Mages Guild: Canceled Death Maze Games edition

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>>45073796
By Lolth, is this what you bored brutes worry about when you're bored?

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>>45073796
Have your tried not getting the necromancers to bring the apprentices back to life?

>>45073847
Edgymancer

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>>45073796
Uh... How about we cancel the obstacle course like they want? That way, you know, nobody dies!

>>45073883
Can I go a meeting without some Mage pretending like they know magic insulting my social disposition?

Can't we just...not run a lethal obstacle course? I don't know, it seems like that's the easiest solution.

>>45073796
Have we met the quota for dismembering them at our doorstep?

>>45073925
we accidentally parked the mages guild on the Sleepomancer meeting 3 months ago.

>>45073891
>>45073912
It is survival of the fittest. Accelerated selection. To deny it is to support weakness.

>>45073883
Wait, Jill, are you [b]for[/b] the obstacle course of death!?
>>45073943
Um, shouldn't the sleepomancers be part of the guild?

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>>45073796
This is unacceptable! I put a lot of work into the maze section of the obstacle course, and I was depending on the dead apprentices to be available to my department once the race was over!

>>45073961
They are part of the guild, now they're extra part of the guild after we crushed them.

>>45073957
Not all of us are pure naturalists.
>>45073980
...if I solve this do the corpses come out of my debt?

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>>45073910
oh shush.

>>45073961
what? Of course not! Oh whoops looks like I added a not in there. heh my bad.

>>45073980
Oh? so is K.D. competing in the maze this year?

>>45073957
But, everyone has the potential to be strong!
[i]test[/i]
>>45073980
>Lurco sighs
Sometimes I forget that sanity does not have the same requirements here.
>>45073989
Oh geez...
>>45074010
ADAM!

>>45073883
Their corpses are ours by right once they fall, it's in the agreement they sign before the race.
>>45073912
What's the fun in that?
>>45073925
Individual incidents added up over the last month or so.

>>45073989
You could say they are now constituents.

>>45074010
Yes! In fact, they are worth twice as much!
>>45074016
Hells no!

>>45074050
>Smirk

>>45074034
Heya Marus.

>>45074021
Do you know the mortality rate of redrobes? If they've signed up they know the risks.
>>45074050
Okay...let me figure out...something.

>>45074016
>Sighs again
So, uh, who was your friend? Also, here.
>Hands you a letter
It's my gift to you for evolving. Open it later, okay?

>>45073980
I see a simple solution to this. There are still chainsawmancers, why not kill 2 birds with 50 redrobes?
>>45074016
what are you going to do, write over my name tag?
>>45074034
>is trying not to laugh

>>45074100
I'm listening, how will the chainsawmancers solve this problem?

>>45074096
Can we talk about this after the meeting?

>>45074100
not a bad idea honestly.

>>45074086
Hello Jill, how are you dear?

>>45074094
But, but, but...
>>45074160
Uh, sure?

Tell them we will cancel if they go through that door and come out the other side, that door being the entrance to the death maze.
Or we could loose a hydra in the dorms

>>45074157
well this is hafling science as they say. They we pepper and paint the chainsawmancers with some chromomancy, and we assign a color to each Redrobe. I say we let them play 'tag'
>>45074185
we're killing this red robes one way or another, you can be appalled, or you can join in the fun.
>>45074189
No, we already killed all the dumb ones.

>>45073796
A DEATH RACE! This sounds quite exciting if you ask me! I'm sure I could convince some of the rogues back at the Adventurers Guild to sign up for you guys. After all, I'm sure they'd love a chance to show off!

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A-Am I in the right place? The flyer said the walking castle was the right place...

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>>45074189
That is a horrible idea talo!

>>45074212
I'll choose my own path and not involve myself any further.
Though I do like that idea with the chainsawmancers. I would like to fight against their leader though.
>>45074246
Yep, this is the place.

>>45074244
Adventure's guild? I'm pretty sure that would end horribly.

>>45074246
That depends if the right place is the mages guild, now doesn't it. Hi, i'm Jill.

>REEWWWWMMMM!
YOU MOTHAFUCKAS WILL LOOSE TO US CHAINSAWMANCERS, CHAINSAWMANCERS RULE!
>A very squeamish chainsawmancer talks
We signed a cease fire. The revolt is over, but chains-
SHUT UP NERD! CHAINSAWMANCERS RULE!

>>45074246
All kinds of wizards are welcome here.

>>45074189
The last time someone let lose a hydra in the dorms we lost an entire department from collateral damage. Let's not do that again.
>>45074212
That sounds terrible! What do you need from me?
>>45074244
If they wish then they are welcome to join. Here is the entry form.
>presents very long contract
They just have to sign at the bottom, I'll handle the rest.
>>45074246
If you're looking for the mages guild, then you're at the right place.

>>45074281
Nay! It would be a great idea! It'll be a great chance for competition between my Guilds Mighty Rogues! Hell, it might even show the Minor rogues how to find and disable traps PROPERLY!

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>>45073796
Good news everyone, I have come up with a new addition for the obst- what do you mean the obstacle course is cancelled!?

>>45074322
Hm... I'm going to need say.... 37 more?

>>45074246
But the ones who don't want their fellow guild members to kill each other go to the "Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers"! ...Otherwise known as "The Adventurers Guild"!

>>45074246
Sure, we let anyone in, all you have to do is survive our death gauntlet which is not being done for quota.
>>45074322
>>45074282
well it seems like only Necromancers would be brave enough to drop a rumor we might be doing another budget cut meeting.
>>45074276
Just get some paint before you do.
>>45074244
Greetings, mister?

>>45074335
......So your guild isn't filled with nothing but murder hobos?

>>45074322
>Smug animu girl face

>>45074281
Pleasure to meet you. The uhh, paper thingy said that anyone who could cast was welcome to visit and I can c-cast five spells, or was it six? I may have just forgot one. Let's go with five to be safe.

>>45074362
What was the addition, out of curiosity?

>>45074380
Jill, we're full of Magic Murder Hobos. we're talking about the most Murder Hobo activity of the year!

>>45074388
Oh jeeze don't say that so loud, people might hear you. So you're self trained or something?

>>45074409
We're not hobo's we have the guild as a house.

>>45074282
Enjoy your lives while they last murderers.
>>45074335
Hm, I don't think my group has a representative for the Adventurer's Guild yet.
>>45074388
Actually, anyone that can use magic, doesn't even need to be a proper spell!

