[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Home]
4Archive logo
Mages' Guild: New Years Monsterhunting...
If images are not shown try to refresh the page. If you like this website, please disable any AdBlock software!

You are currently reading a thread in /tg/ - Traditional Games

Thread replies: 447
Thread images: 47
File: Mages.jpg (153 KB, 400x507) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Mages.jpg
153 KB, 400x507
Hear ye, hear ye. I hereby call to order this meeting of the most illustrious Mages' Guild! A new year is upon us and many things may occur. Tentacle monster attacks, drow invasions, the moon being blown up again, Tentacle monster attacks- you get the point. So we must remember to stay sharp and look out for all dangers. This is why I am instructing all departments to hunt down all vile monsters that dare lurk in the corners of rooms while we-Yeah, what is this?
I've just been informed that this is offensive to those that identify as monsters. Well, normally I would throw fireballs at that problem until it goes away, but I've made a New Years resolution to come up with more creative ways to inflict punishment, so now we have three things to do. Hunt monsters, yell at monsters until they cry, and come up with a way for me to get back at people who hand me notes in the middle of a briefing.

Welcome to the Mages' Guild. Pick a name and join in! Conflicts are resolved with d20s when needed, or with playing it out. When the thread dies on /tg/, we keep it going on archive.4plebs For additional resources, please visit http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Mage%27s_guild
>>
...I didn't do it.
>>
>>44645845
I say that we need to come up with spells to neuter monsters. specifically wild tentacle beasts.
>>
>>44645905
I support this course of action.
>>
>>44645845
MWAHAHAHA!
IT WAS I, SKULLGHAST, LORD OF ALL MONSTERS!
>>
I have devised a brilliant plan for exacting vengeance, venerable Archwizard.

When your unsuspecting target is in the middle of reading a note, hand them your briefs! Nothing says "gotcha" like a good, old-fashioned turn of the proverbial tables.
>>
File: Emilia_Ariedaeonis.png (1005 KB, 512x699) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Emilia_Ariedaeonis.png
1005 KB, 512x699
>>44645845
I can up with this idea. we stick the ideal monster bait.
>>44645905
Jill, onto a massive banishing circle, and trap them all in a demiplane.
>>
I think we should just kill them, and eat them. Their feelings should mean nothing.
>>44645944
Hmm, do you have the proper clearence to be here?
>>44645957
That...makes little sense to me.
>>
>>44645925
Thank you veilhex.

>>44645944
Go home Skullghast, you're drunk.

>>44645967
But they get out, [i]Somehow[/i]!
>>
>>44645976
I, SKULLGHAST, VILE TRESPASSER OF VILENESS, DO NOT NEED CLEARENCE FOR MY, SKULLGHAST'S, THE GREAT DESTROYER'S, MERE TERRIFYING PRESENCE IS ENOUGH TO GAIN ENTRANCE!
>>
>>44646036
Can I just ask why you're talking in third person?

>>44646027
Assuming it stops them from doing normal tentacle monster things.
>>
>>44646036

I, for one, will be immensely relieved when mage-con season is over. Halflings cosplaying as lords of unspeakable evil is cute at first, but after a while it just gets grating.

Plus, you always get that one queer fellow who takes things a little too seriously and forgets to drop character for guild meetings.
>>
>>44646036
Can you prove who you say you are? Because I'm not feeling terrified, slightly offput is more like it.
>>44645967
Inedible, blegh.
>>
>>44646027
That's a good point, we could tie you up for far better results.
>>44646074
If they can't reproduce, they'll go overdrive trying to. Haven't you ever read an erotica?
>>
>>44646092
Hey Pal, I'm dating the person giving you a job!
>>
>>44646074
That is kind of the point. I mean they're get pretty bored if they can't knock up pretty girls and just stop.

>>44646096
Stop volunteering me for things.
>>
>>44646027
DRUNK ON THE DARKSIDE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

>>44646074
I, SKULLGHAST, NECROLORD OF THE EVERLASTING CRYPT, NEED TO BE HEARD AND THUS I, SKULLGHAST, THE DREAD DANCER OF THE DEAD, ANNOUNCE MY TERRIBLE MIGHT WITH EVERY BREATH I, SKULLGHAST, THE DEATHBRINGER, DO!

>>44646088
WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST YOU IMBECILE? I AM SKULLGHAST, THE LORD OF ALL THAT IS EVIL!

>>44646092
>Rummages through his robes
WAIT I HAVE MY CLUB OF EVIL MEMBERSHIP CARD SOMEWHERE!
>>
>>44646139

Come now, don't blame Emilia. You're far and away the best guinea pig here at the guild. Be proud of your talents!

>>44646167
>WAIT I HAVE MY CLUB OF EVIL MEMBERSHIP CARD SOMEWHERE!

Mage-Mart discount cards do not count, Skullghast.
>>
>>44646096
>>44646139
I'm just, you know, concerned about the girls here in the guild.

>>44646167
Dread DANCER of the dead?
>>
>>44646112
I truly do not care, simply stating a fact.
>>44646167
I'm waiting...
>>
>>44646139
Jill, I've seen you dragged off seven times, just consider the 8th one as the last!
>>44646210
Also, I can have you contract burned. You'll never get the best cuts again.
>>44646204
Just wait until they all die and turn into bone worms. They'll have need to gather necromancers.
>>
>>44646204

Feigning ignorance, professor? I've seen you perform the Skullghast Shuffle with mine own two eyes!

You weren't half bad at it, to be honest.
>>
File: image.jpg (47 KB, 600x504) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
image.jpg
47 KB, 600x504
>>44645905
Interesting suggestion, perhaps we should pay them to stop breeding. What do non-sentient life forms take as currency?
>>
File: SKULLGHAST.png (51 KB, 1484x964) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
SKULLGHAST.png
51 KB, 1484x964
>>44646192
>>44646210
>Pulls out his membership card
>pic related
SEE? IT IS I, SKULLGHAST, DREAD MASTER OF DREAD!

>>44646204
YES! YOU SHOULD SEE ME, SKULLGHAST, MASTER OF THE DISCO, ON THE DANCEFLOOR!
>>
>>44646167
Your evil laugh is good but needs work. 6/10

>>44646192
I'm not a student here anymore! You can't just use me as a guinea pig when ever you want!

>>44646204
Me too.

>>44646240
How about no.

>>44646264
Virgins. Don't ask me how I know.
>>
>>44646240
Maybe it would be better to just find a way to get them all out of the guild entirely.

>>44646257
He in no way invented any dance I would ever do.

I can't even dance.

>>44646278
Really now? Care to prove it here and now?

>>44646293
What if we just make a fake girl as bait?
>>
>>44646240
Touchy. I eat people, not cuts, what-ever-your-name-is, cow meat is a distant second meat. Also, I doubt you're dating my boss.
>>44646264
Usually I just give them death and they stop, well, doing anything.
>>44646278
This says your name is Harold.
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (6).jpg (464 KB, 1199x740) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (6).jpg
464 KB, 1199x740
>>44645845
I find this meating topic very offensive. Arch mage is this because of your silk robe you left in the closet? I asked you if i could eat it.
>>
>>44645944
My lord. It's great to see you.
>>
>>44646278
Anyone can get one of those now a days.
>Emilia pulls her out
I got mine after killing a Solar.
>...
I needed his greatsword, and he wasn't being agreeable.
>>44646293
...I'll get the wild mages to leave you alone.
>>44646334
I concur, which is why we banish them using monster bait.
>>44646335
>looks at the name, 'Ivy, The Archivist'
Are you sure?
>>
>>44646334
Hmmmm I think a Female golem would be best

>>44646264
A none sentient one, of course.

>>44646351
Oh. Hello Jill.

>>44646335
>harold
Wait, really? let me see!
>>
>>44646278

Th...that...

Skullghast, did you make this card yourself? In a mundane, arts & crafts style?

I honestly cannot decide whether you're impressive or piteous.

>>44646264

I once knew a Biomancer who believed he had a large body of evidence backing the idea that the only forms of barter attempted by non-sentient life are specifically FOR sex. Then again, he was a Drow supremacist who spent an inordinate amount of time on an Asgardian basketweaving telepathy channel.

Which leaves us in a quandary. We could pay the tentacle-beasts to stop breeding, but the only currency they feel that they require is breeding itself.
>>
>>44646293
I calculate the likely hood of finding virgins within 1000 kilometers of this vicinity to be extreamly low. Probable cause: The High Erogmancer got loose again.
>>
>>44646390
Yes, my boss is the archmage himself, as well as the representative of the monster studies department. Not this...Ivy you speak of.
>>44646396
>Hands her the card
>>
>>44646407
Quandary: Who would volunteer to form a team of professional monster castrators?
>>
>>44646293
I, SKULLGHAST, LAUGHING IN THE FACE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL, DECLARE YOU TO BE A BIG STUPID LIAR! MY, SKULLGHAST'S, SHADOWKING OVERFIEND'S, LAUGH IS THE GREATES THERE IS! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

>>44646334
>DOES THE SKULLGHAST SHUFFLE
BEHOLD AND DESPAIR, WITTLESS PEON!

>>44646335
T-THAT WAS MY NAME WHEN I, SKULLGHAST, TERRIBLE LICH, WAS STILL MORTAL!

>>44646390
SILENCE! SLUTTY MISCREANT! SILENCE, I, SKULLGHAST, JUDGER OF OUTFITS, SAY!

>>44646407
SHUT UP! IT'S AWESOME! LIKE ME, SKULLGHAST, MASTER OF DECEPTION! BE IN AWE!
>>
>>44646396
Hmm... I'll see if I can help.

>>44646390
Well, Jill isn't willing to be bait, so...

>>44646425
Did you take into account young mages like my Niece?
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (1).png (351 KB, 1031x538) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (1).png
351 KB, 1031x538
>>44646396
Hello Jill! Great to see you too. It's been a long time. How is everything?
>>
>>44646351
Identify yourself at once
>reads her nametag
...Jill Fluffwap, and why you're in this guild. I don't remember allowing Mothfolk in here.
>>44646487
Are you even dead?
>>
>>44646487

See, V-man? I told you the freak could dance.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>44646487
>Witnesses
>Rolling to avoid despair

>>44646530
Fair enough.

>>44646520
If he wasn't, his vocal cords would have given out by now.
>>
>>44646440
So this is all your plan Hixx? I know what you up to...'young man'.
>>
>>44646440
The person in /charge/ of the archives, and library.
>>44646487
outfit judge? Really? I thought you fell through a tarp and walked in here wearing it.
>>44646425
Someone call the dragonlords!
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (3).jpg (91 KB, 588x500) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (3).jpg
91 KB, 588x500
Eh? I have always been here. It's true i have being inactive for quite some time. There was some cute apprentices that requested a private section...so i indulged then for some time. tehee~
>>
>>44646407
If no one shall volunteer. That leaves one option: getting the Bards Guild to do it.

Chances of Bards succeeding however are rather low, in fact, they'd be much more likely to creat a half breed than to successfully neuter whatever...thing they bed.

>>44646494
Question: Do you wish to hear the answer you want to hear or the true answer?
>>
>>44646390
Bullshit.
.....
How would you do that?

>>44646425
No no, that also take the lonely neckbeard type of virgin.

>>44646440
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh my, that's too much.

>>44646487
Nope. pretty generic. you don't do anything to really make it your own. Now take Vex for example. She just Owns her evil laugh.

>>44646494
Great! Thanks Vielhex.

