632045
>White Dragon
How do you even read? I thought no white dragon could read/write/count because of their low intelligence.
As a matter of fact how are you even breathing

>Brass dragon master race reporting in

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>>54611982
Hey fellow dragons. How far up into the air do you guys fly?

Asking for a friend

>>54629560
I will gladly accept that Greatspear, and keep it as a token of friendship. I don't think I have said it yet, but I am 750 years old. Nice to cross paths with you.

>>54633840
>he can't fly for an indefinite amount of time
look at this whelp over here

>>54634089
Looks like you need some reading glasses in your old age wyrm

>>54634136
Ah yes, well, I am nearly 2500 years old now, and have long since gone blind. I have a goblin slave reading these posts to me, and typing out my responses.

>>54625155
Pfff. Thousand folds, what a joke. That's a bunch of ignorant chumps, even by the standards of short lived fleshies.

Basically there's this island nation a little ways off on the other side of the continent. The metal quality there (especially the iron) is awful, just low grade crap. So to make actual usable steel they use a folding technique in forging to even out the normally wonky nature of the metal. To my understanding it's usually folded around 6 or 7 times for best results.
Anyway this results in a very hard blade that can retain a very sharp edge. Very good for cutting and slicing through unprotected flesh. On the other hand the blades require more upkeep and are kinda brittle compared to those made over here, almost no flex at all.

Honestly I'm surprised they left you with swords intact. I had some nutter come up to me one with one of those. Started yelling about his long dead family and how they where so great, and how for his honour he'd slay me with his ancestral blade that's been passed down for 300 years. So of course I detect magic. No magic, just a steel sword. I'm kinda amused at this point so I tell him to have at it. The lil guy runs up to my arm and starts swinging at the inside of my elbow, just lays into it with all his strength. Three swings in and the sword snaps clean in two. He just looked so put out by this, I just burst out laughing. Good times.

>>54629318
That's not even slightly true.

>>54629338
Ignore the snooty rustwings kiddo.
Anyway good tip for first time lairing is to not get too attached.
You're still young enough that there's plenty of things that can seriously threaten you. Further more, you've got a long life of growth ahead of you which means eventually you'll want/need to move somewhere new.
So, keep in mind that your setup is a temporary thing and use your time there as a learning experience. And don't be afraid to bail out if something dangerous attacks you. Better to survive and grow strong enough for revenge than die over a bare handful of teasure.

>>54633582
Alright, dranon, here's what you do:
See that halfling in your claws?
Don't put it in your mouth.
Learn some discipline brat!

>>54633802
Oh shush, you blabber mouth.
Yes it's true that whites are short lived by our standards and they don't tend to score as high in traditional dracademics, but really there's no reason to be spouting this hueist crap.
I mean if you want to throw insults for no reason then why don't you tell the thread how you miraculously found the strength to stand up, you stripling whelp.

>>54634700
Never thought I'd see a WHITENED black dragon.

>>54634774
Live for a long enough time and you'll probably end up trying just about everything once. Chromatic, Metallic, Extraplanar...many interesting experiences to be had out there.
Well, assuming you're not some sort of hue supremacist prude, anyway.

Who else /demandtollsatmountainpasses/ here?

I've made my horde exponentially large once I found the busiest pass.

>>54634888
I mean hoard, although the goblins that share my caverns have multiplied too

>>54634821
>The older you get, the more of a whore you become.

This is what Liberals really believe.

>>54629560
>>54633874
I almost forgot. My name is Razarav

>>54635086
>his social graces and courting skills are so low he can't get multiple mates.

I mean I guess I shouldn't be surprised considering where we are

>>54635086
What are you on about?
No really what is this dranon on about?
What do prostitutes have to do with having relationships with different dragons over many thousands of years of life?
Kids these days, spouting nonsensical crap and pretending that it's a wise proclamation.

What does everyone's hoard consist of here?

>>54635158
I'm a rad dragon
I mostly keep sunglasses, skate boards, surf boards and rare sega/snes games

>>54635158
Mine's pretty standard. Lots of those little golden disks the lesser races use as currency, a pile of dwarf cut gemstones, two magical swords (they were a gift but they count). I think the most unique item I have is this gilded armor I plucked from a caravan a few years ago. I think it was meant for the king? Lol mine now bitch!

>>54635158
I mostly keep objects I find have value, whether it be monetary or sentimental. I have your stereotypical pile-o-gold, my egg shell, gifts from friends, various fancy pieces of furniture, a library, and the gravesite of all the mortals that I have cared for.

>>54635091
Thank you again, and go with the grace of the winds.

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>>54635208
That's pretty rad.

>>54611982
See you're going about it all the wrong way. You should be the one who runs a large adventuring guild you have the money and you could be the one sending them out to get you more treasure while bankrolling them. This sends them out to other locations to raid instead of to your cave to do it. You have a ready made army to protect their "guild financier.". Also every successful adventurer will pay back the loans you make to them with interest increasing your hoard.

>>54635397
A great idea draganon, I think I will pick it up.

>>54635208
Oh shit my collection ain't got nothing over yours

>>54635241
That's a pretty solid hoard

>>54635333
That's pretty different compared to most of us, similar to mine! It's nice to find another Dragon who also collects stuff similar to what I do!