>>45074368
That won't be a problem.
>pulls a couple of more out of his sleeve
>>45074372
Really? You're trying to sic the chainsawmancers on us? Corpses aren't cheap these days.
>>45074380
>raises an eyebrow
What?

>>45074372
I? I am Nyle Ransdorm! Slayer of the Great Beholder Wannabe "Gary Big Eye", Destroyer of the Ork Shamen "Orsworbs", Savior of the Erta Valley and all of it's inhabitants! But more Importantly! I, Nyle Ransdorm, amthe Guild Master for "The Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers"! Or to the rest of you, "The Adventurers Guild"!

>>45074442
See >>45074086
>>45074050

>>45073796
We could make it so that after they enter the labyrinth, they are chased by illusions of their worst fears

>>45074471
Woopsie, dropped my tag

>>45074401
Hello Marus. Well, some of the girls brought back this partially shape shifting monster and was wondering what to do with it until I mentioned the obstacle course.

>>45074442
Do you have a better plan of riling them up for the course?
>>45074426
Jill, hoboism is both a condition and a why of like, like how you dress like you were just saved from living in an alley.
>>45074471
Sir, you dropped your name tag.
>>45074458
Another one 'ey? Are you going to live longer than the last one?

Okay guys, I gotta get going, see ya'll later.
>Exits through a maw portal

>Teleports back in.
I don't know what just happened. I choose to blame Pierre.

>>45074380
EXACTLY!

... Well The current one isn't anyways...

>>45074435
OF COURSE NOT! We were just recently charted by the Kingdoms of the Continent of Aurthoran!

>>45074442
Great! Simply have one of your Guilds Mages send one of my Guild Mages a telepathic message!

>>45074520
I typically find he's a good one to blame.

>>45074426
I suppose that's the right term to use. I just really enjoy reading.

>>45073796
Yes, yes, no killing... What about imprisonment in The Demiplane of Thorns?

>>45074467
Is this about not entering my own daughter into a deadly death maze with almost guaranteed death involved? Because if she isn't ready to join her father on a curb stomp war then she sure as hells won't join this death maze.
>>45074471
>>45074491
That's always a good one.
>>45074499
Pyromancers? They tend to be good for getting people moving.
>>45074523
We will, don't worry.

>>45074558
Thank you Lazarus

>>45074520
What matters is this, are YOU okay, Adam?

>>45074499
HEY! It's not my fault that the last Guild never came up with a plan for fighting the last "Dark Lord of Eternal Darkness and Sadness"!

... SHIT!!! I forgot all about dealing with that part during this weeks meeting!

>>45074535
Well, I'm not getting accused of racism, so I can't blame you. How have you...
>Actually looks at her.
...
>>45074554
Please no. The less I have to deal with that place the better.

>>45074471
Heya Mort! That's a great idea.

>>45074499
>Jill shakes her head in disappointment

>>45074523
well.... then I guess it wouldn't be do bad.

>>45074558
what makes you think the current batch of apprentices are ready?

>>45074583
Yeah. I'm fine, just a bit disoriented and questioning my own place in the universe. I suppose next to you is a pretty good place to be.

>>45074583
Hello Diana, doing well?
>>45074554
Didn't we get bared from that plane by divine intervention? You know, after the cheese incident.

>>45074554
why would we imprison them? Do you have any idea of how much I paid on these front seat tickets? I'm not watching them get stuck in some bramble.
>>45074558
Now that's an idea. we incite a small skirmish between the Pyromancers and the Chainsawmancers, Then we have the Redrobes join in. Much more entertaining than some death machine.
>>45074583
Diana, you're for me on this right? I heard some redrobes call you magicless and now I want them all dead.
>Teuivae is Diana's teacher
>>45074584
May we never forget them.
>>45074589
Yes, shame, shame you miscreant.

>>45074471
We should keep at least a few rabid dogs in there, just so they don't catch on to the horrors' illusory nature.

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>>45074589
Of course it won't! Just any rumors you've heard or hear about us stealing books from your library because we have none... Or the one about a certain Dark Elf by the name of Dirjin who broke into your tower yesterday evening in an attempt to raid you! ....Because those rumors are completely untrue and totally unfounded!

>>45074573
You're welcome Mortimer. Got any coffee today?
>>45074589
Who said I cared if they were?
>>45074647
I'll get the department of divination to help us observe from a safe distance.

>>45074692
No coffee will be made until i get my recipe back from Pierre.

>>45074647
Exactly! They were heroes of the realm, and deserve to be remembered as such!

... Well except Arngoll Drumanwifebeater... He was just an Asshole!

>>45074585
What? Do I have something in my teeth?

>>45074713
In that case! I have some great tea!
>it smells like... grass, and leaves.

>>45074616
...I am hoping that's a compliment, and will take it as such.

>>45074644
Pretty decen-

>>45074647
...where are they.

>>45074647
Ptttbbbb!

>>45074686
Which tower? Not the witch tower I hope.

>>45074692
Because they're tot's K.D.'s friends for all you know.

>>45074746
Hey Diana!

>>45074739
No thank you. Anyway, I need to get some work done. See you later

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>>45074713
He still has it?
>>45074739
Thank you Marus!
>>45074746
Please don't go on a rampage yet, the meeting just started.

>>45074686
You know, you can say the word Drow, we call ourselves Drow for a reason.
>>45074692
Good, good, I'm glad we can have a most productive meeting.
>>45074717
I forgot most of them already.
>>45074759
Says the one always walking around soaking wet.
>>45074746
>Teuivae pulls out 2 tickets
Right in front of us, when they're getting sawed and burned up.

>>45074721
No. Sorry, never mind.
>>45074746
You know for a fact I would never try to say anything stupidly romantic that doesn't make any sense.

>>45074759
Again! Those rumors are completely untrue and utterly unfounded! None of them EVER happened! ...EVER...
Sp don't go looking into to them. Because... You know... It would be a simple waste of time.

>>45074539
Well we have a large library here so you can expand your spell book even more.
sorry for missing you

>>45074372
And uhm, if I d-don't survive?

>>45074783
>but it tastes like sex with an angel.

>>45074800
I'm looking into them now.

>>45074785
I have nothing against saying the word "Drow"! After all I deal with SEVERAL Drow Guild members! -mutters- One of which is an utter asshole...