>>44646512
Well funny that you mention it. Did you also know that my emergency clothing caches had been eaten?
>>
>>44646579
Banish them into a demiplane for a thousand years?
>>44646573
Its time for a new plan.
>>
>>44646541
>>44646566
I am young, yes, and you're a predator, just like me. But I do not recognize you still.
>>44646544
Still not the person I report to, all honesty, I don't even report to anyone, just whomever is around I tell who I've murdered and eaten. It works for me.
>>44646540
>shrugs
You never know
>>
>>44646612
Hmmmmmm no no that's much to easy for them.
>>
Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>44646520
>Takes off his head
YES, SINCE I, SKULLGHAST, MAN OF WEALTH AND CULTURE, AM DEAD, I, SKULLGHAST, ODD LEVELS OF BARD INCLUDED, CAN TAKE OFF MY HEAD AND ENGAGE IN SHAKESPEARIAN QUOTATION!

>>44646530
>>44646540
>rolling to give Danse Macabre a new meaning

>>44646544
THIS IS THE CLASSIC EVIL OVERLORD OUTFIT!
>>
File: Yael1.jpg (246 KB, 738x950) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Yael1.jpg
246 KB, 738x950
Use them as training for the gish. Either we get rid of the monsters or we get rid of some half-casters. I see no downside to this plan.
>>
>>44646630
Eh, alright. You're nothing but bones anyway, no point in re-killing you.
>>
>>44646573

When in doubt, leave it to the Bards?

No wonder the world is such a clusterfuck.

All in favor of evacuating to a new plane once Tentacle-Bards begin to outbreed all other life, say aye.
>>
>>44646630
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyknBTm_YyM awww yeah

>>44646648
Oh, hey Yael.
>>
>>44646579
In that case chances are slightly higher but surprisingly still low.

High Erogmancer was androgynous after all...
>>
>>44646656
Aye, wholeheartedly agree.
>>
>>44646648
Except it'll be an HR nightmare.
>>44646630
Classic? More like ancient. Homoerotic clothing is all the rage this age.
>>44646629
Banish them with noone for a thousand years?
>>
>>44646573
>Narrows eyes
She's 12, you sick fuck.

>>44646579
You're welcome.

What would you need from me?

>>44646623
You'd be surprised how little vocal cords can take when you're screaming like that constantly
>>
>>44646630

I wanted to root for you, Skullghast, but I absolutely cannot stand the Grammarmancers' Union. And not just because my ex-wife works there, mind you. All that neat, controlled, orderly...bleck. I can hardly stomach the thought.
>>
>>44646662
Right. Greetings. Hello.
>>44646676
And? Feed the HR representatives to the monsters, then send the gish in while they're eating.
>>
>>44646684
I dunno, when I ripped off a thief's leg he started screaming for nearly an hour before finally dying from bloodloss, it was an interesting eperience.
>>44646712
Hello...
>Reads nametag
Yael
>>
>>44646676
SAYS A MEMBER OF THE RACE THAT IS KNOWN WIDELY FOR THEIR HOMOEROTIC TENDECIES! ELF ROGUES DO IT FROM BEHIND!

>>44646703
I, SKULLGHAST, SUCK-IT-SOROS-I-AM-STRONGER, DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!
>>
>>44646712
I have a feeling a lot of redrobed Universalists would be gone.
>>44646745
Lies and slander! They slip in from the side!
>>
>>44646668
yeah but... Bleh man, now we're low on useable virgins.

>>44646676
Noone will just get loose.

>>44646684
Horse pussy.

>>44646712
How have you been? Did you get the flu too, I haven't seen you around in a while.

>>44646745
All rogues do it from behind, Skullgast.
>>
>>44646579
Emergency clothing?

>Sweats nervously

Why would i know anything about it? It's not like someone told me about a secret place were i could find some tasty fabric.

>nervour laugh

>>44646623
Predator? Only of clothes and other stuffs, hehehe~
Not a problem.
>Takes a elegant curtsey toward the 'man'
I'm Jill Fluffwap, Mothgirl, member of the apprentices greating group and also the apprentice teacher in Herbology.
>>
>>44645845
This never happened back in the good old days when we still had the Fleshwarper department.
Mainly because the complete fucking monsters running the place was worse than whatever abominations they were regularly churning out
>>
>>44646731
Hello...person I can't seem to care about.
>>44646781
Then they should have improved themselves faster.
>>44646786
I've been busy. No, I won't specify.
>>
>>44646781
ONLY IF THEY HAVE A FLANKING BUDDY! FOR ROGUES ARE COWARDLY, ESPECIALLY OF THE ELFISH RACE! LUCKY WE ARE THAT THEIR GENITALS BARELY COUNT FOR AS SHIVS, OR WE WOULD ALL DROWN IN SNEAK ATTACK DICE!

>>44646786
DO NOT LECTURE ME, SKULLGHAST, READER OF THE PLAYER GUIDE!
>>
>>44646731
>Shrugs
Fair enough.

Did he end up tapering off at any point?

>>44646786
I... why...?

>>44646792
Two questions:

Does any of your fluffy come off, and is any of it for sale?

I have a niece who I'm sure would appreciate having some of your fluff.

>>44646821
Yes, well, we don't have them anymore for reasons.
>>
>>44646684
In any case, only meatbag teens able to procreate are feneralized in the scan

I will reveal this when your niece took my class in Homunculi Theory this fall, I sensed elevated brain activity when talking to a certain Elven student. Pubescent hormones have gotten more than a few apprentices into trouble in the past.
>>
>>44646821
>>44646840
>The mass of worms drops from the ceiling, forming a rough man shape.
We're still here. Always here.
>It breaks down into a fleshy carpet, wriggling out of the archives.
>>
>>44646792
>puts a hand over her chest
May all those mothgirls rest after the greatflame of '59.
>>44646821
Lupa wasn't that bad.
>>44646823
Have you even fought any of these monsters?
>>44646824
You fool, you can't use the words. That's true evil!
>>
>>44645845
The Drow are innocent of these crimes! It is the Dwarves that dirty our name!
>>
>>44646857

The bucket of bolts is a snitch!

The lowest of blows, my alchemically binded friend.
>>
>>44645845
Did someone say Monster Hunting?
>>
>>44646881
MUAHAHAHAHA!
GAZE UPON THE FACE...SKULL! OF PURE EVIL! FOR I AM SKULLGHAST, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!
>>
>>44646883
Exposition: Of all the organ theifs captured last year, 73% of them were Drow or of Drow heritage.
>>
>>44646881
No. Why would I? I don't have any position.
>>44646883
And the orgies? Those don't do you any favors.
>>44646906
Nobody did. Or at least nobody worth paying attention to. So anybody might have.
>>
>>44646792
>Nods
I am Hixxkilliant Orthrys, a guard of the archives and a spider. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance.
>>44646823
Hmm, surprisingly I'm feeling the same. You're not worth interacting with.
>>44646840
No, his lung capacity was amazing, he kept going at the top of his lungs before suddenly stopping.
>>44646872
Hmm, that seems like something I should worry about.
>>
>>44646900
It's within my parameters to reveal information concerning the wellbeing of a student to one of their guardians, as a precautionary measure.
>>
>>44646915
That's a 500 gold fine for a class C of 4th wall breaking.
>>44646947
Bleh.
>>44646906
Good Hunter, can you fight the beasts of the night?
>>
>>44646976
I, SKULLGHAST, MOST THUGGISH OF MAGES, LAUGH AT YOUR PUNY FINES! FOR THEY CANNOT STOP ME, SKULLGHAST, THE FINAL BOSS!
>>
>>44646872
Right, forgot about them.

>>44646857
...

Eh?

I don't remember my niece taking that class...

>>44646971
That would probably have been his vocal cords giving out.

Or him dying, either or.
>>
>>44646840
Fell free to ask.

>Tilts her head sideways thinking, her full blak eyes blinking.

It works something like a cats fur. I have a season time in which it start to fall all over the place so it would change to a new and brither flufftt. The season was one of the reasons i have been apsent didn't wanted to brother the guild staff with it. Never though os salling my fluff didn't even know there was a request or want for it. Most of the times the alchemist members come to me because i can extract flower powder more easily, even the poisonous ones.
>>
>>44646972

Was your creator a member of the Church of Omniscience by chance? It's common knowledge that teaching abstinence is the least efficient means of preventing sexual complications among teenagers, particularly the magically adept.
>>
>>44646971
If only more people made that conclusion much quicker, then my life would be easier.
>>
>>44646840
Just saying.
Once those creatures annihilated a small country it became excellent safe spaces for all of demonkind to avoid oppression by mortals
>>
>>44647007
Also, we toed your steed.
>>
>>44646792
See, as a witch me and water has sort of a poor relationship. So when ever I get wet, I need to be able to get a fresh set of robes. You with me so far?

>>44646823
Okay then.

>>44646824
I will when you're so very wrong.

>>44646840
Do you Really want to know?
>>
>>44647010
She was on the registrar. Unless the guild archives are mistaken.
>>
>>44647010
It was the dying bit, the lung capacity was a nice bonus to this form.
>>44647037
>Shrugs before looking away.
Humanoids...
>>
I regrettably must again make a request, masters: It seems some apprentices have pulled a prank to one of themselves in the library, and thus there is now a massive creature best described as a slime. It seems acidic, as multiple shelves have been absorbed into its frame. Could one of you dispel it before it causes more damage?
>>
>>44647054
I, SKULLGHAST, THE TERRIBLE, HAVE NO NEED FOR A STEED, AS I, SKULLGHAST, MASTER OF MAGIC, CAN JUST TELEPORT!
...ALSO I HAVE NO LEGS.

>>44647058
WATCH IT VERMIN! I, SKULLGHAST, MOST GHASTLY OF SKULLS, AM NEVER WRONG!
>>
>>44647028
Unfortunately yes. He was quite the practitioner.

I'm still occasionally expunging Information regarding their odd practices, to this very day. Its quite an...interesting...cult.
>>
>>44647026
I'm just saying, you are quite fluffy. I think if you found someone willing to buy your fluff, you could make some easy money off of it.

>>44647058
Not really, no.

>>44647074
Wouldn't have been the first time.

Wait, what elf?

>>44647096
Fair enough. Blood loss is remarkably lethal.

>>44647135
What if you're intentionally wrong?
>>
>>44646881
>repeats the same gestuare with bot of her's two left hands.

I thank you for your gesture my uncle and cousings were one of the many victims. Aunt was never the same. She keep wondering the forest as if still looking for then. Her life didn't had a good end.

>>44646971
Pleasuare is all mine. Please call me Jill and in terutn allow me to call you Master Orthys. Ah if you have any documents you don't want no one reading you can give me i can garantee it will be proprely gone.

>she speaks caressing her lips with her tongue.
>>
>>44647135
Oh shut it harold, you where wrong. just admit it.
>>
>>44647124
Ugh, at least it isn't just me dealing with it this time, slimes are no fun to kill.
>>44647171
Quite true, though I prefer quick kills. Causes less damage to the archives.
>>
>>44647171
THE REALITY ADJUSTS ITSELF TO MATCH MY WORDS! EPIC LEVEL WIZARD, DUH!

>>44647186
I, SKULLGHAST, CURSE SPECTER, WILL TURN YOU INTO A FROG! A FROG I SAY!
>>
>>44647171
I cannot reveal that information without breaking confidentiality, but since I'm out of a teaching job after the Paladin incident...

Fane Nightbloom
>>
>>44647182
>Gives no sign that this bothers him
Please, don't call me master, Jill. It's both unusual for a simple guard such as myself to be called that and besides. I'm not exactly master material.
>>
>>44647182
I swear, I'll never use fragomancy so haphazardly ever again.
>>44647135
If you're so evil, then why were you rejected by the Adventure's Guild as an enemy?
>>44647124
Oh man, Ivy's gonna be so mad.
>>
>>44647236
BECAUSE JAMES FUCKING SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!
>>
>>44647171
then don't ask questions like that.

