Tales from /tg/

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>>37945793
that's pretty awesome. One second, I got a cap here.

In return, anybody got WoD paladins?

any CoC stories?

Anybody got the Berrypocslypse one?

anyone got Mr Bombardini Rides Again?

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one hundred million feels

Anyone have the one with the guy secretly playing an Alpha Legionnaire in a Deathwatch game, and winning so hard he breaks the scale?

>>37945793
Don't have the cap but I've got the thing copy pasta'd to a word doc.

In ages past we looked above and gazed upon the stars,
And wondered if a man could live on Luna or on Mars
Today men fly that starry night and bless’d are we who know
The hallowed names and faces of the men who made it so.

[Yuri] might not be, some say, the first into the Black,
But none deny the truth that he’s [The First] to make it back.
We look to good old Yuri as the patron of our race,
Humanity’s protector in this vast and outer space.

[Neil] knew it was his duty to use NASA’s mighty boon,
And take [The Giant] leap on man’s behalf up to the Moon.
Now colonists and settlers look to Neil for peace of mind,
On having made the choice to leave their home world far behind.

[Buzz] was a mighty pilot and just may have been the best,
But more, he was [The Dreamer] seeing far beyond the rest.
With name dear to the hearts of anyone who’s grabbed the helm,
We thank Buzz for the future he foresaw our starry realm.

[Michael] chose himself a role that most men could not take,
Crewed his command module [Loner] for Eleven’s mission’s sake.
When a ‘farer’s flying solo and his ship is far from home,
He can trust that Michael’s with him and he’s never quite alone.

[John] may have never gone to space but hallowed is his name,
Without his [Steely Eye] Apollo would’ve died in flames.
His brilliant troubleshooting saved Man’s place among the stars,
Now ‘farers pray to Johnny as our helpful friend afar.

[Jim] took the role of captain on Thirteen’s unlucky flight,
And without him as [The Leader] they’d been lost unto the night.
We oft think of Jim’s example when we’re facing matters grave,
For he taught us: to be calm, to be resourceful, to be brave.

>>37946402

[Georgi, Vladislav and Vicktor] earned their solemn, holy place,
And will always be [Remembered] as the first to die in space.
When our fellows go to join them, they would tell us not to cry,
But to drink a shot and know they’re in that bright and starry sky.

[Laika] was a mongrel, who had more than shown her worth,
As [The Loyal] friend of man who proved that we could leave the Earth.
Now the shipboard pets and critters that we choose to share our days,
Are all guarded and protected under Laika’s watchful gaze.

Whenever we break atmosphere, we call out to two more
And beg their benediction on that vast dark ocean’s shore
Whose crews did burn like novae where the Earth’s blue fades to black
To [Challenger] when setting out, [Columbia] when back.

We lift a glass to those who laid our path into the sky
A solemn prayer in thanks before into the black we fly
We ask you to watch over us wherever we are sent
And offer up our voices in ‘Farer’s Sacrament.

Still trying to track down the story about a dragon getting a husband as part of her hoard, but falling in love and being unwilling to consume him as part of the ritual to ascend to godhood.

>>Be at home with the day off.
>>Got some minis I've been meaning to get around to finishing.
>>Painting in the nude because fuck you.
>>Focusing on the highlighting of fiddly bits, go to move the mini in my hand.
>>Fumble.
>>Mini falls.
>>Crit. fail my reaction response and go to slam my legs shut to catch the falling mini.
>>Mini is caught.
>>Caught between my thigh and my testicles.
>>Stinging, screaming pain shoots up my body.
>>All I see is white.
>>Pain is all I know.
>>Taking deep, gasping breaths. Feel like the energy is leaking out of my body. Can't think straight.
>>Somehow manage to regain enough breath to throw on some clothes.
>>Crawl facefirst across tiles to my mobile.
>>Call ambulance.
>>One burst testicle later, I still haven't finished painting that fucking mini.

>>37947692

Jesus.

>>37947692
>cooking bacon in the nude because fuck you
That's what you get, a lapfull of natural consequences.

Anyone else curious which soldier halfway castrated this anon?

>>37948142

There is nothing natural about this scenario.

But I'm betting on something Chaos. Bitches are all up in spikes.

>>37947692
Remember to always thin your spermcount

>>37948197

Not funny. Clearly Anon was white-washing his mini.

Anyone got the party of three barbarians and the dwarf who accidentally stumble upon the summoning of an elder god

>>37950285
Is it the one where they throw two BoHs together to stop it?

It was because they entirely ignored the GM's plot and just were a bunch of barbarians missing all the clues the people they were killing were part of a cult?

>>37950686
Yes, it's my favorite

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>>37946239

>>37951337
There needs to be more of this

>>37951571
Tell me about it. The first time I read this, I was blown away.

>>37945793

I have a story from a previous thread, someone asked for it but then I guess left the thread. Going to repeat it here.


>Playing this homebrew system, one guy of 5
>Fantasy, and kind of neat, it has this kind of twin vulnerability build thing: Magic users are very hard to hurt magically, but quite vulnerable to just being stabbed. The kind of reverse is true for fightery types. Combat's pretty deadly, but a lot of it involves getting that first swing/shot off
>Me and one other guy are new, 3 guys who have played with GM before.
>Adventuring around, pretty standard go to monster lair kill dat shit take gold.
>Suspect it was mostly to get a bit of system mastery for me and the other rookie.
>After a while adventuring, we get a letter delivered to us when we're stopping in town for rest and recuperation and stuff.
>Our de facto party leader had a brother, who as I mentioned before, was an apprentice to a really powerful magic user.
>Letter says that his teacher's embarking on this really risky and dangerous venture, and he doesn't think that the two of them can handle it.
>His boss is proud though, and doesn't want help.
>Begs us to come over to the guy's tower, "just to visit", and then if we happen to offer our help, out of a sense of family loyalty from that particular char, and the rest of us wanting to help him, well, he probably wouldn't say no then.
>Make a trek down to where the wizard's tower is.
>Arthus is not near the local town where he said he'd be if we came on down.
>No matter, we'll just go a few miles to the tower itself and pay our respects.
>All the doors are locked
>Way out of our league to force open, either physically or magically.
>All attempts to communicate inside fail.
>Head back to town
>Find out that one particular person who lives in the area sometimes makes deliveries to the tower

cont

>>37952543

>Head over to his farm
>He's missing and probably dead, bloodstains everywhere.
>Track the bloodstains
>Find what's left of him in the cookpot of some weird demi-humans that none of us can recognize.
>Still, he has a medallion which gets us inside
>After a few hours exploring, we find no sign of either of them, or anyone else. Pretty much the only things still working are a few magical contraptions that are set to run automatically.
>There's a teleporter on the 5th floor.
>We have nothing near the capability to actually work on it, to change its destinations or the like, but we can figure out more or less how to operate it. You plug in certain gemstones to the thing, apply some magical power, and it opens the portal.
>There's ruby shards on the floor, making it pretty obvious what was used last. Unclear why there are pieces though, the gems are only supposed to shatter in a catastrophic failure.
>Go scouring the countryside for some rubies of acceptable purity, eventually find two.
>Put them in the receptacles.
>Teleporter opens up.
>Head to god knows where.
>Find the bloody scene of a massacre. It was a library at one point, but the bookshelves aren't so much bare as they are blown up. Two dead (and rather decaying) bodies, one of NPCbro's teacher, another of a guy we don't recognize who had his head cut off. Blood everywhere.
>Find a few more teleporter grade gems
>Start using them to explore where we can go with the teleporter, but back in the valley we're in, things are getting progressively weirder and more dangerous. What was once a sleepy little hamlet and its surrounding farms are being hit with supernatural occurrences, wargs appearing where they hadn't been seen in centuries, a bridge troll just appearing one day, scarecrows coming to life and attacking people.

cont

>>37952543
>>37952569


>People fleeing the area, calling for help from the country's army, but who knows when it'll get there.
>A lot of trying to find out more at the same time doing what we can to keep a lid on things.
>Eventually find out that old teacher archmage had been in possession of one of those uber-swords that crop up in fantasy from time to time, a !not Stormbringer.
>He was powerful enough to keep his will intact when using it, which puts him in maybe one of 5 people on the planet who could pull that off.
>But, he got killed in the fight.
>As far as we can reconstruct, after that happened, NPCbro picked up the sword, and continued fighting on.
>Powerful enough to still be dangerous, but he didn't have the kind of willpower to keep himself together.
>Came back, via an unclear method, started terrorizing the neighborhood, and puts the PC he's connected to through some mental warfare including an elaborate dream sequence that was done in a separate 1v1 play session.
>Only find out about this in the next group session, when he pulls out a glowy mass of stuff that he got from the dream and forged it with his thoughts to make a sword he was going to kill his brother with.
>Eventually track NPCbrother down to his lair, kill him, and collapse the cave on top of the death sword. Lose 3 people in that final fight, although we later get them ressurected.
>Go back to the PC's home that started all of this and make a very, very awkward apology/informing of what happened to his parents.

