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>party opens a chest
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You are currently reading a thread in /tg/ - Traditional Games

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>party opens a chest
>finds this

What do?
>>
>>45059607
Take out the tomatoes
>>
>>45059607
Eat it.
Maybe take off the tomatoes first.
>>
>>45059626
The Broodwich cannot be taken apart or disassembled!
>>
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Detect Evil
>>
>>45059626
YOU GET A LOBOTOMY
AND YOU
YOU GET A LOBOTOMY
>>
>>45059607
Too much roughage.

Remove.
>>
>>45059607
I read about that...
In some magazine, I think popular science
>>
Rolled 15 (1d20)

Roll to investigate before taking the tomatoes out
>>
>>45059663
Uh, obviously, it can. Because thats what I did!
>>
What are it's stats?
>>
>>45059663
Railroad GM! Railroad GM!
>>
>>45059675
No you probably saw an article in Vogue
>>
>>45059771
What?
No.
I don't read that.
I mean maybe.. One may have came here by accident.
>>
>>45059607
My current character would be unable to resist devouring such a finely crafted meal as it would be sacrilege.
>>
Trick the BBEG into eating it.
>>
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>>45059607
>current party has such a focus on Combat Cannibalism style and digestive tracts so horrific they've already eaten corrupted creatures ALIVE and spat it back out while laughing madly

Yeah no they're safe, just not for any clever or moral reason
>>
This is my favorite thread
>>
>>45059845
It doesn't come by accident when you order it.
>>
>>45059664
You should not detect this evil, traveler. It is too strong for you.
>>
>>45060854
Dungeon Master, I might go into battle, I must detect evil.
>>
I prepare the pitcher of Lemonade made from a combination of Sanctified Holy Water that has had a Blessed Silver cross sitting in it for a decade and true lemons that grew from the only tree found upon the lonely mountain that touches the heavens.

Oh, and I scrape off the mustard on the Broodwich.

LET'S DO THIS FAGGOT.
>>
>>45062666
Not the mustard grown from seeds planted in the rotting flesh of a thousand murderous fiends! It's Dijon!
>>
>>45062666
>using what are ultimately entirely mundane materials and objects to counteract something that is literally from Hell

I'm sorry, but it doesn't work.
>>
>>45059666
Haha checked
>>
>>45062770
Hey, don't forget that you're talking to Satan himself.
>>
>>45062666
>>45059666
Fucking hell.
>>
>>45059607
The rogue takes it without the rest of the party knowing, and sells it to some poor schmuck as "the most delicious sandwich ever".
>>
...

So what happens if I eat it?
>>
>>45065338
Eat it and find out
>>
>>45059607
Probably go batshit insane because in this setting the sandwich hasn't been invented yet
>>
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>this thread
>>
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>>45065399
>this post
>>
>>45059607

"...Da hell is this drek? I just wanted a normal, delicious sandwich free of all those health bullshit, and what do I get? A damned gimmick sandwich! Drek to this, I'm going to see if there's a Johnson offering a decent sandwich as a reward."
>>
>>45065366

My DM let me invent sandwiches once.

I had to make an artifice roll, and ended up absolutely disgustingly rich because of it because for the setting had advanced ideas for copyright Fucking wizards but hadn't yet thought of the idea of assorted meats, vegetables, and condiments on sliced bread.
>>
>"forged in darkness from wheat harvested in Hell's half-acre, baked by Beelzebub, slathered with mayonnaise from the evil eggs of a powerful dark chicken, beaten into sauce by the hands of a one-eyed madman, [with] cheese boiled from the rancid teat of a three-headed fanged cow [and] layered with 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood." It also has lettuce and Dijon mustard. When Shake complains about the lack of bacon, he is told that there are no swine evil enough to be sacrificed upon a bed of evil and lettuce.
>Slathered with mayo

ugh disgusting, throw it in the trash where it belongs
>>
>>45066366
>wanting dry sandwiches
I bet you don't spit on your boyfriend's dick before you blow him either, you swine
>>
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>>45065413
>this response
>>
>>45059607
the paladin uses Bite Evil
>>
>>45066366
>Not wanting mayo
What the hell is wrong with you?
>>
>>45066459
Alright, roll and add your wisdom
>>
>>45059666
By the power of the Broodwich! Hail Satan!
>>
>>45063101
OP was so evil that the whole thread is infected.
>>
>>45060447
>combat cannibalism
What system is it and how can I find a group?
>>
>>45066395
>>45066482
Amerifats detected.
>>
>>45059607
I mean if its a good hoagie its a good hoagie.
>>
>>45067292
i take offense to that

i'm american and i fucking hate mayo
>>
>>45067292
Nah, most Amerifats I know dont care for mayo.
Now Belgians, those guys are obsessed. I went to Belgium, and they even put that shit on fries. Disgusting.
>>
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>>45059666
>>
>>45065338
Tell Jerry I said hi.
>>
>>45059607
Summon the demon meatbread to fight it
>>
>>45067404
YOU MADMAN! You will destroy us all!
>>
I would literally take a bite out of it simply because of the little devil horns and tail on the bread

