In the Post-Apocalypse, you lead a cult based around some relic

I dunno, probably an old Playboy or something.

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The King öv Röck&Röll

>>44615665
A Bible, duh.

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>>44615735

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>>44615742
Laaaaame

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>>44615665
Legend speaks of the highlanders, immortals from the time past. Peerless swordsmen locked in eternal cosmic struggle. We must gather them, and have them speak of time past.

>>44615665
Selena, because there's already a statue and memorial to her and everything, and she already has a near-fanatical devoted base.

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Space!

It is the final frontier! The land that our forefathers have always striven for, and they reached it my children, they reached the stars and stood upon the moon! Here is this helmet, it has been in the airless void! The place free of radiation! The promised land!

>>44615665
In the post-apocalypse, only sentient machines are left. I lead a cult based on an old cosmo magazine.

WE MUST FIND THE ONE.

"DO YOU ENJOY PASSIONATE LOVE?"
"NEGATIVE. I WAS NOT PROGRAMMED TO FEEL LOVE."
"HE IS NOT THE ONE. TERMINATE HIM"

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>>44615665

Praise be to Ma Deuce, whose voice shall sunder the world. Praise be to the prophet John Browning, who brought her thunder to the deaf race of man.

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An amalgamation of religions put together from whatever pages were legible from the holy books in the hotel nightstand. We call him god, and we're pretty sure he's bipolar, so don't piss him off.

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Clearly a shinto-like pagan religion loosely based on pokemon
Our missionaries journies far and wide would come to understand the power thats inside all elements of nature.
We will closely watch the behavoir of animals, sum up their actions in a catchy but simple adjective. We would not only use these commands with our innumerable trained animals but shout them as we proformed the tasks ourselves.

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YOU AM OF SEEING RIFLE?
GOOD
YOU SEE OF PERFECTION
RIFLE IS PERFECT
ALWAYS WAS
ALWAYS WILL BE
RIFLE DOES NOT OF OBLITERATE CITY
RIFLE DOES NOT OF POISON EARTH AND WATER
RIFLE SIMPLY KILL

>>44616039
>that feel when you shoulda wrote verb
Do i even english

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>>44615665
Bane?

>>44615852
We shall assemble around the relic of the most famous Highlander ! "MacDonald's Tavern" !

>>44615940
>free of radiation.

Oh boy.

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A sealed, perfectly preserved bunker full of anime merchandise. Eventually the cult splits into countless fractions waging constant holy war over whose waifu is the best.

>>44616148
I'd pay money to see that.

>>44615665

Probably some of the Post-Apocalyptic Philip K Dick books.

He's considered a prophet who saw and tried to warn us. Group takes a lot of drugs they can in the hopes of finding the "Ubik" that can free them from the Black Iron Prison. Most of the time a rag-tag group of bearded theosophists will show up and sell you drugs. Well unless they identify you as a Roman, or a Palmer, or a Woman (I'm exaggerating slightly, PKD's female characters weren't all deceptive agents of chaos, destruction, and evil. Some of them were manipulative liars he was quite sympathetic towards.) then it's probably going to be a bad day.

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The last American president deserves a cult, obviously. We would aggressively build walls and be belligerent to the people on the other side of them. We would stockpile weapons with no regulation. We would destroy ourselves in one final orgy of violence. God fucking bless the US of A.

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An old gas pump.

I hold the nozzle between my legs and pretend it's a penis while giving wild sermons.

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Yeah they taste awful to us, but after years of eating shit and other people, the glorious gift of the eternal cake inspires all to conquer another stronghold in the hopes of finding wondrous processed sugars and fats

>>44616288
>We would aggressively build walls
I'm just going to quote this and let you think for a second about how much sense that makes.

A dildo

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>>44616405

Hey man, walls can be pretty vicious. A wall nearly bit my bro's face off once overseas.

>>44616405
You build the wall in the middle of "friendly" client kingdoms so if they betray you, you can prevent enemies from coming to their aid. The wall pays for itself though massive tolls for crossing.

