I know you made your situation clear before we dated, in fact, it was probaly among the first three sentences that came out of your mouth. "I'm a mom" you said to me, as if excusing yourself for having attracted me. I also remember glazing over it, and addressing it by saying "I love kids, I have a four year old brother so I sometimes feel like a parent too!"
I remember having lunch together that day, and even though you looked beat from what must have been a sleepless night I know I managed to keep your attention because you never noticed what must have been a milk stain on your coat. I took that as an opportunity to get close to you and point out, "You got a little something right there." and you pulled back, but I grabbed your hand and you didn't let go. I remember things being awkward after that, and I know you were careful not to get attached. From the very beginning it was me who was pursuing you. The attraction was mutual, that was clear from the start, but I did this and for that I am sorry.
I want you to know that you've meant an awful lot to me. You were the first girlfriend who didn't cheat. The first girl to say "I love you" first. The only one whose devotion I didn't question. Don't think this is because you're a mother, and definitely don't take it against the child. I fell in love with your motherly qualities. Being a mother only made you a better woman, never regret it. I remember you flirting with me by being condescending and generally treating me like a child. I remember tracing your stretch marks with my fingertips.
I will always remember how welcoming and warm your family was, something I never had growing up since our extended family is divided into cliques. You know my family isn't as accepting of you, but don't think it was their influence that makes me do this because you know very well I'm not afraid to piss them off.
I know you supply for your child independently, and I also know money wouldn't be an issue seeing how we both work and our combined incomes would make us squarely middle-class. I'm also aware I still live with my parents, and in that regard you're so far ahead of me I can honestly say you have more to offer me than the other way around. I know if I stayed with you and came into his life I would most likely be the only father he knew. I know he too would give me preference over his bio-dad. The last thing I would want to do is come into his life only to leave later, he doesn't need two fathers' abandonment.
You've done nothing wrong, and have done nothing to deserve this. When you met my ex had just left me for her ex, because he was better at sex. As you can imagine, I felt worthless. All that went away when I was with you,the way you made me feel infinite. Now I'm afraid it is me who will take away your confidence. Do not take this upon yourself, you are an exemplary woman and a wonderful mother. It's me that's not ready to be father.
I'm truly sorry.
(Funny how my ID is purple, that's her favorite color. I'm editing this before I send it/hand it to her, it's been on my mind all week, I don't want to string her along any longer.)
Those years with you will always have a special place in my memory and heart. You were such an influential part of my life, and so much of who I am now is made of what I learned from you.
I'm sorry that the time came where we could no longer even be friends, but I wouldn't go back. Yes, you are the first man I ever loved, but it was time. The damage I did to you and our relationship was irreparable, and I think we both know that. Words can never express how truly sorry I am for what I did to you and for the hurt and pain that you felt at my hands. I learned from it though. Those mistakes aren't ones I'm willing to make again.
When I met M, I knew it would mean that anything between us would crumble as soon as I told you. There was a hope and opportunity there with him that we had lacked for a long long time, so I chose him.I'm not sorry for choosing him, G. I'm just sorry for the hurt I caused you.
Thank you though for teaching me how to love someone right, and how to be a decent person worth being with. You deserve better than I could give when we were together, but I'm doing things right this time.
Salem, I'm finally free. Like, I'm actually as over you as I've been pretending to be for years. You'll still always mean something to me, but you no longer have any sort of hold on me. I hope everything works out for you with your family and your wife and your life. I really do. Because my shit just gets better by the second. Looking back I'm really kind of glad things went the way they did. Because if we would have worked it out I couldn't be here. Here is better than there. Feels good man. I still love you, but it no longer cripples me. K
I fell in love with you my senior year of high school. We met on 4chan and I never would have thought I would have fallen in love with someone from here. First, it was a crush, and you know that. But after a while, it was like, I was hooked on you. I wanted you to teach me everything you knew, sex, business, life. I dreamed of you coming to take me away, keeping me as your little pet. I would lay in bed and explore myself thinking about you. I never orgasmed until you. You were becoming my obsession. I would have done anything for you. But you were 6+ hours away, on the other side of the state, and I had no car or money to come to you. And I was afraid of you rejecting me. You were 34, with a life, and a house, and your whole world. And I was 18, barely out of high school, hardly an adult. I still think about you, almost 5 years later. Every day. I keep trying to convince myself that I fell in love with the thought of you. I wont accept it. I remember everything about your face. You dark hair was like feathers, your hands so big wrapped around the biggest member I had ever seen. I wanted to lay on your chest, play with your hair, and have to take me and use me as much as you like. Like I said above, you were my obsession. I haven't had sex with anyone in 5 years. I can't lower my standards. I'll die dreaming of you.