>>37946210
I fucking cried.

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>>37945857

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The Baker's Dozen.

>>37952603

You told this story before.

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>>37945793
Huh, and here I thought it would turn out to be some kind of darth vader deal

>>37956013
me too

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Some newish stuff.

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>>37961202
NOW THIS IS THE KIND OF QUEST I WOULD LOVE TO BE PART OF!

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From a recent that DM thread

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>>37961631
Part two

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>>37961665
Part Three

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>>37961703
Part Four

what's that one about the masturbating hobbit who fathers a dragon?

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>>37961724
And the end

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>>37961745
Looks like...he

Dident know

>>37961787
hahaha
Very Nice Anon
They Figure out by the end though

>>37961202
>implying anyone would actually sit there for three hours just rolling a d20 to see if they explode

>>37961730
bumping for this, I can't remember much about the story but I do remember a wizard apparates a shirt inside a guy

>>37958169
I need this. I need this in my life.

Maybe I could add some Toriko flavoring in and call it a setting.

Is the thread still alive?

>>37964428

Sure it is. What kind of story do you want?

>>37964482
Had a non-capped CoC story about a favorite character of mine, but wasn't sure if original content was accepted.

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>>37964516

We always want OC. There's even some upthread.

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I hope this is the right file.

>>37964516
Please, share.

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>>37965487
>>37964634

I have a couple of stories floating around /tg/ at this point, most about D&D with my amazing DM, but what people don't know about him is just how dark he can get.

Take our Call of Cthulhu campaign.

See, we got a little bit uppity and may have over stepped our bounds, which put the DM, or GM in this case, into maximum passive-aggressive mode. In 3 sessions, a group of 4 of players lost no less than two dozen characters. And they went out brutally.

Some caught fire, some lost their minds and went rambling into the night, and more than a couple shot themselves after taking out an ally or semi-important NPC. Needless to say, we had lost a lot of hope for playing a full campaign with a single character.

And then I created Bonzy, the sad clown.

Bonzy was my way of trying to apologize to the GM, a way to appease him if you will.
After all, what better way to show heartbreak than with a symbol of joy and fun shattered into a broken and unloved shell?

Bonzy dressed simply. He wore very little makeup, a small red nose, had dark hair, and his clown uniform was covered with an old, worn trench-coat that was not as bad-ass as it implied. He had a slight drinking problem, but managed to maintain sobriety without withdrawal, and never seemed to crack a smile.

>>37965614

He met the other players by chance, having missed his bus and decided to bum it in the town for a few days because hell, it's not like he really had anywhere to be after all. The first character to find me thought I was a traveling clown, and tried to strike up a chat about his chosen career.

“Hey, Bonzy, know any good jokes?”
“... Why did little Suzy fall of the swings?”
“I don't know, why?”
“Because little Suzy lost her arms to cancer years ago.”
Bonzy sighed, slowly reached up, and honked his nose.

The table was dead quiet, save for the player I just spoke to. He wore a priceless expression of “sweet god you're serious” and quietly giggled.

“Do, uh, you know any others?”
“Knock knock.”
“Who's there?”
“Not Suzy.”
*Honk*

The game proceeded rather organically from there, with the occasional interjection from Bonzy on why the town was fucked up and we should leave. When they encountered a librarian who just so 'happened' to be the local cult leader, Bonzy was the first to know. After all, who else would know when someone was faking anything?

>>37965631
The trap we set was simple, but if anyone here has played Call of Cthulhu, then you know simple doesn't mean jack. We entered the library, two of us moving to the roof, the third sneaking behind the building. Leading the charge? The only one who didn't care what happened; Bonzy.
The sad clown ever so quietly knocked on the door, watching the librarian fish for his keys as rain gently drizzled in the night outside the windows. Bonzy entered, took off his coat, and draped it over his arm with only a few words of greetings.

As we talked, our third guy suddenly found himself at the business end of a shotgun, and as if he was a machine, pulled out another character sheet and started generating a new character. The other two were just as unlucky, knocked down and grappled by other cultists who were on the stairwell. Everyone was already pulling out sheets, muttering how they made a mistake and were going to do better next time.

But they forgot Bonzy.
After all, nobody cares about Bonzy.

The librarian, still unaware of the ruse, pretends to act nice, talking about the books and how he hopes that the fire was going to be enough to dry off. And then, Bonzy hearing the clattering, decides to act. The librarian also decides to ask the obvious question of Bonzy.

“So, since you're a clown, I'm sure you know plenty of jokes. Got any about books?”
“Sure. What did the one book say to the other?”
“What?”
“I was just checking to see if we were on the same page.”
*HONK*
*BLAM*

>>37965647
Bonzy fired the revolver he was hiding under his coat, spreading the librarians brains over the bookshelves directly behind him. This of course alerted the cultists to the sad clown below, and the one behind the building decided to investigate, leaving the tied up player beaten, but alive.

The cultist rounds the corner, pulling out his gun and trying to spot something in the library. He never saw Bonzy behind him with the law book.

Ten hits over the head later, Bonzy wipes the blood off his face and examines his work.
“Guess I threw the book at you.”
*HONK*

The other three cultists on the room, send two of their own to investigate, which were promptly disposed of by the sad clown lurking in the shadows with the gun and a collected works of Shakesphere.
“Not to be, I guess.”
*HONK*

After freeing his allies and finding a map of the area, Bonzy turned to his group, and stated flatly
“I'll be in the car. Reading in the dark is bad for your eyes.”
*HONK*

The campaign continued without much happening for awhile, losing only one member in the span of a month of game time, which we thought spoke highly of our redeemed status, but I wouldn't stop yet. I wanted to ensure our GM wasn't going to kill us in the middle of the night. Bonzy remained just as sad, and it served him well when they met the second group of cultists.

I have a story about a time my PCs played beach volleyball against Slaanesh. But I only really want to commit it to paper if someone wants to listen.

>>37965722
It began when my PCs salvaged the Light of Terra (from the Edge of the Abyss campaign) and decided to leverage the profit factor to purchase an exterior biodome that contained a beach and small ocean.

To celebrate, my party started playing beach volleyball using Agility and BS rolls and eventually they decided to host the Calixus Open. [1/?]

>>37945793
Somebody please screencap this awesome shit

>https://archive.moe/tg/thread/34151078/#q34151078

>>37965656
go on

>>37965813
So they did, and after defeating Calligos Winterscale in an epic match they took home the trophy. Word quickly spread and the turnout was even bigger the next time.

After a hilarious match against two psykers that ended when one of them tore a hole in reality after invoking perils of the warp, the players moved on to face the final match against a relatively unknown team...

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>>37965869
As you ask.

>>37965656
The location was an abandoned funeral home. Apparently, the cult was of an eldritch god who was most powerful with the dead. No big surprise, seeing as everyone up to this point had connections with some dead family member from years ago. We pull the car around the back, two sneak in the vent, and two (Bonzy) sneak in the back door. We knock out two guards and tie them up with a stretchy rubber chicken, then make our way deeper into the building. First room we find with a cult? The morgue.