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And lo he did say that nobody expects the Spanish inquisition

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Plants, what else? If you can get anything to grow then you can start rebuilding civilization with a food supply.

It'd be like waterworld where fresh dirt was gold. Green plants would be unheard of. So find a way to grow a fern in a helmet and wear that on my head as I ravage the wastelands for more miracle grow and ceramic pots

>>44616071
ALL HAIL GLORIOUS RIFLE.

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Naturally.

I make use of a bunch of RPGs, which we have taken as religious texts, also a crap ton of porn which has let us to think God is a Hermaphrodite

>>44616136
Is space full of radiation or something? I figured a bunch of post-apoc cultists would need a good reason to want to go to space if it has no air.

>>44617060
Space is absolutely fucking full of radiation, yes.

>>44617060
Without the atmosphere, you get the full force of the radiation from the sun.

Old wind-up clock. The numbers are worn off and replaced incorrectly, the gears have been stripped and new ones added at erratic speeds, too many hands, and the alarm causes nose bleeds. But it tells everyone what time it is for sacrifices.

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>>44615665
Volkswagen and Visa.

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Freedom, Knowledge, Liberty, and Peace. I think plenty of wastelanders would be attracted to the ideals of Jefferson. + Kickass Colonial Fashion.

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Stories of old tell of 2 factions and their eternal struggle.
One red as Blood, Coka-Coala, a veritable titan! Firmly established amongst its kind as strongest and greatest, none could touch its glory without burning to ash. Coka-Coala single handed paved the way for all lesser warriors into Grand Society with itself firmly and rightly at its helm.
One blue as the ice in its veins, PeepSee, a would be usurper. A child to the world of Coka-Coala it wanted the glory and status of Coka-Coala and like a child it wanted this without having to put in the same amount of work. Its very name speaks to the betrayal it perpetrated, attempted stealing of the holy secrets.
This my fellow tribesmen is why we must raid the western camps and take back by force what was stolen from us like our Patriarch.
Coca-Coala revives and sustains us!

Mickey Mouse.
I mean, there are temples, books, statues, paintings, idols, just pretty much anything of him in nearly every country on Earth, it is the logical conclusion.

>>44616148
War never changes.

>>44617101
Uh, without the magnetic field produced by a rapidly rotating metallic core, I believe.

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>>44617094
>>44617101
Well fuck, I completely forgot the sun is essentially a nuclear reactor. I retract my pick then.

We worship an actual, functioning pick up truck with a gun mounted on it, that we use to smite down those who do not follow our faith.

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From the charred remains of a prop warehouse in Hollywood, the Dark Side shall rise once more!

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and it begins, the greatest war in existence

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The prophet Michael, son of Jack, who could raise the dead with his music and wielded a magic glove of stars.

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>>44615665
My tribe currently worships our totem, the ball sack parrot.

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>>44615665
The fffzzzzaahum of a tesla cannon can be heard.

>WHY ARE YOU KILLING US?

>For Dio, the god of lightning, thunder and scythe-clawed dragons. Be honored.

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>>44618931
The Goyim cult. Worshippers of an ancient trickster god, who has beset civilization since before time began. The entire purpose of the cult is to gather enough shiny coins to appease the eternal spirit, so that he may never again awaken from his slumber.

For added flavor, the cult headquarters is a holocaust memorial, the ancient site marking a failed attempt to exorcize the spirit from this plane of existence.

>>44615665
Sinks, baths/showers, and hoses.

These three ancient relics use to bring down liquids of life unto all who used them, the more we worshep them one day they might make mirical rain once more.

>>44616332
SWEET AMBROSIA! NECTAR OF THE GODS!

>>44615665
Obligatory DANK MEMES

>>44617990
Well, the post-apocalyptic cults wouldn't know it had radiation, so it would still work.

ALL HAIL THE ARROW!

>>44615665
Amateur radio direction.
Could be fun.
Holy seers wandering sacred woods and listening to the whispers of one true god.

