What is the magical equivalent of sending a new guy out for blinker fluid?
Or this, if you don't like that meaning of carton.
I have to say, anon, I don't think you thought this through very well. And just to cut you off, a bucket of steam...
> Grick Eyes
Gricks don't have eyes
> Basilisk Tears
100% Guaranteed "Statue for a Day" experience for the FNG
> Beholder Toenails
I sure fucking hope you understand why this is hopeless
You get stuck making all the shitty level 1 potions and wands. You have to do all the detect magic work and mending. Every day all your spells are chosen for you, it only ends when you become powerfully enough to cast something more useful or find your own apprentice and pawn the work off on them.
Meaning a polishing fluid that is sold by a bucket on every single fucking gas station that has a shop attatched
So commonplace I have no fucking clue what third-world hell-hole you must be from
>Jug of eggs
What is putting few eggs in a jug
>Cartoon of bread
I guess you also never had to prepare provisions IRL. Hell, there is even CANNED bread, which you then have to boil inside the can for three hours to make it edible.
Aside it does. And even one of the anons put it in.
I mean next thing you will say snipes don't exist, because the original was about catching a snipe
Seriously, you need to have severe autism to assume those things don't exist, because they are part of the "get lost" routine you do to the new guy.
Besides, military in my country usually sends you for pack of matches. And so does in all post-commie countries. So here goes your context.
>Not understanding why it's used as a trick
Headlight polishing fluid is outside of standard military regulations, thus is impossible to get within military base, from quartermaster or within deployed unit. Not because there is no such thing, you tool
Send him for water crystal.
But beware if he returns with a rifle and in a set of automated mail, as he tainted himself with technology
Metaphysical properties, if they can't be accessed in a quantifiable form in setting (a la JAGS Wonderland).
In a setting where it is entirely possible to get, say, three pounds of pure Luck, half a kilo of fly wings/three litres of dog mucus/the toenail clippings of several hundred different fish.
Holy shit, I killed that guy. Felt so bad.
But that steam-powered power armor was pretty good.
You could just convince him to handle the crystal and forget about the losers from Tulla.
Or steal it from him.
Seriously, this game made me hate elves, magic and pretty much everything fantasy-themed.
>Those insufferable jerks from Quintarra
>Those insufferable dark elves
>Those insufferable high mages
>standard military regulations,
I remember when I got my first little signals squadron and there was this corporal who was getting a bit smart for her own good, ripping on the poor old troopies a bit hard and generally being obnoxious.
So I gave her the keys to my truck and told her to pick up 4 flux capacitors, she gave me this sort of 'wtf' look and my sgt stepped in with this poker face and '-Now- corporal'
She ended up at supplies
Who sent to her motorpool
Motorpool didn't have any
Sent her to their parts depot
Nah, don't have any, have you tried supplies?
Ok, have a look in town at hardware?
She ends up somewhere in the city at a hardware store
Sounds electronic, try them
5 hours later
Some poor fucking salesguy in an electronics store is just about shitting out a kidney laughing so hard... and then it sank in
God North America is the home of shit food
It's amazing I compare a wal-mart with their British version asda
Same company owns both and there's some visual similarity
But the quality here is so much better
Americans will really eat shit and love it and defend shit with guns just because Jewish advertisers tell them to and slap a dumb flag on it
First, it only works in English
Second, this anon >>45335904 is right
Third - we all get the point, mate, really. It's just how this can be treated serious even if you know Back to the future.
Hell, when I was in the navy, we had to wake up the chief engineer in the middle of night, due to a leak in fueling system. And first thing he said after being woken up and listening status report was "Go get the white keys".
Orders were passed, almost everyone in engine room was frantically looking for white keys and then the chief showed up after a brief moment, completely puzzled what the fuck we are doing. So someone reported the order about the keys. The chief looked at us, obviously not understanding a single word out of it. Then he started laughing.
Turns out he was still half-asleep and repeated what he was dreaming about aloud, while everyone was dead sure we should look for some set of keys. Bonus point for the fact all the keys were colour-coded, so this shit sounded reasonable.
This is how you know it's late at night in Eagleland
Walmart is the "poor" people store. They have their own brand of everything, usually made as cheaply as possible.
Actual poor fucks like me don't shop tgere cause everything they sell is overpriced and can be gotten cheaper at real grocery stores
Imagine everything being made by the lowest bidder out of cheapest materials and resources.
Then the price is inflated to match the market value of similar products, but still slightly cheaper.
That's what Walmart is
You just get used to Aldi, in my experience. Sure, it all tastes shit at first but then you start noticing all the subtleties because you get conditioned towards less flavor. Just try to avoid regular food and you'll be content for life. The chips aren't half bad either. Though I remember there was a big difference between an Australian Aldi and an Irish Aldi, so it might be different in europe.
My fucking sides.
I mean even if that story was completely fake, it's still making me chuckle every time. Then again, my players once didn't understand who hydrologist is, so...
1. actually exists
2. Vibrations exists, so yes, they can be replicated
3. If there exists magic, there has to be ways to trap photons.
4. Even easier than moonshine since it requires less time consumed
Seriously, i have heard stories about army officers or managers telling underlings to fetch non existing stuff, but they ask for something that exists, and they usually can fetch it on the site.
Apprentice! Go fetch from the market for me, some transdemensional oil. Also, going to need a left-handed scrying crystal. After that, I'm going to teach you about musics role in magic, grab a lyre's tongue from the local bard.
In Norway, the Royal Guard has to fetch a piece of cake for the king and duty captain each friday from the local french bakery. The new recruits aren't allowed to leave the shop before they sing the King's song out loud to the customers.