>>45074787
I...

Right.

>Still blinking in confusion as to what just occurred.

>>45074713
Really? I was wondering why there was no coffee. I'll have a talk with him later.
>>45074759
Then she really should get better friends, some of those apprentices are terrible.
>>45074785
It's a rarity when is happens, but a welcomed one.

>>45074801
Ah fantastic! The library in my town only had picture books.

>>45074808
I think that answered it self.
>>45074814
>Get away from my sister!
>>45074832
Dark elf seems unnecessary convoluted and unnecessarily politically correct. You wouldn't walk around calling High Elves 'white elves.'
>>45074855
>Teuivae nods

>>45074814
>looks at the cup in disbelief
What is in this stuff? It's amazing!

>>45074822
Like I said, there's really no need! No rogues broke into your library shortly after The Guild was founded and then, because we had no books on lore, proceeded to then steal nearly 40000 tomes through the use of Bags of Holding! Nuh uh, No such thing EVER happened!
>I'm so boned... DAMN THOSE ROGUES! DAMN THEM TO HELL!

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>>45074759
Hello.

>>45074783
No promises, cat-for-brains.

>>45074785
Huh?
>Diana tilts her head, confused a little.

>>45074787
What, a girl can't dream?

On the bright side, all the money we save from the obstacle course can go towards increasing the funding for the Fishing School!

>>45074837
So, uh, what have you been up to?

>>45074898
You don't have to dream when I can help you make it all real. See what I mean? It's involuntary!

>>45074898
The Redrobes are going on to be in a Pyromancer vs. Chainsawmaner vs. Redrobe match, these are the tickets for the front seats of the divination room.

>>45074871
I've yet to ever hear someone call a High Elf, a "White Elf"! That's utterly absurd, and completely stupid! After all, the "White Elves" Live close to the Equator near the Rowlawow Bay!

>>45074855
I'm still not supporting the death maze!

>>45074856
Yeash, that sounds awful.

>>45074895
...............wow you have a horrible bluff skill

>>45074898
How's married life?

>>45074900
Why on Aen would we need a fishing school?

>>45074895
Really?
>>45074898
Heh, well said.
>>45074900
This sounds like great news. Who needs the obstacle course when you can have an endless supply of fish?

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>>45074856
You poor neglected child... Feel free to use my library.
Be careful of the book-beasts though.

>>45074871
>Never!

>>45074892
>pic related

>>45074903
Avoiding doing my job, taking care of a child, repeated drafts of a novel. Pretty sordid stuff, honestly.

>>45074946
>looks at the cup again
>shrugs and drinks the rest
Another!

>>45074938
Just as absurd as having to call us Drow 'Dark Elves'
>>45074946
>You son of a bitch
>green text fight

>>45074927
...you're lucky you're so cute...

>>45074936
...Oh. It's not the same just watching someone else do it.

>>45074939
Ask me once I'm actually married.

>>45074942
Exactly! It never happened! No matter HOW much evidence you do or don't find! No sir, never happened!

>>45074939
I'm not bluffing! I'm simply saying that It never happened, and that you should ignore ANY rumors you hear regarding such events.

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Apologies for the intrusion, ladies and gentlemen, but I've a few minor announcements to make.

Firstly, I'd like to issue an informal notice on the circumstances of the newly re-opened obstacle course. Please, do not get too attached to the new apprentices, and I should remind you all to avoid giving them supplies and equipment of significant value, monetary or otherwise, before they enter the course. My supply rooms are not endless. Except, of course, for Vault 9, which is.

On other news, we've been issued a formal writ of animadversion by the Guild of Orphanages and Orphans. I'll not bore you with the details, but the damages claimed are substantial. Whilst I have been advised that the orphans crushed in the incident have been grievously overvalued, I get the impression that they do not believe the guild has any legs to stand on.

Lastly, I'd like you all to be aware of my new intern who you will find stationed at the Western supply room station, governing access to Vaults 17 through 23. Given that he is an incorporeal mass of void flesh that developed sentience only last week, he has shown a clear and admirable level of organisational skill and a desire to learn. Whilst he hasn't decided on a formal name quite yet, he has taken to referring to himself as Vlomp, in the third person, which I suppose will do for now. I am certain you will all do your best to provide a warm welcome as he acclimatises to this material plane.

Thank you for your time.

>>45074939
We've had a fishing school for a while now, since a few meetings ago when I declared that there needed to be one! I took the liberty of taking up a janitorial closet near the hydromancers and collecting my owed wages of my own initiative.

>>45075009
You're not telling me I blew 50,000 gold on a ticket because it's 'not the same!'
>>45075012
>begins writing down these notes
wait, why am I even doing this? My apprentice is right there.

>>45075012
Tell them we can supply them with a fresh supply of orphans in return for dropping the class action suit!

>>45075009
Oh......... Uh sorry....

>>45075010
Give us back our shit man.

>>45075012
What? why was it reopened?

>>45075019
Fucking hydromancers!

>>45074974
Right...well sorry about putting your entire department into a corpse shortfall at the same time that you're repairing a country.
>>45075009
And I'm also lucky that you're cute, but let's get back to the meeting.

>>45074900
But we already spent all the money on the obstacle course, we would lose that money if we didn't put the course to use somehow.
>>45074936
I'm going to need my own box seat.
>>45074939
Of course not, didn't you run in last year's death maze?
>>45075068
Marus, I want to once more thank you for helping Tenebrus with those forests. They ended up a bit all over the place, but it's still better than the alternative, have you had a chance to see your new lands yet? I hope the valley we found for you will be to your liking.
>>45075012
We stepped on an orphanage? Really? How long ago was this?

>>45075084
How DARE YOU!!! The "Guild of Mighty an Minor Adventurers" Has stolen nothing from you and your guild, and I take GREAT offense to that to the fact that you would ever THINK such things!

>>45075098
Ehhh. I can't exactly handle too many corpses lately. Bacteria like that is terrible for a child's health, you know.

>>45075116
You'll not be wasting money if you let my Guilds Rogues run the course!

>>45075120
Psst, Guild Master for Mighty Quenchers, me and Flayer Flay made off with some nice artifacts. Thanks for the distraction!

>>45075068
A compelling counter offer, I will keep it in mind.

>>45075116
Some Paladins came to visit. Things... escalated.