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>>54635158
A bunch of weird coins, a bunch of old IBM terminals, a 300MB hard drive, some kind of plasma tube sword thing, and enough gold, silver, and copper strips to line a second space needle. I think I saw a betamax mixed in with the Amigas the other day. Also my kobolds are literally drowning in copies of Pokemon Crystal and Nerf Herder CDs.

This is what I get for being a dragon in a cyberpunk fantasy setting.

>>54635462
Not too often you hear from a Draganon from a cyperpunk fantasy setting! That's a very interesting collection with similar but very different items!

>>54635653
Yeah, it's not a popular combination. You know what else isn't popular? Having to strip cable to get gold for your hoard. Can't trust kobolds with wirecutters, they end up bringing down half the tunnels.

>>54635730
Oh that's rough. Having some competent kobolds would be so nice. I have a couple groups that I use solely as miners and very basic construction works because they aren't competent enough to do much else. Hell I can barely trust them to build my bookshelves! I try to give them some basic level of education on the work I instruct them to do, some of them seem to learn but others not so much. They do have a lot of enthusiasm though which helps.

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>>54635889
I'm not even sure these count as being "mine". We just happen to be in the same ancient subway network, and they just happen to not want to die. it's a mostly symbiotic relationship. I keep scavengers out, they give me anything shiny they find. They mostly hide their warrens in the old service stations and siphon power from 300 year old power lines. They started 3 fires last week trying to play Colossal Cave Adventure. On the bright side, we've got working dial-up now.

Hey /dtg/, dragonborn here. I'm having a problem here with the local humans thinking I'm some sort monster and the local dragons thinking I'm just an oversized kobold. Anyone here have some advice? I'm hoping that some of you are accepting here.

>>54635976
That's a pretty beneficial relationship. From the sounds of it they won't be going anywhere anytime soon so they pretty are yours. Well at least it won't be very dull down there, as long as they don't cave in the area that is

>>54636014
I'd be careful coming somewhere like this being a only a Dragonborn, some of the other Dragons aren't so accepting.

Your best bet is with the humans most likely. It'd very hard to convince most Dragons to see you as anything more than an upgraded kobold essentially. Humans would be more easily persuaded. Prove to them that you aren't just "some monster" help with any problems the town has, get to know some of the people there. It'll be a slow process but they'll warm up to you eventually if you give them the opportunity to. Hell I've even seen small human village accept a group of hobgoblins who just wanted to live a quiet life for a change. It them a lot of time eventually they were accepted. Just show/prove to them that you really aren't a threat.

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>>54636014
Go mercenary. You'll either die for some random vassal state's cause and get a small statue or live long enough to see yourself become a raid boss.

>>54636027
Bit late for that. If it wasn't for the absurd amount of adventurers, mad science monsters, and rodents of unusual size down here we would've starved a long time ago. Or I would've anyway. Little cretins crawl around in the vents.

>>54636196
That must be so cramped down there then! I'm in my library a lot of the time but I designed it so that there's lots of space to move around and everything. The kobolds would amke excellent scouts being able to move around in the smaller areas like that, would be great if you ever look to expand your domain!

>>54636321
The problem is my domain is under one of those fancy megacities. According to my lunch I'm in the abandoned subway tunnels about 50 miles below ground. I guess that explains the local climate. Above me is effectively 11 cities stacked on top of eachother. Too much digging and we end up with a repeat of the 3rd Street Cataclysm. Why must futuristic semi-totalitarian merchant republics have so little respect for OSHA compliance?

>>54636180
>>54636196
Thanks draganons, I think I'll try helping the villagers first and if that doesn't work I'm sure I can find a mercenary company out there somewhere.

>>54636417
Oh that sounds very restricting. Are you stuck down there or could you get our if you really wanted? I hear you with the building safety. I aside from my groups of kobolds I have some Elven wizards that I personally selected to assist me with my library, don't want anything collapsing on them while they're working

>>54636476
No problem Dragonbornanon, just remember to be patient, things like this take time.

>>54636476
If all else fails, there's always spamming defamatory comments about their sexual preferences on /dragonpol/.

>>54636577
If I really wanted to, yes I suppose I could break lose. However being known as the being that shot a giant flying lizard shaped hole through the middle of all 11 levels of the city wouldn't exactly earn me favors. Besides, the new Lord Protector is taxing the airlines to death, they'd probably call a hit on me for interrupting their flight schedules.

Don't you just love it when a would be dragonslayer and sorceress attempt to kill you and fail? After I've swatted them aside, I usually morph into a human and rape one of them in front of the other. You should've seen the aroused look on this spell slinging bitch as I rode her boyfriend's ass.

>>54632122

Tried that. She found the other end and wears them as a ring now.

>>54631683
Apparently she stole his hoard or something, we ended up talking things through.

We have to find a way to stop her, or at least neutralize whatever spell is causing her to assimilate gold. She's figured out how to detect gold.
Let me reiterate.
She has figured out how to find our hoards and assimilate them to herself.
If she's left unchecked, we all can kiss our hoards goodbye.
Well, not me, but still. It's in everyone's best interests to stop her somehow.
I don't want to kill her, though, she's...um, really growing on me. By which i mean i may be in love.

Actually...>>54631263 , can you use your newfound power to set some mages to work harmlessly dispelling a giant coin golem? I'm not sure, but i think i see a little bit of jade sticking out of her hand over there,,,

>>54636675
Hold on, lemme get the popcorn.

