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girls of /soc/, do you ever go through this...
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You are currently reading a thread in /soc/ - Cams & Meetups

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girls of /soc/, do you ever go through this or is it just me?

>at our couple-friends house
>sitting around in front of fire drinking
>ash flies high up on my boyfriends jeans (mid thigh)
>the girl dating our friend touches my boyfriends leg to bat off the ash

or

>playing beer pong on new years with friends
>same girl is wearing a spaghetti strapped sundress
>walks up to my boyfriend
>turns around and holds up her hair
>and asks him to fix her bra strap

or

>sitting around playing drinking games
>periodically go through stints of my boyfriend going back and forth with quips and jabs with this girl
>while they both ignore their respective significant others
>who just sit there watching them joke around with each other
>in silence
>waiting for them to remember they aren't fucking each other

...am I being ridiculous or..
>>
She's being flirtatious I guess, but if he loves you then what difference does it make. She's just making a fool of herself
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>>23265108
Thats what I try to tell myself. Maybe she's just socially awkward. We've been dating for 4 years and we have major plans for the future. I know I'm being insecure, I get that. Normally I wouldn't second guess like this but I've never had this happen before. I guess I should've said something but all that ever comes out is "Gross!" as some kind of reflex.

Problem is in October he was texting this other girl nonstop, sending her snapchats and talking on FB constantly. Like so constant he would ignore me to talk to her, anywhere we went. Maybe I'm just still raw from that...
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>>23265116
Sounds like you're better off without him
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>>23265088
>>at our couple-friends house
>>sitting around in front of fire drinking
>>ash flies high up on my boyfriends jeans (mid thigh)
>>the girl dating our friend touches my boyfriends leg to bat off the ash
>or
>>playing beer pong on new years with friends
>>same girl is wearing a spaghetti strapped sundress
>>walks up to my boyfriend
>>turns around and holds up her hair
>>and asks him to fix her bra strap
Not a girl but that'd be pretty glaring signs that she wants the D if I was a guy in your boyfriends scenario.
>sitting around playing drinking games
>periodically go through stints of my boyfriend going back and forth with quips and jabs with this girl
>while they both ignore their respective significant others
>who just sit there watching them joke around with each other
>in silence
>waiting for them to remember they aren't fucking each other
Believe it or not that's probably the least problematic part. Sometimes people can have a good rapport with people that aren't their sig. others but that doesn't mean much. I have an amazing rapport with a girl I used to sleep with but when she hung out with me and my girlfriend it was all still friendly chatter, at least for me.
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>>23265131
Right?! Like when I'm single, thats exactly something I'd do to let the guy know I'm DTF. All I did was say "Gross!" and she was like "Oh I'm sorry!" but then a few weeks later, the ash thing happened.

I get that thing about the rapport, I know people can do that and not mean anything extra by it. But its just the context in which its happening. This girl is our friends first gf after a crazy bitch ex too, so we're both going out of our way to like her more than his ex.

At this point though, I miss his ex. At least she never did this kind of shit, bitchy as she was.
>>
We're moving to CO at the end of this month. I was looking forward to getting away from both of them to be honest but then we're at Perkins and he hits me with, "what made me happiest was hearing [her name] say 'theres schools out in CO im sure'". Shes a teacher. Meaning he was happiest to hear that she would be willing to move with her boyfriend out to CO along with us.

So here I am, overanalyzing at 7 in the morning.
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>>23265131
>used to fuck
>we just have great rapport there's nothing more, honest!

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say your delusional, not retarded.

>>23265147
He's a cheater. Sounds like. Or he would like to be, but he doesn't really know how to do it right judging from him talking to this girl for days just to try an get in her pants.