>>45075010
If you say so... by the way, do you accept magical girls? I have some who want to go out and see the world, and your guild seems big on the whole epic adventures thing.
>>45075012
Thank you for informing us.
>>45075019
That's the spirit! Reminds me how I got my department.

>>45075152
It's just not the same when it isn't Redrobes that you've been dealing with for months, there's something so...satisfying about it.

>>45075116
I am so sorry I disappeared through that btw, I forgot about it on the advent of the new thread
I haven't been there yet, but I should probably make the trip soon. Thank you for asking.

>>45075116
Yes and it was one of the worst experiences of my life!

>>45075120
Faint anger as much as you want, if our things are not returned there will be permanent consequences.

>>45075159
THIEF!

>Wait a second!
>Who here plays Penal Regiment, I swear Gary!Anon is here.

>>45075159
You! You're the reason they call us Drow N#$%^&

>>45075159
Ok, I keked at this, especially since I was REALLY hoping you'd show up and say something like this
W-W-What are you talking about!?!
>Looks towards the rest of the meeting hall
I-I swear I have NO idea what he;s talking about!
>Damn that Bastard! I expressly told the Guild yesterday to NOT DO THAT!

>>45075212
I play a few one offs but it's kinda meh for me

>>45075159
>Flayer Flay
>10/10
>>45075134
I will definitely keep that in mind. If you have any jobs I can do for the necromancy department, please tell me. I need to keep paying back my debt.

>>45075053
If a pair of redrobes badmouthed me, I wanna take them apart myself! Otherwise what's the point?

>>45075206
See! It wasn't my guild! It was Drow raiding parties come to steal and then burn your stuff!

>>45075206
Pinball wizard, eh?

Those aren't the only balls I'd let you be an expert witch of!

IFYOUKNOWWHATIMDECLARINGSPIDEREGGS

>>45075242
Um...gauze? I don't think we ever have enough gauze, to be honest. That or any embalming oils or powders.

>>45074946
Bo-Book Beasts?!

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Oh, I'm very sorry. I almost missed the meeting.

So, no obstacle course for apprentices and stuff?

>>45075212
I do as Sgt Malak Ordenius
>>45075178
Why yes we do accept them... Just send them over the next chance you get!

>>45075246
Here's your new point.
>>45075116
It sounds like I just got one extra seat left, Lazarus. And my apprentice will be in the match, hunting down the ones who bad mouthed her while I point them out from the safety of an abjuration box. Or she can write a 50,000 page essay about why Black is the new Black.

>>45075152
Noted. I'll make sure we keep it open for them to run through.
>>45075165
Can't we have the paladins pay for the damages then? They were clearly the instigating party in this.
>>45075202
Don't worry about it.
I hope it end up being to your liking then.
>>45075206
Really? And here I thought the Rethage incident would top that.

>>45075315
I knew I recognized the way that text was written! Hank!Anon here.

>>45075285
>With a look of utter shame in his eyes, Nyle would meekly speak up
...A-anyone happen to have kobold I could borrow...?

>>45075285
Hand over the loot DIRTBAG!! I have spells and I'm not afraid to use them!

>>45075309
He's just fucking with you, there is no such thing as book beasts. probably.

>>45075330
I said ONE of the worst.... and can we please not talk about that?

>>45075322
As the one negotiating the assistance of the divination department I feel I'm entitled to that seat.

>>45075378
You just might find yourself in it.

>>45075345
You should drop by "The Adventurers Guild" at some point! I just started it up the other day! Got a good turn out for it as well.

>>45075363
Is cutebold Oh boss?

>>45075400
I did. Was Astrid.

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>>45075315
Will do! I'll go tell the girls the good news right now.

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>>45075363
No more, Guildmeister! I have come prepared for all of my future endeavors!

Behold! The solution to all my problems!
>pic related

>>45075375
...


No.

kekekekeke

>>45075297
Time for me to go shopping for the necromancers.
>>45075310
Basically, I'll do whatever Lazarus says, unless Diana says something else.

>>45075392
And you'll find me writing that essay for you. Because I'm not suicidal, nor am I going to risk my neck for you making assumptions.

>>45075375
Very well then, in exchange you'll keep your complaints about the obstacle course to a minimum. Agreed?
>>45075392
Good, let people know that if I find anyone taking my seat then they're dead.

>>45075441
Well, it's certainly a safe plan, at least.

How have you been?

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>45075434
Pinballis eyeballakic!
>Attempts to your your eyes into pinballs

>>45075475
Fuck no. I'm not letting this barbaric event happen anymore! I don't care if it cuts down on the number of mages!

>>45075455
Very well then! It seems I must do everything myself!! It seems I made the only person grumpier than Lazarus and I put together my apprentice!
>>45075475
Good day!
>Teuivae stomps off

>>45075401
Clip-Clip!? Why are you here?

...WAIT! PERFECT!
>He'd quickly pick the kobold up by the neck now
Sorry in advance for this Clip-Clip!

>>45075434
>Nyle would quickly whip the Kobold in his hand in order to straighten Clip Clip into a usable, blunt weapon, before proceeding to use him to beat the living shit out Dirjin

>>45075309
>>45075375
There actually are. I made them to keep the library orderly and clean of pests. Just be courteous and don't earmark the pages.

>>45075330
I am sure it will be.

>>45075534
>CUTEBOLD!
Ow! OPH!! AIIIIEEEEE!

>>45075512
...And here I thought senseless violence from the darkness was lies and slander.

>>45075441
Need help shopping?

>>45075538
That's a librarians job.

>>45075487
Veilhex, we are going to be pitting the pyromancers vs the chainsawmancers and let the redrobes run in the middle of it. Do you want me to get you tickets?
>>45075499
A pity, I guess my next class will be on the recent history of Rethage then, the uncensored version. I imagine it will be quite popular.
>>45075538
Just let me know if you need anything else, and remember, you have an open invitation to the Imperial Palace in the capital. You've done us a great service.

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>45075499
Come on, witch, you're just embarrassing yoursel-

>>45075534
Time to bugout faster than bugmancer!

>>45075633
Yes, but librarians require a salary that isn't delicious nutrient paste.

>>45075673
Oh, thank you kindly.
Is there anything there I would be interested of seeing? I do love to sightsee!