The cultist tosses a knife, landing in Bonzy's ally shoulder. Bonzy pulls out a gun and fires off two into the cultists chest, killing him and blowing their cover. Bonzy wastes no times in preparing his next plan. He pulls out the knife and stifles the wound (Having been a performer, he had dealt with knife wounds before), and told him to wait by the door with a gun while Bonzy waddled into the shadows to meet up with the rest of the group. He spotted a cultist in the hall, but managed to hide long enough to sneak behind him as the cultist passed.

Bonzy raised the knife to his throat, and quietly slit it before he could alert the others.
“Guess that was a close shave.”
*HONK*

The other upstairs cleared the rest out, and helped Bonzy lug the wounded character back to the car, but not before they saw another group of cultists preparing for something nasty in the wings of the funeral home, so Bonzy opts to investigate, with a friend of course. Bonzy was sad, not stupid.

>>37965933
What happens next is probably best described by an excerpt from my notes:

Cato's voice comes over the loudspeaker.

“Attention everyone, I've jest been informed there has been a change in the line-up. The next team to challenge Black Meat will be...uh...I hope I'm pronouncing this right,

Whatever Cato says next isn't speech it's...something else. For a brief moment, it feels as if all reality quakes, and just as quickly it passes.

In the aftermath of the shudder, you notice some people behaving strangely. Some are scratching their skin deeply with their nails until they draw blood, others are kissing each other furiously while still others appear to be orgasming uncontrollably.

“Bravo! Not even a stutter. Few can accomplish such a feat on their first try.” a lilting voice says from the crowd, which parts to reveal what is possibly the most beautiful woman you have ever seen in your life, dressed in a barely-there bikini swimsuit. Accompanying her is a small coterie of Aphrodites and Adonises, also scantily dressed, some pawing at each other suggestively, others singing in crystal clear voices, others passing out drink, food and drugs that those receiving partake of without hesitation.

(One of them asks who she is)
Oh, I have many names, most of them having the delightful aftereffects you witnessed just now. In your monkey speech I have come be known as The Prince of Pleasure, She Who Thirsts, or simply, Slannesh.

>>37945793
Anybody saved that thread with Rex Steele?

>>37966001
Investigating paid off, and Bonzy and the friend uncover the cultists attempting a ritual to summon their dead god. The character says with a few minutes, he can put a bomb together, but it looks like it'll take more time. So, Bonzy volunteers.

Imagine the cultists surprise when this rather depressed looking clown waddles out from the shadows, holding a little flower and a deck of cards. It was time for the routine.
“What did the dead god say to the humorless cultists?”
“...”
“Is it dead in here or what?”
*HONK*

“Who are you, clown?”
“Please, call me Bonzy. Clown was my father.”
*HONK*

The cultists mutter a hushed debate about how to kill Bonzy, who was taking this time to turn the flower into a napkin, and then pulling it out of his sleeve. One cultist got closer, and Bonzy offered him a hand of cards.

“Pick a card, any card.”
The cultist reached for a card-
“Not that one.”
The cultist stopped, and reached for another-
“Not that one either!”
Finally, the cultist grabs his card, studies it, and offers it to Bonzy
“Why are you giving it back?”
“Because you're going to make it disappear.”
“And waste a perfectly good playing card?”
*HONK*

>>37966027
The cultists finally run out of humor and pull out knives to sacrifice the sad clown before them to their dead god. Lucky Bonzy, the friend finishes the bomb just in time, which he tosses to Bonzy. The clown lifts it up as the timer counts down. The cultists back up, waiting for a pun from the strange clown.

“No clever words this time?”
“... Not really.”
“Are you out of jokes?”
“No, I just want to go out with a bang.”
*HONK*

After we high tailed it out of there, the group managed to save the player with the knife wound, and Bonzy survived with only minor injuries and a scar on his upper arm from a brazing bullet. Dozens of puns, sad clown routines, and close shaves later, we decoded the last clue from the books, and we had it. The final showdown spot where everything must come to an end. And I think somewhere, we all knew Bonzy was tired of being sad all the time.

Bonzy was going to finally have his peace.

>>37966011
>cont.
(They ask why she's here)
“To play, of course!” She claps her hands twice and four of her coterie bring a large tree stump forward while four others ready fiddles. As they begin to play a bouncy tune, Slannesh alights on the stump with the grace of the finest dancer. She clears her throat.

“Now boys, let me tell you what!” she begins. “I'll be you didn't know that I'm a volleyball player too, and if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. Now, you play a pretty good volleyball game, but give this demon it's due; I'll bet a party untold against your souls 'cause I think I'm better than you.”

She looks at you expectantly.

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>>37966036
A graveyard, hundreds of years old, and plenty creepy, was full of cultists that seemed armed to the teeth with daggers and strange magic. We had found a way to hoard the weapons from the police station, and entered the fray like a 4 man army right out of the pulp fiction books. We left nothing in our wake, and cleverly averted disaster after disaster. Bonzy took a couple of hits, but he was already sad, so it wasn't like anyone noticed. When we reached the last, inner circle of the cult, we took a small vote about who would take point, and the most dangerous position, on our last mission. Bonzy doesn't even finish listening, instead waddling out onto the dark grass and honking his nose with the deepest frown on his face.

The cultists debate killing me, but the leader lets Bonzy draw closer. I think it was out of curiosity rather than an ingenious plan, but whatever drove him allowed Bonzy to draw within punching distance

>>37966378
There were no words, no puns, only the cold stares of two men in the dark, surrouned by ancient chanting and dark magic that warps the very flesh of any who touch it. Then Bonzy pulls out a long balloon (which I mimicked, having practiced this for a week in advance).

“You know what I hate most about being a clown?” Bonzy asked after inflating the balloon.
“It's the assumption that I'm going to he happy, and smiling, and always ready with a joke. Everyone sees a clown and suddenly, they can't be unhappy. At least, not really unhappy. How can someone with a lifetime of jokes and puns ever be sad? Shouldn't they be smiling and laughing and carrying around rubber chickens all the time?”

Bonzy shows the balloon to the cultist, revealing a puppy. I offered the real one to my GM.

“But we can be sad. In fact, I think we HAVE to be sad. People want to be happy so much, they'll ignore everyone around them to keep their illusion of happiness. I accept that. After all, I'm Bonzy. My job is to be unhappy so everyone else can be happy, and smile, and laugh. That's what clowns do, we make people happy.”

Bonzy reaches into his sleeve, and pulls out the only picture on his persons. A little girl with a young, smiling Bonzy.

“I wanted Suzy to be happy.”

>>37966393
Bonzy reveals a grenade in his other hand, just underneath the balloon animal. As the cultist pulls away, he realizes he's too late to notice the grenade pin attached to the bottom loop on the feet of the balloon puppy. As it clings, the cultist drops the balloon and shouts for everyone to back up. Bonzy smiles as the rest of the team clears out the inner circle, leaving the leader and Bonzy near the center. As he's about to leave, Bonzy grabs the man's wrist and slides on a trick cuff.

The leader looks down at his wrist, and then back up to Bonzy, who is honest to god smiling as the eldritch monster begins to manifest in the mortal world. Bonzy picks up the animal, holds it up, and grins gently as the eldritch god begins to take form.

“That's all, folks.”
*HONK*

The rest of the group looked for hours through the bloody, mangled mess of the god and cultists for anything of Bonzy, but they found nothing. Were it not for Bonzy blowing up the heart of the monster as it arrived, the undead god would have fully formed and taken the world with plagues of undeath and decay, but now it lay broken and would need to reform over eons in the cold reaches of space.

>>37966036
Strangely, I actually knew a clown who dressed like Bonzy. Not as depressed, but we had intelligent discussions and he taught me how to make a balloon animal. Fine by me, met him at my uncle's wedding reception as a 12 year old, I wasn't interested in the actual party.

Name was Bill. Cool guy.

Anyway, this is awesome. Bonzy might have to be added to a game of mine sometime... with your permission.

>>37966022
No, it's not interesting enough as a screencap.

Just as a legend.

>>37966401
The party did manage to find something of Bonzy, finding a lone, old photo of a smiling clown and a little girl.

They took the photo had a few words on the back, and the GM read them in a quiet voice.

“To Bonzy. Thank you for always making her happy. Suzy thanks you.”