>>44647200
I'm a witch. just try it bonehead.
>>
>>44647219
Never heard of him.

>>44647200
>Shrug

That's one way to do it.

>>44647191
Have you considered splatter guards?
>>
Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>44647268
EVIL MAGIC GO!
>TRIES TO TURN HER INTO A NEWT

>>44647273
IT'S QUITE ENJOYABLE, INDEED!
>>
File: Candor Hock.jpg (127 KB, 800x1005) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Candor Hock.jpg
127 KB, 800x1005
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologise for the untimely intrusion upon your day. I'm sure you're all very busy doing whatever it is that you do. I shall avail to keep this brief.

This morning, shortly before dawn, it was brought to my attention by one of my staff that an attempt had been made during the night to gain access to one of the secure storage areas in the western bellows.

As I am sure you are all aware, access to those storage areas and the materials held within are governed by protocols in order to maintain the safety of the guild and its members, and to ensure such materials are to be used in an appropriate fashion under necessary safety regulations and by those trained to work with them.

Need I remind you all of the unfortunate incident with the Probability Engine last summer, an accident that could have been avoided if the most basic of regulations had been adhered too.

Master Erwin is still paying the price for his irresponsibility, although I am assured he is becoming accustomed to the nature of his condition. I'm told being both alive and dead at the same time can be rather inconvenient.

Regardless, the safety measures I put in place to ensure protocol have been effective. However, the person responsible left some personal effects behind. These include;

1 x Lockpick, Used
1 x Silver Ring, Amethyst
1 x Right Hand, Severed Below the Wrist

They are welcome to come to my office between noon and dusk to offer a written explanation and collect their effects.
>>
>>44647252
Doesn't sound like James is the one that sucks.
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (4).jpg (290 KB, 1133x1600) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (4).jpg
290 KB, 1133x1600
>>44647058
Oh dear...i'm soooo sorry!! It's that...it was made of spider silk wasn't it? I tell you what i have some robes made of my silk too i can give some for you. I have a great colection too. I just need you full size and i can give you new silky robes.

>>44647171
I get most of my money selling my silk. Humans are so strange they pay such a high amount for somethign i can produce so easily. Tell you what i will give you some of it. It's my gif to you and to your niece.
>>
Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>44647283
>tries to counter by turning skulghast into a pinball
>>
File: Levi.jpg (269 KB, 600x776) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Levi.jpg
269 KB, 600x776
>>44647294
Wait a minute. Someone tried to steal stuff, and you're just asking them to come forward and admit it?
>>
>>44647303
Excuse me miss, but I think your common could use some work.
>>44647339
They have ways.
>>
>>44647296
HE DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER TO FIGHT ME, ME! SKULLGHAST THE LORD OF THE DANKEST DUNGEON!
>Rambles on
TELEPORT INTO HIS THRONE ROOM, DO THE EVIL LAUGH, "WHAHAHA CATCH ME; SKULLGHAST, THE MOST EVIL OVERLORD, IF YOU CAN!", AND THEN?! NOT EVEN SOME STUPID ADVENTURERS BOTHERING TO GO THROUGH MY DUNGEON!

>>44647311
MWHAHAHA EVIL WINS AGAIN! FOOOSH!
>Swipes his cape
>>
>>44647339

Whilst a breach of Guild regulations is an offence I take seriously, no materials were taken.

It's just a slap on the wrist, this time.
>>
>>44647191
>>44647236
I already caught the perpetrators, but the creature seems to bee too difficult for me to catch, especially as I was forbidden to use magic due to the "unexpected reaction" incident.
>>
>>44647124
Already done

Activating Defense Golems.

>>44647252
Who let you in here anyway?

>>44647273
He's, as you humans would say, a huge dick. Most rude student I ever had the displeasure of teaching. He was nearly explelled after he, well, caused the dwarf students bowels to explode.
>>
>>44647283
>Is now a newt
>With a british accent
Y-you turned me into a newt! You bastard!

>>44647303
Just put some spare robes where you ate the old ones.

>>44647373
Your cape make you look like a pounce!
>>
>>44647303
Thank you very much.

>>44647339
I mean, whoever tried did lose a hand.

>>44647379
We have dwarf students?

>>44647384
It'll pass.
>>
>>44647356
Maybe, but still, I'd think they could go through something to be a bit less transparent.
>>44647377
You mean a slap on the wrist stump, don't you?
>>44647397
Yeah, but I thought there would be some other punishment. Whatever.
>>
>>44647379
ME, MYSELF, THE GREAT AND MIGHTY SKULLGHAST!

>>44647384
AND YOU LOOK LIKE A NEWT! HAHAHA! BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE! TREMBLE BEFORE ME!
>>
>>44647373
well, it's more than a crypt right?
>>44647378
Go make sure it doesn't use redskirts to reproduce.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>44647397
I'm a newt! In a mages guild! I'll be lucky if im still alive with in the hour!

>>44647419
>Goes for the shins
>>
>>44647397
We have students from different dimensions and even animals. I think we even had a sentient boulder once become a powerful Earth Mage.
>>
>>44647429
YES! AN ELABORATE DUNGEON OF MOST VILE TRAPS AND MONSTROUS MONSTERS! A MAZE OF DEATH AND HORROR THAT MAKES EVEN THE TERRIBLE GYGAX SHIVER IN HIS GRAVE!

>>44647432
>Has no legs
UHM...PLEASE DO NOT KICK MY CLOUD! IT MAKES ME BOTHERED!
>>
>>44647432
There's plenty of cracks to hide in.

>>44647412
Well, I'm sure there will be.

They just want to make it easy on themselves.

>>44647458
...
>>
>>44647273
It's not the splatter I worry about, blood is fine, it's just loud noises can drag more prey up from the deep.
>>44647432
Would you like to sit on my shoulder? I don't eat newts.
>>
>>44647412

It should be noted that unclaimed items left in Guild possession for seven days will be considered Guild property and donated to an appropriate department.

I am quite certain Master Doomblight or Mistress Lupa would appreciate a spare hand.
>>
>>44647477
You did it again! Stop it!
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (7).jpg (95 KB, 388x452) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (7).jpg
95 KB, 388x452
>>44647124
Ara ara, those little lovelys are quite active. Tehee~~

>>44647232
Oh aren't you a humble one. But, be as you like Orthys or do you prefere i call you Hixx?

>>44647236
>Looks deeply towards him

Are you telling me that.. YOU were what cause of it?!
>>
>>44647477
Turn me back right now Or I shall continue to use force!

>>44647491
>Gulp
No thanks.
>>
>>44647487
If a robot can become the Head of Constructs, anything is possible
>>
>>44647379
Thank you, master. As soon as they are done, I will go clean up the mess.

>>44647429
It seems it is being taken care of, but if you want me to, I can go test it's reaction on redskirts before it is dealt with.
>>
>>44647505
MWAHAHAHA! STOP ME, SKULLGHAST, EATER OF CRAYONS, IF YOU CAN, SILLY ELF!

>>44647517
>Small, green, ugly, force...
....OH MY! I, SKULLGHAST, MOST EVIL BUSSINESMAN, THOUGHT I SOLD YOU TO DISNEY!
>>
>>44647496
Wait, so you...dammit, I knew I should have picked that up from the lost and found.
>>
>>44647507
Look. I'm not proud of everything I've done, but he had it coming.
>>44647496
Lupa is gone.
>>44647525
Yeah, we should a meeting about the vladiity of your position.
>>44647534
Yes that would be desirable.
>>44647547
Nooooo
>>
>>44647507
While I prefer the full name, I realize it's quite a mouthful. Hixx is fine. Orthrys is a lastname for paperwork anyway.
>>44647517
>shrugs
As you wish, thought you'd like the relative safety of a archives guard instead of possibly being stomped.
>>
>>44647491
Hm... Soundproof it, maybe?

>>44647525
I didn't even know we HAD that department.
>>
>>44647547
>Is a green cgi newt with a tiny green glowing sword
Use force I will unless turn me back you do.

>>44647562
You're a spider.
>>
>>44647555
>Takes out a chalice labeles "ELF TEARS"
YES! LET THE DESPAIR FLOW RIGHT THROUGH YOU!

>>44647590
I, SKULLGHAST, LORD AND MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE, THINK YOU ARE IN THE WRONG UNIVERSE!
>>
>>44647590
I also don't kill guild members, and newts aren't exactly high in protein.
>>
>>44647356
Using vocal cords is hard. I don't understand why you don't use telepathy. Much more easy and simple then all this use of muscle and sound making.

>>44647384
Will do deary.
>Look at her.
Oh my....

>>44647397
>The mouth girl send a soft and high pitched screech. The sound would be something like a cicada would do. Moments later a small group of moths come flying from the guild air ducts making a small cloud of lfying white moths close to her a second screech comes from Jill's mouth as the cloud moves away dissapearing.

It's my pleasuare this young ones will gather and send it to you. Should i tell then to put in your classrooom or is your study a good enough place sir...o pardon me i never got to ask your name sorry.
>>
>>44647507
Yes, master, they are. It seemed to panic after the polymorph spell took effect, in addition to needing sustenance for its new frame.

>>44647555
As you wish, master. Will I run the thorough test program or the quick one?
>>
>>44647616
Skullghast!
>Pouts

>>44647636
>Clearly is afraid of spiders

>>44647652
Help me Jill!
>>
>>44647721
MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
SHIVER AT MY MIGHT!
>>
>>44647674
Run both to be safe.
>>44647652
meh.
>>44647616
>bends down and knocks the chalice over
>>44647748
You dropped your name tag
>picks it up
>>
>>44647555

I am sorry to hear that.

Although that would explain why we seem to have an excess of Void Flesh stockpiled.

I shall have to consult the regulations about what to do with the two barrels that have already become sentient.
>>
>>44647748
No! Not until you turn me back.
>>
>>44647652
My name is Veilhex.

And just my study will be fine. Pleasure doing business with you. You certain I don't need to pay you?
>>
>>44647781
Have them turned into the food and made for the redrobes. write down results.
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (9).jpg (19 KB, 236x143) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (9).jpg
19 KB, 236x143
>>44647555
And if i were you. I would start to stack my money for some new clothes. Somethign tells me you will be in need of new ones soon enough. And i don't mean in any kinky way. I know how you elfs are.
>>
>>44647721
>Shrugs
I'm not technically a spider right now, flesh and human blood. Like most people
>>
Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>44647766
>Takes his tag back
NOW I, SKULLGHAST, HEXER OF CURSES, WILL HEX YOU! FOR SLAPPING MY CHALICE!
>Attempts to turn Emilia into a chalice

>>44647786
YOU ARE A MAGE! FIND SOME WAY OUT OF THIS!
>>
>>44647562
I hope you will forgive me. Common is already a hard challenge for me. It's hard to speak using sounds while you aren't used to...well use your vocal cords.
>>
Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>44647811
Oh, no. I just heard the mothwing needed my visit.
>burning hands
>>44647818
Oh no!
>>44647786
>Lifts Jill up to block it with her
>>
>>44647829
You mentioned telepathy, yes? Would that be desirable?
>>
>>44647839
>is now a chalice
>>
>>44647766
As you wish, master. First, I must gather at least a dozen redskirts for the tests...
>runs off to complete its new task
>>
>>44647839
>>44647818
Ah! What!
>Is now a chalice
DAMMIT EMILIA!
>>
>>44647860
....
>good job
>>
>>44647721
Your situation is quite troublesome my friend. Maybe one of the alchemist or maybe

>>44647787
>After talking with Jill, the other one not that she was talking with herself. The mothgirl turns to Veilhex and speaks.

Actually, since we came to this, can you help my friend here?