Thank you, I actually posted this in another board before but it was ignored. It seems everyone is more preoccupied with their own letters and thoughts, which is fair I guess.
I spotted a typo and will probably revise some things. I don't want to come across as edgy or insincere but I don't want to leave her any hope to cling to.
>you seem like a great person!
Sure doesn't feel like it, are you suggesting my guilt is an indicator of my character? I'm being totally selfish here, but I'm not raising another man's child and more importantly I don't want to be tied down.
I thought of mentioning that, how would have liked for us to meet under different circumstances. How I would have wanted to go on road trips together and disappear on weekends as we stayed in other states or maybe even flew away just to spend an evening in a different city. I couldn't, that would feel like rubbing salt in the wound. I want her to be proud of who she is, I'm OK with her thinking of me as less of a man for not committing.
>>23232160 I know you already said that you dont believe its the idea of him that you fell in love with but really, you did. As hard as it sounds you didnt really knew him and that was what made it so bad probably, you could take everything you wanted from a man and reflect that on that canvas that was given to you. The real life isnt perfect, its broken... but really the brokeness is what makes it so beautiful. If you always chase your dreams, you might miss the miraculous life that is going about around you and when you finally notice that, it might be too late... I hope you give guys another chance!
>>23232297 Well, I´d say that the letter might is more for yourself then for her but that isnt something bad. Everybody need to reflect the shit that bothers them and you found a great way to do so! Well, maybe I went a bit far with great person because I cant really judge you after a self written letter but you do reflect yourself nicely and she´s not at fault at all but you are so it doesnt seem like youre twisting shit an absurd amount. Furthermore you dont need to feel bad for what you have done! Imagine if you had a kid when you werent ready and your relationship wouldve broken on that. Or the kid would be raised badly because well youre just not in the state to be a good father, which is okey. You made the only right choice and recognized that you couldnt uphold such a huge responsibility. You should move out of your parents house though if youre older then 19-20. Taking responisbility for yourself is a huge thing in life and without that you cant really function in our society :/
> I´d say that the letter might is more for yourself then for he
I feel the same way, but I haven't done anything to explain myself other than distance myself the last two weeks. She deserves an explanation and I doubt I'd have the heart to go through with it in person.
Honestly, the child itself isn't the problem. I love children, I'd love some of my own. I could maybe even look past it not being mine, once I grew attached to the kid. It's the logistics of it all, I'd lose my spontaneity and have to restrict my adventures to when both her and the child can be accommodated for.
>You should move out of your parents house though if youre older then 19-20
I'm working on it, but first I want to move my career further along and have some savings. We had talked about moving out together (she still stays with family, although she does pay a cheap rent and all her utilities and services)
>>23232459 How old are you m8? >I love her, but I love my freedom more. Its good that you realize that! You dont need to be ashamed that you feel like that and if you would work against your own character it would only harm the people around you because you would be half assing it. > doubt I'd have the heart to go through with it in person. You godda do it man! Thats part of the responsibilities I was speaking of. You would break her heart if you broke up with her over text and nobody deserves that after a serious relationship. Even if you feel like shit for the next week afterwards or you just feel uncomfortable during, you godda do it! And I get the impression that you´ll do the right thing :)
>>23232477 >you know the whole relationship just by reading my letter to him Happy I hit the nail on the head :) I hope you think about what I said. You deserve better then chasing an unreachable dream!
Dear X You treat me like shit, expect me not to act like your wife but say you're not comparing me. Fuck you, you psychotic asshole. I CAN'T TALK TO MY FRIENDS WITHOUT YOU FREAKING OUT. I haven't spoken to anyone except you for over 3 weeks. You say you love me but you guilt trip me into everything. Now all I can do is just get ass high as I can and try to forget. Forget the fact that my family will never speak to me again. I have no family now. If I leave I'll be homeless. If I go I'll never be able to go back to that hell. I love sex. You hate sex. I've been making you cum as many times as I can when we do have sex. I'm scared it'd be the last time so might as well make it worth it. I love sex so much. I miss passion. I miss sex. Appreciate me. I clean up your mess not only at home but at work. I am literally stuck working 24/7. Please love me and appreciate that. We fight almost every night. Every fight makes me break a lil more. It's so painful hearing you get angry at me. It's painful to hear you cry into my lap asking me not to leave you.
