Hear ye, hear ye. I hereby call to order this meeting of the most illustrious Mages Guild! Now I know some of you have been excited about the reopening of our magical obstacle course of magical death and dismemberment so that we can once more watch all the apprentices run through it to test their mettle, and thin down the crowd. And I know a lot of you apprentices and initiatives are interested to know what the grand prize we are offering this year for whoever survives the race and gets to the finish line first. Well it seems you might never get to know because a group of concerned parents have come to complain, something about it being "irresponsible" and "unsafe for their children". Of course it's unsafe, it's a magical obstacle course of magical death and dismemberment, it's supposed to be unsafe, that's the point! Normally I would suggest we just kill the angry mob but the diplomancers have warned us that we have met our quota for killing people at our doorstep and that we need to solve it in a way that doesn't make us look quite so terrible and uninviting. Now hurry up and get thinking!
Welcome to the Mages' Guild. Pick a name and join in! Conflicts are resolved with d20s when needed, or with playing it out. When the thread dies on /tg/, we keep it going on archive.4plebs For additional resources, please visit http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Mage%27s_guild
By Lolth, is this what you bored brutes worry about when you're bored?
Have your tried not getting the necromancers to bring the apprentices back to life?
Uh... How about we cancel the obstacle course like they want? That way, you know, nobody dies!
This is unacceptable! I put a lot of work into the maze section of the obstacle course, and I was depending on the dead apprentices to be available to my department once the race was over!
what? Of course not! Oh whoops looks like I added a not in there. heh my bad.
Oh? so is K.D. competing in the maze this year?
But, everyone has the potential to be strong!
Sometimes I forget that sanity does not have the same requirements here.
Their corpses are ours by right once they fall, it's in the agreement they sign before the race.
What's the fun in that?
Individual incidents added up over the last month or so.
I see a simple solution to this. There are still chainsawmancers, why not kill 2 birds with 50 redrobes?
what are you going to do, write over my name tag?
>is trying not to laugh
well this is hafling science as they say. They we pepper and paint the chainsawmancers with some chromomancy, and we assign a color to each Redrobe. I say we let them play 'tag'
we're killing this red robes one way or another, you can be appalled, or you can join in the fun.
No, we already killed all the dumb ones.
A DEATH RACE! This sounds quite exciting if you ask me! I'm sure I could convince some of the rogues back at the Adventurers Guild to sign up for you guys. After all, I'm sure they'd love a chance to show off!
A-Am I in the right place? The flyer said the walking castle was the right place...
That is a horrible idea talo!
I'll choose my own path and not involve myself any further.
Though I do like that idea with the chainsawmancers. I would like to fight against their leader though.
Yep, this is the place.
YOU MOTHAFUCKAS WILL LOOSE TO US CHAINSAWMANCERS, CHAINSAWMANCERS RULE!
>A very squeamish chainsawmancer talks
We signed a cease fire. The revolt is over, but chains-
SHUT UP NERD! CHAINSAWMANCERS RULE!
The last time someone let lose a hydra in the dorms we lost an entire department from collateral damage. Let's not do that again.
That sounds terrible! What do you need from me?
If they wish then they are welcome to join. Here is the entry form.
>presents very long contract
They just have to sign at the bottom, I'll handle the rest.
If you're looking for the mages guild, then you're at the right place.
Nay! It would be a great idea! It'll be a great chance for competition between my Guilds Mighty Rogues! Hell, it might even show the Minor rogues how to find and disable traps PROPERLY!
Good news everyone, I have come up with a new addition for the obst- what do you mean the obstacle course is cancelled!?
Hm... I'm going to need say.... 37 more?
But the ones who don't want their fellow guild members to kill each other go to the "Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers"! ...Otherwise known as "The Adventurers Guild"!
Sure, we let anyone in, all you have to do is survive our death gauntlet which is not being done for quota.
well it seems like only Necromancers would be brave enough to drop a rumor we might be doing another budget cut meeting.
Just get some paint before you do.
Pleasure to meet you. The uhh, paper thingy said that anyone who could cast was welcome to visit and I can c-cast five spells, or was it six? I may have just forgot one. Let's go with five to be safe.
Enjoy your lives while they last murderers.
Hm, I don't think my group has a representative for the Adventurer's Guild yet.
Actually, anyone that can use magic, doesn't even need to be a proper spell!
That won't be a problem.
>pulls a couple of more out of his sleeve
Really? You're trying to sic the chainsawmancers on us? Corpses aren't cheap these days.
>raises an eyebrow
I? I am Nyle Ransdorm! Slayer of the Great Beholder Wannabe "Gary Big Eye", Destroyer of the Ork Shamen "Orsworbs", Savior of the Erta Valley and all of it's inhabitants! But more Importantly! I, Nyle Ransdorm, amthe Guild Master for "The Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers"! Or to the rest of you, "The Adventurers Guild"!
