If you lived in Ravnica and had a say in the matter, what guild would you join?
Gruul and Rakdos are fucking best, they are warriors that actually can kick ass using magic as well. I mean, how cool is that for a setting like Ravnica?
I'm just too much of an elf/token/life/greenfag to not go with Selesnya
If I could expect a reasonable position, Orzhov.
Most likely, though, 'joining' Orzhov means getting in on the pyramid scheme at the bottom level, which is a shitty way to go.
So, Azorius. I don't have to do shit except keep everyone else from doing shit.
Azorious: Memorize as much red-tape as you can or you go to jail forever.
Either way you never get anything done.
Orzhov: Be in debt all the way through the afterlife.
If you pay it off you have to deal with backstabbing.
Boros: Your in the army now.
Heightened risk of death in battle.
Selesyna: Brainwashed communist cultists with secret police.
Dimir: Heightened risk of being magically mindraped.
Magically mindrape people.
Izzet: Heightened risk of exploding.
Cool magitech, but constantly surrounded by insufferable pricks.
Simic: Heightened risk of being scrapped for parts.
Golgari: Decent chances of dying during the first few days. Smells bad.
All the "food" you can eat. Not significant enough to be worth killing.
Rakdos: Murderhobos (Carny Edition)
You *will* be killed. Period.
Gruul: Murderhobos (Hobo Edition)
Low quality of life.
At first, i thought Selesnya for sure, and i'll throw in a small splash of red for good measure, that way i can invite the Gruul and Boros QTs over for veggie burgers. (They can't use the good cups though). But then i realized the hippies would probobly frown on my eating bacon, so i'll choose Gruul and splash /white/ instead, since gruul probobly won't care if i go hunt some bacon or whatever, and i won't have to worry about formal military stuff in boros.
Would you try pegging in exchange for fisting an Azorius qt?
Holy fuck, just like my ex minus the being a ninja part
Azorius or Selesnaya. I like the idea of Simic, but I am just too damn scared of gettign flushed because one of the higher-ups decided to use me as a test subject for his new "More Livers than your body has room for" project.
No, Azorius would be kuudere. The cold, even hand of the law, before she warms to you.
Boros is tsundere because Red makes her easily excitable and often hostile before White kicks in and she starts showing compassion
as well as other kinds of passion.
I'd probably go for Azoriius first, but Orzhov would be a close second. I dunno what they teach church-going boys, but in my experience they're great kissers.
Mostly dealing with ghosts, thrulls, blood, and curses. Less zombies.
Cry of Contrition, make people feel guilty
The heart and soul of the guild
Stuff like Shadowlance.
>>>44894150 Plus, the stench isn't that bad if you nose rots off.
It probably wouldn't matter before then either. You could just get used to it.
Flavors are objective, but scents are purely subjective.
(which, among other things, is why we have words for flavors, but can only describe scents in terms of eachother)
White is literally the colour of compassion and caring for others - dere. Red is the colour of unrestrained emotion which fits with tsun.
qt Boros angel would think Izzet-san is an idiot at first (and tell him as much) but over time her temper would subside.
>White is literally the colour of compassion and caring for others
Red is not a color of UNRESTRAINED emotion, it's just it's like that in children's card game, since there's not much ways to show it in a situation where you have to punch that one asshole's face in.
Rakdos>Gateless>>>>>>>>>>Orzhov>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>all the shitty guild
On one hand, I love being gold-plated, but on the other the only way to fix Ravnica is to burn it down.
This guy >>44895984 has it right
This guy has it. Guildless for life. Don't have to worry about being constructed by some extreme view or idea for a specific "duty" that doesn't even matter anymore.
Red and free baby.
I'm a red mage at heart, so that's how I feel. Considering the state everything is in on Rav, I'd probably end up a freedom fighter aka domestic terrorist because that's how it works on Rav.
>It is a Japanese based emoticon of a man pounding his head on the floor.
>The o is the head. The r is the arms. The z is the legs.
It's usually used to represent frustration or despair (usually from failure).
Though in this case it would probably be prostration instead of frustration.
Izzet, Selesnya and Simic would be my top choices in that order.
If I were to choose a waifu though I'd pick Selesnya right away. Singing girls make me swoon like a motherfucker. Plus free weed.
Otherwise Rakdos. Rock & Roll life forever.
>>44897015 >>44897039 >>44897077 Pic unrelated.