>>45075576
>After finishing his "work" on Dirjin, Nyle would gently place the so called "Cutebold" back carefully on the ground
Again, Sorry Clip Clip! But considering what you put on your sign up sheet, this should be nothing to you.

>>45075624
Senseless violence is the standard operating procedure for mages of all kinds.

How long have you been here?

>>45075673
All the redrobes, or just certain ones?

>>45075673
Really? I had no idea you taught resent history.

>>45075679
Unmodified d20s only please

>>45075697
So? It's not like we're going to fire them.

>>45075487
Other than tired? Pretty good, and the tiredness is to be expected when I've been working the hours I have.
>>45075624
Yeah, we can make a nice trip of it. Some time together. It's not quite a date, but I think it's the best we're going to get.

>>45075731
>only looks slightly dizzy
Me is no improvised weapon....
>Pukes on your shoes

>>45075425
Sorry about the wait... Yes I'll have a few rooms prepared for them at the Guild when I get back.

...Would you prefer their remains returned if they die, or...?

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>45075756
Sorry, we were using 1d100 in Adventurer's Guild

>>45075793
Well... Thankfully these are metal and therefore easy to clean... Still would have preferred NOT to have to clean them today, but alas oh well!

>>45075697
The Imperial Palace itself is the only place I would suggest seeing. But I do suppose there are the volcanoes further inland as well. I don't see the appeal though.
>>45075733
We're still working out the specifics... oh, you were thinking about the one you're keeping an eye on. I'll make sure she's excluded from the list of participants.
>>45075756
Not usually, but I have held history classes on occasion, and as a department head I'm free to plan classes at my own discretion.

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>Emilia enters in the meeting
Sorry for being late, I don't really care for the death course, but I didn't want to be against it.

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>>45075820
>1

>>45075820
No problem. also Ouch.... it's a good thing the curse is only temporary

>>45075799
Yes please.
>>45075820
Well, when in Rome and all that.
PRAISE CRITICUS!

>>45075828
clip-clip would have preferred not ebing used as weapon today. Booty lass O. Wells.

>>45075840
Fine. do it, see if I care.

>>45075867
Now hand it over and I'll turn them back!

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>Enters again through a maw portal
Hell-
. . .What's going on here?

>>45075947
Hello, Lurco!

>>45075758
I suppose so. Anything we need to get ready for?

>>45075758
Good to hear.

>>45075840
Thank you. It's hard enough to protect her from regular redrobe hazards.

>>45075851
Hello. How're you doing?

>>45075947
>Shrug

I dunno. Probably exactly what you think is happening.

>>45075909
Well as they say in Ronmellia "Walkst it offatith, you Pussiest".

No idea what it means, but it seems safe to use it in this case

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>45075945
No! I have a reputation to uphold and I'm not losing out on a payday this good! Any yahoo can do magic, I bet I could fix this!

Uh, bullshiticus fixicus myeyesicus!

>>45075945
I will, as a matter of principle.
>>45075947
Some of the adventurers dropped by, it's been livening things up a bit.
>>45075979
I got to say, I'm surprised she's still alive, has it been worth it keeping her safe? Sounds like a lot of trouble for no reward to me.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>45075998
Ha! As it a rogue could break my magic!

>>45075975
We could get some things to decorate our rooms in Sanctum Noctis. They're rather drab.
>>45075979
And wat about you?

>>45075964
Wait a moment! You! You threatened to blow up the guild the other day for NO REASON!

Well other then those on the list you had... WHICH WE ONLY DID HALF OF!

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>45075979
I'm doing a pre-
>>45075998
Pimpus backhandus
>Emilia slaps him with her backhand

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I've heard stories that Teuivae just hires regular living people to pretend to be reanimated corpses.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>Gets thrown through the window
AAH!
>Rolling for crash landing

>>45076021
And I'll keep opposing your shitty death maze.

>>45076039
you forgot to keep your pimp hand strong

>>45076024
>>45075998

>Nyle would Face palm himself in embarrassment at both of these events
He's... Not a rogue... He's an idiot... and somehow STILL ALIVE!?!

>>45076060
>That is a terrible crash landing
>infact, she rolls and hits a table, breaking through it
..Why..

Rolled 10 (1d10)

>>45076041
Uhhh hello...

>>45076060
Oh fuck!
>Rolling to assist via catching

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>45076024
Damn your magic...

Uh, I know I've never really done anything but make bad spider puns and innuendos but, please Spider God, help a brother out!

>>45076039
>2
Pffhahaha! Who slapped me? Cutebold was that you?

>>45076021
There is, in fact. She's a wonderful girl. And from what I've seen of her magic, she's going to be a brilliant chronomancer, if she isn't already.

>>45076037
I'm not doing anything right now, but I'm doing ok.

>>45076060
>>45076096
Are you alright?
>Moves to help her up.

>>45076037
Perhaps. I might be able to paint the walls or something, liven them up a little.

>>45076060
Oh, Astrid, perfect timing. Come here, we're going shopping.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>45076060
I got you!
Rolling to catch

>>45075964
Hey Emilia. What's going on?
>>45075979
So... Adventurers in the Guild?
>>45075992
Yo, I'm Lurco, leader of a large group of individuals which currently doesn't have a name for them. We were a cult apparently for a long time but then we switched to a company but then I was put in charge by another me and I don't like the whole company shabang. So now we're just a large group of people. And I'm the leader of them. We work closely with the Mages, Fighters, and Thieves' Guilds.
>>45076021
I knew it.

>>45076066
So, what is it that you do, ma'am?

>>45076041
Tell me more of this.
>>45076066
Then I think we have come to an understanding.
>>45076106
Are you planing on taking her as an apprentice or something? Or do you think you'll need the help of a chronomancer in the future?

>>45076038
Actually that wasn't me. I didn't write it, I just followed the Chronomancer because there was a noise complaint about a raving drow.
>>45076041
what the hells are you going on about? Teuivae using dark magic, I don't even know if he can raise dead.
>>45076105
>Emilia rattles her courtblade resting on her belt
I can show you cute if you want.
>>45076125
Hey, just got here.

>>45076105
Just hand over the loot you pansy!

>>45076119
Snrk

>>45076131
....Do you want the long answer or the short answer?

>>45076119
PRAISE CRITICUS!
>takes a closer look
You ok there? I have healing magic if you need it.

>>45076114
Group shopping trip? I'm fine with that.