>>54636638
That would cause some issues. Well be mindful over the next couple hundred years that you don't get stuck under many more layers of the city

>>54636679
OH Damn does dispel magic work on any of the coins in her body? In love or not you got a serious issue that needs to dealt with first before you start mixing love into this!

>>54636759

I've tried. Heck, blue and i tried to blast them simultaneously. No dice, she's gotten reflect from something. Probably that dwarven war machine she cannibalized.

>>54636759
The only good thing about this situation is the steady stream of adventurers. I can't tell you how many megacorps send fodder down here to try and find lost technologies or secret magic cabals. Pyromancers are apparently a hot item lately.

>>54636788
You know any greater entities? or divine entities? Honestly that's probably your only hope now.

>>54636833
At least there's some upside. Can' imagine there's a lot whole lot of positives to being almost stuck down there.

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>>54636910
Free electricity and and utilities for one. The last few hundred years this city's infastructure has become so bloated siphoning enough power to entertain a few hundred kobolds and jury rig a small water basin barely register as a blip. Politics up above being what they are, I doubt the District Commander has even noticed that she's running a few dollars over what the books say she should. Thus are the perks of living in an imploding dystopia.

>>54636995
Definitely better then having to get them the hard way. Still if I was in your position I don't think I would be able to keep my secluded away like that. For that long at least.

>>54636910

It's what i tried first chance i found out she can track gold by the scent. Everyone i contacted told me that watching this was hilarious.

I do have an idea, but i don't know if dragonbreath can connect with enchanted gold through reflect...

>>54637044
Perhaps it's a cultural thing. The air here is polluted, the skies are full of cameras, the cities with anything worth pillaging all have rail canons and mass ward generators, and everywhere you look there's some damn fool mortal who downloaded a copy of the Lesser Key of Solomon and think that accidentally casting a few spells gives him a right to make demands of the Eldest Race. I'm quite content in my peaceful hole with my hyperactive lizards and my collection of floppy disks.

>tfw there's more competent rpers in a joke thread on /tg/ than in any actual games you've been in lately
what is this feeling im feeling

>>54612176
>>54612388
Update on the kobolds: they've managed to take a princess hostage for me and have killed three of the four knights sent to rescue her. The fourth actually ran away when I came to offer a deal.

So now I'm left with a bunch of babbling idiots dancing around a bonfire and a princess bored out of her mind, waiting for whatever idiot cavalier they decide to send to his death next.

Anyone have anything I can use to keep her occupied? I've never been into the taste of human flesh, and the kobolds won't let her out even if I try to tell them to let her leave. I think they're actually too stupid to understand me.

>>54637513
Have you tried Checkers?

>>54637579
My sets are too delicate to use in normal play. Do you suppose horse-shoes might work?

>>54637681
If you hit her hard enough, sure.

>>54637513
Flesh to Stone the princes, preserves them nicely.
>>54637097
Sounds like you're well placed to claps their city, have you considered demanding tribute?

>>54637775
I've tried of course yes. Even issued a formal edict. You know what happened? It got sent to the Council, where it was deliberated and argued about for days, before the Lord Protector finally bothered to show up, then promptly bullshit up an excuse to pass it over to the individual District Commanders who had a jurisdiction dispute to decide who's problem it actually is, which then led to an argument about gerrymandering, and from there we moved on to the definition of de jure domain in terms of previously unrecognized territory, and after five weeks I gave up and just accepted that the future just isn't what it used to be.

>>54634501
Thanks. I'll try to remember that.
Maybe I can disguise myself and go to the local town to learn something about them - I guess growing my hoard isn't too important right now if I have to move somewhere new soon.
I mean, I won't be able to take it with me if I've got more coins than I can carry.

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>Be Dragon
>Can live for up to 1201+ years, barring the twilight stage where death nears itself and my expected lifespan is related to whether I'm Chromatic or Metallic and my own Charisma Score
>Can literally tell myself to die
>Can Turn myself into landmass
>Can Stay alive as long as I save on my CON checks and keep my CON up
>Can surgically replace my heart with a Balor or bind a fiend to it to become an Immortal Outsider As a Disciple of Ashardalon,
>Can Eat Dragon eggs via some convoluted shit Kaluth came up with to extend my lifespan
>Can Become an Immortal Deity just by eating my entire Hoard and adhering to my base alignment as a Dragon Ascendant, and nothing stops me from doing this as a disciple of Ashardalon, so that's just 2 layers of special Chaos and evil right there
>There's a fucking Abyssal layer up for the Grabs which gives me a template that effectively makes me a Demon Lord and grants me the ability to be ultimately ammoral, and cast all alignment descriptor spells without penalty
>Could just become a Vampire, and gain the benefits of their age categories, making me an utter unstoppable monstrosity as soon as I age for their given age category power bonuses so long as I have some land to rule over and a fine supply of well bred hydra to eat
>Now have the benefits of all that my race can provide to create spawn, monstrous spawn, Blood ghouls, Vorlogs, Dhampirs, Katanes, Vampire Brides, and admixtures of vampirism and Dragon templates to such a fucking absurd degree due to my racial inborn abilities of being able to fuck anything and supply more prestige classes, profession, orders and hierarchies of power that I'm untouchable in every imaginable fashion
>Can take Lifedrinker and Master Vampire PrCs as well

Who the actual fuck is stupid enough to fall for the CoD's utter bullshit? You literally become a dated bag of bones with not even the same privileges as FUCKING MORTALS who make the transformation when they rejuvenate for Tiamats sake.