>>44897683 The guilds are extremely territorial, so yeah sort of?
I'm sorry, were you two not taking about an aspect of a children's card game? Did the color pie have some other relevancy to the topic at hand, let alone anything else on the planet beside the children's card game it derives from? You don't think magic is real, do you anon?
Izzet and Simic appeal to my crafty side. I like making things, inventing stuff, and I've got fairly quick reflexes and a decent sense for danger to help me survive.
Boros sounds like it'd be pretty neat as well, though I'd probably be killed. Might want to get a position as a sharpshooter rather than beat cop.
Orzhov sounds kind of neat, but also terrible. If I could be completely unsympathetic and heartless I could probably do well enough, but if not it's eternal slavery in a bureaucratic maze for mind, body, and soul.
Well I'm already in waste water treatment and had a job at a dump for a while so I guess I'd be most comfortable with Golgari if I'm remembering who does what right since I would get to be really lazy with how I usually do my job since apparently these fuckers eat the stuff anyway.
Alexa is really tame for being a garbage eating disease ridden god knows what so that is a bonus I guess. Also what the FUCK is breathplay?
I've already been with a girl like the amorous chick, and I'd rather not repeat the experience. Looking through the list though I don't think I would be happy with a relationship with any of them except maybe Orzhov. Golf air might also work on a mental level, but I don't think I would ever be able to get over the maggot legs, so good friends at best. I could see having one night stands with Rakdos or Gruul though.
I thought black white was just ordered seediness and moral decay. That's what it is in most other sets, why it has vampires and necromancy as themes and what it is if you just read descriptions of the mana colors, in which white does not have compassion listed
There are more possible interpretations of WB, but Orzhov's is family first. Think of them as the mob.
Guilds exist in layers. We see the most combat ready part of all of the guilds.
Remember that Rakdos isn't just murderhobo the club, it owns the entire ravnica entertainment industry. Which means when anyone gets bored it's Rakdos that makes the plays and the games.
The Rakdos we play as are just the demon's personal entourage.
With my life of law school ahead of me, probably Orzhov though.
>Rakdos isn't just murderhobo the club, it owns the entire ravnica entertainment industry
>the literal devil created anime, cartoons, videogames, tabletop games and professional wrestling
True, but while the devil-lovers loved it, they most likely needed the wealth and funding of certain other groups to market it to the masses in exchange for a cut of the profits.
Simic is my favorite to play, but I'd probably try and do like >>44894814 but with Dimir. Try and find some nice quiet corner of the guild working as a courier or writing for a Ravnican newspaper or something, passing along tips and intel to paying clients. Try and keep it so that the info I handle is just useful enough to justify my paycheck, but not so important that I end up getting mindfucked for secrets constantly.
Golgari, Dimir, and Izzet are all pretty qt, but I'd probably go with Orzhov.
Non-waifu? Dimir. I'd make a good librarian.
Waifu? Selesnya, I mean jesus fuck why are there even other options.
And the Orzhov and Rakdos aren't? The Orzhov commission angels to be made to serve. Some angels like Angel of Despair are some rich priests custom jobs.
And it's canon they exist to serve their masters, with all the implications.
The Rakdos meanwhile, are skilled in making whatever the fuck they want. If they can make a horrifing Cryptborn horror, they can make a waifu to appeal to more aesthetic and...carnal pleasures.
Simic, I am in need of squid tentacle arms and a pet crabshark
Izzet all the way. But here's the question.
Which other guild girl will she call for the MFF Threesome? Will she use a time machine to bring a future or past version of herself for you to fuck?
Teysa is sexy and becoming rich while owning a few Thrulls in a nice mansion would be the tits.
>Red is the colour of unrestrained emotion which fits with tsun.
The whole point of tsun is that they can't express their affection properly and lash out instead. It's the very definition of restrained.
Red isn't tsundere. Red goes for the flying glomp.
Izzet or Simic because unlimited science experiments and you can do a lot of entertaining stuff. Not all Izzet members were cartoon mad scientists, they are also responsible for some of the buildings and power supplies of the city.
>facials is in bold
House Dimir. It has a mildly better chance of obliterating the system than the Gateless. Plus, psychic ninja training.
Izzet and Simic are also pretty cool, though
>Drafted into a guild at birth.