>>45076135
No not really. not even in the slightest.

>>45076119
GODS OF DICE WHY!!!

>>45076125
Well I'm not really the leader of any of those guild. Though I have done work for the Fighters Guild in the past!

But no, I, Nyle's Ransdorm, Slayer of the Virgin Succubi of Rextora (I didn't fuck them, I killed them!), Climber of the Trule Mountains, and Ruiner of the parties of Evil everywhere; am the leader of the Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers... Or the Adventurers Guild if you will!

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>>45076106
I..I'm fine..
>>45076114
S-Shopping? Huh?

>>45076141
Oh but my dear, with my sight restored, you need not show me anything! The only cuteness I need has already been shown to me when I witnessed the beautiful angry look upon your face...

*my face is contorted in the most disgusting lusty grin you can imagine*

>>45076151
Quiet short stuff, I'm putting my spider mojo on a real woman here!

>>45076222
Because ever time someone roll's a one I get a stiffy

>>45076125
Guess so.

>>45076135
Maybe I'm simply covering my bases?

Besides, I enjoy her company.

>>45076238
Thank goodness.

Why did you come... crashing in like that?

>>45076096
Your...Still on top... Of me....
>>45076173
I'm... Fine... Just my spine...

>>45076238
>>45076205
Well, more accurately I think she doesn't deserve to be thrown through the death course or the Chainsawmancer's battle arena. So we'll take her with us, maybe she can find some new robes for when she graduates.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>45076222
Oi, did you forget about me?
>>45076252
>pulls out her courtblade and makes him a half elf on on ear

>>45076135
I have heard this too! They say he's actually the lowest form of magi... Stage magician!

>>45076252
Fine. enjoy being blind.

>>45076238
Please... Get off... of me....

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>>45076299
Whoops, I forgot my pic!

>>45076141
I see. By the way, do you have any idea on what to name the group? I was thinking of "The Strangers", "Lurco's Strangers", or "The Occult Guild." Do you have any other ideas?
>>45076222
Yeah yeah, I know. And I was wondering if you would want to improve relations between our two groups. I could send a representative and stuff like that and help provide various things.

>>45076276
I got..flung out of my room..by a monster.
>>45076283
O-Oh, sorry.
>She rolls off him
Are you..ok?
>>45076286
Diana..but..the death course is voluntary..I'm not being forced to go..
But, if you really want me to go shopping with you..I guess I will?

>>45076276
No, I guess there is nothing wrong with being prepared.
>>45076299
>>45076324
Anyone who could fake magic that well deserves to be here.

>>45076330
Ask me in about 5 minutes.

>>45076286
Sounds good to me. So necromancy supplies, paints, clothing. Yes, I'm just going to make a general request of clothing. Everything I have is covered in powdered iron from making all of those portals. It takes three washes to get it out.

>>45076238
Egad! Has my one functional ear deceived me?

I believe I am in the presence of a Chronocommoner!

>>45076293
Why you gotta be like that? You're a summoner right? I could summon you up a good time(ifyouknowwhatimindicatingspidereyes)

>>45076283
Better hope i's still where it should be, I don't have the spells to fix something that major. I could probably do something about the pain though.

>>45076371
I'm fine... Except for.... My spine!
>A loud Crack echoes out from Nyles spine
>Nyle would quickly stand up now, oddly enough, looking perfectly fine
Now I feel GREAT! I've had that kink in my back for nearly a week now, thanks lass!

>>45076293
Other then when you and that other mage entered the Guild the other day, I quite honestly have no idea WHO you are!

>>45076371
Oh? What kind of monster?

>>45076379
You see my logic, though, right?

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>45076425
>Emilia sheathes her blade
>crouches low
>and muay thai punches him in the driders
>>45076447
Just a Marques.

>>45076425
..Stop..calling..me..that.
>Irritation Intensifies
>>45076447
Uh...you're welcome?
>>45076455
..Mini-Hydra.

>>45076371
Still alive I see, keep it up.
>>45076455
I have so many favours to call in that I almost lose track of them just so that I'll always be prepared. So yes, I see the logic of it, I'm just still surprised you decided to invest in a redrobe.

>>45076402
Okay.
>>45076300
So, Jill, how's the meeting going?
>>45076508
. . .Take me to the mini-Hydra.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>45076466
>feeling brave, rather than attempt to dodge the punch he attempts to meet it with sufficient force in the form of a pelvic thrust

You've got nothing on the missus!

>>45076508
Oh, dear.

>>45076517
Well, can you think of anyone, any kind of person at all, who'd suspect a redrobe could be detrimental to their plans?

>>45076508
A monster you say! Well say no more! I shall slay it before it does anything else!

>>45076543
>shakes her fist
>she stands up
You now my true form is a wyvern, right?

>>45076561
NO! STOP! I wish to tame it!

>>45076151
Both would be adequate.

>>45076508
>for next post >>45076517
>>45076554
I'll admit, that's brilliant. Just don't rely on her too much, last time I used an apprentice like that he ended up revealing my entire plot.

>>45076406
Alright, I'll make a note. Although perhaps some magnets might be useful in the future?

>>45076517
Thanks..I think I can say Veilhex helped a lot.
>>45076528
Uh..why?
>>45076554
Yes..
..And..My ribs got broken and I am pretty sure I almost died yesterday..
Was able to repair it all myself by reversing my body back into its state before it was hit but..I still remember the pain.
>>45076561
Why are you all so obsessed with..a mini-hydra?

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>>45076572
Sounds like a good time.

*wink*

>>45076630
Was it while you were under that whole "Apprentice curse" thing?

>>45076675
But you're alright now? Still nothing broken or internal bleeding or anything, right?

>>45076642
>Holds up a hand. Iron filings are embedded under his fingernails.
I didn't have the necessary half hour to scrub down.

>>45076675
I would imagine so, don't disappoint him. In other news, you're officially barred from the obstacle course and the face-off against the chainsawmancers and the pyromancers, in case you felt suicidal enough to join.
>>45076724
Yes, but I wasn't using one of my apprentices, so it shouldn't have mattered.

>>45076731
...yeah. Definitely investing in magnets. Until then, this will have to do
>Spell card - Ion Burst

>>45076724
I'm fine now..
>She smiles at him
Uh..Diana wants to take me shopping...you want to come to?

>>45076788
Hmm. Fair enough. How did you attempt to gain the loyalty of this redrobe?