They left the photo on a small gravemarker in the towns newer graveyard, and they decided to leave town. Before they left, one produced a rubber nose from his pocket and tied it to the grave.
And like that, they left Bonzy, not the sad clown.
The clown that was sad so everyone else could be happy.

>>37966415
Eh. Weak ending.

>>37966408
You have my blessing, anon.
Bonzy was made to make people happy, who am I to deny him that right?

>>37966415
thanks, I liked it

>>37962592
I think there were a couple more posts in that thread about a new plot line fighting the fast food industry and talks about an oriental circuit of chefs.

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I played in this, albeit not a major part.

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>>37966555

>>37945793
So it was the paladin that was evil? Not the boy? Who was cleric?

>>37966846
Paladin was the boy from the future.

>>37966846
for the love-

THE BOY. WAS NEVER. EVIL.

The paladin's patron saint/ god was TESTING the paladin to see if he would strike out without ever questioning the pinged evil.

The entire time, the paladin was trying to reform what he thought was possibly evil, which is what good is. Good forgives, it has mercy on those who don't know what they've done wrong, and it helps people.

Good is not just running around going 'SMITE EVIL' when it's literally just called evil. The paladin went above and beyond by taking the time to train the kid, teach him the ways of good, and never assumed that just because something told him he was evil he was naturally evil.

The cleric at the end is the god essentially patting the paladin on the back for not just smiting but instead looking into the boy and seeing the potential for good, and spreading peace and order by not giving into the ridiculous mindset so many players seem to associate with paladins.

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>>37966904
This guy, right here, gets it, as the kids say.

>>37966904
Somebody screen cap this guy and his quoted post below the op's screen cap. Or make a part two or something. Not everyone is this dense but it bears spelling it out clearly for all the badadins out there.

>>37966904
Basically this. Detect Evil is a attention sign and not your private little moral compass.

>>37966904
I had i similar thought but here is how it went:
-Boy has some evil blood in him (deamon or some shit) but seeing that he is a child this dose not have perma effect on him
-Cleric is like "something fucked up in here but lets not be rash"
-After a few years and the one ritual the evil aligment is still up
- Cleric is like "fuck that shit, im no palladin to smite his ass for nothing, lets take him under my wing if he wants to be a holy man"
-When the kid takes his oath some randome holy man (or indeed his god) is like "you dun good holy dude, you dun good"

and the moral is: dont smite like a dick, think or you basterd cause aligment charts are shit

>>37967882
The cleric straight up tells him that he was tested.

>>37966904
Not according to Gygax.

I read an article someone had quoted him in, and he says outright that mercy is something Neutral Good does, not Lawful Good.

>>37970063
Gygax was a fucking idiot.

>>37970124
Gygax was the co-creator of the idea of the paladin you're all arguing over. I'd say not.

>>37970579
A good idea isn't a trump card against being a retard

>>37970063
>>37970579
Gygax isn't infallible and alignment is straight up retarded.

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>>37961202

>>37946210
Thanks anon... that was amazing.

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1/3

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>>37975164
2/3

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>>37975194
3/3
If anyone could post Los Tiburon I'd greatly appreciate it. I lost my entire screencaps library with my old computer, and am just beginning to build back up.

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And now, for something completely different.
1/2

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>>37975239
2/2.
Captcha: meckno street
Orks cannot into civil engineering.

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>>37962539
>>37961730
You could only be talking about one Halfling

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>>37975210
There's a story I see all too often.

The lost hard drive bit I mean.

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>>37975464
Pretty sure I have one more relating to him.

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>>37975497

>>37975521
Dank u based anon.
I'm kinda upsetti, too. I had caps from all the other boards, and a whole "DIY Dakka" folder (Complete with Anorkist's Kookbook) on there too.
As well as caps from other boards (that have long since gone to shit.)

>>37958041
I'd stat it up- if it's not already.
If it is, where is it?
If it isn't- Who's with me?

>>37946210
thanks for making me cry

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Captcha: Spite Tupyac
TUPYAC ALIVE IN GREYHAWK

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A classic one.

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Crazy knife-ear bitches.

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>>37966994
Shoddy job, but here you go

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I got a bunch, might as well contribute.

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>>37976530
Screencapped this one myself while I was at work.

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>>37976558

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>>37976590

>>37976001
That guy had at least two other stories in that thread that were just as awesome. One of these days I'll get around to finding the thread on archive.moe and screencapping them as well.

Also, good to see that someone posted Ark of Andrassia. That shit's awesome.

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>>37976680

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>>37976705

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>>37976716

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I have never felt more need to avenge an NPC than this.

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>>37976735

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>>37976769

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>>37976784

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>>37976797

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>>37976819

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>>37976835

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>>37976869

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>>37976887

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>>37977098

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>>37977131

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>>37977159

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>>37977179
This is a good one.

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>>37977199

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>>37976784
I hadn't seen that one before, I like it and it remind me of this.

>>37960720
As well
Holy shit i didn't cry so much not even in heavy baw/feels thread

Seriously does anyone have a cap of the story about the dragon needing to eat her lover as part of her hoard for the ritual of ascension, but putting it off until the last moment?

I forgot to save it in the thread but I know somebody has it.

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>>37947692
Saved forever.

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>>37977889
I laughed.
I don't care who this anon is, I'm not apologizing.

>>37946416
I think I've found my starship pilot's new religion.

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>>37977222

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>>37978114

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>>37978152

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Someone had to post this. Might as well be me.

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>>37978176

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>>37978200

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>>37978223

anybody have that one where the DM was drunk and tried to make his players stop fucking around and do something to advance the story by making a loli brothel and then having them just roll with it

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>>37978185
Oh we're doing old shit that never happened, but gets posted every thread now?

Well Los Tiberon is already up but I guess there's still room for Henderson, Shoggy, and the guardsmen party. Someone get on that, can't have a thread like this without those turds bobbing around.

Pic is unrelated.

>>37978322
It's up here >>37976835

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>>37978284

>>37978384
thanks anon

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>>37978413

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>>37978531

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Fresh OC from a week or so back

>>37978363
Don't forget Edgardo

>>37946210
And here I was expecting this to end with a Reincarnate. Ah well, probably not 3.5.

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>>37978552

>>37978630
Right here, buddy.

>>37978363
>Never happened

I'm sorry you're so egotistical that cool things only happen in your campaign. Must be a shitty way to live.

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>>37978363

Thppppppppppppppppppppppt

Just to spite you.

Trying to find a screen I once saw, of a bard utterly failing to woo so monster girls by paddling a boat that was on dry earth. Anyone got it?

>>37966415
Capped. Will post next time i see one of these threads.

>>37979492
Oh, man, I know the one. He just scrapes his way over to some mermaids or something and comes out with a completely serious "Lllllllaaaaaaaadies."

I wish I had that one.

>>37970124
Violating a Good and just Law deserves punishment. That's Lawful Good.
When you show mercy and do not exact punishment in accordance with the law even if you're certain it's been violated, that's Neutral Good. Don't like it? Don't play a paladin, numb nuts.

>>37958169
This is absolutely incredible. I saw the first three, but I had no idea there was a full 13.

>>37980234

That's the one. Never seen it been reposted and never been able to find it myself.

>>37980240
No. Do NOT start this.

Do NOT make the mistake of assuming Lawful Good can only fight for the Law. They are not bound to law. They are bound to the idea of BENEVOLENT ORDER.

Saying they must follow the law is a weak justification for stupid shit. Sometimes, the law is WRONG. Horribly, pathetically wrong. But the Paladin serves a higher purpose.

DIVINE LAW. Benevolent Order, the idea that there is a system created by higher beings who exist to spread peace and justice to the cosmos and beyond. If a Paladin can stand back from a situation and honest to his god say he was acting in the best interests of good and order, then he has done his job.

Humans can make anything a law, but that doesn't make it right. If a Paladin was only bound by lawful decisions, then they're only a step away from lawful Evil.

But a true Paladin knows that there is an inherent difference in Lawful Good and Lawful Evil, and that is the type of order they chose to follow.

If a Paladin refuses to follow a law that is inherently flawed or lets someone get away with a terrible crime because of it's logic, that is not an excuse for the god, or a decent DM, to force him to fall. If anything, it should bolster his favor, as he's fighting to right the wrongs that order is there to serve.