>>54639375
Speaking of. Does anyone have any tips on how to act around humans and whatever other creatures are in their town?

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>>54639463
They like music, appreciate humor, and are easily distracted by handheld entertainment devices. Also they object to being set aflame. Whiners.

>>54639491
Thanks. I'll head out and try my luck.
I'll give you guys an update when I get back.

>>54637775
I suppose that might work to at least to shut her up. With any luck, I won't have a statue of some snooty naked ape hanging around my keep for too long.

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>fly hundreds of kilemeters looking for a new place to nest
>finally find a good mountain with a city nearby
>looks fucking perfect
>get in there, absoluhtely tired as hell from the trip.
>thinking of either doing the evil routine of "give me tresure or I eat you' or the good of "give me treasure and I'll protect you"
>mfw I realize the motherfuckers don't have any
>they are poor as shit
>I could eat them but that wouldn't get me any scaly pussy once mating seson comes
>still tired as fuck, don't have the energy for another 500km fly
what do

>>54633840
when I'm getting cocky I can go up to 10km, but I have no fucking reason to go above 700 meters really

>>54639706
lay on your back and demand a woman to rub your belly

>>54619313
Just proves the old adage true, honestly.

Breathe deep
Conserve your hoard
And never, ever make a deal with a mortal.

>>54639816
Can you believe those fuckers think when i tell them to solve a problem I'm telling them to kill someone? Fucking mortals, man.

>>54639870
At best that's a short term solution.

>>54639742
>fleshies
man, I'm just a young dragon, I kow you are probably old as dirt and have probably gotten enough dragon pussy to not care anymore, but I'll need to mate myself soon

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>>54639706
Well, looks like your gonna have to make wealth the hard way. Assume control of the city (how you do it is up to you), and start developing it's economy. Now that you're there, you can disband the surviving guards and have them take up other jobs. I don't know how poor the city is or environmental conditions, but have the unemployed grow some cash crops, like cotton. See if you can detect any metals around the mountain you can exploit. Have the merchants export the stuff and if possible, demand payment in gold. That should give you a decent base to work with.

>>54640033
Mortals are good if you want to feel nice soft skin brushing up against you. Our female brethren are for intense, rough mating.

>>54639706
Honestly as far as mates go I would caution against trying to impress them with your hoard. Letting another dragon see where you lair and keep your trophies tends to be a bad idea unless you find a very trustworthy metallic.

Even then i'm not sure i'd risk it. Meet on neutral ground and get down to business.

>>54640099
what country/plane are you from?
here females only mate with males that have a minimun amount of hoard, although the amount depends on how old they are, getting more demanding with age. I'm not really worried though, since I like em young

>>54640073
I'll give it a try tho, but still feels weird as hell, not that I care this bestiality, but maybe I'm just inexperienced

>>54640053
>detect metals around the mountain you can exploit
when I first arrived at the mountain the first thing I did was to use treasure detection ability to see if it had gold, and my heart skipped abeat when I detected something, but it was just palladium, which dragon bitches do not even want to think about

know if it sells well?

>>54640196
If females where you are demand to see your treasures before they'll consider a clutch of eggs and you're willing to show them for a bit of scale, it's no wonder that you had to find a new nest and have no hoard.

>>54640300
I emancipated recently very recently, its my first time doing this shit

>>54640332
I'm just saying be careful. I know neutral meeting places and breeding grounds are getting rarer and rarer, requiring longer migrations and travel times every decade, but they're still the best way for our species to propagate while minimising conflicts over our hoards.

>>54640332
reported for underage

>>54639561
>arrive at nearby town, ready to learn about humans and the local culture.
>ask guards to let me in as I want to see the library and maybe learn some spells etc.
>they won't let me in

WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME I NEEDED CLOTHES TO BE AROUND HUMANS?

>>54640469
are you fucking retarded? have you ever seen one without clothes?

for fucks sake, I'm a balck dragon and even I know this shit

>>54640469
Did they see your little blue?

>>54640196
That can be turned into jewelry, be used in clothing and is apparently used in human dentistry to make their teeth not look like crap. Of course, if you want to turn raw material into finished goods, your gonna need to acquire the related experts and have someone build them facilities. It's more complicated than just pulling it out of the ground, but you could definitely make a decent profit out of it. If you were in a cyberpunk fantasy setting, like that one Draganon however...You would be stupid rich overnight.

>>54640504
I've never interacted with humans before. I'm still really young.

I think I'll try to kill some traveler and steal his clothes.

>>54640545
Don't do this. If you're really young you're still at risk, and killing people draws adventurers almost as fast as rumours of a hoard's location.

>>54640574
Then how am I gonna get clothes?

>>54640532
... yes

>>54640534
>if you were in a cyberpunk fantasy setting
I'm in Dungeons the dragoning

>>54640545
If you do make sure it's not a fancy looking one. Offing a noble out for his midday stroll is a good way to get turned into a pair of water proof boots. No one notices if beggers and porters go missing however.