>1. actually exists
Go back to chem class, kid
>2. Vibrations exists, so yes, they can be replicated
Replication of movement alone is not sufficient for "somatic components"
>3. If there exists magic, there has to be ways to trap photons.
Purely conjecture on your part, and wrong
>4. Even easier than moonshine since it requires less time consumed
>solar powered torch
But solar-powered flashlights exist.
I mean, obviously they've got a battery built in as well, but you charge the battery by leaving it on a windowsill all day.
>shopping at Wal-Mart
You only shop at Wal-Mart when you want a specific, low-quality product at a low cost. You don't go there for your regular groceries, you go for the cheap shit you need once or twice. We have actual, significantly better grocery stores that have bakeries, delis, butcher shops, and (in Texas) tortillarias all in the same place (HEB is a godsend).
I bet you think Americans actually eat Cheese Wiz, too.
please, Asda is the worst supermarket we have by far. Waitrose is where it's at.
>Game made by guys who worked over Fallouts
>Entire quest is a massive shout-out to Fallout
>Hell, entire map region is one massive Fallout reference
And yes, the guy is named Albert. That's also a rip-off, you cunt?
Also check the licence plate.
There is a real animal called a snipe.
It's not the same animal as described in a snipe hunt. That's also not the point of a "snipe hunt."
The real snipe is a little bird, and shooting one was a test of skill in this one navy base. Those that could were known as, wait for it, 'snipers.'
>It's not the same animal as described in a snipe hunt. That's also not the point of a "snipe hunt."
>Apprentice, to enchant this blade I'm going to need plenty of reticence. Go fetch a bucket full from the trees of Silent Forest a day's ride East.
>It's not the same animal as described in a snipe hunt
He's right though. They say the snipe is a monster that stalks at night and they have to bag one. Why the hell would you assume they just said it's a little bird? The bird has nothing to do with the tradition.
>Semi-rookie on a construction crew
>Foreman cuts a board to short
>Asks me to get the board stretcher
>Without missing a beat ask him where he keeps his, totally straight face
>His face cracks into a shit eating grin
>Proceed to explain what "the one I had at my old job" looked like
>His face changes from smug to slightly confused
>Go to the back of his truck, start "searching for it"
>"What was the brand name, did you guys have a Hilti or a Stanley?"
>He's now totally confused
>I get down from the truck, tell him he must have left it at the shop
>He tries to explain to me that there is no such thing
>I insist there is, I even give a bullshit explanation of how it works (You see, it's basically a set of two vices that you lock the board into place, and then slowly stretch the board out with a crank that operates like a rack at the bottom, you have to keep the board moist so it's flexible enough to keep stretching, otherwise it will just tear itself apart")
>Continue insisting it's real.
>At this point he's convinced that I've either lost my mind or that he's lost his own.
>I can't contain the laughter anymore
>Once he realizes that it was just a clever ruse, he starts laughing too
>Have a good laugh over it
>They never tried to prank me again.
In the same vein as >>45331337 you could tell an apprentice to go pick up some magic missiles because you're running low.
Comes back with enchanted: arrows, bolts etc...
Each time tell him those are the wrong kind.
You could just go down the list of spells and do this.
>bucket of Grease
>set of Mage Armor
>salve for Burning Hands/Shocking Grasp/Chill Touch
>vial of Glitterdust
>an Object to Locate
>a Touch of Idiocy - oh, that was quick. Good job.
>a Phantom Trap
False Life/4chan joke
>Go find a Bear/Bull/Cat/Eagle/Fox/Owl and extract some Endurance/Strength/Grace/Splendor/Cunning/Wisdom
One of the cooks where I used to work broke a burger he was making for himself, So the head chef says "you should run into dry stock and get some meat glue and fix that." Poor dude was back there for at least fifteen minutes. We, of course, were all dying of laughter.
I feel like someone invented a headlight cleaning fluid and called it that so gullible guys would actually return with something to show after their friends tried to troll them.
Anyway you send the apprentice out for like... White ink.
It's like a power cable, but for magic. Connect to a source, connect the other end to something that needs magic to operate.
Or if you need magic to flow in a pattern, for a summoning circle, or perhaps as part of setting up camp defenses.
>I need you to fetch me a Grell Heart, some spare change from a Neogi, some Ooze's brain, a Devil's tear, and a Kender pituitary gland
Ooze's brain obtained!
from your mother
Whoops, captcha almost ate them! Good thing I saved them for you.
>being red and four chambered
Whoever sold this to you was taking advantage of your lack of xenobiology, my silly apprentice. Also what does this have to do with the wizard tower's shapeshifting groundskeeper?
Ooze, not Slime anon, there is both an academic and practical difference. Plus everyone knows I keep my mother's brain in a jar on my desk.
>implying that's not just your actual payment that they tricked you into thinking was a bonus
Another foolish apprentice, outwitted out of their shekels
>implying devils have enough of a heart or soul to enjoy or appreciate FotNS
How else do you think they ended up in hell?
I'm disappointed in you apprentices. At this rate, you'll never be as good as Senior Apprentice Fonzerelli was.
But sir, I didn't give them any shekels. They just gave me these smallish creatures. In fact, I just went to ask, and they gave some more. They seem quite enthusiastic about giving them away.
So here you go, sir. More spare change for you.
That's not spare change, that's garbage disposal. They think you are the trashman.
And I don't need anymore Kender, I've already got enough to make the new volleyball court, my new meat organ, 666 meat dragons.
Funny, cause I'm from Cracow. The strict city centre of it.
And bagged milk is everywhere. It's all over the country, too. And the rest of the fucking continent. I mean the only exception is Spain, but milk and 40 Celcius don't mix well by default.