Hello Marus. Well, some of the girls brought back this partially shape shifting monster and was wondering what to do with it until I mentioned the obstacle course.
Do you have a better plan of riling them up for the course?
Jill, hoboism is both a condition and a why of like, like how you dress like you were just saved from living in an alley.
Sir, you dropped your name tag.
Another one 'ey? Are you going to live longer than the last one?
... Well The current one isn't anyways...
OF COURSE NOT! We were just recently charted by the Kingdoms of the Continent of Aurthoran!
Great! Simply have one of your Guilds Mages send one of my Guild Mages a telepathic message!
Is this about not entering my own daughter into a deadly death maze with almost guaranteed death involved? Because if she isn't ready to join her father on a curb stomp war then she sure as hells won't join this death maze.
That's always a good one.
Pyromancers? They tend to be good for getting people moving.
We will, don't worry.
HEY! It's not my fault that the last Guild never came up with a plan for fighting the last "Dark Lord of Eternal Darkness and Sadness"!
... SHIT!!! I forgot all about dealing with that part during this weeks meeting!
Well, I'm not getting accused of racism, so I can't blame you. How have you...
>Actually looks at her.
Please no. The less I have to deal with that place the better.
Heya Mort! That's a great idea.
>Jill shakes her head in disappointment
well.... then I guess it wouldn't be do bad.
what makes you think the current batch of apprentices are ready?
why would we imprison them? Do you have any idea of how much I paid on these front seat tickets? I'm not watching them get stuck in some bramble.
Now that's an idea. we incite a small skirmish between the Pyromancers and the Chainsawmancers, Then we have the Redrobes join in. Much more entertaining than some death machine.
Diana, you're for me on this right? I heard some redrobes call you magicless and now I want them all dead.
>Teuivae is Diana's teacher
May we never forget them.
Yes, shame, shame you miscreant.
Of course it won't! Just any rumors you've heard or hear about us stealing books from your library because we have none... Or the one about a certain Dark Elf by the name of Dirjin who broke into your tower yesterday evening in an attempt to raid you! ....Because those rumors are completely untrue and totally unfounded!
You're welcome Mortimer. Got any coffee today?
Who said I cared if they were?
I'll get the department of divination to help us observe from a safe distance.
He still has it?
Thank you Marus!
Please don't go on a rampage yet, the meeting just started.
You know, you can say the word Drow, we call ourselves Drow for a reason.
Good, good, I'm glad we can have a most productive meeting.
I forgot most of them already.
Says the one always walking around soaking wet.
>Teuivae pulls out 2 tickets
Right in front of us, when they're getting sawed and burned up.
Again! Those rumors are completely untrue and utterly unfounded! None of them EVER happened! ...EVER...
Sp don't go looking into to them. Because... You know... It would be a simple waste of time.
Really? I was wondering why there was no coffee. I'll have a talk with him later.
Then she really should get better friends, some of those apprentices are terrible.
It's a rarity when is happens, but a welcomed one.
I think that answered it self.
>Get away from my sister!
Dark elf seems unnecessary convoluted and unnecessarily politically correct. You wouldn't walk around calling High Elves 'white elves.'
Like I said, there's really no need! No rogues broke into your library shortly after The Guild was founded and then, because we had no books on lore, proceeded to then steal nearly 40000 tomes through the use of Bags of Holding! Nuh uh, No such thing EVER happened!
>I'm so boned... DAMN THOSE ROGUES! DAMN THEM TO HELL!
No promises, cat-for-brains.
>Diana tilts her head, confused a little.
What, a girl can't dream?
I've yet to ever hear someone call a High Elf, a "White Elf"! That's utterly absurd, and completely stupid! After all, the "White Elves" Live close to the Equator near the Rowlawow Bay!
I'm still not supporting the death maze!
Yeash, that sounds awful.
...............wow you have a horrible bluff skill
How's married life?
Why on Aen would we need a fishing school?
You poor neglected child... Feel free to use my library.
Be careful of the book-beasts though.
Exactly! It never happened! No matter HOW much evidence you do or don't find! No sir, never happened!
I'm not bluffing! I'm simply saying that It never happened, and that you should ignore ANY rumors you hear regarding such events.
Apologies for the intrusion, ladies and gentlemen, but I've a few minor announcements to make.
Firstly, I'd like to issue an informal notice on the circumstances of the newly re-opened obstacle course. Please, do not get too attached to the new apprentices, and I should remind you all to avoid giving them supplies and equipment of significant value, monetary or otherwise, before they enter the course. My supply rooms are not endless. Except, of course, for Vault 9, which is.
