>"I need a player that only passes sideways with 100% accuracy"
>I've got just the guy
Real real real real real real talk what does Xavi even do? Like honestly watch any game he has ever played in. WHAT DOES HE EVEN DO? He has very good technique but he doesn't do anything especially well. What is his signature defining trait?
>'my club needs a new manager but I hate football and the thought of others enjoying it upsets me too'
>'I know just who to get'
>"I need a guy that expertly converts penalties and is a tap-in specialist"
>I gotchu family
The ability to control the flow of a game, pick a killer pass and maintain possession when the team needs it.
He embodies the la masia/tiki taka (whatever you want to call it) philosophy better than anyone ever has.
>'I need a defender, but it should be one that has absolutely no understanding of what being a defender actually means'
>'say no more'
>i need the greatest athlete of all time
>say no more
>I need a black guy who is quick, fast, and who's got pace to burn
>say no more mate
>Fuck build up play and just hoof it to the big guy
Are you some brit expat living in Lebanon?
>"all right, picture this, we have this game where you dribble with the ball on a square pitch. You have to put the ball in a box, at the end of the square, in the middle. I want someone who dribbles to the other end of the square, goes to the box, misses it completely and gets stuck in a corner. Then, he should tap it back to the midfielder and be praised worldwide as one of the best players in the game"
>"say no more pham"
>implying he can
>"i need a team of such mediocrity and incompetency that they fail qualify for the easiest euros to qualify for and will be an utter national embarrassment"
>no worries pham i got u covered
Yeah whatever. The klügere gibt nach.
If any of you faggots ever played football in your life you would know the importance of having a player on your team you can always give the ball to safely. Someone who's always there to receive it and keep it in your possesion. Someone who dictates the pace. Most people underestimate how fast you have to react and make smart decisions on the pitch. It's honestly the hardest thing about football to me.
Jesus christ with this Lebanese shitposter. Could you stop bandwaggoning Madrid and your shitposting about Barça? Why don't you go support Tripoli SC or some other sandnigger team and leave us alone? Don't you have schools to bomb, acid to throw on women's faces or infidels to burn? Living in the country you live in, I suggest suicide instead of shiposting in a cambodian anime magazine.
>'i need someone who has fancy dribbles, impeccable ball control and always turns up in the big matches. Is Zinedine Zidane still playing?'
>'no he retired quite a while ago, sir'
>'then get me the next best thing'
>'sorry sir but Michael Laudrup retired even earlier'
>'FINE! Get me the poor man's version then'
>'i texted Xavi and asked for his number, he should be getting back to us within the hour'
>OK folks I need one of those generic negro prospects with an inflated ego that will never amount to anything
>Let me see what I can do sir
>inb4 he responds with "b-b-but I was a fan since le galacticos, therefore I'm not a bandwagoner"
Has he officially surpassed Xavi?
stats against Valencia:
>100% pass completion
>62% forward passes
>average pass lenth: 20 meters
literally the GOAT sideways and occasionally forward passer