I have cheated on every girl I have dated and your guy is just like me, except I think he might be a little more inexperienced. You can rest easy tho because he probably hasn't fucked her otherwise he'd tell her to cool it when she's around you. Your going to get your little heart broken, hun.
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>>23265168
I'll be honest-- I was really hoping you'd all tell me I was being ridiculous.
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>>23265088
Yes, you are. These are normal human interactions between friends.
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>>23265186
Do you mean it or are you just saying that?
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>>23265168
>I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say your delusional, not retarded.
Thinking about it you're completely right, considering the other girl still wanted (wants) the D.
>>23265147
Truth be told if your boyfriend felt like he was doing something he wasn't supposed to he would be as open about it as this >>23265147
unless he were a real dirt bag.
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>>23265186
Since when is flirtatious rapport normal human interaction, especially in front of both of their significant others?
Get your head out of your ass, anon.
Op, you deserve better.
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>>23265188
I mean it.

It sounds like this girl and your boyfriend are good friends, that's all. In the first scenario, the girl is trying to stop your boyfriend from getting his pants burned. In the second, it just seems like he was the first person she saw that she would be comfortable with. In the third, they're getting along. That's how friends interact.

I understand being paranoid about it because there are definitely a lot of cheaters out there (as even shown in this thread), but if you believe you're dating the type of guy who would cheat on you in the first place, why are you dating him?
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>>23265199
The fact that it's in front of both of their significant others kind of solidifies it. If someone's trying to cheat, they're usually not stupid enough to wave it around like that.

OP's boyfriend and this girl are good friends. There's nothing wrong with that.
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>>23265088
Just talk to him about it, OP. Do you usually keep this sort of stuff in?
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>>23265203
Well we've been together for a long time now and this shit is just now happening, like last 3 months.

My thing about the "comfortable with" scenario is, we JUST met this girl. And her boyfriend was standing literally two feet away from her. Why would she be more comfortable with mine than with her own? It doesn't add up.
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>>23265180
Well that's just my analysis based on the info you have given me which may be clouded by your own insequrities and observation bias. There's really no way to catch a good/career cheater aside from investigating his phone which is really a major break of trust and signs your relationship is failing anyway. I have come close to being found out but I'm a good liar (working actor) so I flummoxed my way through.

I would say your best bet would not to be asking us on here because there is so much to human communication that text in a screen can't convey like eye contact, intensity, frequency, lip moisturizing in her presence etc. your best bet would be to suprise him and say that you already know he has been deceptive. Your not moving in with him you've already decided and if he wants to get back on your good side he needs to be honest and tell you all of the sheisty shit he's been doing taking advantage of your trust. You will be able to tell if he's lying while under the immense pressure, it's very very hard for the average person to remain composure during a stressful time like that and they exhibit lying tells. Look them up in advance so you know what they are going in, tells.

If things are all super swell and he's not doing anything. Unlikely. He will understand that he was hurting you by being too friendly with these other girls instead of paying attention to you and he may change that behavior. Worst case he continues to try and lie and you can tell and you kick his ass to the curb. Or he will tell you about what he has done and you cons decide to forgive him or not.
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>>23265217
I mean...kind of.
I internalize a lot, sure. But when I'm pissed about something, everyone tends to know. I dont hide it well, which of course makes these gatherings even weirder because I'm sitting in the corner pouting basically but unable to say anything for fear of confronting someone face to face. (And I know pouting is childish too but I cant change overnight. Its a process.)
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>>23265221
Even if she is being flirty, which is what some people's default is, it doesn't seem to be particularly intentional.

I'd say talk to your boyfriend. You don't need to do it in an accusatory way. You can say something as simple as "I think X has a bit of a crush on you" and give him a jab in the side and see how he reacts.
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>>23265235
Normally I would do something kind of lighthearted like that, and I did in the beginning. But I didn't want to put the image of him fucking her in his head if I could possibly help it. We're past that point now though. We've had serious like "lets sit down and discuss this" talks about it. But it still keeps happening and he still keeps going along with it and telling me I'm paranoid and hes just trying to be friendly.

Shes younger than us, 23 and we're both 25-26. But thats not even that much of a gap for her to NOT know how to socialize with guy friends properly. Like you should know by now how to NOT flirt and just be normal, no matter what the context.
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>>23265229
Oh. You should probably confront face to face. If you do, you'll have a better chance of knowing what he's thinking based on his reaction even if he does lie. Maybe your internalizing pushes him away, along with other traits. I had an ex who did that and then got mad and blew up on me instead of just communicating. I mean, I'm not any better because when I got mad I would just ignore her, but, like you said, everybody is working on something.