On other news, we've been issued a formal writ of animadversion by the Guild of Orphanages and Orphans. I'll not bore you with the details, but the damages claimed are substantial. Whilst I have been advised that the orphans crushed in the incident have been grievously overvalued, I get the impression that they do not believe the guild has any legs to stand on.
Lastly, I'd like you all to be aware of my new intern who you will find stationed at the Western supply room station, governing access to Vaults 17 through 23. Given that he is an incorporeal mass of void flesh that developed sentience only last week, he has shown a clear and admirable level of organisational skill and a desire to learn. Whilst he hasn't decided on a formal name quite yet, he has taken to referring to himself as Vlomp, in the third person, which I suppose will do for now. I am certain you will all do your best to provide a warm welcome as he acclimatises to this material plane.
Thank you for your time.
We've had a fishing school for a while now, since a few meetings ago when I declared that there needed to be one! I took the liberty of taking up a janitorial closet near the hydromancers and collecting my owed wages of my own initiative.
You're not telling me I blew 50,000 gold on a ticket because it's 'not the same!'
>begins writing down these notes
wait, why am I even doing this? My apprentice is right there.
Right...well sorry about putting your entire department into a corpse shortfall at the same time that you're repairing a country.
And I'm also lucky that you're cute, but let's get back to the meeting.
But we already spent all the money on the obstacle course, we would lose that money if we didn't put the course to use somehow.
I'm going to need my own box seat.
Of course not, didn't you run in last year's death maze?
Marus, I want to once more thank you for helping Tenebrus with those forests. They ended up a bit all over the place, but it's still better than the alternative, have you had a chance to see your new lands yet? I hope the valley we found for you will be to your liking.
We stepped on an orphanage? Really? How long ago was this?
How DARE YOU!!! The "Guild of Mighty an Minor Adventurers" Has stolen nothing from you and your guild, and I take GREAT offense to that to the fact that you would ever THINK such things!
If you say so... by the way, do you accept magical girls? I have some who want to go out and see the world, and your guild seems big on the whole epic adventures thing.
Thank you for informing us.
That's the spirit! Reminds me how I got my department.
I am so sorry I disappeared through that btw, I forgot about it on the advent of the new thread
I haven't been there yet, but I should probably make the trip soon. Thank you for asking.
Yes and it was one of the worst experiences of my life!
Faint anger as much as you want, if our things are not returned there will be permanent consequences.
Ok, I keked at this, especially since I was REALLY hoping you'd show up and say something like this
W-W-What are you talking about!?!
>Looks towards the rest of the meeting hall
I-I swear I have NO idea what he;s talking about!
>Damn that Bastard! I expressly told the Guild yesterday to NOT DO THAT!
I will definitely keep that in mind. If you have any jobs I can do for the necromancy department, please tell me. I need to keep paying back my debt.
Oh, I'm very sorry. I almost missed the meeting.
So, no obstacle course for apprentices and stuff?
Here's your new point.
It sounds like I just got one extra seat left, Lazarus. And my apprentice will be in the match, hunting down the ones who bad mouthed her while I point them out from the safety of an abjuration box. Or she can write a 50,000 page essay about why Black is the new Black.
Noted. I'll make sure we keep it open for them to run through.
Can't we have the paladins pay for the damages then? They were clearly the instigating party in this.
Don't worry about it.
I hope it end up being to your liking then.
Really? And here I thought the Rethage incident would top that.
Hand over the loot DIRTBAG!! I have spells and I'm not afraid to use them!
He's just fucking with you, there is no such thing as book beasts. probably.
I said ONE of the worst.... and can we please not talk about that?
Will do! I'll go tell the girls the good news right now.
No more, Guildmeister! I have come prepared for all of my future endeavors!
Behold! The solution to all my problems!
Very well then, in exchange you'll keep your complaints about the obstacle course to a minimum. Agreed?
Good, let people know that if I find anyone taking my seat then they're dead.
Rolled 6 (1d20)
>Attempts to your your eyes into pinballs
Fuck no. I'm not letting this barbaric event happen anymore! I don't care if it cuts down on the number of mages!
Very well then! It seems I must do everything myself!! It seems I made the only person grumpier than Lazarus and I put together my apprentice!
>Teuivae stomps off
Clip-Clip!? Why are you here?
>He'd quickly pick the kobold up by the neck now
Sorry in advance for this Clip-Clip!
>Nyle would quickly whip the Kobold in his hand in order to straighten Clip Clip into a usable, blunt weapon, before proceeding to use him to beat the living shit out Dirjin
There actually are. I made them to keep the library orderly and clean of pests. Just be courteous and don't earmark the pages.