>She speaks holding Jill the Newt witch in one of her four palms

She was turned to a Newt and i lack the power to bring her back to normal.
>>
>>44647818
>>44647812
>>44647809
>>44647786
>>44647781
Uhmmm... E-excuse me... T-this room wouldn't happen to be the meeting hall for the mages guild.... Would it...?
>>
>>44647991
Yes, yes it is. And you are?
>>
>>44647839
>>44647858
AHAHAHAHA!
>Pours wine into her and drinks from the chalice

>>44647877
TREMBLE!

>>44647991
SOON THIS SHALL BE THE SKULLGHAST GUILD, FOR SKULLGHAST, WHICH IS ME, SKULLGHAST; LORD OF ALL EVIL!
>>
>>44647963
Maybe. Can you take me to one? I can't move.

>>44647991
It's nice to meet you.
>>
>>44647877

>See Jill become a chalice in her hand.

Oh dear.
>>
>>44647963
Hm... Newt...

A classic. Now... Let's see, Shouty McSkullface over there did it, right?

>>44647991
It is.
>>
>>44648054
Yes he did.
>>
>>44647991
...
>>44648033
>you feel slightly fruitier
>>
>>44648033
>Is trembling
>In Rage

>>44648042
>heats up

>>44648054
Yes but now im a chalice. Do keep up.
>>
>>44647809

Section 63, Subsection 15b, Addendum 3 states that experimental procedures to be performed upon those currently in the employment of the guild, excluding those hired using a third party on contract or those contracted for less than twenty hours in a working week, cannot and shall not be experimented on without their prior and explicit knowledge beforehand, and not without signed consent in the form of an official contract such as outlined in Section 14, Subsection 12.

These contracts should include, but are not limited to, the following;

Guild Liability Waiver Form 24F
Guild Consent Contract Form 16B

I will be sure to sent the appropriate paperwork to your office.

>>44647991

Good afternoon. Please to be sure to sign in at the front desk at the earliest opportunity.

>>44648042

Please note that drinking from that member of staff will be considered sexual harassment without prior consent, and would be considered gross workplace misconduct regardless.
>>
>>44648054
IT'S SKULLGHAST, THE LICH OF LICHS!

>>44648091
>He would if the wine wouldn't just pour out of his ribs
DELICIOUS! EVIL TASTES GREAT!
>>
>>44648024
I-I am Brell Oregetha... I was recently hired to teach the newly formed "Elemental Knight Studies" coarse here at the guild...
>>
Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>44648093
Yes, yes...

>>44648088
Hm...

>Rolling to try to turn Jill back into her normal self
>>
Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>44648098
>is now a cup
...
>>44648110
>uses gay elf magic to make you gay
>>
>>44648134
Hahahahahahahaha
>>
>>44648040>>44648054

>the 6'2" armored man would give a graceful bow to those within the room
The pleasure is all mine.
>>
>>44648112
Have you filled out your paperwork so I don't have to eat you for tresspassing?
>>
>>44647991
Yes, and we are having a very heated meating.

>Smiles gently

Ah pardon my rudness. I am Jill Fluffwap. The Apprentices Herbology teacher and part-time tailor.

>>44647842
I would but i need to grow used to it. Much the younglings i teach seems to prefere when i speak with then like this. Besides some guild members don't like telepathy. They keep thinking i'm actually reading their minds...which is silly.
>>
>>44648134
>Becomes more hetero instead
AH! I, SKULLGHAST, STUBBER OF TOES, GOT A BONER! GET IT? BONER! I, SKULLGHAST, MOST HILARIOUS OVERLORD, AM A SKELETON!

>>44648118
>SUCCESS, SKULLGHAST DIDN'T HEX HER HARD
>>
>>44648110
Of course it is.

>>44648166
Hello, then.

New staff member? Always good to see new faces here to teach young minds.
>>
>>44648207
Well, I do have some telepathic skills from one girl I ate. But if you prefer speaking common, I will not fault you.
>>
>>44647946
>returns
As I hastily ran the experiment, the results changed towards the end, master. The first eight redskirt samples it consumed, and the last four it only absorbed into itself. It appeared confused and uncertain, and went towards the off-limits /d/ shelf. As the rules mandate I am not allowed to go to that shelf, I had to conclude the test there.
>>
>>44648211
>>44648236
thank you Veilhex.

>>44648207
thanks or the help jill! I owe you one

>>44648166
So your the new Eldritch Knight Instructor?
>>
File: Ara Ara~.jpg (135 KB, 544x396) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Ara Ara~.jpg
135 KB, 544x396
>>44648098
Please what kind of monster you think i'm? Besides i don't like girls in that way. Boys on the other hand...specially young ones. Tehee~
>>
>>44648257
...
>>
File: Dee.jpg (94 KB, 400x560) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Dee.jpg
94 KB, 400x560
>>44648277
>Looks up from his book.
...I think I should leave.
>>
>>44648204
O-of course I filled out my paper work! I was simply told by the archmage himself to come here at about this time to introduce myself to the other faculty and students!
>>44648207
>"Dear Gods! Is that a moth woman!? Why would mages let one anywhere near them!?! You'd end up with no robes by the end of the week!"
>"No matter! Everything will be fine so long as you don't let it smell your fear... Or the freshly cleaned clothes I'm wearing..."

Uhm yess... It is a pleasure to meet you as well Ms. Fluffwap
>>
>>44648236
AT LEAST MY NAME, SKULLGHAST, THE ARCH-ULTRA-UR-DEMILICH, IS NOT AS CRINGE INDUCING AS YOURS, MINE INSPIRES FEAR AND AWE! YOURS INSPIRES CHEAP RAZORS AND SHITTY MUSIC!

>>44648263
AHAHAHA! FOOL! YOU WEREN'T EVEN ABLE TO BREAK THE SPELL WITH YOUR OWN MIGHT! WHAT A JOKE YOU ARE!

>>44648289
>POURS MILK INTO THE CHALICE AND DRINKS IT
AAAAW YISS!
>>
>>44648350
You're the joke skullgast!
>>
>>44648263
Why yes I am... Though I won't be starting for another few days unfortunately... They apparently still haven't finished renovating the room yet heheh...
>>
>>44648330
All right, I'll take your word for it, but I'm keeping my eye on you. My name is Hixxkilliant Orhrys, I'm ne of the guards for the Guild.
>>44648320
Yes, leave small child.
>>
>>44648263
You are quite welcome.

>>44648320
Just put on a skirt, you should be fine.

>>44648350
Arch-ultra-ur-demilich. That's a lot fancy titles.

And should you be drinking out of someone who used to be human?

Can you even drink things?
>>
>>44648379
Yeah the pld one did quite a number on it.
>>
>>44648373
IT'S GHAST. WITH AN H! APOLOGIZE; FLESHBAG!

>>44648397
CERTAINLY!
>the milk wettens his robe
BUT SHE USED TO BE AN ELF, IT'S FINE! ELVES DON'T COUNT!
>>
>>44648380
Ripley told me to stay here until the meeting was over...
>>44648397
No, please. I didn't like that the first time...
>>
>>44648236
I appreciate the warm welcome, after all the good >"and bad"< things I've heard about the guild!
>>
>>44648425
Oh I'm soooooo sorry Skullhash.
>>
>>44648350
..
>>44648397
>oppression intensifies
>>
>>44648330
I assume you are the new instructor? I am Quei, haemonculus created to serve guild members. It is nice to meet you, master Brell.
>>
>>44648432
Then hide, or seek protection. Don't put on a skirt. It would end badly.
>>
>>44648380
Well it is quite the pleasure to meet you, and don't worry, my papers have been filled and filed in triplicate, just as I was told.
>>
>>44648263
Don't thank me deary. Master Veilhex did all the work.

>>44648236
You have my thanks. I really hope you niece like the fluff.

>One small white moth comes inisde the room landing close to Jill's shoulder. The mothgirl bends her head making her ear region closer to the small insect resting on her shoulder. After a brief moments of nods, the mothgirl adjust herself giving a another deep bow to the man.

Master Veilhex. This young one told me they have already gathered all the fluff. There will be a small box in your study.

>>44648256
You know what they say. Like magic, languange perfection can be achieved only by hard work and experimenting. Long talks with good people like yourself are very encouraged to.
>>
Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>44648442
>HEXING HER WARTS INTO THE FACE
TAKE THIS! KNEEL BEFORE SKULLGHAST!

>>44648455
>Can't think of anything else to do with her.
>Throws the chalice into a dumpster
>>
>>44648399
>He'd chuckle at this
So I saw... Apparently they're still scrapping him off the ceiling if I'm not mistaken
>>
>>44648483
>has been dumped by Aen's worst lich
>>
>>44648425
It's the same basic principle. Don't drink out of members of the guild.

>>44648437
And what have you heard of the guild?

>>44648432
>>44648461
But it would be hilarious.

>>44648471
Thank you.
>>
>>44648461
Okay? Are you going to help me or just tell me to get help?
>>44648498
That's what that fighter said too...
>>
>>44648459
It is a pleasure to meet you Quei.
>>
>>44648470
Good, I don't like killing people in armor, it's a little too messy for my tastes.
>>44648471
Yes, I have heard that before. Though I just killed a lot of people and eventually learned the tongue.
>>44648498
I have a responisibility to protect the guild members, all the guild members, despite my inherant distaste for a large majority of them. Especially the ones which I can't eat, they're disgusting.
>>
>>44648498
THIS SOUNDS KIND OF LEWD MR. DOOMBLIGHT! I, SKULLGHAST, GREATEST DARK WIZARD OF THEM ALL, REJECT ANY SUCH IMPLICATIONS! I, SKULLGHAST, ZERO FUCKING DAMAGE, DRANK FROM A CHALICE THAT USED TO BE A MEMBER OF THIS GUILD, NOT OUT OF A MEMBER.
>>
File: candles.jpg (219 KB, 1600x900) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
candles.jpg
219 KB, 1600x900
>>44648277

I should note, Mistress Fluffwap, that due to previous incidents of inappropriate conduct, I have made some changes to the lighting fixtures in and around the undergraduates dormitory.

Might I advise some measure of caution.
>>
>>44648471
No really thank you.
>Hug

>>44648483
I'm getting sick and tired of your shouting and cursing people!
>Summon monster IV: Giant pinball
>>
>>44648541
Can you prove the chalice was not still a member of the guild?

>>44648535
Really? And how did that go?

>>44648538
Shame. It would be amusing.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>44648493
Yeah. hopefully the necromancy department can put him back together

>>44648551
>>44648541
>>44648483
>Forgot dice, sorry
>>
>>44648551
>>44648569
DRAT! FOILED AGAIN!
BUT I, SKULLGHAST THE GREAT-
>Is flattened by the pinball
>>
>>44648535
Depends on what sort of help you desire, I'm not a miracle worker. Hide behind my legs, me, another person, a chair, stuff like that.
>>44648566
I do not understand your humor, but still, no.
>>
>>44648496
>comes pick her up
I am sorry for how you were treated, master. May I assist you in some way?
>>
>>44648320
>The mothgirl lifts her head hearing a voice from affar. Her hearing sense, helped by her antennae helped in such act. She turns her face, the deep black eyes with a silvery white colour in her pupil stared the young boy. Like a predator she ignored every aroun her and moved with grace and fast, always a wide smile as she moved towards the boy. Her figure watching sdown to him on his seat. Her voice was gently with some obvious malice being hidden in it's sweeten words.