>>54640592
In that case it might be best to avoid that particular town. Humans tend to have one of two reactions to people wandering nude, neither of which will be particularly fun for you. Probably. What you do in the privacy of your den is not my business.

>>54640610
You poor bastard. I have it fucking made in Shadowrun the Land of the Scaled Drakes. Owner of AA company, I don't butt heads with the other dragons so I'm cool.

>>54640592
Okay, the thing about humans is that they can be weirdly okay with giving things away if they feel pity for something. Try going back and spinning the guards a tale about how you were robbed and the thieves stole your clothes and your money.

Mentioning that you're a rich out of towner might get you preferential treatment. Pretend you're a rich merchant from a far off land maybe, who could reward them later for their help now.

>>54640630
it would have been fucking swell had I not been stuck in a primitive world

and you can bet that once exalted cunt adventures appear on this sphere I'm going to get triple fucked
I'm considering turning into a human and passing as one to get to join their party to go on adventures, since I'm seeing a future of boredom otherwise

>>54640686
I once did that. Me and my party once unknowingly raided the lair of another dragon. This dragon just so happened to be my cousin. Needless to say it was incredibly awkward having to explain why I was accompying mere mortals to my cousin and that I was a dragon to my companions.

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>>54640686
If you can get off world, you can try to sell it to one of the more advanced factions like some humans or Tau for loads of gold; It's a rare material that's used in a lot of electronics and as Hydrogen storage, or use it to make aforementioned electronics for even more gold.

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>>54640686
If you find yourself in Off-Brand Cyberpunk Fantasy World 127-3F and wander into the ruins under Westchester, feel free to drop that off with me. I'll take it off your hands for you, free of charge. You're welcome in advance.

>>54640733
most likely this shit is going to happen all around my world, my only hope is that I'm the first one to get into the fun since I'm the only tech savvy dragon who got internet
If we raid my cousin I call dibs on fucking her firstm the rest of my family I wouldn't give much of a shit about

>>54640740
my only option for getting off wolrd is either getting 100 more years old to develop my wings enough for inter-space travel or the aforementioned exalts coming to fuck shit up

>>54640788
if you are implying that you would pay for it that would be nice

people entering my lair and knocking at the door, brb

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>>54640818
>people entering my lair and knocking at the door, brb
rip dranon

>>54611982
Anyone else tempted to get their girlfriend something from badhuman.com?

I see those weird human dildos in unboxing threads as a bait and switch and they are kind of interesting.

>Playing Houses and Humans with a friend
>He announces he roles to seduce the human
Fucking magical realm.

>>54611982
Apparently, humans have this thing called in-sure-ents. It's like a hedge bet where you bet something bad is going to happen and you get something if it does.

So I got this deal where if my hoard gets stolen a human lawspeaker will hire some adventurers to kill the thieves that did it.

>>54640970
In exchange for letting him steal your hoard piece by piece?

Good deal.

>>54637086
Try to get some other Dragons to help out with it then. Dragonbreath might work.

>>54637097
Must be a cyperpunk fantasy dragon thing I suppose. I can see the charm in a life such as a that though.

>>54637400
This ain't no joke thread. We are all serious Draganons here (except for that one Dragonborn earlier)

>>54637400
I see we have a live fleshy here. I want first dibs.

Let's say there are kids who vandalize my cave, what should I do?
Sure I could just burn them and their village but that would get me a bounty on my head, which would lure murderhobos, whom I would kill of course but that'll just raise the bounty after a while and the murderhobos will just become more numerous and experienced and it'll continue until a group of very experienced murderhobos will come to my cave, slay me and take my hoard.
What should I do?

>>54641924
Talk to their parents?
Mortal whelplings are like normal whelplings - they need to be raised right. It's possible that their parents aren't aware of their delinquincy.

>>54641924
Teach them some really dumb magic that only affects humans or give them something small from your hoard that has an enchantment to make them go cause havoc elsewhere (probably with the item). Sometimes you just have to bite the cannonball and give something up to get to just laze around.

>>54641924
>>54641958
You should definitely visit the village and demand to talk to the parents in front of the town. Scare and embarrass those kids into never coming up again

>>54639706
Transmutation + Live subjects = a hearty quick snack which may or may not fade in time brother.
Those Kobolds were part dog for a time for a reason you know.

>>54641924
Throw transmutation spells at them and change them to kobolds/lamia/other creature that can't show up in the village. Offer them food for work and have them clean up their mess.

Cheap work and an assortment of snacks for later. Satyr in mustard is great for the start of summer.

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> Be Elf-Human.
> Think dragons are most awesomest creatures around.
> Find ritual to become dragon.
> Pull it off with absolutely no downsides.
> My face when I realize I have no idea how dragon society works.

Guys, how do I dragon?

>>54643131
Don't let folk scare you with tales of how insular and unwelcoming draconic society can be. Honestly we can be some of the most open and welcoming people around.

Do you have any gold? I can tell you how to fit in in exchange for tribute.

>>54643216
> implying I was an upperclassman as a mortal
Honestly, I just you all looked cool.

I don't know how long I have before someone finds me and ousts me. Also, I'm still human-sized, so I think I might need a parent again.

>>54643351
* just thought you

These claws are impeding my typing.