I am sure it will be.
Veilhex, we are going to be pitting the pyromancers vs the chainsawmancers and let the redrobes run in the middle of it. Do you want me to get you tickets?
A pity, I guess my next class will be on the recent history of Rethage then, the uncensored version. I imagine it will be quite popular.
Just let me know if you need anything else, and remember, you have an open invitation to the Imperial Palace in the capital. You've done us a great service.
Yes, but librarians require a salary that isn't delicious nutrient paste.
Oh, thank you kindly.
Is there anything there I would be interested of seeing? I do love to sightsee!
>After finishing his "work" on Dirjin, Nyle would gently place the so called "Cutebold" back carefully on the ground
Again, Sorry Clip Clip! But considering what you put on your sign up sheet, this should be nothing to you.
Other than tired? Pretty good, and the tiredness is to be expected when I've been working the hours I have.
Yeah, we can make a nice trip of it. Some time together. It's not quite a date, but I think it's the best we're going to get.
Sorry about the wait... Yes I'll have a few rooms prepared for them at the Guild when I get back.
...Would you prefer their remains returned if they die, or...?
The Imperial Palace itself is the only place I would suggest seeing. But I do suppose there are the volcanoes further inland as well. I don't see the appeal though.
We're still working out the specifics... oh, you were thinking about the one you're keeping an eye on. I'll make sure she's excluded from the list of participants.
Not usually, but I have held history classes on occasion, and as a department head I'm free to plan classes at my own discretion.
>Emilia enters in the meeting
Sorry for being late, I don't really care for the death course, but I didn't want to be against it.
>Enters again through a maw portal
. . .What's going on here?
Good to hear.
Thank you. It's hard enough to protect her from regular redrobe hazards.
Hello. How're you doing?
I dunno. Probably exactly what you think is happening.
Rolled 5 (1d20)
No! I have a reputation to uphold and I'm not losing out on a payday this good! Any yahoo can do magic, I bet I could fix this!
Uh, bullshiticus fixicus myeyesicus!
I will, as a matter of principle.
Some of the adventurers dropped by, it's been livening things up a bit.
I got to say, I'm surprised she's still alive, has it been worth it keeping her safe? Sounds like a lot of trouble for no reward to me.
I've heard stories that Teuivae just hires regular living people to pretend to be reanimated corpses.
Rolled 16 (1d20)
Damn your magic...
Uh, I know I've never really done anything but make bad spider puns and innuendos but, please Spider God, help a brother out!
Pffhahaha! Who slapped me? Cutebold was that you?
There is, in fact. She's a wonderful girl. And from what I've seen of her magic, she's going to be a brilliant chronomancer, if she isn't already.
I'm not doing anything right now, but I'm doing ok.
Are you alright?
>Moves to help her up.
Hey Emilia. What's going on?
So... Adventurers in the Guild?
Yo, I'm Lurco, leader of a large group of individuals which currently doesn't have a name for them. We were a cult apparently for a long time but then we switched to a company but then I was put in charge by another me and I don't like the whole company shabang. So now we're just a large group of people. And I'm the leader of them. We work closely with the Mages, Fighters, and Thieves' Guilds.
I knew it.
Tell me more of this.
Then I think we have come to an understanding.
Are you planing on taking her as an apprentice or something? Or do you think you'll need the help of a chronomancer in the future?
Actually that wasn't me. I didn't write it, I just followed the Chronomancer because there was a noise complaint about a raving drow.
what the hells are you going on about? Teuivae using dark magic, I don't even know if he can raise dead.
>Emilia rattles her courtblade resting on her belt
I can show you cute if you want.
Hey, just got here.
GODS OF DICE WHY!!!
Well I'm not really the leader of any of those guild. Though I have done work for the Fighters Guild in the past!
But no, I, Nyle's Ransdorm, Slayer of the Virgin Succubi of Rextora (I didn't fuck them, I killed them!), Climber of the Trule Mountains, and Ruiner of the parties of Evil everywhere; am the leader of the Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers... Or the Adventurers Guild if you will!
Oh but my dear, with my sight restored, you need not show me anything! The only cuteness I need has already been shown to me when I witnessed the beautiful angry look upon your face...
*my face is contorted in the most disgusting lusty grin you can imagine*
Quiet short stuff, I'm putting my spider mojo on a real woman here!
Well, more accurately I think she doesn't deserve to be thrown through the death course or the Chainsawmancer's battle arena. So we'll take her with us, maybe she can find some new robes for when she graduates.
Whoops, I forgot my pic!
I see. By the way, do you have any idea on what to name the group? I was thinking of "The Strangers", "Lurco's Strangers", or "The Occult Guild." Do you have any other ideas?