I also know she loves he child more than me, and I wouldn't to change that.
I'm 23 going on 24.
I do plan on giving her some closure by seeing her to hand her the letter. I just know that faced with her crying I'd something stupid like tell her we can still be friends, or mention how her father offered me to pay for a wedding.
I expect her to be either angry enough to not want to hear any of it or sobbing as I speak. I want to keep it short and simple and have my pre-determined words speak on paper.
>>23232666 >I also know she loves he child more than me, and I wouldn't to change that Thats natural man. If something crawls out of you and is alife you´d probably love it too! >I'm 23 going on 24. My honest opinion: There is always something that can keep you from moving out with a legitimite reason. Like: my job is nearby and an apartment costs a lot. Or something like that, but really you should just pack your things and leave. Youre not an adult until you take full responsibility for yourself :) >I want to keep it short and simple and have my pre-determined words speak on paper. IMO you should do it organicly... its just not fair to do it so... clean. There is a lot of emotion in your relationship and its okey to break up with emotion aswell. Also what happens when you get nervous and forget your written down words? Please just say your mind in person and without having written down everything word for word beforehand. She deserves it that way and the experience will also be more real for you and it should be a very real, and probably hard, experience.
>>23232727 >... its just not fair to do it so... clean. There is a lot of emotion in your relationship and its okey to break up with emotion aswell. >Also what happens when you get nervous and forget your written down words?
I think she already suspects something is wrong. I wasn't planning on reciting the letter or giving it as a speech. We'd meet, and I'd tell her I wrote it all down. Hand it to her, hopefully have us some goodbyes, and give her a chance to speak.
You never cared about my siblings and I. It was all a competition. You never wanted full custody of us, you just didn't want mom to have us. Because, then you'd lose. You went back and cried to your mom about how shitty the divorce was.
You called the cops on mom, when you knew we were moving out of state. You didn't even say good bye. You signed the paper, we know you received the notice.
Even after the mass shooting at my school, you didn't even check in on me. I wasn't there, but I lost a close friend of mine.
You haven't called in years, you still ask my siblings about my long hair when they visit. You have no clue that I shaved my head. You found out when you stalked my Facebook fan page. You haven't spoken to me in years, which is fine. You never bothered to help with my college tuition, or with my car. Then you complained when mom needed more child support to help me go get my degree. You bought a new motorcycle and an iPad.
You never cared. We know you didn't. You just wanted the money we'd inherit when grandma passed away. You're a greedy, incompetent, loser. You always have been. And you always will be.
P.S. You never bothered to pay for the therapy we needed after over a decade of manipulation, and abuse. Fuck you
I feel like the past 7 years were lost time. I want to learn so much from my mistakes, just move on. I feel like it should be one day at a time, yet when I realise so many years passed it makes me anxious and I want to change faster, and that makes me feel stuck. I hope I can grow from this bad experiences. You deserve better, yet you choose to stay by my side. I hope this year I stop with my trouble and just work work work (as in a job, and personally) hang in there, honey. Thank you so much for trusting me. I'll make it all worth it ;_;
I hope all is well with you as things are good here with me.
Life has had its ups and downs since we've parted ways. Oh, we had a good run too. See, I've thought about the times we had. Though we've drifted apart, I hope one day, we can mend what we have.
The child's gotten a lot bigger. He takes after me mostly. Even if he is half of you, he's my son through and through.
Got some bad news a couple weeks ago. A large lump has been found in my skull, and I'm not expected to make it. My husband is taking care of us, though I'm sure he's starting to hate my dreadful luck. Even though I'm at Death's Door, I just wanted to tell you that I still love you.
You fuckin died, man. Your brother, Jon, and I - you never liked that. You hated me. And, still, when you guys were together, I was just happy that he was happy. Idk if you remember the night that we did molly in my basement, right before your brother left me. You guys kinda just ignored me all night and I sat there in the corner with my cats and, I don't know if it was the drugs or if it was you guys. But I was happy. I was actually happy, just because it's nice to see the energy between to people who love each other. Even though you helped him leave. I was just happy you helped him, he wasn't alone. And then when he had to come back to me because you were starting to have a pill problem, and he didn't want his daughter around it.
But, then, he didn't want me, either. In a way, I think Jon was always jealous of you. I think that's why we split and couldn't make it work. I think that's why he was willing to put up with your shit. I think he wwanted to do what you were doing: whatever you want. And I was never mad at y'all for that.