Paladins don't have to follow Lawful Good.
But they must follow Divine Justice, to make the world a better, and ordered, place.

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>>37946402
>>37946416
Love this fucking song.

>>37980240

Who says a Paladin has to follow Mortal Law?

>>37980795
This needs to be screencapped

>>37980753
Did I say a chaotic act should make a paladin fall? Of course fucking not. Only an evil act can do that. All I'm saying is that Mercy as a concept is not awful Good, it's Neutral Good.
If you plan on "forgiving" or reducing the sentence of every sick and twisted psychopath you come across, never play a paladin.

>>37980811
Mortal Law, in a benevolent, religious society, will be Divinely inspired.

>>37980900

It is still Mortal Law and inherently inferior to Divine Law.

>>37980938
The gods would decree the Law through their clerics. That's what clerics are for. It's therefore Divine unless mortals fuck around with it.

>>37981005

If we're assuming that, then the Mortal Law is likely a direct copy of Divine Law and should thereby be forgiving.

Of course, We're assuming that this is a benevolent and religious society.

For all we know, it's not religious at all and the laws can be twisted to do evil as well as good.

In both situations, the Paladin still only follows Divine Law.

>>37958323
I REMEMBER THAT THREAD! God, what an awesome story.

>>37980900
MERCY is as Lawful Good as you can get.
And there is an inherent difference between mercy and being a pacifist.
Mercy is showing someone that you expect them to become something better, that you showed them kindness with the assumption that they learn something from your act of forgiveness and will inherently become a better person. But you're right. There are people beyond forgiveness. People beyond the act of a merciful god. And you know what? those people are protected by the same law that their victims thought would protect them. How do you explain to an innocent widow that 'yes we caught the bad guy who immolated your husband, but he gave us information so now we can't touch him'.
That's the law, but it is FAR from justice.
The Paladin should never compromise. Never for evil. Divine Justice is law, not what a dusty tome tells people.
Mercy is a divine gift for Paladins to bestow upon those judged worthy of a second chance.
It is not for mortals to twist to their own needs.

If you can't understand the true need for Mercy in an ordered world, then you are not Lawful Good. You are Lawful Stupid.

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>>37980330
>>37980234

Here you go, but I couldn't find the cap without the other random stories thrown in.

Original Thread if you want to make one yourself.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16389889/#16390938

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>>37981271

>>37981271

You're the people's champion.

>>37981226
>MERCY is as Lawful Good as you can get.
...No, it's not.
Mercy implies the standard punishment for a crime should not apply to a specific person. If the law is unjust and should be changed, then subverting the law and levying a lesser or nonexistent punishment should henceforth be the standard for those that come after.
> that you showed them kindness with the assumption that they learn something from your act of forgiveness and will inherently become a better person.
Or they'll just do it again. Is Gotham's justice system "Lawful Good" even though it's too incompetent to put the Joker's mass-murdering ass down for good? No. That's Stupid Good exactly.
>'yes we caught the bad guy who immolated your husband, but he gave us information so now we can't touch him'
When a paladin acts like a policeman, haggling punishment in exchange for info, it's reserved only for Neutral-aligned criminals who have the potential to repent and ALWAYS for the purpose of bagging a even worse criminal. Evil criminals deserve only just punishment. Nothing more, nothing less.
>If you can't understand the true need for Mercy in an ordered world, then you are not Lawful Good. You are Lawful Stupid.
Mercy should never be freely given. Being blind to the reality of Evil does not make you Good in any meaningful sense. You only allow the perpetuation of Evil.

>>37981549

It depends on the Paladin and Religion in question.

If Divine Law states that you should show Mercy and restraint, then Cleaving and Smiting would be against the tenets of the Paladin's faith and vice-versa.

>>37981727
If mercy and restraint, even in the face of evil, is the goal of your god, they wouldn't employ paladins in the first place.
Paladins are not clerics. Paladins are the swords of Good on the planet. They are not missionaries. They are the answer to an encroachment of Evil, and their goal is to eradicate it.

>>37981764

Once again, depends on the faith.

Some Paladins cleave and smite, seeking only to eradicate Evil in order to keep it from hurting Good.

Other Paladins redeem, seeking to abolish evil at its source while protecting that which is good.

Both are valid interpretations and both have their problems. But that doesn't mean that either one of them is bad.

>>37981836
Once again, play a cleric.

>>37981860

You sound like a terrible person to play with if you're this inflexible.

>>37981889
You sound like you'd make a terrible paladin.
Play a Neutral Good cleric if you really believe the succubus when she tells you she wants to convert to Good.

>>37981764
>>37981549
>>37981976

Mercy implies that sometimes decent people make stupid, bad choices, and deserve to learn from their mistakes. To deny them the right o a second chance is to become as evil as those you fight.

But there are those beyond redemption. Like the criminals James Holmes and the Chuck E CHeese killer, who are guilty, have been found guilty, have no ties to any 'bigger criminals', and yet sit waiting on death row with no foreseeable execution in sight. This is NOT some petty criminal, these are monsters, and yet the law protects them more than their victims. Where is the Justice in that? Is that what you call lawful good?

And Mercy is a basic fucking tenent of Bahamut, so it's not like it's some mortal invention to pussy out of killing someone. It PREVENTS evil, by showing others that Good, Divine Justice wants to offer you a chance. You take it, become a better person, and everyone is better for it. If you deny someone that simple thing, you are no different than the tyrants you fight. Perhaps nicer looking, but under the surface you both have the same cold, immutable heart that those who want a just society will revolt against.

As the god of Justice admits, he is justice tempered with mercy and punishment with forgiveness. They are linked in a divine order that mortals should not forget exists.

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>>37981976

>Succubus

Yeah, that's not happening. Unless she agrees to be bound with an anti-magic collar and accompanied by a Paladin guard while she somehow atones for her sins.

... I'm not seeing that happening.

Admittedly, I subscribe to the Knights of the Cross methodology.

>>37980317
I was in the thread when it was happening, but I never thought to cap it until 7 months later.

I really do wish there'd be another True Gourmet thread.

>>37982005
>Mercy implies that sometimes decent people make stupid, bad choices, and deserve to learn from their mistakes. To deny them the right o a second chance is to become as evil as those you fight.
You're referring to Neutral-aligned criminals, not Evil ones. Last I checked, paladins don't posses the "Smite Neutral" spell.
>But there are those beyond redemption. Like the criminals James Holmes and the Chuck E CHeese killer, who are guilty, have been found guilty, have no ties to any 'bigger criminals', and yet sit waiting on death row with no foreseeable execution in sight. This is NOT some petty criminal, these are monsters, and yet the law protects them more than their victims. Where is the Justice in that? Is that what you call lawful good?
No. Why would I? And why would a paladin? The reason a paladin has Detect Evil is because it eliminates ambiguity. It allows him to determine who is worthy of a second chance should they claim to be repentant.

>>37982062
How dense are YOU.

In D&D people can be marked with the evil modifier, such as a baby, before they have done anything wrong. If you can stand there and tell me that killing the baby is JUSTICE because of some arbitrary tag.

You stand there and act like I'm the bad guy for saying that I will not blindly follow my zeal, but instead think of my actions and take responsibility for them like a true Lawful Good citizen would do.

The fact is this:
GOOD is not easy. It is NEVER easy. It is the hardest thing you can imagine because by it's very nature, it will require things of you that you can't expect to ask of someone else.

>>37982263
You all missed the point of the fucking story the screen-cap had. The child was not evil, but HERP DERP EVIL DETECTED.
So to answer your argument: No, Detect evil is a tool, and is meant for those who are truly, and observably evil. Use Detect Evil to confirm suspicions, not base your entire fucking way of life on it. The god showed he could mess up the detection as he willed, which meant had the Paladin NOT thought about it and tried to take the high road around it and show mercy, he would have slayed an innocent life.
Zealots are dominated by faith.
Paladins are guided by it.