>>44616997
Soon /k/omrade, soon.

>>44616405
I once had a M:tG wall deck that was pretty aggressive.

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Shiny and Chrome!

latex condom
cell phone

An immortal dog that has psychic powers yet behaves like a normal dog.

>>44617772
Both actually. both the atmosphere and ionosphere provide protection.

You guys should see the reports from the voyager probes. Outside of the suns protection, the universe is a fucking hotpot of radiation and energy. Galactic background radiation jumped to about double of what it was experiencing within the heliosphere, which is how they knew that it had left the solar system.

Space is a nasty, deadly, place that is only beautiful so it can lure men to their doom.

>>44621957
Meant magnetosphere, not ionosphere. The ionosphere is part of Earths atmosphere, my bad.

>>44615665
The Circle of Dis-Naï revered The Great Mouse as their god in my Apocalypse World campaign. The ones wearing fetish masks of your favorite Disney characters are cannibals, but you really have to be wary for the Tourists. Those guys look like your usual park-goer from the golden age. As in they don't even seem to realise the world ended. And they don't take too kindly to people who try to remind them that.

>>44615665
>In the Post-Apocalypse, you lead a cult based around some relic or legend of the past. What is it?
A desalination plant.
>The Wellspring protects
>The Wellspring nurtures
>The Wellspring unites

>>44615665
>ctrl + f
>Dragon Dildo
>0 results
/tg/ are you alright today?

>>44621957
>Space is a nasty, deadly, place that is only beautiful so it can lure men to their doom.
That sounds like quitter talk to me, boy.

>>44616405
welcome to the United states of america.

>>44616792
This one is good

>>44622066
Did I ever say I don't want to go anyways?

I just want to make sure people realize that space travel is currently dangerous, boring, and expensive. Too many people have this comfy glorified view of spaceflight thanks to Star Wars and Star Trek and other popular science fiction.

>>44622118
Black Science Man, is that you?

BEES.

HONEY IS YUMMY MEDICINE.

>>44615665
They worship an ancient printer, which is stuck in an error mode and keeps printing out pages filled with error codes. Despite not being able to understand it, the cult interprets this as being a holy gospel, and makes up meanings for the codes as tenets for their people to live by. One fateful day, the printer finally runs out of ink/paper, forcing a few brave cultists to venture into the wastes in search of replacements if they ever hope to hear their god's voice again...

>>44622124
Hah, I wish. No, I'm just a vet going to college to get a degree so he can go work in the aerospace industry and praying that Dr. Harold White isn't crazy and he's actually discovered how to warp space-time.

>>44622171
I remember seeing those when I was a kid and thinking they meant something. This is actually really good.

The relics of the blessed saint Leibowitz, of course.

>>44622173
the situation is a yes on both of those accounts. Its how science should be.

>>44622262
Wait, yes as in he isn't wrong? When did this happen?

>>44615665
The gospel of the great prophet Tom Petty.

>>44622296
It better be a damned yes to warp travel otherwise i might as well kill myself now.

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>>44615742

>>44622426
Oh, well don't kill yourself, and don't let it get you down, but don't get your expectations too high anon.

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Super Hero Comics
I spread the concept that Super heroes were real and comics are real stories of the past.
Eventually people will start fighting each other choosing to worship certain super heroes/ super hero teams than others

>>44618461
Glory to the skub!
Fuck the anti-skubbers!

The tribe uncovers an ancient ruin.
The scribe deciphers it's inscriptions:
"Burger King"

It must be the castle of an ancient noble family.
Suddenly the tribe views village idiot Burger in a different light.

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The Internet, bringer of knowledge and porn.

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>>44615665
Hope and peace.

>>44622749
You know ALL of 4chan and its owner (former and present) are pro-skub and i've seen 10,000 year bans for disparaging it.

>>44622781
These are all so wrong.

>>44622861
All is as it should be.

>>44622869
In my tired state i read that as an a pro anti-skub propaganda post.

>>44622891
All is forgiven by glory of Skub, comrade.