I'd pay real money for bread like that
>>
>get party to each take a separate bite out of the Broodwich
>Overwhelm Jerry
>???
>Profit.
>>
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>>45067461
>>45067404
>>45059607

I̷̜̳̻̣̗͔̮͇̤͔̠̻̥̼͘͢T̜̰̦̟̫̤͔͖̣̟̯͘͠͡͠ͅ ͏̢͈͙̱̪̫̬͔̥̜̥̫Í̶̷̡̯͈͍̭͚̜̺̼͘S̷̸͏̴̭̺̣́ ̛͕̹͍̘̮͓̠̥͟͜T̢̨̀͞͏̠͉̟̦͔̜̟̯̖͕͖̱O̸̴̜̼̰̺̜̘̮͉̗͚͜O͠͏̳͇̩̤̰̗ ̡̣̠̘̹̤͕̝͎͍̪̝́̕Ļ̝͈̮̼̯͓͎̣̗͙͉͜ͅÀ̩̙̳̫̣̰͟T̻̖̣̤͇̻̀Ȩ̪̪̗͎̩̬͙͖̝̮̼͍̼́ͅ ̵̶͘҉̪̘̜͉̹̭̤F̛̦͇͉̳̫͕̼̪͕̠̪̩͓̟͟͢O̧͏͈̗͓̹̬̺̭̗̝̝͓̠̀R̕҉͉̹̫͍̩̜ ̨̩͓̖͎̀͢͢͝Ý̖̭̙̖͖̞͘͜͞O̫̘͍̮͈̕͜Ų̡̭̜̺͙͓̖͙͙̝̳̺̲͈̯̘͉̻̙́͢,̷̵̙͍̺̫̟̕͢ ̶̛͉̬̦̞͙̣̜͚̦̜̗͝M̹͖̳̘̥̹̼̻͖͙͉̙͍̘̯͇̹͈͘͟͜O̧̻̗̼̩̹͈̯̜̮̜̲͚̣̦͘R̵͡͏̱̣̳̮̞͙̝͕T҉̶̼̙̲͓̮̻͎̳̩͇̰̞̮̲̙̼͓̙͖̀͜͢À͇͍͙̠̗͠͡L̡̞̘͓͙͇͇͓̪͖͢͞S̛͈̲̺̣͉̘̱̱͍̤̳̼͎̗̫̬̟̺̪̕,̶̡̹͈̙̥̞͚̯̯͈͍͍̹͎̞̟̞̭͝͠ ̸̛̙̟̯͉̝͕̲̺̙̰̳̰͓͍̻͘T̛̺̘̯͔͚͖͓̖̱͢H̷̴͏̨̰͇̳͇̲̟̼̳͈̗̯̖̬̀E̶̝͕͚̗͢ ̨̧̟͇̞̹͚̗̗̳̬̩̼̼̬͍͟Ḍ̶̴̶͙͈̣̥̹͚͘A҉͏̛̙̺͕̺͙͍̪̯͖̜̙̬̹͍̝̱͓̹́̕R̨̢͉̫̰̰̹̭̝͇̗̻̜̥̠͙͢K̡̛̀͢͏̠̜̖̜̻̫̱͈̪N҉̟̥̻̞͔̀E͠҉̛̱͔̺͍̼̥͙̤̭͓͇̥̣̺̪͜S̴̨̨̱̣̥̗͝͞ͅͅŞ̖̦̬̠̗͓̬̬̦̝͉̜͜ ̗͚͍̠̱͍̼̮̳̼̼̮͜͡C͏҉̝̠̝̹̭͚͍̖͚̣͔̮͕͈̼̠̫́ͅÒ̭̠͚͔̞̼̖̯̞̟̖̻̪̝͠ͅM̷̫̝̟͚̕͘͠͞E̢͘҉̵̼͈̣̬̬̟S̡̛͔̞̣̼̜̜̀͞͞
>>
>>45068200
You fool
>>
>>45068200
>The meatbread of doom is over 5 years old.
Do you think the meatbread breed have dird out yet?
>>
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>>45068266
>5 years
>>
>>45068325
horry sheet

I was fifteen and just a lurker when this happened.