>>37982371
>In D&D people can be marked with the evil modifier, such as a baby, before they have done anything wrong. If you can stand there and tell me that killing the baby is JUSTICE because of some arbitrary tag.
Demon babies are evil and it's just and Good to kill them, yes.
>GOOD is not easy. It is NEVER easy. It is the hardest thing you can imagine because by it's very nature, it will require things of you that you can't expect to ask of someone else.
That's right. And it's a paladin's job to eliminate Evil.
>You all missed the point of the fucking story the screen-cap had. The child was not evil, but HERP DERP EVIL DETECTED.
When faced with a situation like that, you should pray to your god for guidance. Since the god was the one testing the paladin, and since this situation went against the entire purpose of the Detect Evil spell, of course he was fucking floored by this. He even posited the suggestion that the child may be possessed by an evil entity laying dormant, but how often do you think that actually happens? Not often.
>The god showed he could mess up the detection as he willed, which meant had the Paladin NOT thought about it and tried to take the high road around it and show mercy, he would have slayed an innocent life.
When every sense OTHER than the Detect Evil spell determines the boy to be good, the paladin should know something weird is going on. The Detect Evil spell is just the sixth sense a paladin has in addition to his other five, which are also important for determining whether something is Evil.

>>37982519
I admit one thing, you're stubborn. And that's fine, I won't try to change what you believe, because we're allowed to differ in our beliefs.

I do want to clear something up though, because letting you continue to think this is detrimental to all good out there.

You do not determine what is good. he world around you does. Whatever makes the world an honest to god better place is good in and of itself

The fact remains that yes, the baby story was odd, and yes, it doesn't happen often, but it DID happen.

It is not the norm, it's the exception, but that's the problem. The easy option is to not consider the exceptions, and let them remain just oddities in your campaign of 'good'. OR, you can realize that if you are to create a truly Lawful Good society, and understand that you cannot make decisions based off your limited understanding of how the world works.

If you want to be THAT Paladin, fine. Take your Laws and leave us alone. You obviously don't want to think about what you're doing.

Alright, post the oldest screencap you have

>>37982750
I was with you, right up until
>If you want to be THAT Paladin, fine. Take your Laws and leave us alone. You obviously don't want to think about what you're doing.
Almost as if you didn't listen to a single thing I said.
If you want to be Neutral Good, that's fine, but you're not a paladin. Period.
If Laws are arbitrarily subverted and discarded at your whim just in case a few of them aren't Good, then the laws should be changed so that they produce the most Good. This tempering of Law via the guidance of Good is what Lawful Good is. To them, Law is a tool to guide those lost toward the cause of Good and happiness, and believe that Chaos cannot guide people towards Good, only confuse them.
A paladin is all about bringing about Good using the most Good laws he knows, which are dictated by his god.

I'm not bashing the lesson of the story, the lesson is fine,but if the paladin's god in the story didn't want him to trust Detect Evil to do his goddamn job, he shouldn't give his paladins that power in the first place.

>>37982981
>I'm not bashing the lesson of the story, the lesson is fine,but if the paladin's god in the story didn't want him to trust Detect Evil to do his goddamn job, he shouldn't give his paladins that power in the first place.

THAT. WAS. THE. POINT.

The point was showing the LAWFUL GOOD Paladin that sometimes, the laws are wrong, and to not trust law, but to trust justice and order. If you are seriously saying 'well the god shouldn't have done that' you are placing your own beliefs, and therefore your own laws, above the ones of your god.

That's the definition of Neutral. Not Good.

>>37983365
>give paladin a power
>make it useless

Thanks, god.

>>37983439
>Give Paladin power to HELP him make the world a better place
>Instead of using his own understanding of what's good, only uses power and loses ability to think for himself

Thanks, Champion.

>>37983439
>Give policeman a gun
>teach him how to avoid using it

Such bullshit, if you give cops guns it's obviously because it's the only tool they should ever use to accomplish any task.

>>37975210
Amazing story, I love the King's complex history

>>37958041
I still want this to be a thing.

>>37983859
The paladin's sword is his gun. Detect Evil has no real world analogy.

>>37985884
>Profiling

>>37985884
Someone you respect saying "They're evil" but offering no evidence

>>37985959
Detect Evil not only gives you a reading on whether or not they're Evil, but also the intensity of that Evil.
The power is not a person. It's a tool that, when correctly applied, is the paladin's most valuable asset when determining how he should deal with a defeated foe.

>>37985918
>profiling has a 100% success rate hurr durr look how retarded I am

Hey, I got a couple stories... though they are from my homebrew campaign I run with my friends, and I've only been a GM for about four months, so I dunno if they are /tg/ worthy, but if you guys want I'll post em.

>>37986655
I'm curious if nothing else

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>>37986655
>>37986770

>Players attempting to root out rebels trying to overthrow ruler of local city/state
>Enter tavern suspected of being a base of operations
>May threats, chaos ensues
>Party finds backdoor leading into a cave system, begins to investigate
>Except one

Now, this is where you will need some background. This character, he is the Lawful Good of the party. Always saving the NPCs, found a holy sword that is, slowly but surely, helping him become what amounts to a paladin in the setting. He also, as a player, prefers simple plots. He likes KNOWING who the bad guy is, and kicking that dudes ass. He DIDN'T like the political clusterfuck of a city I had dropped him and the party in. He didn't like not knowing who was right or wrong ect ect
So he stayed back to interrogate some of the rebels in the main part of the tavern while the rest of the party fought their way through the hideout. Now, one thing about the player, two about the character.
1.The player works three jobs, and is constantly tired during games, which may have contributed to what happened next.

1.The character he played was a bipedal, miniature T-rex with humanlike arms, in a world where medieval stasis was enforced by the sword, and anything other then human tended to be genocided off the planet.
2.He rolled more ones then anyone else I have every seen or heard of, ever.

>>37987241
>bipedal, miniature T-rex with humanlike arms
and I am officially in love with this setting

>>37986058
>original point is that detect evil was wrong this time and shouldn't be relied on because it's meant to aid judgement, not replace it, which is an almost perfect metaphor for profiling hurr durr look at me ad hominem because I'm incapable of an intelligent response

>>37987336
>Detect Evil is designed as a spell that fucking detects the presence of evil
>but lol fuck that now it's useless because muh god might just be testing me!

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>>37987241
Continued

>Player pinning rebel down on the floor of the tavern, city guard backing him up, attempting to question the prisoner
>Fails hard, on all his rolls, and isn't coming up with scary enough lines for me to cut him a break
>"So now what are you going to do?"
>"I bite off his hand"
>Party: "wat"
>Me: "wat"
>Player: "I'm doing it!"
>well okay holy shit
>Bites of hand, terrifies everyone in the vicinity
>I roll to see if prisoner gives in
>nat20
>Oh god
>"The prisoner is now screaming and bleedly profusely from his stump"
>"he tells you to go fuck yourself"
>Player realizes he went overboard and got nothing out of it, I see the shame creep into his face
>Player"Well... shit. I tell him I'm sorry and attempt to use my magic to heal and reattach his hand"
>Have him roll DC to see if he succeeds
>He fails, again, but barely
>"You get his hand back on, but you didn't do it properly"
>The prisoner begins freaking the fuck out about how he can't move his hand (it just flops around)
>Player is becoming horrified
>Party is horrified
>Player attempts to apologize to the prisoner but no dice
>Player gets ideafairy
>Player "I bite his hand off again!"

Continued

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>>37987624
Last post

>mfw when player bites off hand again
>mfw when player fails roll to attach again
>mfw when the player refuses to give up on this poor mans hand
>mfw the guards throw up after seeing this over and over and the player keeps going
>mfw even the party says maybe he should stop
>mfw the prisoner finally breaks, screaming at him just to stop, and the player ignores
>mfw when the player, finally, FINALLY succeeds, and gives the equivalent of "we cool?" to the prisoner before the guy tells the player everything he knows

And that is the story of how the party gained a terrible, terrible surgeon.

I got another one from not long after that one, if you guys want more.

>>37987835
I just love the perseverance

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>>37987835
Give that fucker a goddamn skill for that shit.

>>37987903
Don't worry, I did. The game mechanics are designed so if you practice something enough or roll high enough times it becomes an ability, or in this case a skill.
....even with that though his rolls were still miserable though, which cam back to haunt the party later.