>>44622532
Well, there are some pretty strong bible parallels. Comics are self contradicting, written by many different authors with different beliefs and frequently recycle the same plots. They would make great holy books.

>>44622863
Yeah. Myspace isn't a corpse, facebooks not a duckface chick doing selfies, deviantarts not a fatty in a fursuit, and youtubes not a minecraft avatar with broken bones.

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john henry

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>>44622926
don't forget that they depict genocide, murder and people who are assholes

>>44615665

Designed a video game around this concept a few weeks ago as an university project.

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>>44615665
I don't doubt that this shit would still be around somewhere in neo new york

>>44616332
What'll happen when you run out?

>>44621811
I'd buy it, I mean it even looks like a two-headed demon, one is death and the other apathy

>>44623070
They become even more popular
People who have tasted the twinkie will tell stories about how they have never tasted anything like it before and will never taste anything like it again.
And when those who have tasted it die, the legend of the twinkies flavor will be a huge part of the surviving people and future societies to come

>>44623144
The flavor really is more or less unique...

I'd figure part of its mythos would be its survivability, a lembas bread for generations to cherish

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>>44621811
>>44623084

Holy shit, this took me too long to realize.

Legends tell of a man who even in the most dire of circumstances would always overcome the odds, and preached of the three golden virtues, Hustle, Loyalty and Respect.

And his name is John Cena

>>44615735
You mean Elvis, like the Kings in FNV?

>>44617538
I ran a campaign with an idea like this. They thought the "founding fathers" were prophets who ascended to God-hood after winning a holy war, and the apyocolypse was their way of smiting America for forsaking their traditions. They would also bleach their hair white and wear it in a ponytail

>>44615665
Television

>>44623676
No, like in Six-String Samurai.

>>44622781
>4chan is a sophisticated gentleman, a cut above the rest
Hahaha, absolutely not.

>>44623705
Clearly, 4chan is meant to be a pyramid of green midgets touching each other's dicks and bothering google in vain attempt to find the source of some garbage.

>>44622863
>>44622933
It is like 6 years old at least.

>>44624096
Its twice that. Aug1 03.

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>>44615665
WWI reenactors. They call their leader the Kaiser, but everyone pronounces it "Caesar".

Cult that worships Kim Kardashian. They think she was not only attractive but a wise, religious leader type of figure.

>>44616071
THE GUN IS GOOD

>>44616296
I see what you did there, sai.

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>>44616071
>not wanting to obliterate cities
>not wanting to poison the earth and air and water

Get on my level, Commie filth.

>>44621668
They probably haven't a clue what radiation is, just that you can't smell, taste or see it and it will make you sick or even kill.

>>44616997
Has this ever been used as a bbeg?

disregard not knowing Swedish, just watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX1bcDumZBw

>>44624902
Why would it be used as a BBEG? Its all about freedom and fun.

>>44615665
Donald Trump's hair.

>>44625342
It is said those who don the Trump's ceremonial headpiece inherit his will.

Young Tobias foolishly put it on his head last year on a dare from his friends. He was found three weeks later at the border between our tribe's grazing lands and the neighboring tribe's, building a wall of cobblestone.

He was completely nude, and covered in orange paint.

>>44622173
Derek?

>>44626596
Countess Bootchie Flagrante

>>44622781
>none of the myriad of terrible social media
>myspace
>4chan still sophisticated instead of being filled with the backwash from reddit, tumblr, etc
>deviantART is even relevant
>youtube is still filled with vitriol spouting assholes in the comment section

2008 was a weird time.

a surviving fragment of the Mona Lisa, which happened to be the smile.

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4chan, of course.

>>44615795
There's something to be said for the classics, dude.

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The piñata. It trains us to protect ourselves, even in the dark. It's bright colors represent the promise of a brighter future, and it sacrifices itself so that we may be nourished by food that does not spoil.

Fire lances. Legendary weapons wielded by kings of old, crafted by evil wizards, unholy to behold.