Anyway, you don't have to worry so much if you just talk to him about it. Either way, it will all be OK. But if you're feeling something, it's your responsibility to be loyal to yourself and have the courage to communicate it, especially before you commit to a move like that.

Good luck!
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>>23265224
Thats the thing- we do live together. And I moved from TX to FL to make that happen. Theres more context to that story as well, like obviously I didn't do it JUST for him but given that backstory..I'm kind of stuck out here. No family (what little I had left), no friends other than these two people, like when we fight I feel completely alone and stranded. The only reason we made it this long was probably because of that. Theres been other deal breakers before, not woman related but just interpersonal conflicts that would normally be unforgivable in any other relationship. But because I'm out here, essentially stuck, we were forced to work our way through all of that. I'm glad we did but thats also not really helping this scenario either.
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>>23265251
If you've discussed it and it's still happening, then obviously the two of you aren't on the same page about it. You need to talk more, and clearly describe what the consequences will be if you can't find an answer where you're both happy.

Again, I wouldn't really consider what she's doing to be flirty, but each person is different.
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>>23265264
Physical abuse? What do you do for a living? What sorts of resources do you have? Education?
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>>23265273
No, nothing that serious. We just got into a few scenarios where he basically let his whole family walk all over me while doing nothing to stop them or protect me. I'm on disability for epilepsy, my seizures got worse when I got here and I couldn't go back to work. I had to drop out of school too, because I never thought we'd be staying here this long. The original plan was to stay here for a year, save up, then get to CO. So I thought transferring credits would've taken too long and besides I was destitute out here too so I couldn't afford it.

I can't afford to go back home either, and even if I could my mom was basically homeless for about a year and a half after I left. She only JUST got another place, and its too small for her let alone my sister and her two kids that are staying with her.
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>>23265251
>But it still keeps happening and he still keeps going along with it and telling me I'm paranoid and hes just trying to be friendly.
Nope. As the guy early trying to tell you it wasn't so bad, this shit is past the fucking line. He knows what he's doing and enjoys the attention from her. If you've talked to him about it and he brushed it off it's for a reason
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>>23265284
It's bad. He's abusive. I'm kinda that way too, but it takes a wolf to catch a wolf. He knows he has you trapped that's why he can do whatever he wants. He sounds like a real bad guy. Make some money and gtfo as quickly as you can. Serious. It's already getting bad it'll only get worse.
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>>23265284
That's a difficult situation to be in, OP. I'm sorry. I'm glad it wasn't abuses though, even he was a pushover. You should still talk to him about if you feel that way. I hope it all works out for you!
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>>23265299
Thats my biggest fear too, that theres a reason why its still happening. But I just figured it was because I was talking to him and not to her directly. He has stopped a few things, like she tried to do the bra strap thing again on a camping trip around New Years but he put his hands up in the air and looked at me so she walked over to her BF to do it instead.

We had plans to get engaged but after the girl in October I started telling him "now isn't the best time" to try to get out of it until I can get a feel for this situation.
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>>23265299
>>23265302

Not necessarily, he could just as likely be a pushover like with his family. But even then maybe he's not worth staying with.


You would know better than us, OP. Don't let our responses cloud your own judgement if you can help it.
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>>23265302
The more these things happen, the more I'm starting to think this might be true. His intentions might be in the right place but on that camping trip, this woman got in my face trying to fight us all. She was like "what the fuck are you laughing at?!" (was trying to diffuse the tension by laughing) so I was like "hahaha" but she did the same thing to this girl and then suddenly my bf steps up and says "OK thats enough, lets go guys"....essentially protecting her but not me. Shit like that.

You're all right, I want to talk to him more. But he just shuts down and says "FINE! I wont do it anymore!" but then it just happens again next time around.
>>
My boyfriend is pretty introverted (as I am as well). He was a virgin(28 years old) before we started dating but has always had a lot of really pretty lady-friends he speaks to often online. They all seem really close ad confide in him. They occasionally send provocative photos to him but I don't mind it as he's too shy to send any of his own.

