Post your problems or skill set and lets help each other out.
I'll start as I could really use some good advice. Help me break up.
>my first girlfriend ever
>met when 16, moved together at 18
>been living together for 3 years now
>has been going down for a while, and I need to break it up
>she is very much in love with me and really attached
>she is not at a very healthy or stable emotional state
>Tons of signs for anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder
>literally afraid that she will hurt herself a lot or try to take her life after I leave
I will be contacting a few of her close friends and family members prior to be sure that somebody is ready to help her and watch her. I know that she is going to take this really bad and hurting her is really my main problem and why this is so though for me to do.
The weekend coming up next week she is out the country with her parents and siblings for 3 days. I am afraid to tell her before as her parents (which she gains a lot of support and help, and to whom she will defiantly go to) are still out of country for a few days more and getting home where everything reminds her of me while not having her parents support. weekend later and it is my birthday and I know that she have bought us tickets and hotel/hostel for a few days (It is still a surprise so I dont know where, but not super expensive)
How do I break up without hurting her to much and when do I do it?
there is no good way to do it
just try and minimise the bad
don't be pressured into staying with her, if she starts threatening to selfharm
put distance between you, and turn off your phone
overall: well done for getting out, and don't feel guilty about it
Last night I couldn't sleep
Before bed (I'm a UK fag), I took 1 nytol (Diphenhydramine 50mg), two kalms herbal for sleep (Valerian root extract 385mg). A few hours later out of desperation I took 1 piriton (4mg chlorphenamine), the other half of a nytol (25mg Diphenhydramine) and half a zopiclone (not sure of dosage, but it's a prescribed sleeping pill).
I'm 20, and I don't weigh a lot. Have I done any damage to myself?
Thank you for responding to me so soon. I am kind of scared but I haven't really told anyone. So I figured why not post it on the internet. But I am actually feeling alright, I was calmer than usual which has made my day almost amazing. And just strange twitching in my stomach, yesterday night it was on the right now the left. I think I would know by now if something bad would happen right?
Again. Really don't know enough about meds to tell anything for sure. If you are not feeling anything now, I would guess that it can only be long term problems which probably not do anything about (besides not mixing meds in the future)
Well that's good. But guess what? I did it because my insomnia has gotten to the point where I am so desperate to sleep I will literally do anything. Have you had insomnia since you were young? Do you know what it feels like to not sleep, day after day after day? Do you know how it feels to be too scared to sleep because you know you won't sleep? No? Alright then. And just so we are clear I'm not trying to kill myself. I will be seeing a doctor eventually to get help for the insomnia.
Thanks anon. At least I can relax for a bit anyway. I think I should be alright. I know what I took is herbal so it shouldn't really do much
Really hope you sleep better tonight. Had trouble sleeping last night too. Went to my kitchen and found a solid album on yt and sat in the windowsill for an hour really calmed me down
in general im cool with girls, try not to be a push over or anything general average dude.
my problem is i suffer from anxiety/borderline paranoid so im constantly in fear of getting cheated on.
this has nothing to do with trusting people, or being insecure. its a serious mental issues that i deal with.
most girls dont understand/arent supportive of this and end up treating me like shit. inevitably we break up. most of the time because im just think they are going to commit infidelity and those thoughts run rampant to the point where i cant do it anymore.
It's a massive pain when you can't sleep, I know how you feel. Last night I broke down in front of my dad begging him to help me out. I'm not normally like that but I felt like I was losing my mind. Thanks again for helping me out. At least I told someone so I don't have to worry
It may sound shitty but its not, OP you gotta look after yourself first. If you want out, get out. Be as gentle as possible, talk it through completely, but don't back down.
Though I'd say if she says shes gonna kill herself, call medical/legal professionals. Don't say anything to her yourself or get involved further, just immediately call the police. Seriously, the second you get a text or she says something like that call the police and tell them you think she's going to kill herself, even if you don't actually believe she will. It'll save your ass in the long run getting framed or suspected for murder or aiding suicide or some bullshit. And even if she doesn't/wont kill herself you should be in the clear for "wasting police time" or whatever on Good Samaritan laws.
As for when, I'd honestly do it between those 2 times you mentioned. When her parents are home and before your birthday, because if you wait till after it kinda seems like a dick move to me, like you were waiting to get your present and then dump her after you got it, ya know?
But that's just me. Honestly the sooner the better though. You need out of that, someone who's mentally unstable really needs to get themselves in check before they try to have relationships with other people, and this is coming from someone who is only just now somewhat stable herself. I was there in her shoes at one point, but even I recognized I had no right to shove this baggage off on some dude, as much as I wanted to have a boyfriend.
I'll point you to the latter half of my previous post as well. You should work on stabilizing yourself first before thinking of others. Through whatever means that is, therapy, drugs, self help whatever, you gotta get your trust up first.
I'm in the same boat though to be honest. It's more passive for me though, I don't let it noticeably destroy relationships, but I usually find myself with the thought of "Don't get too attached now, you know he'll be onto the next girl in a month." floating around in the back of my mind. idk how to describe it really, when I do get dumped and he immediately moves on to another girl I'm hurt but not angry. Because I expected as much and went into the relationship with the understanding that I'm more than likely just the flavor of the month. I just kinda accept it.