>>37987520
Are you even trying?

The moral of the story was that if you are given a tool, you shouldn't rely on it exclusively. It's a pretty simple moral. The paladin detected evil with the spell, but every other part of him disagreed.

It's not useless, it's just a tool. Not in the way that you're a huge tool, but in the way binoculars are a tool.
But it's a fallible tool. Considering in setting there's spells, magical artifacts, and even feats that allow you to trick the spell into being wrong, it's not really that fucking hard to believe that maybe paladins shouldn't just walk around detecting evil sword first.

Now would you like a shovel? Because you're doing a good job of digging yourself deeper and deeper into that stupidity hole on your own, but I have a feeling you won't be satisfied if you don't hit rock bottom.

>>37988093
Gib more, inept paladin surgeon was pretty good.

>>37988153
As an onlooker, I have to say that it's pretty stupid to call "dismiss a divine gift" as some sort of morality tale.

Basically, detect evil comes from his god. Hell, when God told Abraham to sacrifice his son, Abraham didn't say "I don't trust you God, I'm going to follow my own judgement," he just did as God commanded, because he understood the limits of mortal knowledge in comparison to the infinite wisdom of God.

You're trying to say the reverse is what should be done. That when a god tells you something, you're supposed to ignore it.

It's stupid.
It's a fucking god, who relies on faith.
A god that would sow seeds of doubt in his followers is a pretty stupid god.

Also, keep in mind, that the spells that can trick detect evil? They can only mask the presence of evil, they can't create a false positive.

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Posting Bard Dad, because Bard Dad.

>>37988454
God also gave Job boils and plagues and almost killed him with disease.

Do you know what his friends said when that happened? Do you know what his family did?
They abandoned Job, for surely he must have done something TERRIBLE to warrant such a punishment. They didn't believe Job that he was innocent, for what INNOCENT would be afflicted with such terrible disease?

It was a test, that everybody else just sat there and said 'I guess he's evil because this is what God does to evil.' instead of trying to understand what lesson they were supposed to learn. In this case, Job had done nothing wrong but act as his faithful servant. This was a test of faith.

The point was to look beyond the appearance of things and actually try to understand the CONCEPT of things. By saying Detect Evil is where your god's will is defined, you are reducing your god to a dowsing rod system, and that is not how it works.

Trust detect evil, but trust your own beliefs more. If your beliefs were against your god, you would lose your blessing.

>>37988454
The biblical god is chaotic evil. The paladin's god is not. Comparing the two is an immediate fallacy.

And the paladin didn't "dismiss a divine gift". That would imply he detected evil in the child and said "nahhh couldn't be" and just ignored it. Instead he took it very seriously, checking up on the child and eventually taking him under his wing and not only ensuring he could do no evil, but actively trying to turn him good. spending a good portion of his life working based solely on what his divine sense was telling him.

The paladin believed completely that his detect evil really did detect evil. But he also applied his human morality, and paladin code to the equation as well. His faith was telling him that the child has evil in him, and he believed that fully. But his god also taught him wisdom.

His code demands that he destroy evil, and protect good. But that doesn't mean kill everything that pings as evil. Every single thing he did was to destroy evil, by exorcising the child, mentoring him, and teaching him the paladin code he sought to destroy the evil in the boy. And by refusing to kill a child who had done nothing wrong, he was protecting good.

The point isn't that "lol sometimes god is wrong" the point is that detect evil is not a "kill: yes/no?" survey. It alerts the paladin to evil, but it is the paladin's training and wisdom that determines how he should go about dealing with the evil.

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>>37988443

Cool, alright.
Okay, for this next one I have to go into the game mechanics a bit. So, when we were getting started and me and my buddies were coming up with this system, I wanted them to be able to play anything, and I mean ANYTHING they wanted, but I had been lurking /tg/ for a while by then and was scared of That Guy manifesting in my friends. So I built in this trade system where they have zero limits on what they want to play as, but anything other then baseline bland humanoid gets curses. As the GM I get to fuck with them as much as I want within the limits of what is rolled on the curse table. Depending on how many actual in game abilities they start with and how powerful the abilities are, the more curses they have to roll off my random curse table. Curses come in different severity, which is also randomly rolled.The reason I'm bringing this up is because there is a small chance to roll a curse weight as a Boon, which makes it a positive thing.

>Multiple sessions later, attempting to lure out rebels by having a decoy of the ruler stay at a local inn.
>Plan succeeds, inn under attack
>dino tied up in magic rope with a rebel outside
>swordsmen with time warping enchanted rapiers on roof, attempting to keep large bags of notgunpowder from being ignited
>fanservice ninja girl soulbound to HP/MP stealing invading god avatar hiding incognito next to fake ruler in the inn
>Metal man in full plate, and center of this story, just taken down enemy archer outside inn and down the road

continued

>>37988681
I don't really think you understand the story of Job.
God wasn't testing Job's family. He was testing Job. What his family thought was irrelevant in the allegory.

Actually, I'm pretty sure you don't understand the bible all that well, morality all that well, or religion all that well, especially in regards to Dungeons and Dragons.

>>37988688
Biblical God is Lawful Good if you understand the book, and is otherwise only if you tip your fedora a little too hard.

In any case, you've got a stupid little story that doesn't make any sense, because it's based on really, really stupid ideas which hurt the game, rather than help it.

If something pings evil, it should be evil, because the game is about action, not pussy-footing every situation.

If you want to cast doubt, you should make evil things not ping, rather than good things ping evil. That leaves plenty of room for your silly "can I trust my instincts?" questioning, but it doesn't invalidate the ability by reducing it to a fallible hunch.

Really, it's like you don't understand why they added the ability to the game to begin with.

>>37988688
> But he also applied his human morality, and paladin code to the equation as well.

What.
Are you stupid?

How does this Paladin know the kid isn't a demon in disguise, or that the kid's not some psycho hyper intelligent murder beast? How does the guy know the kid never did anything wrong, or would never do anything wrong?

Wisdom? Morality? Shut the fuck up.
At best, he had a hunch and faith, faith in something based on appearances, which somehow trumped the faith he had in his god and his god-given abilities.

Like, fuck, it's like you really are backwards brained.

>>37988856
>Actually, I'm pretty sure you don't understand the bible all that well, morality all that well, or religion all that well, especially in regards to Dungeons and Dragons.
>But I do
>I mean, damn I sure do
>And I'm attractive

Wow, anon, I lost respect for that right there.

And as for my experience, I find comfort in Deism, having grown up with the most hardcore southern baptists you can imagine.

Do I know the bible? Yes.
Do I assume other people don't? No, because then I end up sounding like you.

I won't try to guess what your own experience with it is, but I take it you do have some familiarity. If you do, then you'll know John 8:7, the 'He who is without Sin' quote. Directly correlates to this. And yes, I used google to find the passage number.

You are firmly in THAT guy territory, Anon. Tread carefully.

>>37988936
The first time it was a baby, and he kept tabs on it. nothing evil had happened the entire time before he took him in.
And he took him in specifically because he was worried he might do evil in the future. so he kept close watch over him and ensured he did no evil. The kid never did anything evil his entire life and so the paladin never killed him.

The paladin even thought the kid might be a demon, so he exorcised him with no effect, proving he wasn't a demon. The paladin too every single step to ensure the child would do no evil, and did everything his faith demanded to try and erase the evil. exorcism, mentoring, divine rituals and prayer, eventually initiating the child as a paladin. No truly evil being could do all that.

The point is that there's more than one way to deal with a problem. His god doesn't demand that he kill everything that ever pings his detect evil. He was confronted with something his god said was evil, but had committed no sin, was not a demon, and to every other divine test he applied, nothing more than a normal human boy.

When confronted with this quandary he took the action that fulfilled every code he follows. He protected the world from evil by sequestering the boy. He threw his life into erasing the evil from the boy, and when he could do no more, finally left the decision up to Pelor himself, whether to accept the child or not.

The paladin acted on faith in every way, not ignoring evil, nor killing the sinless.