Recently we went to a rare gathering of friends we both game with. His best friend's gf seems to be pretty close to him as well. She'd often joke and tease him, call him a cute nick-name she knows he hates to mess with him. When we got really drunk one night, he passed out on her shoulder (sitting on the couch beside eachother while I was sitting at a table near-by) and she sat there petting his hair while chatting with me later. (Don't know where her bf was at this time)

Maybe I'm silly for not being at all upset by this all, but I think that two friends can be close and affectionate without being a threat to my romantic relationship.
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>>23265320
Thats what my mom says. He is a pushover, like insanely non-confrontational (like me it seems lol). But its HIS family. Normally I could go off on someone and stand up for myself but I didn't want to damage his relationship with any of them so all I could do was tell him how unacceptable it all was, but all he kept saying was "well i have to be there in person to be able to do anything about it" (because this would happen while hes at work).
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>>23265312
>he put his hands up in the air and looked at me so she walked over to her BF to do it instead.
Alright that's not so bad. It maybe that he's trying not to make things weird with his friend and hoping things will resolve themselves.
He also probably does enjoy the attention as evidenced by his previous conversations with the girl over the phone from before
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>>23265324
I don't know how you kept your cool in that one, to be honest. But then again you sound like you're more secure than I am. But I wouldn't be this insecure about our relationship if he hadn't done the thing with the other chick in October. It kind of threw everything into question.

I would definitely try to put a stop to all that nonsense though, no joke. Sending nudes and stuff, thats not cool. They all know hes in a relationship too, which is even more fucked up. And she was talking right to you when he was sleeping on her shoulder, like some kind of dominance move like "yeah..I was here before you and ill be here long after youre gone" type shit. But thats just me overanalyzing something that could be pretty harmless.
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>>23265338
Can you describe in depth about the October situation?
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>>23265331
I think you're right on that one. They've been best friends since they were 9, like he could be trying not to rock the boat. But my only other question would be "Why does he need attention from other women?" when I'm trying to give him as much as I can. I worry that hes getting bored with me, its been 4 years thats inevitable....right?

or how else is this monogamy shit supposed to work? if we get married, itll be years and years. of this shit?! thats another worry too.
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>>23265344
Please answer truthfully. I'm not passing judgments. I'm a femanon and genuinely curious
Have you ever had a tiny crush during your relationship?
Have you ever had a guy you were flirty with?
Have you ever had a male text buddy?
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>>23265338
>Sending nudes and stuff, thats not cool.
I really don't mind it. He shows them to me and he only says stuff like "You're very pretty" and never any dirty talk or weird shit. I think it's just them feeling safe around him and wanting confidence boosts/compliment

>nd she was talking right to you when he was sleeping on her shoulder, like some kind of dominance move like "yeah..I was here before you and ill be here long after youre gone" type shit

I don't really think so, she's engaged to her boyfriend and she was telling me things like "You drank more than him but he still passed out first, he's too cute." as though the interaction between them was like big-sister pity or something. She's been trying really hard lately to be friends with me and when he went out last with her and her bf, I stayed home so later she messaged me telling me to be sure to come with next time.

I don't know the case with your bf, but I think it's totally possible that interaction like this can just be friendly.
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>>23265341
Well I can try.

I'm on meds for my condition and I decided to go off them. And my condition got worse but I had to experiment on my own since *long story about shit doctors*. So I had to fly out to TX so my mom could figure out what the issue was with my levels. While I was out there, he was left here alone. He doesn't work (to take care of me), so he says he started reflecting on where hes at in life and he got lonely. He said there were things he couldnt talk to me about without upsetting me, so he started talking to this other chick Jordan. At first I didn't care, what is he only supposed to talk to me forever and ever? But I was only there for two weeks, and he was messaging me and calling me, talking about how he didn't know if he could keep doing this anymore (meaning me off my medication). He wasn't ready to break up but he was trying to find a way to work through it but it all registered as break up to me so I told mom I had to fly back. When I got back, he was glad but thats when he started snapchatting her religiously, and talking on fb to her all the time. Ignoring me for her, basically. And he started working out while I was gone. Said he wanted to make changes to be proud of himself or some shit.