I've been on 4chan for half a decade and that's a quarter of my life.
>>
I would understand what the GM tries to tell us and ask the entire party if we could take a break after hours into the session to get something to eat for everyone.
>>
>>45068200
IT BEGINS
>>
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>>45059607

throw it at Pearl.
>>
>>45067317

Lived in Belgium for two years. The most disgusting thing I've seen is people putting mayo on pizza. Fuck. That.
>>
>>45068661

Don't ruin Athf with SU shit.
>>
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>>45068200

That bread was the best of us
>>
>>45059607
Everything grinds to a halt as the group derails yet again into:
quoting ATHF for a solid 20 minutes, which leads to:
Discussing which Adult Swim shows are good, and which are trash for about 10, which leads to:
Squidbillies quotes for 10, which leads to:
More Adult Swim programming discussion for 5 until:
15 minutes of Venture Bros quotes/discussion of just how fuckable Molotov and Dr Mrs the Monarch are:
5 minutes of Brock Samson or Baron Unterbite worship by one player, Unterbite quoting by another.
DM suggesting we get back on track to no avail
one player mentioning Toonami's lineup, more discussion on good/shit anime.
DM giving a player shit over some choice in anime followed by said player retorting with the fact that HE's not the one who watch Yuri Kuma, now is he?
Other player chortling mightily, before being called a shitstain for liking iCarly by both DM and player one.
Total 1.5 - 2 hours later, back on track. Paladin Divine Senses, gets sick, suggests Ranger try it.
>>
My group is meta as fuck and would probably sense some magic on it, not fuck with it because "obviously a trap", and try and sell it, immediately getting made when some local shop keep dosnt agree to buy cursed items.
>>
>>45069569
Did I just read my entire groups twin? This shit is completely symmetrical with my party.
>>
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If it's a hell sandwich, is it naturally spicy?
>>
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>>45069569

>Yuri Kuma
>>
>>45069652
If your name is Justin or Stephan, it IS your party. Also hi.
>>45069704
The. Whole. Series.
Shit you not.
>>
>>45069824
Unfortunetly its not my group, unless your wenzel/matt.

But to be fair, venture bros is one of my favorite series and since no one but me watches it, I'd jump at the chance to discuss it.
>>
>>45069889
Neither of those names, but yeah I get it. I'm that way over Squidbillie/ATHF.
>>
>>45069323
I think it wants my soul
>>
>>45060918
This evil is too strong for a beast, traveler! let alone a man!
You should find lesser evils.
>>
>>45069824

Stop this flagrante dan posting!
>>
>>45069161
semen and mayo belong together cuckslut
>>
>>45069932
Muh nigga.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d20)

I guess I have to roll a will save of 15 or higher,
>>
>>45059607
Kill each other fighting over who gets to eat it.
>>
>>45068351
I'm coming up on 10 years and it's kind of unsettling. I remember when this was still a trial board.
>>
>>45069569
You have a fantastic group.

Though my opinion might change depending on what shows were deemed shit.
>>
>>45069932
Glad someone else in the world likes Squidbillies. It's pretty great when you get into it but nobody gave it a chance after 12-Ounce Mouse Which by the way also had its moments
>>
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They eat it. Just like any other food they find in walls or any where else.
>>
>>45076966
WHERE CAN I GET THIS

I NEED THIS
>>
Does it have bacon?
>>
>>45077259
THERE IS NO SWINE VILE ENOUGH TO BE SACRIFICED UPON A BED OF EVIL

and lettuce

A BED OF EVIL AND LETTUCE
>>
>>45077297
What kind of sandwich doesn't have bacon? Couldn't you have just settled for a disgruntled swine? They don't have to be completely evil. I'd have settled for a lawful neutral slice of bacon, myself
>>
>>45068200
Someone please explain this?
>>
>>45077435
Search 1d4chan for meatbread.

Wow, not often that 1d4chan is the lesser of two evils
>>
>>45077541
So what makes meat bread evil?
>>
>>45077629
It's really, really poorly done. Also the smile on it grew creepy eyebrows as it """baked""".
>>
>>45075984
Most of the live action stuff.
Especially anything involving Dim and Choleric.
Sheer trash, all of it.
Mighty Boosh is like the one we can't seem to agree on.
>>45076533
12oz mouse wasn't terrible. Same with Drinky Crow.
Korgoth of Barbaria should've got at least one fucking season, God damnit.
Also...
>>
>>45076533
12oz Mouse was great though.
>>
>>45078913
>Korgoth of Barbaria should've got at least one fucking season, God damnit.

Sadly, IIRC, it was either that, or the Venture Bros. wouldn't get a second season. Adult Swim only had enough money to fund one or the other, and the Venture Bros. was already a proven fan-favorite.
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