Yeah yeah, I know. And I was wondering if you would want to improve relations between our two groups. I could send a representative and stuff like that and help provide various things.
I got..flung out of my room..by a monster.
>She rolls off him
Diana..but..the death course is voluntary..I'm not being forced to go..
But, if you really want me to go shopping with you..I guess I will?
Sounds good to me. So necromancy supplies, paints, clothing. Yes, I'm just going to make a general request of clothing. Everything I have is covered in powdered iron from making all of those portals. It takes three washes to get it out.
Egad! Has my one functional ear deceived me?
I believe I am in the presence of a Chronocommoner!
Why you gotta be like that? You're a summoner right? I could summon you up a good time(ifyouknowwhatimindicatingspidereyes)
I'm fine... Except for.... My spine!
>A loud Crack echoes out from Nyles spine
>Nyle would quickly stand up now, oddly enough, looking perfectly fine
Now I feel GREAT! I've had that kink in my back for nearly a week now, thanks lass!
Other then when you and that other mage entered the Guild the other day, I quite honestly have no idea WHO you are!
Still alive I see, keep it up.
I have so many favours to call in that I almost lose track of them just so that I'll always be prepared. So yes, I see the logic of it, I'm just still surprised you decided to invest in a redrobe.
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>feeling brave, rather than attempt to dodge the punch he attempts to meet it with sufficient force in the form of a pelvic thrust
You've got nothing on the missus!
>for next post >>45076517
I'll admit, that's brilliant. Just don't rely on her too much, last time I used an apprentice like that he ended up revealing my entire plot.
Thanks..I think I can say Veilhex helped a lot.
..And..My ribs got broken and I am pretty sure I almost died yesterday..
Was able to repair it all myself by reversing my body back into its state before it was hit but..I still remember the pain.
Why are you all so obsessed with..a mini-hydra?
Sounds like a good time.
Was it while you were under that whole "Apprentice curse" thing?
But you're alright now? Still nothing broken or internal bleeding or anything, right?
I would imagine so, don't disappoint him. In other news, you're officially barred from the obstacle course and the face-off against the chainsawmancers and the pyromancers, in case you felt suicidal enough to join.
Yes, but I wasn't using one of my apprentices, so it shouldn't have mattered.
>Emilia cannot fight the true power of Drow love
>she does a 360 and walks away
the old Lurco uses the two names because he liked the sound of them, but maybe, I dunno, have a vote?
>eyeing both of you
Aren't Wyverns not actually intelligent though? as well as not magically inclined, with their only claim to fame being that they are shaped like a dragon but have poison in their tails?
Have I mentioned how brilliant you are? Because I think it could bear repeating.
Yeah, let's see if we can't portal them out of here.
Maybe you should get your subordinates to stop harassing guild members. We'd be really grateful.
I blinded a thief is lazarus is being a little bitch, so pretty well I guess.
The short of it I teach here. The long o it is, I teach witchcraft to my clan, I teach alchemy to a bunch of other students who are way too eager to learn to the point where they will randomly drag me off to teach them, I'm teaching a young dog folk how to be a warlock, he's pretty great at it bee tee dubs, I enchant magic items to help improve the quality of life in rethage as well as items so that the commoners can defend them selves better, I also learning how to get better at enchanting from Karl the goat hucker, I'm a minion to Secretus, I some times moonlight as a magical girl, and that's not even counting all my vatcation time, what my time goofing off in the archives.
You are 100% right, we're not in a guild where the completely unexplained and unexpected happens every day.
Our guild rules say I can kill him, I can kill him.
Maybe when the meeting ends, and I wanna talk to you after.
>Nyle would look at the Summoner and then to Dirjin... But would then quickly look back to the Summoner once again
Go ahead. No skin off my back. That is, if you can kill him... I've tried a dozen times since he joined.
>He'd simply chuckle at this
I've killed liches with both more, and less brains with you, so I wouldn't try it. But if you can kill that Drow I'd be grateful!
>He'd reach into his coat pocket now, rummaging around inside the tiny bag of Holding
>He''d begin tossing dozens of items onto the floor from within it, including but not limited to: a crate, two peasants, Excalibur, the Hand of Vicna, The head of Vicna, a vile filled with Red dragon tears, a puppy, a different "CuteBold", a Tiny (1 foot tall) horse, a halfling, 3 goats, and then Finally Clip-Clip
There You go Clip Clip!
Lurco, I don't want to sound racist, but he's a drow, they're literally drilled into this from their home.
I once summoned a god that burned a 300 long trail of earth because of how mad it was, I did this at one of the weakest points of my life, in fact, I am gathering a group of people so that I can take down a minor god and use its carapace to create one of the most powerful artifacts to ever exist. I can take on a hot blooded guild master.