Well hello you...i don't thing we know each other...do we? What would be your name cutie?
>>
>>44648543
>>44648541
>>44648538
>>44648471
By the way... While I was putting away my things in my room, I came across several boxes of what appeared to be half eaten clothing that were covered in silk... Which is somewhat odd considering I was told that the room had never been used before. Maybe someone could explain it?
>>
>>44648589
...
>>
>>44648583
Waahahahahaha~ Suck it Numbskull!
>>
>>44648593
Jill, none of that, sexual misconduct is within my duties to prevent.
>>44648619
No idea, ask the maids about it.
>>
>>44648639
>Teleports out
BEWARE MY REVENGE! FOR I AM SKULLGHAST, MOST ANGRY FLATTENED LICH!
>>
>>44648629
Alright lets try to turn you ba- Or not
huehuehuehuehuehuehe Not so funny now that the shoe is on the other foot?

>>44648661
No you beware my preemptive revenge!
>>
>>44648593
>He'd look over somewhat nervously at the Moth girl persuing the young male student
>"Thank the gods I'm a several years older then that student..."
>>
>>44648566
It wasn't very fun.
>>44648588
Right, uh...
>Starts to stand up.
>>44648593
Uh Do-Dee. Dee. Locke Evans. Dee Locke Evans.
>Scoots away a bit, holding his book inf ront of him with both hands.
I, uh, I should probably go now.
>>
>>44648619

I would advise keeping a lit candle in your room.

At all times.

>>44648661
>>44648682

I presume you both filed the appropriate paperwork pertaining to duelling on Guild grounds?

The one that waivers your liability towards collateral property damage?

Are you aware, Mistress Jill, that giant pinballs have momentum?
>>
>>44648629
>stares at the chalice, waiting for an answer it cannot currently give
>>
>>44648588
Do you understand anyone's humor?

>>44648619
>Points to the moth girl

>>44648593
Please, don't do that here. The maids hate having to clean up the floors here after a regular meeting.

>>44648725
Kid, Run for your life.
>>
>>44648725
Suggestion. Ward your room against intruders, ask one of the higher up students or prefessors for help.
>>
>>44648682
...
>>44648750
...
>damn programming
>>
>>44648767
Alright lets tun you back then

>>44648750
Hand her over please
>>
>>44648756
I understand my humor, and puns. The blue dragonborn I ate liked puns a lot, his skills in forging them didn't translate to me.
>>
>>44648725
>he'd sigh as he moves closer to Jill and the boy
Uhm... Sorry to interrupt this... "Get to know you" that you're trying to have here Miss Fluffwap, but didn't you say you were going to assist me with something boy? Something rather, "important"?
>>
>>44648786
Yes, master Jill.
>gently hands Emilia/chalice over
>>
>>44648756
Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
>>44648766
My brother doesn't come to the meetings...says that he's too busy.
>>44648821
Uh, thing? I don't remember any-
O-oh! Right, the, the thing! With, um, yeah, the thing I was helping with!
>>
>>44648792
Hmm... Don't forget there are other kinds of humor.

>>44648922
Just make sure not to make it too obvious you're fleeing. She can smell fear.
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (10).jpg (180 KB, 696x488) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (10).jpg
180 KB, 696x488
>>44648619
Of that's were my young ones stay. I will move then shortly don't worry.

>>44648659
Sexual? Why Hixx? I'm just introducing myself to a fellow guild member.

>>44648725
>She quickly seat besides Dee making her two right insectoid hands hold the boy in place as she seats besides him. Her left arms move in a attemp to stop the young boy from scoot away from her, gently pressing her figure against his small frame. Her bust pressuring gently against the right side of the boys head.

Now, now don't be rude. I know i may be a little old to you but you look to be such a nice boy. I'm pretty sure you don't want to be rude man when you grow up. Right?
>>
>>44648851
Thank you

>>44648767
>Pours wine in you
>>
>>44648986
>is now full of wine
>>
>>44648922
Exactly Boy! That "very Important" THING you were going to help ME with... You know, AWAY from THIS particular situation...

>"This will also be a good chance for me to get away from 'her' before she finds out I threw away her stockpile of half eaten 'treats"
>>
>>44648922
Well, I'm no good with wards. Better at killing people and shapeshifting at this point. Best help with whatever Brell needs, boy, but I'm around if you need my assistance
>>44648963
I know they exist, but that doesn't mean I care about them. Humor, romance, aesthetics, I do not understand them
>>44648978
Hands off the boy, Jill.
>His hand morphs into a fleshy version of a red dragon's head
Don't make me say it again.
>>
>>44648978
>>44648986
Master Jill, master Jill. I must ask both of you to act in an appropriate manner within the meeting hall.
>>
>>44648756
Don't worry...i won't leave much to be cleaned. Tehee~

>>44648821
My good sir. I believe is rude to interrupt when others are talking. The young one will assist you yes. BUT, only after we are done here.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>44649023
Bibbcus baccaus tun back into a bitchicus!
>Go go magic powers!

>>44649075
Nosense
>>
>>44648922
>>44648978
>Using his strength, he would quickly grab a hand full of the boys Uniform, before picking him straight up out of the Moth girls reach

Sorry! No time to dwadle Miss Fluffwap! But that Important "Thing" needs doing... NOW!!?
>>
>>44649060
Then we need to find a way to teach you about them!

>>44649102
Oh, that's good. You would not like the head maid angry at you.
>>
>>44649127
>still just a cup
>>
>>44649156
Please don't tell me you're taking me to a comedy club.
>>
>>44649127
Of course, master Jill. Please excuse me for my rudeness.
>>
>>44649203
Your fine. I like you, your not like the rest of the crazy people here.

>>44649165
Red solo cup
I fill you up
Lets have a party!
>Does that do anything?
>>
>>44648978
>He shivers slightly in her grip, his breath speeding up as he tries to look anywhere but at the moth girl or the arms wrapping around him and holding him in place.
Um, yeah, I don't want to be rude, b-but I told, uh...him
>He gestures feebly at Brell with his left hand.
I...would...help...
>>44649025
Just, uh, yeah, excuse me...
>>44649133
>Gets pulled upright, sort of limp with a panicked look on his face
Url! Ha, r-right, the thing...
>>
>>44649133
>The Mothgirl hands while it were holding Dee's shoulder wasn't strong enough to stop the Eldrich Knight. However she did torned his clothing once the mand pulled the young boy from her. Her white pearly face was covered with a deep red as she holded just the fabric of the boys shirt. His sweet was still there and grabbing it as one would to to a precious blanket she spoke.

Aah...must you take him?

>>44649075
But i'm not doing anything. Hunf.

>>44649060
Master Brell is already holding him Hixx.
>>
>>44649250
>do to the powers that be, Jill gets crunk
>>
>>44649188
Nnnnot anymore...
>>
>>44649289
>Jill spends 5 crunk points to tur emilia back
>What happens to the wine I wonder?
>>
>>44649275
>Hand morphs back
Good. Keep your hands off the kid, no offense of course, but it's my job.
>>44649292
Very good, I know you'd rather not have innocent, comedian blood on your hands
>>
>>44649308
>I have no clue what it means and is so retarded I'm obligated to turn her back
>you are now bridal holding a naked Emilia
>>
>>44649275
Of course, master Jill. Please excuse my rudeness.
>>
>>44649347
>Jill laughs and drops the naked elf on her ass
>>
>>44649322
Don't worry i lost my composure sorry.

>Still holding the tored part of the boys uniform sometimes she could be seem sniff on it. Once she does it, her eyes became a little hazed and her pearly face assumes a flushed colour.

Hmm... but he did smelled quite delicious. Tehee~
>>
>>44649322
Fine...

>>44649413
Look on the bright side: you know what department he will be staying in.
>>
>>44649395
>Emilia floats in the and conjures water onto Jill
>>44649413
>rolls her eyes at her
>>
>>44649371
No worries. Now you did say somethign about a slime?

>She still holded the torn fabric from the boy's uniform taking small moments to breath into it.

I need to vent a little bit could you tell me where it was again? Besides i have some Alchemical powder i was eager to test on something of acid.
>>
>>44649395
>>44649460
I'm sorry for that happening, master Emilia.. May I assist you in any way?
>>
>>44649275
>he'd give a fake, but genuinely apologetic face as he'd speak
I apologize deeply Miss Fluffwap, But his assistance is DESPERATLY needed else where, I'm afraid my hands in the matter are tied!
>>44649258
EXACTLY boy! Much work to be done, especially with that ever so "Important thing" we have to do

>dragging the young man away from Jill's earshot, Brell would whisper to him.

You owe me one... So consider yourself signed up for my class this semester... Am I understood Mr, Locke?
Now let's go before she figures out I threw away her friends and the snacks she hid away in my room, and BEFORE she figures out our ruse...
>>
>>44649460
>Is stripped to her bathing suit
Really? Really emila? Pathetic.
>>
>>44649460
Don't look at me like that elf, you can't judge me.
>>
>>44649347
>seeing this sight, his nose would begin to profusely bleed
DEAR GODS!
>>
>>44649526
>He's holding his jacket together to hide the torn shirt.
R-right. Thanks...
Wait, class? I'm already in classes, what class do you teach?
>>
>>44649502
Within the library. Most likely still at the off-limits /d/ section, unless the guard golems have dealt with it.
>>
>>44649569
>Licks across his face and puts it's tongue up his nose.
Yummy.
>>
>>44649525
Please disregard the human Jill and her orders.
>>44649569
>>44649551
>floating, naked, and hand is on fire
I'm sorry, what are you looking at?
>Emilia floats off
>>
>>44649629
>pointing out that her hand is on fire and there's a mothgirl present
>>
>>44649598
As stated before, I teach the newly created "Elemental Knight Studies" program. And don't worry about it interfering with your current time table, since the class happens during the evening until midnight! As well as its less an academic program, and more a "practical" class! So you won't be bored either!
>>
Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>44649606
Oh that's right were i sleep.

>She speaks with a high cheering voice in some moments she can be seem taking bites off from the torned student uniform.

Be back in a tad bit.

Rolling for safe passage into the unsafe area.
>>
>>44649629
I'm sorry, but the rules go against this order.
>>
>>44649647
>oh no
>>
>>44649712
>>44649686
>Emilia's hand is definitely on fire
>LIKE A MOTH TO A FLAME
>>
>>44649629
Nothing! I saw NOTHING!
>>44649614
DEAR GODS!
>>
>>44649746
>>44649614
...I'll just go clean somewhere else.
>>
>>44649413
Horrifying...
>>
>>44649680
E-elemental knight? But I'm a transmuter! I don't know how to use a sword, or, or cast elemental spells, or any of that!
And, uh, I sort of like academic classes.
>>
>Fucks off to teach a class
later guys. migh be on later tonight if thread is still up, otherwise I'll see you in the archives
>>
>>44649746
>Still up his nose
Salty...didn't clean up there eh?
>>
>>44649828
Please refrain from such unorthodox activities within the meeting hall.
>>
>>44649815
>The Eldritch Knight would give the young man a hardy slap on his back, the steel gauntlets he'd be wearing clanging at the touch

Nonsense Boy! Nonsense! I think you'll learn to love my class more then the academic ones!

>he'd whisper menacingly at the boy
Unless that is... You want to go back "there"...

>He'd nod towards the Moth girl before going back to his usual behaviour before any else noticed the differencre

Besides! It'll be good for you, and the first semester is for beginners anyways, so you'll do just fine! No training needed before hand!
>>
>>44649950
But I am doing my job?
My job is keep blood away from the ground. Because it's a bitch to clean.
>>
>>44649828
>He'd grab the vampire by it's neck before throwing it towards a nearby wall with the speed of a bullet

GET OUT OF THERE!!!
>eye twitches

And for your information!!! I clean up there every morning with a handkerchief!
>>
PALADINS! FREEZE! EVERYONE DROP YOUR TOMES AND PUT YOUR HANDS UP, NOW. YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST FOR THE DABBLING OF WITCHCRAFT, WIZARDRY AND MAGIC OF MASS DESTRUCTION
>>
>>44650001
I am sorry, I was not aware you work here. May I assist you in some way?
>>
>>44650031
Yo dude. I don't like cleaning up my own blood.
>Licks the wall clean
>>
>>44650066
I'd very much like to see you try.