So I had enough of that, and one night I said lets do date night. Just us, no phones. So we go out to a pool hall, fun and games etc. We go to McDonalds afterwards, and he says he has to go to the bathroom. So he goes and I get the food but he isn't out yet. I'm like, "ok maybe he had a situation and had to poop" nbd. So I wait. And wait. And wait. And suddenly it hits me, he took his phone in there with him. When we get home, I check it and he had sent Jordan selfies he took IN THE BATHROOM while I was waiting for him outside with the food in my hands. Thats why he was in there so long, he was talking to her and making ME wait outside.
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>>23265365
After that, I freaked out a bit. I mean it was OUR night, I specifically said no phones because I knew he'd be talking to her instead of me. We have a screaming match, I bring up "emotional cheating" (like thats a thing idk sounds dumb in retrospect) but thats what it felt like. He stopped talking to her after that and uninstalled snapchat from his phone. Theres no way to get those messages back. I have no idea how far that went. Was he sending dick pics or something when I was gone? I have no way of knowing what happened.
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>>23265351
No, not really. But I guess I might be weird. I get into a relationship and I kind of isolate from everyone. Theres no need to talk to anyone else, I have no friends anyways. And all the text buddies I have make it known theyre only in it for sex. I do flirt with guys, when I'm single. But when I'm involved with someone, I don't.

But I know thats unusual. Not everyone operates like that. So I give some leeway on that bit. But touching legs and bra straps n stuff, that goes beyond a tolerable level of friendliness for me. But Idk im confused.
>>
This is the first time I've been able to talk about this openly with people. It's a bigger help than I thought, organizing all my thoughts and finally getting confirmation that I'm not crazy for thinking this is weird. So I thank you all for helping.
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>>23265344
>We had plans to get engaged but after the girl in October I started telling him "now isn't the best time" to try to get out of it until I can get a feel for this situation.
How do you think that rejection left him feeling?
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>>23265379
Have you tried to talk to her about it? Ask her what's going on?

I think the best way to deal with this is open and honest communication with all parties. Maybe ask her boyfriend what he thinks about it all?

Tell your boyfriend how it makes you feel without it being an argument. Ask him if anything happened and how he feels about her.
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>>23265406
Probably the same way I felt after he started ignoring me for other women. How could anyone see that happen and still think the guy's the perfect one? He is, and I probably will, but I don't want to commit myself to someone who's going to eventually fuck another woman and gas light me about it down the line.

He doesn't know that's why I'm saying that. I'm sure he thinks it's because of the move or my condition or something. Besides he tells me all the time that he's not as sure of our relationship as I am and it scares him.
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>>23265411
I haven't talked to her yet but I know she's picking up on it by now. I think I should. If anything it'd give us a chance to settle this like adults. I want to talk to her bf as well but he's already got doubts because she does this with another male friend and he's concerned about that too.
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>>23265088
>my boyfriend blah blah blah
>my boyfriend
>my boyfriend
fuck off try being your own person for once in your life
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It sounds like he just likes the attention she gives him. My ex was like that and it took him years to admit it.
From my experience, it doesn't end up with him fucking anyone, just a lot more uncomfortable situations of them being flirty. Just keep talking to him about how it makes you feel, stress that you both don't really know her or the kind of person she is and even if he wouldn't do anything... she might and you don't want him to be put in that situation. It's a crappy road though if it doesn't change since you'll just get more insecure and he'll probably end up becoming very defensive about it.
Good luck, anon!
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>>23266070
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>>23266114
honestly that sounds like what itll end up turning into. thats why i cant really talk to him seriously either, he gets defensive right off the bat. this is the first time ive been able to talk to anybody about it long enough to gather my thoughts. all i can do is let everyone know how uncomfortable it makes me but in the end he still had it in him to do these things. i used to think "oh, hes the best. hell have my back no matter what happens, if someone tried to hurt me he'd protect me blahblahblah" but theres so many times where hes shown me his true colors and ive just written them off hoping he'd learn from his mistakes. the more i talk to him about my concerns, i feel like the harder he digs his heels in.