>It's a sending gem number
It's the number to a friend of mine that's a djinn. He'll grant you a wish. And yes, I'm trying to compensate for the awesome gift that Vex gave you.
Huh, well, there's proof that "The Strangers" is a good name for the group, because the drow that are part of the group don't act like that.
>Groans in clear discomfort as he pulls his way out from under a nearby desk.
By Sibrys, Waukeen and Olidammara you are all too damned loud... Wait, this isn't the Adventurers Guild.
>Rubs his eyes with one hand while taking a swing from his wine skin.
>Swallows said wine.
Sorry. What's all this then? Who are these guys and more importantly where the Hell am I?
How the hell does everyone from the Adventurers Guild keep getting in here so easily!? I myself have to go through 40 pages of paper work just to be let in! Yet somehow, you, CLip Clip, Dirjin, and a few others get in here without any difficulties! Either security is really great or just REALY FUCKING sucks... Either way is fine with me.
You're in the Mages Guild.
Naw, don't worry about it. Just if give him a call when you come up with your wish.
. . .You probably just met with a dick law mage.
We just don't care most of the time. It's nice of you to entertain the bureaucramancers though. They don't really have any legal power though. Unless they want to, anyways.
If they are mages then they probably have a dual membership in both guilds. If not, then did you fill in form 17b? If so, then you opened the gates for them and agreed to stand responsible for their actions.
To answer your question, I should probably mention something about these odd marks and tattoos all over my torso... But I will leave that to speculation. Besides, I barely remember the last couple of days. Something about interrogating a gnome anti-paladin, four jars of molasses and a barrel of cod livers?
>Scratches his beard in blatant thought.
Yeah that sounds vaguely familiar.
Not saying there is anything wrong, just disappointed you never told me.
So for how long have you too been a thing then?
Hello Hixxkilliant, I trust the archives are well while the meeting is in effect?
>She appears by him, smiling
Sorry! Just thought the same and then decided it needs a bit more..greenery!
You like it?
Hm? Sure, what?
Well, we haven't talked much since it became, well, this. And besides, we tried keeping it quiet for a bit because, you know how the department is.
She's been sleeping in my room, how could you not notice?
Nothing terrible has happened yet, I have been altering my contract with the help of my attorney to reflect my relative grasp on my own instincts, no longer requiring to be spurred on by magic to kill things larger than myself. It's become rather troublesome.
Hello, Miss Pulch. How are you today?
>Shakes his head
No, I am on duty currently.
OH! My thanks.
>Shuffles over and leans toward Nyle with a dull whisper.
Why are we even at the Mages Guild? Was the Adventurers Guild just some illusion? Because if it was you need to come clean. I don't think these people will appreciate me vomiting all over their library as an act of vengeance if that's the case.
I am actually not a member of the guild.
Huh, cool. Can I meet him some time without using magic?
How are you today?
No problem. So, another Adventurers' Guild member?
I'll have you know most of my apprentices died due to a curse that I recently got rid of.
I was hoping most of the casualties would be redrobes, could you make it so they only eat things that are red?
Well I don't exactly spy on your room, who do you take me for, Pierre?
I see, well I hope your new contract works out well for you.
Still, no thank you. How have you been?
Rather tired, dealing with attorneys and rewriting parts of my contract.
Glad to hear.
Hopefully it will make my job easier.
I think? There was paperwork involved and this very nice barbarian lass. Strange name, Honest. It's all kind of a slur. A blur?
A blur. Then something about another dark something or other. I've already solved that mystery. Now we all need to be on the look out for a halfling necromancer with an orcish servant who carries it's master in a chest mounted contraption.
>He winked knowingly while tapping his right temple.
No the Adventurers Guild is still there Friend, I just came to talk to the Arche-mage himself about... I honestly don't remember what now. But why you're here I'm not sure....
I mean, I guess. If you want to try. But I warn you, there may be no greater danger to your health and safety than my dancing.
Fair enough. But still, you at least should have noticed a non-necromancer living in the department.
Oh I've been well, working on my arboreal pursuits lately. How is the archive faring?
Nice to meet you Pulchritudo. I am Marus, resident Biomancer. You can usually find me in my tower.
It's the one with the dragon perch on the roof.
Are you new here or have I been away too long?
Huh, I see.
Ah, I see. Okay then.
Huh, okay. Well, I'm Lurco, leader of "The Strangers."
>Pays the man with a $50 tip
Talk to the Archmage? Well, feel free, but he's a crack-addicted loon.
I see, well try not to get him killed.