>>54641574
Okay, so. Dragonbreath didn't seem to work, although her face turned more angular and i can't hear her voice beyond muffled muttering anymore. So, even if it didn't work, we seem to have made some progress. Her war machine clothing is still in the way, though, so...back to square one? Any ideas, /dtg/?

>>54644226
Have you tried asking nicely?

>>54644519
That was my first idea, before she even began to wander off. She said something about wanting to fulfill my every whim, it was a bit hard to hear what with a big, burly dragoon yelling at me to call her off. And his dragon more or less yelling panicked cries about how they're all going to die or something. Musta been a new recruit.

>>54644798
Well, they're not doing a good job of fulling your wishes if they won't stop when you ask.

>>54644798
Holy shit! I just saw her walk by, she's huge I'm gonna use her to sneak by the guards and visit town.

I say you should let her run amok. She's pretty cool. And pretty pretty.

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>>54611982
>Livin innawoods
>Protectin trees and nature
>Getting worshiped by druidic cults
>getting to fuck whatever wild animal or tree spirits I want and make weird hybrid babies
>Don't have to find a cave to sleep in, just lie in a grove and shit grows over top of me.
>Elves and other hippie races acting like I'm some wise mentor when I have zero idea what I'm doing.
>No dick ass adventurers trying to steal my gold cause gold is for those Red fags.

Green Dragon life is best life

>>54645291
Consider the following: nature is stupid and metallics are objectively better[

>>54645097
Well, she is yandere. And big enough to carry me on her head at the time, maybe she didn't hear me.
If she didn't, now i'm definitely too small to be heard.

>>54645180
I think i see you down there. Left horn's crooked, right? She seems to be heading into town, probably after that gold in the bank's vault.

Actually, if you have time...blues are famed for their hearing, right? I can't make out what she's saying, could you fly somewhere around her waist and listen to what she's saying?

>>54645491
Yeah, that's me. Hey you.

It sounds to me like she's speaking some kind of celestial. I'm not very good at the language, but it sounds like she is saying something about growing so that you will love her more.
That or she wants to paddle through beddings of mold, not sure.
As I said I'm not the best at Celestial, but I bet the first one pretty accurate.
I think it's sorta sweet.

>>54645606
Aye. Would be sweeter if i could get through to her.
Say, where is the voice coming from? Her face doesn't exactly have a mouth anymore.

Come to think of it, i think i saw that face on a human war machine once. It had a huge drill, which always struck me as odd. It's a war machine, not a mining golem. So...did the dragonbreath blasting turn her into a war machine or is something else going down?

>>54612489
Fucking reds. I bet you don't even value art.

>>54645666
Judging by your trips I think you may be onto something. She is very destructive, and she seems to be targeting the wealth centers of cities, towns, dragons and other powerful "entities".

Let me fly up there and see if I can listen to where the voice is coming from. Try and distract her, I don't want to get beaten to a pulp by a massive fist of gold.

>>54645721
>>54645666
Okay so for the rest of you in the thread that want to know.
The voice is coming from her chest - probably the heart area. So I'm assuming that's where the core of her being is located.

I think I'll go down and try to calm down the mortals into not attacking the two of us. The arrows are starting to bother me.

>>54645721
I can keep her fists away, but good luck dodgin thaumic artillery. She got that from the dwarven war machine she assimilated.

There's always the option that she did separate, but can control what's left of her shell like a war machine. See if you can't find a hatch somewhere. I'll try to goad her into bumbling out of town.

>Dragons put their money in banks.
>Economic collapse, kingdom is running out of money
>The king declares that dragons are monsters, not people, and that their gold is now property of the kingdom
>Dragon party has to raid various cities and strongholds to take back their hoard.

>>54645828
I think I saw a hatch at the top of her head and war machine part. I don't think either of us can fit down there.
We might need a humanoid sized creature to drop down there. Maybe they can disengage the war machine part of her.
Maybe there's a village idiot/adventurer who's willing to help.

>all these human-fuckers who own and deal with naked apes.
> No one posting about traditional dragon games.

disgust.orb

>>54645884
They're only fucking humans because they're too beta to get with a dragon.

And even then I bet they have to actually pay the girls.

>>54645876
I've got limited polymorphing. I could take a humanlike shape and size, but...it's embarrassing.

My wings get so damn tiny, i can't fly with them, and that's not even going into my freakin' breath. From flamethrower to bunsen fire.

That, and well. Hiring an adventurer isn't really an option. She's living gold. Adventurers fuckin' love gold. Doesn't take much of an imagination to see what would happen.

Sod it, i'll try. Fly me up.

>>54645960
I'll fly you up, Scotty.

Good luck up there.

>>54630616
Bipeds claim they are better than you at anything? Burn their library, trash their city, eat their people. Simple problem, simple solution.

>>54645996

Thanks. The orb's losing bars, so i'm in the black about what's going down out there while i'm here. Keep everyone posted.

If...if i don't come back...goad her into walking into the crater at Havel Alps.

>>54646158
The golem has just absorbed the contents bank's entire vault. The humans are very very angry but they can't really do anything. Typical human fashion.
There's an elven wizard who is casting a bunch of spells, but they seem to be without consequence.
I've grabbed a statue from the town square, I'll try to lure her away with it.

And stop being so melodramatic, you're the one that created her, I don't think she'd want to kill you.

>>54646260
This all sounds so intense; wish I could help from where I'm at.