its just a waiting game at this point. thank you for the well wishes though, im sure everything will shake out in the end. for better or for worse. :/
>>
She's an attentionwhore

He likes the attention

Solution: tell her it makes you uncomfortable when she touches your bf and stuff

Tell him it hurts your feelings when he revels in her attention
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>>23265088
I actually don't know this feel, because I don't police/micro-analyze my boyfriend's every single movement or social interaction.
Therefore, my boyfriend freely chooses to value and respect me by establishing boundaries with his female friends on his own accord;
Opposed to me forcing him to never speak to any other female/not look at any other female/not interact in a friendly way with any other female like an insecure psychopath.
You're already clearly butthurt and I'm sure it's extremely unattractive to him. Maybe if you stopped being horribly annoying & insecure, improved your dicksucking abilities, and did some squats he'd be more apt to putting up with your bullshit.
Hopefully he ends the dead-end relationship and moves onto this other girl who he clearly has an emotional connection with and is able to finally have fun times with her.
Your relationship is already dead in the water if you're posting on 4chan about this.
>>23266390
The reason he gets defensive is because you probably come at him aggressively or accusingly. I don't understand how girls can be so fucking not self-aware.
>>23266070
This. You seem to revolve your life around him completely, it's sort of pathetic. I'm sure he's noticed it too.
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>>23265369
What he did was uninstall snapchat and then he just reinstalls it from the app store each time he wants to use it when you're not around, then uninstalls it again afterwards. Takes a few seconds and just makes you think he doesn't use it anymore.

Well, this is what I do anyway if I don't want anyone to see what I've been doing on a particular app.

Thing about men is we hate confrontation with women, all the nagging and screaming and weeping and waiting etc. So he kinda likes being in a relationship with you, but doesn't really love you that much, but is too lazy to actually go through the hassle of splitting up. Therefore he comes online and seems his thrills with other girls whom he sexts or flirts with constantly.

Obviously he's not the most intelligent or he would make more of an effort to hide it.

I didn't actually mean this to be harsh OP but in fact I think I'm saying just ditch him. He doesn't love you or want you in the way you want him too, he's just unlikely to be the one to take the step to end it. So you might as well end it for him.
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I'm sorry but I would've dumped him right then and there at that McDonald's FUCK THATTTT that is crossing the line.

Fuck I'm mad and I don't even have a boyfriend, shit
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>>23267136
did you miss the part where she went through his phone? she's just as despicable, fuck both of them
>>
It sounds to me like if he hasn't already cheated on you, he's headed down that path.

Unfortunately putting "restraints" on him like "just us, no phones tonight" will most likely push him further away from you and make him want to do it more (case in point). Speaking from experience, I used to have a gf who would impose shit on me and I grew to resent her for it, and dumped her.

Basically, you have to give him his freedom to do what he wants; you can't make him not cheat on you if that's a desire he has, no matter how repressed. Sadly it seems like if he's left to his own devices, he's going to do just that.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt, considering the history between you. Let him talk and enjoy female attention; wouldn't you like it if a hot guy playfull flirted with you? It's natural to enjoy that sort of thing. The more you give him shit about it, the more he's going to fantasize about being with whoever this flirtacious chick is. Just, if he ever takes it further than that, that's when it's time to bounce.

Good call on not going through w the engagement. Might want to see how things pan out first...
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>>23267167
Oh yeah, I guess I glossed over that
Well then both of you are shit and should break up anyway
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>>23266900
>>23267136
You're clearly a 16yo male.
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I say beat that bitchs ass. If she is your friend she should understand boundaries.
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>>23265116
...that's a pretty big sign that a guy has bigger interests in someone else if they're ignoring you. had the same thing happen to me too, and we broke up. literally not even a week later they were together.

and if he's getting defensive when you try talking to him about it, it might be because he's guilty. try bringing it up to him, just off handed tell him that you notice what's her name is really touchy feely towards you and you thought it was weird. then next time she touches him point it out to him.
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