>extends a hand
I hope so. I take it you have gotten a better grasp on things since we last spoke? You seemed a bit out of sorts from your brush with death.
No, wait, never mind. What if someone started bleeding? Then we would have a huge mess, forget I said anything about it.
With the size of the department I can't keep track of everyone coming in and out of it.
It is doing well, a rather annoying druid keeps going into the Deep Archives despite how dangerous it is. Considering banning her just so I don't end up finding her corpse and get blamed for it. As for other things that have happened, well, I died for one.
I've been doing better, reminding myself of what I have helps.
Alright, pizzas are done. Does anyone want one? We have a special today, one time only, one customer only I am selling the fabled Pizza of Pandemonium, containing one of each ingredient that exists across planes!
>He bows a little too low and face plants into the floor.
>He shambles to his feet with a sudden display of grace.
Sohai Karis, Fist of Amn, Courier to House Orien and brewer of the strongest stuff that wont kill the common races.
Well since I'm here, I might as well work off this hang over...
>Goes looking for water.
I'll take that one, how much is it?
It usually does
>lowers his hand and sighs
Yes, that is the polite way to greet is it not? Now let's try that again so we can start fresh.
>extends his hand again
>Sohai cracked a massive, toothy grin as he shifted the pair of wine skins slung to his shoulders.
I only made it once and put a drop each into these wine skins of infinite bounty. They just filled and kept filling until I stoppered them. It must be the age that makes it so potent...
>He began rubbing his chin in deep thought.
Speaking from experience, very hard. And things have been very well thank you. Did I tell you how Tenebrus has forests now?
>gives it a firm shake
I hope you'll stay alive for a long time miss Naess.
It's always up to Miss Phobia, I will not complicate our relationship with a subject I do not fully understand.
No, but congratulations And I am sad to hear about it being difficult, will need to make the process more streamlined for Guard usage. There has been an unruly guest which is causing me trouble.
What kind of unruly guest are we talking about here? Destruction of property, noise complaints, trouble magnet?
Astrid it is.
You keep this one alive Veilhex, I would hate to have to remember her name only for it to suddenly become useless knowledge.
Bring it on Lurco, I know Criticus has been watching you. Fighting you will be a fitting offering to him.
Goodbye Miss Pulch.
She keeps going into the Deep Archives without a guild escort or chaperon. Due to my position as guard, I am trying to keep her somewhat alive. But she's lied to me before and I am starting to get a little fed up. She's also a druid and friend to Miss Pulch and Miss Phobia, so I can't maim her.
>making his way towards the two after having paid the pizza guy for the supreme
So -munch munch munch-... What are -munch munch-... you two fighting -munch munch munch- about? -gulp-
>His eyes narrowed into a look of consternation. Almost reluctantly he pulled the stopper from his left wine skin and poured a sips worth of it into a nearby goblet, holding the goblet out in offer.
If you'd insist...
Think of a dry gin mixed with "fortified wine" and aged to the point where it effectively dries out your tongue and throat for a good minute after sipping and leaves a burn for nearly an hour afterwards. Also has the effects of Caster Level 9 Endure Elements, Cure Moderate Wounds and a random increase to one physical stat while randomly lowering one mental stat for the next hour. Sohai made it well into epic levels...
A word of advice, people will fight over everything here, especially food. It's why we used to have a feast during each of these meetings, with more of it to go around there was less fighting over it.
A druid you say? I'll see if I can't find some way to keep her out then.
I'll trust in your abilities then.
Rolled 4 (1d20)
>Lurco takes the goblet
Lurco might look human but he is of another race called Enolupe from another world. They were made pretty much as chaotic good beings who partied and made the drinks and foods of the Gods, ambrosia. Though this race originates on another world that no longer exists. Still, rolling for how well he handles it.
Well, bottoms up!
Huh..I think i'd like to try this.
It's even worse at Redrobe Parties..people fought over undergarments.
I stopped going after the one where the head of chronomancy department walked in..it got chaotic.
I just need a way to keep her out if she continues her disregard for my job as well as her life. Miss Pulch had a talk with her but I do not know how well she listened. I can see why you hate them.
I can imagine.
Lurco has had some truly terrible luck with rolls lately.
It was inevitable, but at least now you know.
So how have things been?
>His eyes bulge
Ah! Shit, it's strong! Great drink, just I'm too weak it seems.
Probably because my tolerance died down after the hundreds of years of regular weak beers.
. . .Still wanna spar?
Just don't cut off her head assuming that she'll be able to regenerate it back.
Though I know Quin's quite hardy.
I've met four druids, and three out of the four have treated me like shit.
>Sohai grins and nods proudly.
Could well be. Wait... No, nevermind.
This pizza they speak of at least smelled tasteful.