>>54611982
just tell them you're a humie and you want to yiff, and they'll steer clear of you

>>54647108
If you got an idea on how to break the enchantment, or to at the very least get this thing out of my territory I think I'll be happy.
The statue doesn't seem to be working, and the dragon inside the golem stopped responding. I think he may be dead.

>>54647320
>implying most adventurers won't take that as an invitation to fuck

It's like you've never dealt with mortals before. They are horny as fuck my drake.

>>54647338
Well, to things come to mind:
>Chronomancy: rewind to before you animated anything.
>Break their heart. Figuratively

Wait, literately might work too.

>>54647658
Is the crater in the Havel Alps that enchant-dranon spoke about a vulcano? Cause that could work.
Terrible waste of gold though.

>>54647757
No clue, like the Shadowrun Draganon, I think I'm in a separate universe from you.

[Connection estabilished]
[Set posting mode: Reply]
[Target: >>54647757 >>54647846]
[This is an automated post]
[User is away from orb]
[Transcription mode active]
[Begin log dump]
Cut...want this...blood on your...out of your mind?...want this...stop that,
it hurts...it hurts...it hurts...it hurts me. Me, under....Please, stop...killed...some other...no one...what...try that...hurts, i know, just...for me. Please?
*long pause*
Thank you.
*unintelligible*
Did it wo-
[End log]
[Power low. Auxiliary features disengaged.]

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>>54648642
What am I even reading?

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What is dragon tgs opinion on dragonborn?

>>54611982
Hey, I know this is a place for dragons, and that I'm not infact a dragon, but I have a question
if a non dragon say... finds bandits have stolen a dragon egg, takes it from them, and returns it to the dragon, then the dragon decides said non dragon is allowed to chill in the lair as long as they like in exchange for doing some quests for the dragon, is the non dragon considered part of the dragons hoard?

Just wondering.

>>54649046
[Begin log dump]
-nd widen the hatches a little so i can actually fly out of here, they're too small as they are.
(unintelligible)
Wait, why is this transcri-
[End log]
[Manual control detected. Transcription mode deactivated]

Hokay. So, everyone, i have no idea how i'm getting mananet in here, maybe the orb routed connections through the war machine's network, but for whom it may concern, the crisis has been averted.
We had a short discussion, and came to an agreement of sorts.
To explain, remember the time i blasted her with dragonbreath? It did have an effect.
Her core got liquefied, granting her greater control over her form.
So after that, she basically remodelled her external body or war machine i guess, so that it had a cockpit with a slot for herself to assume direct control over the machine, and continued to assimilate gold into the machine to make it more extravagant. After i got in, she'd already nearly merged again, so we decided i'd try to cut her off the machine slot with my breath.
Turns out, i can manage a blowtorch in human form if i really try.
So she's mostly separate, only having little connections to work the exterior a bit better, and she's in the process of converting the war machine into an airship...thing. Blue, if you're still there, see if you can't help her out with that.

As for >>54648642 ? I've got a secretary enchant on my orb, so that if i can't make it to the orb to write manually, i can dictate my posts.
It picked up parts of our conversation, mostly my words, and that unintelligible bit near the end was when she was freaking out over the heat of my breath. In celestial, since apparently she's a starsoul or something.
What's next in store for us? Well, i'm thinking we could try to find Key Solaris, i hear it's lovely this time of the year. Have our honeymoon.

>>54649423
No more than a kobold i'd say. If that dragon was me, i'd consider you a guest.

>>54649526
Understandable, I mean, I may be stealthy, but I'm not nearly as powerful as a dragon, now if you'll excuse me, she's asked me to install one of her servants as a puppet in the elven government.

This is going to be fun.

>>54643131
Still never got a real answer to this.

>>54649381
I don't personally care, but I'd watch what you say on that topic.

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>>54649381
Some are kind of cute

For wingless mortalborn I mean

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Kobold riot what do

>>54651425
Do what any employer would to when employees go on strike: hire new kobolds to replace them.

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>>54647545
Mortals aren't the only beings who's standards start at "has a pulse" and don't go much further, friend. You act like dragons are any different.

>>54619313
What's up Raishan

>>54651492
What if I just replace their skin? With ashes?

>>54651598
While effective, my conscience and I are vehemently opposed to the idea.

>>54652394
Too late, already made deep fried dog lizard. Luckily they breed like rodents. I'll have a fresh set of energetic little reptilian twerps on hand by daybreak.

>>54651528
>laying with mortals
Shameful

>>54652536
But they're so tiny!

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>>54651548
Nothin' much, just working out my penis envy while I'm in Hell through some rough vaginal therapy.

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>He's a dragon

>>54620403
>Running from a Dragonslayer
>Still a virgin
Tiamat's sake, is it so hard to breath fire on the dude and just take what you want. My fucking kobolds are more dragon than you, at least they can kill some pink monkey in a metal suit.

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>Mfw psychic controlling humans into doing my bidding.

>>54652778
gb2 /knight/

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>>54622147
Why put in all that effort when you get better results much more... simply.

>>54622147
>having young
>ever
That's where you fucked up.

>>54652815

>gb2 /wizard/

ftfy

>>54652828
>is a lesser being
>>>>>>>""""wizard"""
Having the power to set yourself on fire and make loud noises does not make you a wizard.

reminder that roleplay belongs on /trash/

>>54652854

You need to speak up I have a hard time hearing geckos

>>54652879
That's just offensive. Really now, why you gotta make it racial?