If you're lucky. Less lucky and you're guildless and experienceing the dystopia end of the system, with little hope of rising above your rank and really joining a guild (and surviving. The Gruul, Golgari, and Rakdos will take you...)
All the guilds have secretary work, desk jobs, and simple maintenance. The Azorius are literally just the government, for every one Boros soldier guy there's like seven support guys that his stuff has to go through etc.etc.
As is said, Both Ravnica blocks are times of planar wide strife where the city almost broke out into all out war. But when the system works the system is great.
The "it's a dystopia where the gateless are constantly stepped on with no chance of succeeding in life because the guilds have all the wealth" is completely false.
the white-aligned characters are agreeable prosocial individuals, as expected
the red-aligned characters are annoyingly high-energy normies, as expected
the blue-aligned characters are otaku tier trash, as expected
and BG is just kind of there, mostly inoffensive and suitable for joining with any other color into BGx midrange
c o l o r p i e
Grace for me. I would like a lot of children one day, so a romantic relationship with lots of kissing and creampies would be perfect.
Buddhism I can get behind, while the vegetarianism is probably the biggest obstacle. But i'd probably just bully her about it and continue to eat meat. The best thing about a submissive waifu is that you can get away with that shit.
Simic - cool magic, cool pets, tentacles, possibly altering your own body so you can as an example fly, experiments encouraged, tentacles,...
Izzet - cool magic, lots of cool toys, teleporting, flying,...
Boros - cool and honorable companions, angels, there will always be some action, actually doing good things,...
Selesnya - hot and willing elves, lots of friends, can always expect help, happiness and peace,...
Golgari - fuck the rules you live in the sewers, get undead to do your shit, grow your own shrooms, nobody gives a shit what you do as long as you don't waste anything recyclable
>Be religious Law Student, soon-to-be Lawyer
>Love playing Black/White
>First fell in love with that color combo in Gatecrash
Gonna have to go Orzhov, hands down. Azorious would be my second choice (first deck I played when first getting into magic was Azorious Detain). Izzet would probably be my third choice, just based on who I think I'd get along with.
Assuming it's the puzzle I think, you're supposed to connect water (W), electricity (E), and gas (G) to each of the three houses (1-3) without crossing any of the lines.
It's impossible without hole-punching gimmicks, which don't work well in electronic formats.
>>>44901726 Distract them with a puzzle, that's literally all it takes.
A far better puzzle for an Izzet would be to run two or more of them through the same pipe (probably water/electricity or water/gas, bonus points for gas/electrity).
oh its that puzzle
i thought the joke was that there is no solution to what the fuck that is so the izzet would spend all day trying to work out what was going on
that works to though
not... uh... not wrong.
Just a few more turns and it will be a simultaneous cultural, diplomatic and domination victory.
I choose Dimir to live out my fantasy of being an edgy mind-rape assassin
Assuming I'm me: Azorious, and I'd learn just enough about law magic to learn how to argue my way out of doing any real work.
Assuming I'm an idealized version of me: Boros, so I can go out there and kick as much ass as it takes to bring order to these streets.
You get a Civic when you join the Simic
Look, Dragon Faces are cool guild logos. It ain't his fault he happens to be one.
If you were a card that single handedly makes or breaks your guilds deck you would have a huge ego too.
For Tarkir, Jeskai. The whole setting would be hard work to live in, but the Jeskai seem like they'd at least be rewarding. The Temur are pretty cool too, but I'm a sucker for having at least a little infrastructure.
For Alara, Esper. Why is there even a contest here? I guess Bant exists and has its good points, but Esper is the most appealing place in terms of geography and society
Rackdos is pretty cool. They do theater and art stuff. Also ritualistic sacrifice but that's not too bad as you're only sacrificing stuff to get betterstuff?
Failing that I guess simic could be cool. I could probably cure illnesses and stuff which would be nice.
Have you never wanted to scorn their deeply held beliefs just to see their face sruch up with impotent anger?
Have you never wanted to pat their head just the way they like until they can't be mad at you anymore?
Have you never wanted to enjoy that tortured expression they make when someone you love forgives you, but pretends (terribly) that they're still angry?
Have you never wanted to stifle a laugh at their apparent inner conflict, pick them up in your strong arms and carry them to the bed you share, kissing tenderly?
Have you never wanted to hear their beautiful singing voice raised in adorable squeals as you make love, hands held the whole way through?
That's what bullying a waifu is all about. You'll never convince me not to.