>Stoppers his wine skin, staring off into the distance of the essentially endless hallways, clearly distracted by something.
>One of quin's nameless magical girl faints upon remembering how badly that went, the others trying to help her up
>And I don't care if someone else said otherwise, I proclaim a group of redskirts shall hereby be referred to as a "giggle". It's like a gaggle, but not a google either (nor a googol)
Taught Cunabula a bit of necromancy. She could be good at it if she wanted to do it long-term.
Then again, she started from a much stronger background knowledge of necromancy and magic in general, so...
Also, we had to get one of Obsidia's walls rebuilt. You know who decided to try cheering her up after he made a... wish we are still dealing with the fallout from.
Well about that...
>He'd show the two mages the inside of the box
>Only one slice would be left despite the fact that Nyle had stated it was terrible
Well, Lurco cut off my head thinking it could just be slapped on and I'd be fine. And that's how I died.
Faulty training room and I did try to cut your throat in an instinct driven rage.
>Shakes his head as he waved off the question with his right hand.
No, no. I thought you said hundreds of bears weekly. That took a minute to process. It made no sense. How does consuming bears lower alcohol tolerance? It does not make any sense. I must have misheard you. So I mulled it over again and realized that I was wrong in my thought process.
>Looks at the last slice
>Takes out a knife and slices it in two
There we go.
Truth be told I didn't know the training rooms prevented fatal wounds.
I'm sure it will be.
Yes, that Cunabula. She expressed interest in it after I lent her a beginner's book because she didn't understand the concepts in a higher level book I was reading.
And Obsidia is... ehh... Just imagine what kind of wish... Well, Noone would make.
Not a problem.
>takes out her sword
We can cut the slice in two.
Huh, so how did you get back from the dead then? I mean, there are many options so I'm curious.
Hah, you beat me too it.
>takes her slize and puts away the sword
Tree mothers call me an abomination, and Anne acts like we're children on a playground.
Yes, they're supposed to. It's why I thought we could go all out a little more.
Ressurrection by the Necromancy Department
And she is actually doing well? Interesting... As for Obsidia, are we talking about the wish for panties that Noone did?
Sounds just like them, don't let it get to you and if they continue to insist that you're an abomination then accept it, and be proud of it. No one can hurt you by bringing up your pride, that's what I did, long ago.
I'll do my job despite them, though I do not approve of Alder being anywhere in the guild.
Well, you're quite lucky then, I can actually die, which isn't a particularly useful feature for a guard to have
All of the panties.
Giant pile in the archives, I'm surprised you haven't seen it.
Don't think he got anything of yours, though, did he?
>Does not wear panties.
Because she made the mistake that talking to us would make us less likely to bother their homeland. When in reality just it's making us more likely to flatten it to the ground.
Mahahahaha! And so another doomblight falls to us! Nyayahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
>They run away
>Closer examination of your room reveals your male panties are missing from there too
Ugh, Yew's approach was just as short sighted. Should have killed her when I had the chance, or debilitate her, burn her branches or such. I was sorely tempted to promise myself to burn or cut down every Yew tree I ever come across just to spite her.
Tell me, who're you? I don't recognize your face.
Yes, I know.
Wait, it was them?
Shivers, Jeeves! Track them to their nest. Find where they are keeping the underpants. Then murder them all.
>Two skeletons chase the gnomes.
My name is Hal the uhhm, well some people call me a hedge wizard, but I've never even owned a shrub so I'm not quite sure why that is the case. B-But I'm rambling, who are you? Besides being a uhm, guard.
>goes back to sleep
I am Hixxkilliant, the guild appointed guard of the archives, as well as, I don't know, general person who keeps guild members safe? I kill intruders and experiments which get out of hand, those usually get dumped down into the Deep Archives. Word of advice, don't go there.
I'd prefer to live as long as possible due to my survival instinct, and I do not like the feeling.
>A MINI-HYDRA BURSTS IN, A HYDROMANCER RIDING IT!
WOO HOO! LOOK AT MY MINI-HYDRA THAT I STOLE FROM THE CHRONOMANCY DEPARTMENT!
>OH SHIT, FLEE TO THE ARCHIVES!
Hey you, stop it. Shoo, shoo!
Take your Hydra and go, it's time for us to clean up in here.
We are on page 10, time to once more evacuate the thread and head down to the archives. For everyone now joining us down there hope to see you next time. For everyone who does, here are the links.
Full thread: http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/45073796
Saner option: http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/last/100/45073796
NEW RECAP! http://collabedit.com/kf2rw
>Motions towards the archives
Join the rest of us down there, though I have to get back to work. And please, just Hixx, I've realized it's much easier to say for some people.