>>54652888

Getting pumped up. A red dragon roasted my old adventuring crew and I'm coming for him now

>>54652924
They probably deserved it. What horrible thing did your crew of genocidal Hessian hobos do to antagonize the poor thing?

>>54652949

He crossed our path. If your a red dragon with a scar over your right eye I'm coming for you bitch

>>54652982
Blue with two perfectly functional eyes, sorry to say. And the only path I'm crossing is what's left of the Red Line to 31st and Baxter. I'll be sure to pass the message along if any I see anything that fits that description here at the ever so scenic abandoned ditch.

anyone feel like fucking a car or something cause i get that feeling i need too

>>54653246
Every hour on the hour.

>>54653049

Just watch out for the third rail

>>54653381
The third rail has been dead for decades, ever since it's aetheric backup battery was drained to stun the infamous Elder MetroWraith of Junction 32-C during the War of Concession's Stand. Despite the name I had no intention of giving up my legume farm to Elybeech the Hyperail Lich and his army of ghost infused metroline warriors who refused to metropass on.

I have just realized this comment has no relevance to anyone but me and whatever else lives in this hole. Just trust me, it was impressive.

>>54652599
Raishan do you think Vecna is going to use your corpse to kill those idiots?

>>54612569
It's not the same and you know it!

>>54655118
Now you're just being pickey.

>>54654569
Honestly? I really doubt it. Vecna, though a former mortal and a bafoon, knows a physically weak dragon when he sees one.
It's funny. I would've gladly helped those retards and their autistic (((leader))) take down Vecna, but now all I can hope is that they'll kill each other.

Unfortunately they'll probably just do what they did when fighting me and keep reviving each other until Vecna dies. It's fucking unfair, it is! Why didn't I get to make death saving throws and auto-revive items and friends that would revive me when I died?

>>54649526
I have no idea on how to make her into an airship.
But I can try to help out.

I hope you two have a good time wherever you're gonna go from here.
I think I'll stay by the town to try and rebuild it in my own image.
With the walls and the bank being completely broken, the mortals there could use some good chromatic draconic guidance.

>>54657320
>guidance
You spelled domination wrong.

>>54658153
Did I?

>>54658177
Obviously. Mortals can't be trusted to accept subtle hints and guidance. Burning their farms and cutting off trade routs until they submit is much more effective.

>>54658236
Euphemism:
The substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant; also : the expression so substituted
euphemistplay \ˈyü-fə-mist\ noun
euphemisticplay \ˌyü-fə-ˈmi-stik\ adjective
euphemisticallyplay \ˌyü-fə-ˈmi-sti-k(ə-)lē\
adverb

>>54658291
Don't have time for fancy words. Too busy throwing concrete at tumbleweeds. Shit being a grey is awesome.

>>54657320
Thanks, good luck with your city-state campaign!
Sneak a monument to this debacle in there somewhere so we have a romantic spot to visit on our anniversary!

I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from this thread.

Culture shock aside, can some one please explain why suddenly ever dragon in the area is now interested in my existence for some reason?

>>54661350
Probably boredom, it's a pretty quiet century. When you don't have any wars to start or gods to murder watching a shifter stumble around is a good laugh. They always fall for the boldac.

>>54661350
Anything to kill spare time. You can only burn so many generic adventurers before it gets dull.

Who else is disguising themselves as a mortal noble and wooing the next in line in order to take over their kingdom?
I can't be the only one

>>54664361
Not me. I actually managed to convince them that I am a non-despotic dragon after the golem ordeal.

>>54660750
And thanks, I think your wishes of good luck may have helped.
I'll make sure to make a statue at some point.

I'll be protecting them for a while now, and I think this could be the first step in my conquering this area for myself.

>>54664692
Forgot to put my little blue name in the little box.

>>54664361
Have done already, actually. It's a few cozy little trade towns along a river in a valley south of the Ironbreak Range. I've ruled them for some generations now and it has seen my hoard increase fairly steadily. Not a larger state like some draganons have, but the people are nice here.

I can honestly say it has been quite nice not having nearly as many adventurer parties come to torment me since im the legitimate ruler. Hell, some of them even pass through and pay me to stay in my taverns.

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>>54616308

say that to my face fucker and not online

>>54664859
I'm sorry but >>54616308 has an excellent point. As an adventurer who has made friends and excellent drinking buddies with several dragons in my time, Griffons aren't exactly all that great unless they're being used as mounts. That form of combined arms auxiliary is nothing to sniff at but isn't as frightening as a dragon.

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>>54629236
My Dragga.

>300
This was a gud thred

>>54668154
Excellent discussions Draganons

Who /Io's Blood Isles/ here?

>>54611982
Clearly, the cart is the problem. Welding the riches into a solid 60-ton mass should do the trick.

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Gas the Wyverns, race war now.

>>54652536
But very, very hot.

One would think a true dragon would appreciate that.

>>54661350
u been doxxed by dslay6969 fgt

>>54669836
>wanting inferior human mates
Why

>>54669918
>mates
pump n dump, chump

Life is a numbers game.

>>54669972
Kobold harem. That is all.

Dragon dicks.