But the whole thing I'm sure is a self fulfilling prophecy, with the both of us.
Mines insecurity though, I have a lot of them. So I've been single for the past 4 years just trying to get myself to a point where I fell I deserve a boyfriend. The trust shit is the last and hardest hurdle, i'm sorry I can't say I've figured out how to fix it yet but like everything else its just a long process.
Best advice I can give is fake it till you make it. If you find yourself in a relationship shove those fears away as much as you can and just pretend as hard as you can your partner is loyal. Every little bit helps.
Thanks a lot. I know that our unhealthy relationship defiantly is a big part of her issues and knowing that after a really rough time, she will get a lot better a lot faster being by herself is really a big motivation. My problem with doing it between the dates is that they get home the day before my bday which doesn't leave much time + being so close to the other trip. Getting it done with earlier might leave a chance of her going with a friend instead, which might do her good.
Then I'd do that, just make sure theres someone around.
But worst case, if you gotta do it immediately after your birthday or the day of, then thats just when you gotta do it. I just figured I'd point that out. Like I had a bf once my senior year who moved to another state, so I saved up a shit ton of cash to go visit him. He dumped me like 2 days after I left, he never actually thought we could make long distance work (despite me asking him about a hundred times if he was sure) but waited until after because he thought he was gonna get laid.
Glad I didn't fuck him now, but still blew about a thousand dollars on him. At the time I was too upset because I loved him to think about shit like that, but years later the more I look back on that the more pissed I am because fuck that was a lot of money. God what a prick. but I digress.
It might not even cross her mind in the beginning but she might get pissed about it later on. You're probably not thinking you can salvage the friendship or whatever but if you were then thats something to think about.
Sad story. Wasting money on a jerk, is the worst money wasted.
Knowing her, she won't even think twice about the money for the trip. Figuring out everything with our shared apartment and stuff like that is going to be the real money problems come in. Also, how do you even do that? I sure am pretty that for the next long time after she won't be able to be in the same room as me without breaking completely. And we got an entire apartment we own together..
In the same boat as you. First girlfriend ever, very much in love with me. Wants to get married.
I love and care for her, but not in a romantic way anymore. She has no one to turn to if we break up, all her friends are mine, all her hobbies were with me. Not sure what to do.
One or both of you is def going to have to move, and srry to say but since you're the one who wants out I'd say its you. IDK what your lease is like or how easy that's gonna be, but as soon as you can you just gotta move. If it's too hard on her, and she's not already, crash with a friend or just try not to be home as much as possible.
Unfortunately since you are living together, it just means your breakup isn't going to be a one and done, its gonna last weeks. Do what you gotta do legally to end the lease and pay off shit and move. But until then, yeah I'd just try not to be there as much as possible unless she's decided to move/stay with a friend or family.
Not really the same, but I had a shitty roommate in college that I couldn't stand but also couldn't get out of the arrangement. Thankfully my dad just bought a house he planned to renovate and rent out in the area so I just bit the bullet and for like 3 months lived in this empty house with no electricity/water/heat and cooked in the fireplace and went to the gym to shower/charge my electronics. Had the college campus to bum wifi off at least. It was an interesting 3 months lol.
I know. I'll move in with some friend for a few weeks as a start. Her parents own the apartment and we rent it from them, so beside the fact that I am leaving, it was given that she would be staying. I was squating for a period too, so i know the whole no electricity/water/heat thing better than i should ;)
No idea, good luck though man.
I'd just say be slow, don't rush it and try to keep your distance for a few weeks after.
You gotta remind yourself that's ultimately it's for both of your benefits.
...I don't really know what to say, to be quite honest.
How do I be human?
I mean, I feel emotions and empathy but I don't understand them. People are able to connect on an emotional level and I have yet to find that sense of comfort.
I feel lost because I have nothing in common with anyone.
I have seen such beauty and yet everyone is content with being asleep and closed off to it.
People are yet to be realize that good and bad or figments of imagination. Pain and suffering are just the hardest lessons to learn, they are lessons not punishments. People sit by suffering and failing to grasp this blatant fact.
My mind is fragmented with one half trying to expand rapidly and the other is held back by the physical. The brain is not yet fully developed and yet the mind surpasses it's physical limitations.
I do not act, think, or feel as other's do and I feel lost.
I can no longer walk normally because I feel the earth move I know that we're falling and nothing can ever stop that. I can know that we're floating atop magma, a substance that under any other conditions would melt any life sustaining substance it touched and yet it is said magma that is the reason we're alive.
We're an impossibly complex planet with complex organisms and people are oblivious to this. They just see the outlines of the shapes they do not see the art or the fine brush strokes etched into the canvas.
I went off on a tangent but I think it's kinda needed to provide you a sense of how I feel...
My question's are these:
How do I feel less alone
How do I be happy in a world where I cannot live nor feel.
Is it better to shatter the mind and live in naivety then blunder about sprouting logical fragmented thoughts that may or may not be helpful or even correct.