But it's crazy, man. You died. You died from that shit. You took an opiate or two too many and, for fuck's sake, you helped him leave me, and then waited til I moved across the country, and then you left him, too. For fuck's sake, man.
it's been a year but it feels like yesterday. i wish things weren't doomed. maybe it'll all work out years from now. i wish you grasped why i had to push you away, even if through your eyes my actions had seemed childish at the time. i truly did have my reasons. an important one being that i care, much more than you know. you won't talk to me and haven't since, but i know it still drives you insane. and yeah. the situation still hurts me too. i miss you every day. really wish i didn't.
Here goes nothing, gotta get this off my chest. Maybe she browses these... I hope so.
Dear Em, I miss you, I really do. For the last two years I've struggled with moving on from you while you seemingly had your life continue to go on. I guess that's what you meant about holding hands and one of us running ahead and the other just staying the same. I miss you so much, I think about you a lot. I think of you at work, at school, when I game. I still use you as my ideal girl. I love you still, nothing has changed but the time away from you. You're in Nebraska, and I'm in Texas. I remember the day you left, I remember hugging you at the bus lanes of high school, watching you run off to your Dad. I wanted to die then, part of me still does. They say time heals wounds, but I don't see this healing anytime soon. You were my everything, and you made me feel so much better. I want to talk to you so bad but I'm afraid of how it will go. I know you have trust issues, I still check up on you. I wonder if you do the same. I hope so. I have to tell you though, I'm no longer going to college. I dropped those plans when you left. I only planned that for us. So I could provide you everything you wanted. I'm enlisting here in March. I'm doing it for you though, so I can say that I'm protecting you. Keeping you safe. Just like I said I would. I didn't ever mean to hurt you, I'm so terribly sorry for any pain I caused you. I love you Em, I still do and I always will. I don't want to stop, I want to see you, to talk to you, at least one more time before I go. Please, if you ever see this, at least tell me you did. Give me some sort of sign. I guess that's all I have to say. I love you Em.
Dear Abby ...Fuck You, little shit. I knew you were not my type but you would smile at me when you walked by and I would wonder 'Yeah she's interested' but then after all this time I'm puzzling together that you are one in a million. Yeah, one in a million piece of fucking shit that's what you are! You're an attention fuck and lately I was thinking about something and I began to laugh. It was the concept that you were actually a guy dressed up in a girls outfit (really corny thought but stay with me) and I laughed because you act so much like a little faggot boy who thinks he is really cool but in reality, you are nothing compared to me. You're like a piece of toilet paper wanting to grow up and be a piece of art paper but all you'll get on you is loads of shit. You're nothing to me anymore, good day.
Dude, it's okay to be wrong. Quit taking criticism personally. We're not trying to hurt your feelings, we're trying to help you better yourself. I understand that you need to be who you are, but being a pathological liar and thinking that being an asshole is endearing is not something to get comfortable with. We don't mind a joke at our expense here or there, but dude, you're trying to cover up your own low self esteem by projecting it onto us, and we see it. Don't feed me that bullshit about how you used to be an alcoholic and you have depression. If you're aware you have depression, GET FUCKING DIAGNOSED AND TREATED. There is no longer an excuse to use it as a crutch for why you have no social skills. Also dude, V needs to get out of your life. Quit crawling back to her every time you feel lonely. Do you not remember that she cheated on you several times in the different pockets of time you were dating? Or are you just stupid? Either way, quit telling me when you go back to her. I'm done talking you out of it, and frankly, if you're gonna be that stupid, I don't feel sorry any more. You're only bringing it upon yourself. Dude, I'm seriously trying to help, but if you're gonna take offense when I try, then I don't care about your problems anymore, and that makes me feel bad about myself. I don't want to give up on you, and I believe that no one is "too far gone", but in the 8 years I've known you, you haven't changed and it's starting to make me give up. Your Facebook post about "Don't be like me" was cute, but if you really want to be the victim that bad, then I'm gonna treat you like a victim. Of your own stupidity. It's getting to the point where I think your saving grace would be saying the wrong thing to the wrong person and getting your ass kicked. I care about you, dude. I just don't want to see you stuck in this rut. If you want to change the world, you have to change yourself first, and be adamant. Sincerely,
It still hurts. The way things happened, I mean. I loved you. I really did. And you found someone else, and I hope you end up happy with him. I don't think I could be with you again, but I still do love you. And it fucking hurts.
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