>>45076793
Shopping where?

>>45076788
>chainsawmancers run by
FUCK YEAH BITCHES, WE'RE GONNA WIN THIS SHIT, WOO!
>Astrid just stares
Uh..yes..I'd rather not.

>>45076698
>Emilia cannot fight the true power of Drow love
>she does a 360 and walks away
>>45076528
the old Lurco uses the two names because he liked the sound of them, but maybe, I dunno, have a vote?
>>45076790
>>45076731
>eyeing both of you
>help me

>>45076828
>she shrugs

>>45076572
Aren't Wyverns not actually intelligent though? as well as not magically inclined, with their only claim to fame being that they are shaped like a dragon but have poison in their tails?

>>45076790
Have I mentioned how brilliant you are? Because I think it could bear repeating.
>>45076845
Yeah, let's see if we can't portal them out of here.
>>45076867
Maybe you should get your subordinates to stop harassing guild members. We'd be really grateful.

>>45076845
Now just think... I get to deal with him and his stupidity up to 24 HOURS A DAY, EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!

>>45076675
I wish to make it mine.
>>45076698
Dude, just stop.
>>45076845
Really? Well, I'll go with "The Strangers."
The names actually had meanings to them.

>>45076828
Loyalty wasn't the problem, competence was. He was a babbling fool.
>>45076831
A wise choice.

>>45076863
Well, sure, I'd be happy to go shopping with you.

No hat stores, though.

>>45076910
Then maybe you simply chose the wrong redrobe.

>>45076887
Have you seen Clip Clip the "Cutebold"? If I tried any harder Clip Clip would probably be dead.

>>45076528
I blinded a thief is lazarus is being a little bitch, so pretty well I guess.

>>45076618
The short of it I teach here. The long o it is, I teach witchcraft to my clan, I teach alchemy to a bunch of other students who are way too eager to learn to the point where they will randomly drag me off to teach them, I'm teaching a young dog folk how to be a warlock, he's pretty great at it bee tee dubs, I enchant magic items to help improve the quality of life in rethage as well as items so that the commoners can defend them selves better, I also learning how to get better at enchanting from Karl the goat hucker, I'm a minion to Secretus, I some times moonlight as a magical girl, and that's not even counting all my vatcation time, what my time goofing off in the archives.

>>45076867
You are 100% right, we're not in a guild where the completely unexplained and unexpected happens every day.
>>45076904
Our guild rules say I can kill him, I can kill him.
>>45076906
Yay! Democracy...
>>45076887
Maybe when the meeting ends, and I wanna talk to you after.

>>45076906
Yeah I will. The joke has beaten thoroughly.

>>45076955
Me is in pocket
>He squirms
Is cramped....

>>45076969
Dirjin... Are you sure you weren't just kicked out of the Underdark due to your terrible puns...

>>45076957
Cool.
>>45076962
Democracy? Does that even exist yet?
Also, you're still taken, right?
>>45076969
Good.

>>45076986
How the...?
Nevermind, I'm not even going to bother asking how.

>>45077052
set cutebold free plz

>>45076937
>she smirks
You do like your hoods..heh..

>>45076962
>Nyle would look at the Summoner and then to Dirjin... But would then quickly look back to the Summoner once again
>Shrugs
Go ahead. No skin off my back. That is, if you can kill him... I've tried a dozen times since he joined.

>>45076937
Possibly.

>>45077042
Yes.
>Emilia says no more and gives to no urges
>>45077101
>Emilia shrugs
If I got into it, I'd probably take you out too, can't leave any remainders.

>>45077099
You know it.

>>45077110
Well, I doubt that will be a problem for me, then.

>>45077042
Yup....

>>45077142
Well..I still think the hat looked good on you.

>>45077134
Right. Was just weird how he still made such suggestions.
>>45077180
Hey, if you want to open the letter now you can.

>>45077134
>He'd simply chuckle at this
I've killed liches with both more, and less brains with you, so I wouldn't try it. But if you can kill that Drow I'd be grateful!

>>45077093
>He'd reach into his coat pocket now, rummaging around inside the tiny bag of Holding
>He''d begin tossing dozens of items onto the floor from within it, including but not limited to: a crate, two peasants, Excalibur, the Hand of Vicna, The head of Vicna, a vile filled with Red dragon tears, a puppy, a different "CuteBold", a Tiny (1 foot tall) horse, a halfling, 3 goats, and then Finally Clip-Clip
There You go Clip Clip!

>>45077219
Oh right , the letter.
>Opens it

>>45077219
Lurco, I don't want to sound racist, but he's a drow, they're literally drilled into this from their home.
>>45077248
I once summoned a god that burned a 300 long trail of earth because of how mad it was, I did this at one of the weakest points of my life, in fact, I am gathering a group of people so that I can take down a minor god and use its carapace to create one of the most powerful artifacts to ever exist. I can take on a hot blooded guild master.

>>45077203
...

>Pulls his hood over his face a bit more

But I like my hood.

>>45077299
>300 mile trail*

>>45077302
I know. And uh..thanks for helping me speak much clearer now..Veil.

>>45077263
>It's a sending gem number
It's the number to a friend of mine that's a djinn. He'll grant you a wish. And yes, I'm trying to compensate for the awesome gift that Vex gave you.
>>45077299
Huh, well, there's proof that "The Strangers" is a good name for the group, because the drow that are part of the group don't act like that.

>>45077248
>Once you get rid of all the stuff he doesn't wan't to come out
No, is cosy now.

>>45077101
>Groans in clear discomfort as he pulls his way out from under a nearby desk.
By Sibrys, Waukeen and Olidammara you are all too damned loud... Wait, this isn't the Adventurers Guild.
>Rubs his eyes with one hand while taking a swing from his wine skin.
Whubuhbpb...
>Swallows said wine.
Sorry. What's all this then? Who are these guys and more importantly where the Hell am I?

>>45077328
You're very welcome.

>>45077362
>she leans on him affectionately, standing awkwardly, blushing a tad

>>45077332
Ohh, I don't want to be a bother....

>>45077362
>>45077406
I see, so that's how it is.

>>45077361
How the hell does everyone from the Adventurers Guild keep getting in here so easily!? I myself have to go through 40 pages of paper work just to be let in! Yet somehow, you, CLip Clip, Dirjin, and a few others get in here without any difficulties! Either security is really great or just REALY FUCKING sucks... Either way is fine with me.