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>people honestly try to defend Detect Evil as not being a stupid fucking idea in the first place
Different guy here, I don't even play DnD and I could tell that Detect Evil was shit from the moment I learned about it. The situation in the screencap only serves to emphasize how paradoxical and nonsensical it truly is. Everyone who doesn't immediately houserule it out of existence would be better off playing vidya, 40K, or something else that doesn't require you to think about morality in any way other than black and white.

More Bard Dad for you fuckers.

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>>37988813

Now, the metal guy is also the closest thing we have to a That Guy, in that he regularly gets rather enthusiastic about tearing into enemies, and the collateral damage in the past has been a bit extreme. He also, after having his previous elf swordsmen die, minmaxed his character to live, with a huge natural armor rating and stacking plate on top of it, while giving him a kind of nanomachine seed thing that can regrow him as long as it isn't destroyed. These abilities of course cost him, but he got lucky and rolled a Boon for polymorph. Now, there is a nother mechanic to kind of modify the plot avaible to the players, and the dino used it to want a hoverbike. The ninja player thought it would be funny if we made the metal players polymorph a sentient hoverbike, knock out two birds with one stone.
That may have been a mistake.

>rebels attacking everywhere, dino tied up, metal lured down the street to stop archer
>cloaked figure runs past metal down the street to the front door of the inn
>he strips out of his armor super fast, turns into hoverbike
>cloaked figure almost to the door when metal catches up, attempts to smash
>miss
>cloaked figure gets inside
>metal can't turn back for another hour
>needs beastly dex rolls to make it up the stairs as a bike
>meanwhile, ninja girl confronts cloaked figure
>figure removes cloak, rebel leader that has kicked their ass before, nin-nin girl one on one with her in hallway on 2nd floor of inn
>dino tied up, swordsmen holding off arrows
>ninja girl uses chain weapon to pull leader into a grapple, leader starts to saw off ninja girls arm with sword to break free
>metal man sees through inn window
>ohhellono
>"I pull way back up high into the air, then, swoop into the inn wall!"
>Smashes through the wall, right as ninja girl kicks leader up in the air
>bike swoops between them
>misses ninja
>misses leader
>Hits chain pulling between them
>Full on spears god avatar slave coming to help her master down the hallway
con.

>>37989102
>The kid never did anything evil his entire life and so the paladin never killed him.

How does he know that? How can he know that? Basically, you've got a very, very contrived scenario, and IT STILL DOESN'T WORK. It doesn't take much to be evil, even when "closely watched."

And, more importantly, wouldn't the Paladin have been concerned about his divine sense not working properly? Guy had years to get it all sorted out, but instead he just kind of followed the plan of the story, focusing on the kid instead of figuring out what's wrong with himself.

Geez, it's like, every step along the way is stupid, because Detect Evil doesn't work that way, Evil doesn't work that way, Paladin's don't work that way, gods don't work that way, and when you try and construct a story out of parts that don't fit, you wind up with this ridiculously stupid and nonsensical monstrosity that tries to hide its flaws beneath a nonsensical and wisdom-less "moral" and enough cheese to choke a rat.

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>>37989113

>metal blasts out back of inn, pulling all three with him
>rebel leader on top of bike
>ninja girl dangling below bike by a now dislocated arm
>incredibly damaged succu-god avatar clinging to the front of the bike throwing up
>leader tries to take control of the bike
>metal discourages this by spinning like a drill, 30ft in the air
>ninja girl makes godly rolls, and loops the chain around the leaders neck while this is happening
>metal decides this is a good time to go down to the ground
>hard
>They all smash into the dirt going something like 30mph
>leader critfails
>ninja and succu-god almost dead, ninja passes out, succu too fucked up to move
>metal wiggles out of the chain, flies off
>leader broke her neck on impact due to the chain, is dead

Ninja fanservice player was pisssed lol, but it didn't get better for her

continued

>>37989103
I guess you're just a little too mentally frail to understand that detect evil broadens the world, rather than narrows it, but I guess that's how most people who don't understand morality but pretend they do tend to view it.

Im not done reading

>>37988093
do you think you could outline those specific mechanics?

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>>37989281

>after the fight
>party left cleanup to the guard, rush back to church (they were using it as a base of operations of sorts)
>dino player hears ninja players arm is fucked up
>ninja player is passed out
>dino selflessly goes to help his friend
>"I chop her arm off with my sword!"
>Me:"wat"
>ninja player: "wat"
>swordsmen player: "LOL"
>Me:"You... you do realize her arm was only dislocated right?"
>dino:".....shit."
>It took him 4 repeated chops of her arm, four hours in game, and something like eight or nine rolls to reattach the arm to proper functionality
>ninja girl has a now permanent scare around her shoulder

And that is the story of how our metal player pulled a Kool-Aid Man, and the continued tale of our dino surgeons perfection of his skill.

>>37989313
>I guess you're just a little too mentally frail to understand that detect evil broadens the world, rather than narrows it, but I guess that's how most people who don't understand morality but pretend they do tend to view it.
Give a logical explanation instead of ad hominem insults, and then maybe I'll consider your argument.

As it stands, the explanation I have to infer for myself is that Detect Evil narrows the world drastically into two camps: Good and Evil. Immediately there are issues with this. Black-and-white morality is for children. The world does not work like that, and the "fantasy is escapism" argument is tired and overused, especially given the overwhelming demand for increased realism in both fantasy and games.

Or, you could say that Detect Evil operates under the assumption that Evil is whatever the paladin's god disapproves of, and Good is what the god approves. This means that Good and Evil are subjective, and change depending on which god is powering the spell. This is getting a little closer to the real world's multiple shades of grey, since it finally touches on the idea that good and evil are at least somewhat subjective, but mechanically it's still an incomplete, poorly-thought-out idea. Why is it always called Detect Evil and not Detect Blasphemy or Detect-Whatever-My-Particular-God-Dislikes? Why does the game still pretend that there's an objective standard of Good and Evil by which to judge the spell's effects? Why don't blackguards get Detect Evil, and if they do, is it still called Detect Evil or are they all cackling Saturday-morning-cartoon villains who twirl their mustaches as they cast Detect Good and launch into their Unrepentant Villain Song?

I'll consider any further ad hominem to be an admission of defeat.

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I love you /tg/

>>37989388
Sure thing
Um, first thing is I added a Luck attribute to go along with Strength, Con, Wisdom, ect, for a total of seven attributes. Luck modifiers can ease up curse weights, and make your desires more likely to roll on top in the desires table (get to that in a sec)
I kinda explained how starting abilities and curses worked in a previous post, so I'll skip that.
The desires are basically, you pick two things you would want to see in game. Each character gets two. I put them all onto a roll table, and factor in their luck modifiers, and roll the table once per session. If they roll on top, during that session I insert a plot hook that would lead to it, or if it is an item i work it in somehow, ect. It isn't like a freebie thing, for example the ninja player wanted a sniper rifle... so I had an enemy character ambush another player with it.

Anyway, the way the ability gaining system works. Lets say a character wants to learn Ray of Light, a Holy magic spell, hand sign activated. First they have to "learn the spell" aka, get taught by someone, read about it, come up with the idea themselves. Then, I assign what i think would be appropriate checks for it. In the case of Ray of Light, out of a book, it was an Int DC of >10 and a Wis DC >10.
Then, I use their Int modifier to decide how many times they have to make those checks before learning the ability. Unless it is particularlly advanced, I count back from 10.
So someone with a +3 Int modifier would only have to pull off the checks twice. Someone with a -3 Int would have to succeed 8 times.
This checks can be done in combat, or out of combat, and depending on what they roll, can have a variety of effects. (for example, passing the Int DC but failing the Wis DC could have a full power spell go out of control)
This obviously favors Int characters with lots of time on their hands, but due to how I crafted the setting, downtime for the party is rare.
continued

It's spelled out pretty explicitly for DnD.

Evil exists as an absolute, tangible thing. Some races are always Evil.

It's like measuring current or light or temperature.

Detect Evil will tell you if someone is Evil.

It IS black and white.

There are no shades of grey.

If you are talking about DnD, then this is your answer.

If you are trying to talk about real world morality, then this is the wrong place for it.

That's all there is to it.