>A pair of skeletons move to stand in front of the paladins.

Wait, don't paladins use magic too?
>>
>>44650066
Please leave the premises of the guild. I assure you, all our activities are legal and done in conjunction with the other guilds.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>44650066
FUCK YOU FAGGOTS!
>LIGHTNING BOLT
>>
>>44650066
oh fuck off, some of us just do this shit for a living.
nobody actually cares about you or your petty minor god.
>>
>yawn
..Uhm..aren't we supposed to be stopping the big bad evil monsters?
>>
>>44650279
specifically you guys are supposed to stop said monsters, my job is to keep cleaning this shitty place when things go to hell for the next couple hundred years till i can go back to work at the necromancy department.
>>
>>44650299
Oh.
Weeeelll..Keep up the good work!
>>
File: Glug06.png (153 KB, 344x498) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Glug06.png
153 KB, 344x498
>Walks in
Hey guys, sorry I missed the meeting. What are we supposed to do this time?
>>
>>44650175
>>44650146
FINAL WARNING CIVILIANS, DROP YOUR WANDS, STAVES, CRYSTAL BALLS, ENCHANTED TRINKETS AND ANY OTHER MAGICALLY ATTUNED ITEMS AND GET DOWN ON THE GROUND. ALL OF YOUR SYNDICATES MAGICAL ARTIFACTS ARE BEING CONFISCATED AS POTENTIAL EVIDENCE BY OUR ORDER AND YOU ARE ALL BEING DETAINED. ALL FAMILIARS, IMPS, FAIRIES, PIXIES, UNDEAD INCLUDING DISMEMBERED ANIMATED LIMBS, AND ANY OTHER NON SPECIFIED MAGICAL SERVANTS IN YOUR EMPLOY ARE TO BE REPORTED FOR PROCESSING AND CONTAINMENT.

COMPLY AND YOU WILL SURVIVE, RESIST AND YOU WILL BE MET WITH LETHAL FORCE, CIVILIANS

WE CAN DO THIS THE EASY WAY OR WE CAN DO THIS THE REAL EASY WAY, IT'S UP TO YOU
>>
>>44650279
Hello, master Pulch. May I assist you?
>>
>>44650066
>>44650434

I presume you have a warrant.
>>
>>44650434
I wish Lazarus was here, he's a lot better at threats than I am...

Let's see... Would they recognize my citizenship of Tenebrus? Maybe just remind them we've got a murder lighthouse?

I could just try slaughtering the lot of them...
>>
>>44650449
Ah, yes! Yes you can!
>>44650434
Can you tell these bozos to stop screaming!?
>>
>>44650434
. . .Who's this kid and why is he yelling about shit like he could defeat us?

>>44650515
Oh please, give me some armored gauntlets and boots and I'll toss him about with martial skills.
>>
>>44650434
You know back in my day we would literally nuke your entire plane for this shit, just having the balls to walk over and talk to the guild like this.
Eh what do i know, i'm just the janitor and the current generation of the wizards guild is a pack of pacifists comparatively.
>>
>>44650549
>Snaps fingers
>A pair of skeletons come out of the shadows
>They are both wearing armored gloves and boots

I try to come prepared.
>>
>>44650534
I shall attempt to do so, master.
>>44650434
I am sorry, but without a legal warrant, identification and civil manners, the rules dictate I should show you the way out. Please leave the premises of the guild.
>>
File: s-l1000.jpg (13 KB, 500x500) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
s-l1000.jpg
13 KB, 500x500
>>44650476
YES CIVILIAN, WE HAVE A WARRANT FOR THE ARREST OF ALL SORCERORS OPERATING FROM WITHIN THIS WRETCHED SYNDICATE ISSUED BY HIGH JUDGE FEATHERWINKLE OF THE 9th ROYAL COUNTY CIRCUIT ON THE FOLLOWING CHARGES:

>CRIMES OF A MAGICAL NATURE AGAINST HUMANITY

>SUMMONING OTHERWORDLY DAEOMNIC ENTITIES TO OUR REALM THROUGH MAGICAL CONDUITS

>TRAFFICKING, SMUGGLING, AND DISTRIBUTION OF CREATURES DEEMED TOO DANGEROUS FOR CIVILIAN OWNERSHIP

>DESECRATION OF A CORPSE FOR THE PURPOSE OF NECROMATIC REANIMATION

>PUBLIC NUDITY

>PUBLIC URINATION

NO MORE QUESTIONS, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND CIVILIAN! NOW!
>>
>>44650697

I am sorry to inform you, but you appear to be mistaken.

We have nobody registered with our guild under the occupation descriptive of 'sorcerer'.
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (2).jpg (363 KB, 859x824) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (2).jpg
363 KB, 859x824
Rolled 17 (1d20)

>The moth girl comes back humming a song after dealling with the slime in the /d/ section of the guild

Now that was a good exercise.

>>44650434

Hello good sir. I believe you don't want to tdo that.

Rolling to charm the paladin.
>>
>>44650621
Thanks Doomblight.
>Takes the gloves and boots on and starts doing some warm ups
So, how's Tenebrus been?

>>44650697
>Walks over
So, nobody's gonna back down. And the first person you'll have to fight is me. Hope you're skills in fighting are up to par.
>He takes up a martial arts stance
I shall allow you to make the first move.

>>44650745
Well, we actually do. Cause the Mages Guild is open to ALL users of magic. Even Magical Girls.
>>
>>44650697
Well nobody else was using the damn things. Why is that even a crime here?

>>44650771
Good.

Honestly, I thought about pointing out that now technically I'm not only a sovereign citizen of Tenebrus, but also technically one of its rulers, see if I could deter them with the threat of an international incident.
>>
>>44650667
And you don't have to call me master, Quei!
>>44650697
...
>asks around
>comes back
I'm preeettyy sure we aren't bound by any legal obligations at all!
And can you PLEASE stop screaming?!
>>
>>44650771

>Candor discretely places the heel of her boot on the toe of Gluglobuls shoe and applies significant pressure whilst flashing the paladin a wry smile.

No.

Sorcerers.
>>
>>44650697
>>44650534
I am sorry lady Pulch, but the intruder seems persistent. Requesting authorization for standard form number 7 (combat and intimidation) and for chasing off intruders.
>>
File: templar.jpg (15 KB, 340x630) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
templar.jpg
15 KB, 340x630
>>44650771
SO BE IT, OUR ORDERS ARE TO TAKE YOU LOT IN ALIVE OR DEAD. EITHER WAY MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME OR MY MEN!

SERGEANT O'MALLEY, TELL MENDOZA AND SULLIVAN TO TAKE THEIR UNITS AROUND BACK AND BLOCKADE THE EXITS. LIEUTENANT CALLAGHAN, YOU AND YOUR MEN ARE WITH ME.

LET'S SHOW THESE CRETINOUS ABOMINATIONS THAT THERE PETTY TRICKERY CANNOT STOP JUSTICE! NO MERCY FOR SORCERORS!
>>
>>44650814
Hm, they probably got through here by some godmade portal from another world.
Damn world hopping paladins.

>>44650873
Hm, fine.
I don't think we get to talk often.

>>44650914
Hm, well you claimed only the sorcerers were to be arrested. Sadly we have no sorcerers.
>He shrugs and gives a smile
>>
>>44645845
Coffee anyone?
>>
>>44650882
Quei deary, i took care of the slime problem for you. The solvent my alchemist friend gave me was quite efficient. Don't worry about the little ones that caused the mess i already got then.

>She gives a wide smile as she says it.
>>
>>44650953
>paladins
>not retarded
>not killing the lot on sight
you lot have only yourselves to blame, its all on you lot if you guys get into another war with the divine plane of light.
>>
>>44650955
Yes please, Mort.

>>44650953
But they're hunting magic... So how... Ugh, paladins are so confusing.
>>
>jumps into the guild control room
>turns lever
>Suddenly the Guild stands up
>>44650914
>ALL ATTEMPTS TO SURROUND THE GUILD ARE NOW MADE IRRELEVANT
>BECAUSE THE GUILD IS NOW STANDING ON LEGS AND ABOUT TO RUN AWAY
>>
>>44650955
Would you have tea Morty?
>>
>>44650996
Here you go
>>44650914
I'm going to give you 1 minute to run before i send in Polo
>>44651017
I have sweet and unsweet
>>
>>44650953
ENOUGH TALK! READY YOURSELF FOR BATTLE OR DISARM YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY FOR DETAINMENT

>>44650955
STAND BACK CIVILIAN, MY MEN AND I ARE HERE TO LIBERATE YOU FROM YOUR BONDAGE.
>>
>>44650975
Hey, moth Jill. Sorry if my apprentices are getting out of hand. They should know to keep all spell-slinging inside the Department.

>>44650991
Eh, I can handle it.

>>44651063
>Readies himself again
No negotiations? I thought so.
You're move kid.
>>
>>44651047
Sweet please. How is life treating you?

you guys saw nothing.
>>
>>44651063
First off, I'm a giant. Second off, these guys sign my pay checks. 3rd, Polo is the guilds tarrasque dragon hybrid. Your time is almost up
>>44651113
Of course
>>
>>44651063
>The guild's legs step on the paladin's outside
>and it begins to run the fuck off
>>
>>44651063

If we could please keep the collateral damage to a minimum, it would be very much appreciated.

Remember, no witnesses means no paperwork.
>>
>>44650975
Thank you, master Jill. May I ask, what little ones? I saw only one large one that was as large as a troll.
>>
>>44651099
Not a problem Master Gluglogbul, after all kids will be kids. I just ask their punishment you give the little rascals for one hour or two. Don't worry i would never hurt a student.
>>
>>44651168
Will do.
How has life been treating you, Jill?
>>
>>44651141
Requesting authorization for standard form number 7 (combat and intimidation) and for chasing off intruders.
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (11).jpg (475 KB, 824x954) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (11).jpg
475 KB, 824x954
>>44651150
Oh my...i guess i was mistaken. I will release then... once i get back of course.
>>
>>44651243

Request denied.

Authorizing use of lethal force, special form number thirteen.

Leave nothing.
>>
>>44651123
My men and I have had much experience slaying dragons, foul-mouthed ghoul!

>>44651141
YOU! Out of way, this is our show. The Department has no jurisdiction over this operation! Take your bumbling agents and flee, you will only stand in our way!

Cowardly wetwork throat-cutting can never possibly hope to match the divine efficency of honourable men armed with naught but enchanted steel and fiery zeal! Now scamper away Agent, back to your handlers at the Department

>>44651099
You have demonstrated bravery, I will be sure to honour you by slaying you quickly arrogant Monk.
>>
>>44651347
I am a giant, not a ghoul. Plus have you ever dealt with a Tarrasque before?
>>
>>44651239
Life has treating me fine. Needed to stay away from the guild for a bit. There is a particulary time of the year that my...urges become quite unbarable. So i asked for a small time leave.

But once i came back i find out about this meeting. I always thinked the guild and it's members know that the seaking for power and knowledge in magic come with some risks. Besides i'm considered somewhat a monster and i want to avoid any mistakes by part of the staff.
>>
>>44651347
>Motherfucker, stop ignoring me.
>The fucking guild is running away.
>>
>>44651327
Come on now, are you of little faith in my abilities to clean up?

>>44651347
Hurry up then, or is your plan to kill me from boredom?
>>
>>44651347
Did... did you not notice the guild just sprout legs and start running?

You... You have no idea what you're doing or who you're fucking with, do you?
>>
>>44651378
Hm, urges? I should be able to help you alleviate your urges, whatever they might be.