>>45077444
You've got no space to comment mister "I gave an empire to my wife"

>>45077406
>Hugs her gently
>Chuckles a little

>>45077361
You're in the Mages Guild.
>>45077426
Naw, don't worry about it. Just if give him a call when you come up with your wish.
>>45077452
. . .You probably just met with a dick law mage.

>>45077452
We just don't care most of the time. It's nice of you to entertain the bureaucramancers though. They don't really have any legal power though. Unless they want to, anyways.

>>45077452
If they are mages then they probably have a dual membership in both guilds. If not, then did you fill in form 17b? If so, then you opened the gates for them and agreed to stand responsible for their actions.

>>45077332
well, ok then.

So. I've been considering redoing the mage's guild courtyard. It's currently just an empty field of grass.
We need something more spectacular.
Any ideas?

>>45077444
W-What?
>>45077470
Uh..Veilhex? May I ask you something?

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>Walks in
>>45077489
Hello Marus
>>45077496
Hello Lazarus

>>45077452
To answer your question, I should probably mention something about these odd marks and tattoos all over my torso... But I will leave that to speculation. Besides, I barely remember the last couple of days. Something about interrogating a gnome anti-paladin, four jars of molasses and a barrel of cod livers?
>Scratches his beard in blatant thought.
Yeah that sounds vaguely familiar.

>>45077524
>VINES BEGIN GROWING IN THE COURTYARD
>EVERYWHERE
>She yells back up to Marus
Already done!

>>45077480
cool. thanks, I will.

>>45077470
Not saying there is anything wrong, just disappointed you never told me.
>>45077525
So for how long have you too been a thing then?
>>45077532
Hello Hixxkilliant, I trust the archives are well while the meeting is in effect?

>>45077559
Well. That's a bit rude.

>>45077503
I mean, are you not a strange person among the elves of Areis?
>>45077532
Hey Hixx.
>>45077572
No problem. So, who was your friend that you revived?

>>45077524
How about those man eating plants you told me about earlier?

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>>45077584
>She appears by him, smiling
Sorry! Just thought the same and then decided it needs a bit more..greenery!
You like it?

>>45077480
>>45077489
>>45077496
By the gods... It's no wonder so many of your apprentices either leave or die...

>>45077532
Hello, pipe?
>offers smoking pipe, smells fruity.

>>45077628
Hm, what if children want to play though?

>>45077525
Hm? Sure, what?

>>45077582
Well, we haven't talked much since it became, well, this. And besides, we tried keeping it quiet for a bit because, you know how the department is.

She's been sleeping in my room, how could you not notice?

>>45077624
I'm a strange person in Areis for the fact that I wish to live. but, I'd dallied enough. I'll be waiting for everyone in the archives.
>Emilia heads out

>>45077624
The green shadow. Vex made him so I could turn into a magical girl and Fight james. or something.

>>45077582
Nothing terrible has happened yet, I have been altering my contract with the help of my attorney to reflect my relative grasp on my own instincts, no longer requiring to be spurred on by magic to kill things larger than myself. It's become rather troublesome.
>>45077648
Hello, Miss Pulch. How are you today?
>>45077651
>Shakes his head
No, I am on duty currently.
>>45077624
Hello Lurco

>>45077648
Not bad. What is that?

>>45077685
well, it's nothing intoxicating.

>>45077480
OH! My thanks.

>>45077650
>Shuffles over and leans toward Nyle with a dull whisper.
Why are we even at the Mages Guild? Was the Adventurers Guild just some illusion? Because if it was you need to come clean. I don't think these people will appreciate me vomiting all over their library as an act of vengeance if that's the case.

>>45077655
Can I um..help you dance later?
>>45077582
Uh..for a..few weeks.

>>45077650
I am actually not a member of the guild.
>>45077664
Seeya.
>>45077669
Huh, cool. Can I meet him some time without using magic?
>>45077685
How are you today?
>>45077718
No problem. So, another Adventurers' Guild member?

>>45077685
Quite well!
>>45077697
What is what?

>>45077650
I'll have you know most of my apprentices died due to a curse that I recently got rid of.
>>45077651
>>45077697
I was hoping most of the casualties would be redrobes, could you make it so they only eat things that are red?
>>45077655
Well I don't exactly spy on your room, who do you take me for, Pierre?
>>45077685
I see, well I hope your new contract works out well for you.

>>45077763
>gestures to the flora.
>smokes more.
Drink?
>offers steaming mug.
>No idea where he stores all of this

>>45077697
Still, no thank you. How have you been?
>>45077745
Rather tired, dealing with attorneys and rewriting parts of my contract.
>>45077763
Glad to hear.
>>45077786
Hopefully it will make my job easier.

>>45077786
I mean... I could.

>>45077745
Maybe later, he's sleeping right now. And WightAnon is asleep

>>45077745
I think? There was paperwork involved and this very nice barbarian lass. Strange name, Honest. It's all kind of a slur. A blur?
>Nods
A blur. Then something about another dark something or other. I've already solved that mystery. Now we all need to be on the look out for a halfling necromancer with an orcish servant who carries it's master in a chest mounted contraption.
>He winked knowingly while tapping his right temple.

Alright, I've got two extra extra large beholder meat pizzas with kobold crust, and a liter of literal dew from the mountains, that'll be $35+ Tip

>>45077816
Is not on i ment to say

>>45077787
No, i'm good!
Who are you? I'm Pulchritudo!
>>45077810
And how about you? Going well with Phobia?

>>45077718
No the Adventurers Guild is still there Friend, I just came to talk to the Arche-mage himself about... I honestly don't remember what now. But why you're here I'm not sure....

>>45077739
...

I mean, I guess. If you want to try. But I warn you, there may be no greater danger to your health and safety than my dancing.

>>45077786
Fair enough. But still, you at least should have noticed a non-necromancer living in the department.

>>45077786
Was it the Great Curse of "Gano-rea"? A friend of mine caught it once after a trip to a brothel in Mreeb...

>>45077810
Oh I've been well, working on my arboreal pursuits lately. How is the archive faring?

>>45077854
Nice to meet you Pulchritudo. I am Marus, resident Biomancer. You can usually find me in my tower.
It's the one with the dragon perch on the roof.
Are you new here or have I been away too long?