And of course it does, but trust me, race does not matter here at the Mages Guild.
>>
>>44651327
As you wish.
>starts twisting around itself
>grows to about twice the size of a human
>eyes pop into existence all around the head
>horns grow from skull, skin grows tough and filled with spines
>oh gods it is ugly
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (13).png (145 KB, 642x495) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (13).png
145 KB, 642x495
>>44651398
No he does not.

>>44651389
Oh you're a sweety. If only you were a little bit younger i would accept your offer. tehee~
>>
File: Glug07.jpg (241 KB, 578x1024) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Glug07.jpg
241 KB, 578x1024
>>44651598
Please, my body matches my age as an elf now. I am only 270 years old. That's like twenty seven in elf years.
>>
>>44651389
Let us hope your fists aren't as dulled as your wits you brawling reprobate!

ALRIGHT, OFFICER RODRIGUEZ TAKE THE TWO ON THE LEFT, SERGEANT HANSON HANDLE THE NECROMANCERS, AND LIEUTENANT CALLAGHAN CHANNEL THROUGH THE ASTRAL NETWORK TO OFFICER MENDOZA! I WANT THOSE EXITS SHUTDOWN!

Leave the Monk to me. Monk, I must confess- I will enjoy this immens- Wait, Callaghan say again... WHAT DO YOU MEAN MENDOZA'S UNIT IS DEAD?! THE WHAT? THE GUILD IS... MOVING AND HIM AND THE REST OF THE OFFICERS WERE TRAMPLED UNDERFOOT BY LARGE, ANIMATED LEGS EMANATIMG FROM THE GUILD?!?

What about the rest of the 3rd Holy Precinct?! The Astral Network is silent?! Maybe you're on the wrong channel, try again!! There were two Special Forces Cavalry units supporting us, surely they too couldn't have been trampled in the chaos?! MAKE CONTACT WITH HQ, TELL THEM WE HAVE OFFICERS DOWN AND NEED REINFORCEMENTS AS WELL AS AERIAL SUPPORT FROM THE GRYPHON HANDLERS!

And you! You repulsive, subhuman scum! Those were good, honest men with families! You will pay and I will see to it that your souls NEVER find solace!
>>
>>44651768
NOW LETS REV UP THE ENGINES!
..WOOPS, MY HAND SLIPPED!
>The guild runs straight through a village and crashes through the HQ, Possibly killing hundreds of Paladins
>Rest in fucking pieces.
>>
>>44651768
You talk and talk and talk but you don't make a single move.
In fact, you're giving me time to flirt with beautiful women.
>>
>>44651697
Oh i don't mean to say you aren't attractive it tha...I just like my boys at bite size. tehee~
>>
Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>44651768
Finally, someone to kill
>A pair of skeletons enter and attempt to beat "Sargent Hanson" to death

Also, I have a family too, right here in this guild. And I'm going to protect it.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>44651768
>preparing ranged flesh-weaponry
>calculating support options, master gluglobul can handle this
>obliterate the stragglers, block route of escape
>initiating attack protocol...
>commence ranged option: Acid breath, followup: Launch spines
>>
>>44651954
>The skeletons trip and fall over on their way towards the paladin

Right, forgot to give the speech before throwing an attack out. Shit.
>>
>>44651860
Ah, one of those types.
Well then, hope you find a young cute man to give you a good time.

>>44651954
Um, Doomblight... where's your two good skeletons?

>>44651988
Dude! He was my kill!
>>
File: Ozoi.full.664469.jpg (166 KB, 485x1600) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Ozoi.full.664469.jpg
166 KB, 485x1600
>>44651860
Well that's... disgusting. And sometimes my food hasn't stopped wriggling before I've started eating.
>>44651768
Ooohhh er I uh... I-i-i-i-it's not my fault, I d-d-didn't... Sir please leave.
>>
>>44652024
Don't worry Phobia, Paladins are only a minor inconvenience.

. . .I bet Jerry was behind this.
>>
>>44652014
I had... assumed those two were them.

Hm... Where did those two go...
>>
>>44651768

There are being in this building who have been sentient since before the age of men. Creatures so utterly alien to everything we know, unique among all the worlds, who subsist on planes of existence incomprehensible to the human mind. People of such power that it pains them simply to walk upon amongst mortals without tearing time and space asunder around them.

You stand amongst the halls of the Mages Guild.

You are in no position to judge anyone.
>>
>>44652085
>She just sinks into the nearest surface up to her eyes
>>
>>44651843
My... My brothers... Men and women with whom I trained and bled with all obliterated - cast into oblivion in a matter of seconds through the careless buffonary of a single nitwit. Dozens more, innocent God-fearing villages, lay dead or dying by the wicked machinations of this syndicate. My wife... My young son Patrick who loved so much chasing the roosters around the barn...

Surely, a man confronted with such intimate destruction would no doubt convince himself he found sufficient reason to abandon his faith in his God. Recognizing that he is now outnumbered and trapped within a citadel of sin, surely he would drop to his knees in perfect despair and plead for his life...

HOWEVER I AM NO SUCH MAN, MY FAITH IN GOD ALONE SUSTAINS MY RIGHTEOUS FURY! OFFICERS, ABANDON ALL HOPE OF SURVIVAL! NO SURRENDER! FIGHT TO THE VERY LAST MAN! DIE WELL BROTHERS OF THE ORDER!
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (14).jpg (113 KB, 522x437) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (14).jpg
113 KB, 522x437
>>44652014
I'm very sorry. Thank you and i hope you find a good woman deserving of your needs.

>>44652024
Sometimes my boys do too they wriggle their little hips and ask for more. It makes me want to be so...naugthy.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>44652265
If you want to fight to the very last man to avenge your family, know that I shall accommodate your request in the name of protecting mine!

>Dual skeleton dynamic entry
>>
Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>44652271
...This conversation is over.
>>44652265
>A hand with a mouth in the palm darts from the floor at ye
>ROLL YE DAWDGE
>>
Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>44652152
Shipomancers?

>>44652243
Fret not Phobia, it shall all be over soon.

>>44652265
. . .I'm getting tired of this.
>Summons a spiked-tentacled eldritch ooze that has it's center mass reach six feet tall
No you're end.
>The ooze attacks, attempting to shred and pierce the paladin

>>44652271
Alas, I already have, yet she is cursed like sleeping beauty, seemingly never to awaken.
>>
>>44652265
Wait, that's your choice?
>"He certainly isn't the brightest relic in the church."
I mean, I'm guessing he's just insane. Our at least works for insane people.
>"That's religion for you."
Gexis is religious.
>"And...?"
Point taken.
>>
Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>44652265
Oh my you were Patrick's dad?

Since he's dead...maybe you want to re-think your life.

>Rolling to reverse one of the paladin's men age.
>>
>>44652265

It occurs to me that perhaps we should attempt hire this gentlemen and what remains of his retune.

If we truly wants to protect the world from us, he would be inclined to do so from a position of being under our employment.

If you truly want to avoid another incident such as what has happened here today, you do better guarding our Guild from such incursions by others than by throwing yourself and your people into oblivion.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>44652265
>rearm flesh weapons
>wide area attack
>make sure guild members are not hit
>target of oppoturnity: "Callaghan"
>targeting joints...
>firing spines
>>
>the guild stomps on the last living soul in the HQ, killing civilians as well
THIS IS THE POWER..THE POWER TO FEEL LIKE A GOD!
MWAHAHAHHAHAHAH!
>>
>>44652436
Candor he's a paladin. Have you ever tried to arque with me once i have a young boy in my graps?
>>
>>44652473
. . .I'm gonna go check on something.
>Runs to the control room
You! What are you doing!?
>>
>>44652473
Great another member that goes insane with power. Well it's not like much of the people here are particulary sane.
>>
>>44652436
Miss Hock, are you really trying to hire him?
>"You're quick. What clued you off, the job offer?"
I'm just wondering why. He's already proven himself to be rather incompetent, and unstable.
>"Incompetent and unstable. Sounds a lot like the guild, doesn't it?"
Huh. Guess it does. That still doesn't mean we should hire him.
>>
>>44652489

And yet he seems to be the more reasonable one.

It's worth a try, and may spare us such inconveniences in the future. He is welcome to hate us, but I doubt he can argue my logic.

And if you touch one more understudy I will have Quei pin you to the wall.

>>44652548
It's a question of convenience and logic. He can't kill us, but he could prevent others from bursting in here and causing similar instances.

If he truly wants to protect the world from us, he should being working for us.
>>
>>44652518
OH LOOK, THERE'S THAT ORPHANAGE I DON'T LIKE.
>SENDS THE GUILD STRAIGHTFORWARD INTO IT
>>
>>44652594
So integrate an incompetent group of paladins that came here despite not knowing what they were dealing with as workers for the guild.
>"Face it Adam, we've done stupider things. This way we're at least saving them from being murdered horribly."
>>
Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>44652456
>target wounded, mobility weakened
>commence charge, finish him off
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (13).jpg (108 KB, 472x417) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (13).jpg
108 KB, 472x417
>>44652594
Hey i told you that was only for studying. I was teaching that boy about the female body. It was purely educational. There was nothing wrong with what i did.
>>
>>44652703
There are so many things wrong with that!
>>
Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>44652595
BASTARD!
>Glug lunges towards the Mage attempts to punch his face in
>>
>>44652353
>>44652317
>>44652315

*cough* You degenrates have... *cough* through combined *raspy, struggled breathing* have overwhelmed us. My brothers, loyal and brave to the very end have for their holy martyrdom earned themselves a seat besides our righteous God *coughs, spits up blood* No such honour better than to die selflessly in battle against heathens ans blasphemers exists for the knights of order.

I *fit of bloody coughing* deny you the perverse desire to reanimate my body for your wicked schemes. I die by my own hand!

*struggles to stand up, raises his shatteres sword and thrusts it through his chest*

Blessed Lord God, I *coughs, blood spills from his mouth, strainfully speaking* submit my eternal soul to thee

*flinging himself from the Guild, body destroyed by the rampaging feet*
>>
>>44652753
B-but I w-wwas trying to get you out!
>>
>>44652703
I presume it had nothing to do with the boy hurling himself from the belfry, either.

>>44652753
Well. Saves me the paperwork I suppose.
>>
>>44652744
>he falls backwards
>and then a large crash can be heard and screaming
Its too late..
Finally..my vengeance against those damn dirty gingers..is complete...
>he falls dead
>>
>>44652753
>Leans out the window

You know, we could probably still use most of that, if we really wanted to.
>>
File: Angry Jill.jpg (542 KB, 1200x1749) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Angry Jill.jpg
542 KB, 1200x1749
>>44652595
HEY!!! DON'T YOU DARE TO HURT THE LITTLE ONES!
>>
>>44652800
>Glug stops the Guild
. . .Dammit.
This is not what I wanted.

>>44652835
>You and I were both too late >>44652800
>>
>>44652753
May your soul find peace in the Great Beyond.
You colossal git.
>>44652835
You really need to handle your...problem. A bit better.
>>
>>44652690
>Callaghan still has a sword
>its longer than the spines
>ouch
>>
>>44652855

I suppose it would wise to relocate the guild, at least for the time being.
>>
>Walks back in
Sorry had a bit of an emergency down in the archives, some armored men were trying to come in through them. They're dead now.
>>
>>44652971
Right. Hm... Where should we go... to the beaches of La Tierra De La Muerte?
>>
File: Jill Fluffwap (15).jpg (195 KB, 376x904) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jill Fluffwap (15).jpg
195 KB, 376x904
>>44652780
Of course not. Speaking about him, did that little angel have said anything yet?

>>44652855
NOOOO!!! THE LITTLE ONES!!! I will cry now!!

>>44652883
Problem? What problem?
>>
>>44652753
>battle has ended
>end authorization
>form 1 (recovery and flesh-forming) activated
>transforms into a small, malleable orb of flesh and falls to the ground
>>
>>44653063
Did I miss something?
>>44653055
Why i the guild moving?
>>44652883
Hello Allard.
>>
>>44653051
Anywhere other than here will do for now, Master Glugobul, we can always relocate to somewhere more comfortable if needs be.

>>44652981
I trust you had no problems? I would like to point out that any... remains you have put aside for later are best left in your private quarters. I do not want any of the understudies to happen across another cocoon, not after last time.

>>44653055
I doubt he will be making any statements until his jaw has set, Mistress Fluffwap. And no, you may not visit him.

>>44653063
>Candor bends down to one knee and gives the orb a gentle pat.
Good work, Quei. Would you like something to help you refresh? I can call Mortimer.
>>
>>44653256
Please, it's killing intruders, been doing this for a couple months now. They were swiftly disembowled then I consumed their flesh and blood. Their reanimated skeletons I sent into the deep archives.
>>
>>44653055
...never mind.
>>44653204
I don't think I know you. Sorry.

Links for when we get bumped off the board.
http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/44645845
Browser friendly
http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/last/100/44645845
>>
File: giant-hunter_color.jpg (940 KB, 1381x1700) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
giant-hunter_color.jpg
940 KB, 1381x1700
>>44652971
*Gyrocopter flys up toward the Guild's Hall, pilot beckons to land, does to anyway before anybody grants him permission*

*a small 4 ft tall humanoid hops from the cockpit, and removes his flying cap and scarf causing a long, finely-combed beard to unfurl, unraveling itself all the way to the tiled floor of the guild. He fishes around in the cockpit and retrieves a large *

AYE! Are ye the bugggers thrashing about up here?! Damned bloody Magicians. I'm from the nearby mountain range, I'm Thor, a pilot in King Goldbrew's Air Service. Ye blundering louts are causing earthquakes and collapsing our tunnels and we want a damned fined explanation!

*mutters grumpily, under his breath about spell casters and magic*
>>
>>44653204
>>44653256
>pulsates and forms a mouth
A warm place and some sustenance is all I could ever ask, master Candor.
>>
>>44653372
I do not care about the quakes, dwarf, They're not our problem, even I don't know why they're happening.
>>44653363
You were there when I first made my appearence to you mage's, I was just a small hatchling then, barely able to kill.
>>
>Stumbles in in his bathrobe, stained wife beater, short shorts and bunny slippers
Why do we even have these meetings?
>>
>>44653256
Alright.
>Sets the Guild on the path to La Tierra De La Muerte
So, how are you? Paperwork overabundant as usual?
>>
>>44653204
Some terrible man activated the guild golem form. The magical power was to much for him and he went mad with power. Master Gluglobul manage to stop him... but before he could be stopped he...he...

>Starts to cry thinking in all those little boys she won't be able to meet. Also because she used to do weekly visits to the orphanage.

>>44653256

>With teary eyes she respond.

Candor you are such a mean person. Can't you see i only want the younglings well being?
>>
File: Lazarus.png (1 MB, 654x1050) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Lazarus.png
1 MB, 654x1050
Sorry I'm late, had to deal with a foreign diplomat. What have I missed?
>>
>>44653455
Wait...Hixxiliant. Last time I saw you, you were a spider.
>>
>>44653542
>She looks rather shell-shocked
Well... that man just committed suicide, Jill and Emilia were turned into cups by skullghast, and Moth Jill is being rather... predatory to young boys.
>>
>>44653491
>hands you one internet
Here, go buy yourself something nice

>>44653519
You dropped your name tag loser

>>44653542
We both know you missed nothing important.

>>44653549
Adam.
>>
>>44653519
>Hixx looks and feels uncomfortable at the crying mothperson
>Pats her back
There...there?
>>44653549
I am a spider, sort of. A shapeshifter was stupid enough to infiltrate my territyory and so kindly gave his power and human form
>>44653578
Hello, miss Phobia.
>>
>>44653372
Hello master Dwarf. The situation is that a mad mage, which was totally not a guild member of this fine institute. Took over the guild's core and animated the golem causing havoc i believe members of higher arch will be glad to give a futher and more detailled explication
>>
>>44653519
>The golems speaks in a voice strongly resembling Yes Man
Well, that's certainly a tragedy SUBJECT IDENTIFIED: STOP EATING MY CLOTHES!
Have a lollipop!
>It offers an unlit torch
>>
>>44653578
Oh, so a successful meeting then. Did today's issue get resolved as well?
>>44653607
I'll take your word for it.
>>
>>44653542
Paladins showed up to be assholes.

I thought about threatening them with an international incident, but they didn't seem smart enough for that.
>>
>>44653665
I er b-believe so, Sir.
>>44653519
You're sick!
>>
>>44653665
So who's kingdom building going for you?
>>
File: dwarf.jpg (28 KB, 500x638) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
dwarf.jpg
28 KB, 500x638
>>44653455
Now wait just a minute here, bookworm. Don't you talk down to me! Our scouts said that they spotted you stomping out the nearby village with this here magical monstrosity!

Your recklessness caused the collapse of one of our major highways! It'll take weeks for us to clear the rubble away! Now we deserve an explanation and... some due compensation for our troubles.

*looks toward the battered corpses of the Paladins, pokes one of the armored corpses with his warhammer*

That why you were stomping around? Some kind of quarrel with the Paladins from the order in that monastery from the obliterated township?
>>
>>44653607
Thanks Frank.

>>44653519
There there.
>Pats her back
>He takes out a potion
Why don't you join me in my office and I'll drink this potion?
>>
>>44653388
Well, we just happen to have a few human corpses lying around that need getting rid of. Consider it a treat.

>>44653372
Unforeseen events have led to our unscheduled relocation, Master Thor. I apologise if our activities have caused you trouble, and I would be happy to compensate you on behalf of the guild if you write up a report on the damages we may have caused.

I would, however, advise against confrontation with my peers at this present time. It's been a bit of a rough afternoon and they may be inclined to turn you inside out.

>>44653491
Always. I also hope that wasn't an attempt at small talk, given the current circumstances.

>>44653519
>Candor hands Jill a handkerchief.
Please do not cry, once you get your dust secretions moist it's is as good a tree gum in your hair.
>>
>>44653726
I'm not a bookworm, dwarf. And "due compensation" is me not slaughtering you where you stand for daring to trespass onto guild property.
>>
>>44653687
They rarely are.
>>44653710
Great, then I have nothing to worry about.
>>44653712
Very well thank you. Got another person I could pass off the hard work to just two days ago.
>>44653726
Do you accept compensation in the form or laborers? If so then I got a number of spare minions you could borrow.
>>
>>44653649
>Jill eyes open wide toward the lighted up flame. Her pupils becoming a hazed one, the insect girl free will stopped as she just watched the dancing flames. she simply stay there, unmoving not even shifting her body weight observing deeply the flame. Looking almost like a statue.
>>
>>44653839
Please take the lollipop!
>>
>>44653607
Frank.
>>44653614
Ah. Well, how goes the dealing with intruders job?
>>
>>44653607
>>44653614
>>44653649
>>44653710
>>44653731
>>44653759

>Staring deep into the flame in the torch showed to her by Pierre's.
>>
>>44653910
>The golem just stands there holding the torch out
Please take the lollipop! Don't be shy now!
>>
>>44653759
"Inside out"?

*lets out a hearty laugh from his gut*

Lad do ye know who I am? I am Thor Frostbraids, the High Admiral of King Goldbrew's long fabled Air Service!

Son, I was an ace before you were but an itch in ye pap's trousers. I have 121 credited airborne kills to me name and a probably a few hundred more here with me pride and joy "Brunhilde"

*he holds up his enchanted warhammer proudly*

Show this decorated war hero some proper respect why don't ye
>>
>>44653759
Thank you, master.
and now I'm off to sleep. Have fun guys!
>>
>>44653862
>Her gazed eyes observe the beuatifull flame flicking, the hot sensation of the fire making her fell quite invited by it. Her four arms reach towards the torch body she holds it and keep staring depply into the flame. It's a lollipop, so... she thinks as she starts to open her mouth, approaching her face toward the flame as if it were a lollipop.
>>
>>44653978
>Being a golem with faulty lollipop identification, it continues to just stand there. However the torch smolders and flickers out just in time to avoid injury
>>
>>44653978
Jill, what are you doing? Pierre's stuff should never be trusted. That still applies for the golem's stuff
>>
>>44653910
>it's an unlit torch
>>44653864
I've been killing people, growing stronger, learning. It's been a long couple months
>>44653978
>Grabs her shoulder
Stop that.
>>44653943
>Hixx's smile grows even wider as his form seems to warp and shiftt until he's in his true form.
>A seven-foot-tall, ten feet wide giant spider
{No, you have not proven yourself to me yet. I respect your stories but that's just it, stories}
>>
>>44653943
I'm waiting for your answer. Are you willing to accept compensation in labour, yes or no?
>see >>44653795
>>
>>44653978
Gonna have to remember that recipe!
>>44654068
Good job Adam, have a lollipop!
>It offers a flagpole, flag still attached. It seems to be stolen from the southern empire palace
>>
>>44654074

>Grabbed by the shoulder the mothgirl stops her gaze looking at Hixx breaking the hipnotic trance.

Hixx? Wait what happend? Is the meeting starting already? I fell like i'm forgetting something.
>>
Oh you're still here? Well..
..Oh this is quite the mess. Please leave to the archives for us to clean this up!
http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/last/100/44645845
>>
File: qb17.png (158 KB, 624x276) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
qb17.png
158 KB, 624x276
Guys, the guild janitors are on their way. Something about us "dropping off the board". I'm heading down to the archives now.

http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/44645845
http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/last/100/44645845
>>
>>44654204
{It has happened already, let's head down to the archives, the janitors don't like it when I'm like this}
>shifts back down to his human form before heading towards the archives.
>>
>>44654204
You had a lollipop!
>>
>>44654079
Hmmmm, labour you say? What kind exactly? We got more miners than you can shake a barmaid's arse at buuuut... there has been a slight complication. Goblins warbands have spilled out from the fissures caused by that earthquake. We've fought the vermin for generations... you see their capital city... well it's built right under ours. *awkward cough* The uh "Nexus" as it is called.

Now we've done a good job keepin em contained down there these past few hundred of years more or less but these quakes got them all riled up. Warbands are spilling out on to our highways and too many of our fighting men have been conscripted to dig. By our estimatiom there may be BILLIONS of the buggers down there, usually the warlords ads too busy fighting with each other but it seems this disaster may have given them common cause to push to the surface. Surely our Dwarven kingdom stands as the first line of defense against these locusts from invading the realm. They'd likely overrun you surface walkers within a week's time...

Why don't you lend me a few of your best fellows? I've been looking to get the right lads and lasses scrambled together for a job... to end the Goblins once and for all. After all is said and done, I'm sure King Goldbrew would be absolutely thrilled
>>
>>44654423
Undead labour if course, now if you excuse me, I do believe I'll have to take my leave before the hall closes.
>>
Well, farewell everyone!
>Walks off to his Department
>>
Have a lollipop!
>>
I believe I have some paperwork to catch up on.

Good evening.
>>
I now declare this a Rider Thread!
>>
>>44654486
So that's it then?! I promise you the adventure of a lifetime and you just show ye hindquarters to me. Damned dirty magicians...

We need blood drawin louts, not buggerin undead automotons! Don't you walk away from you sonuvabitch! Your beard ain't even that fancy ye sorry imitator!

Damned bloody magicians
Thread replies: 447
Thread images: 47
Thread DB ID: 379299



[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at [email protected] with the post's information.