My question is simple:
Basing on the information below, do I have any chances above zero of finding a matching girlfriend, or can I just give up already?
I'm a decent white guy from Europe, 6'4" tall, 163 lbs, fit, 6-pack visible. I'm well educated and have a good job as a leader of a team.
0) I have fetishes, nothing disgusting, but anyway. And I know girls do not like these, am I right?
Still these fetishes are important part of me and define who I am, so I'm not willing to quit them.
1) The most important fetish of mine is about doing everything that pleases the girl and only that.
I feel great when I know I give her pleasure and that she enjoys herself.
This also means I'm only willing to do things she really wants to do. And I feel bad if I know (or learn later) that she did something just because I like it, while she didn't really enjoyed it herself.
This may be weird, but probably not so bad in itself. However it greatly affects my other fetishes.
2) The second fetish is female domination. But not the bsdm-latex-style it is traditionally depicted.
I want to simply be owned by the girl and would like her to treat me as her toy and property. The favorite one, that she loves. Yet still just a toy.
Don't get me wrong, I still value my honor and I don't see myself as a worthless rag. I just want to see her as someone way above me. Someone I can kneel before, look into her eyes and know I belong to her. Which means she must be a decent girl that values herself high and has her own dignity.
This fetish is not necessarily about abuse or humiliation. It's more about knowing my place by her and being treated accordingly, yet with respect and no unnecessary and primitive malice (which would make me respect her less).
The problem arises when you add this to my first fetish. I don't want the girl to do this just for me - I want her to actually like and want this. Which will probably never happen.
3) My last fetish is a quite optional. I love it, but I could live without it. It's macrophilia (aka giantess fetish).
It's all about roleplay, I would love to be shrunk by her and used as her toy like that. For whatever reason, whether she finds me cute that way, or powerless, it's all up to her.
But again, she would have to like it. I would not accept playing this just to fulfill my fetish.
And above all I have no respect for cucks. If you think I'm one, you got me all wrong, read again.
Sorry for tl;dr. To repeat my question:
>Do I have any chances above zero of finding a matching girlfriend, or can I just give up already?
Thank you for your replies.
Not sure what to understand under No. 3
But since you said "Is quite optional" I'm just gonna assume you're trolling with the rest of your question?
Of course there is women out there who would be into that.
My Fiance got this yesterday, we both fucking loved it.
there are definitiely some femme doms out there, although theyre much rarer than male subs. but i think u can easily find a girl into most of the things u like, except maybe the giantess fetish. u have better chances since u seem to describe urself so attractively.
apart from #3 I can totally relate to you. and yes you can find such woman but it is going to be somewhat hard.
>looks like you are almost chad. but that might be actually a disadvantage with some dominant women.
>best way are bdsm communities since people are open about their sub/dom orientation, too bad you are not into that kind of stuff
>you can find dominant types on okcupid. there is a lot of questions that indicate dominant personality.
but ye being submissive man sucks. somewhere I saw some stats about this. about 30% of men are submissive but only about 10% women are dominant.
Thank you for the replies.
>you're trolling with the rest of your question?
I'm not trolling. It's just the giantess fetish. I'm into shrinking myself, rather than meeting a giant girl. I think it seems more intimate that way.
>Of course there is women out there who would be into that.
>i think u can easily find a girl into most of the things u like
no luck so far, that's why I doubt it is possible at all
I'm not into it. It falls into the degenerate category for me and a primitive humiliation. It has nothing to do with female domination which, as the name suggest, should be all about female features of the mistress, right?
thanks for drowning my hopes
thanks for you advice
>being submissive man sucks
I didn't choose to have these fetishes. I have them since I was a child. And yes, they are a burden, but I can't live without them.
>only about 10% women are dominant.
Does this refer to some certain community, or women in general?
I haven't dated that many to be able to do my own statistics, still the 0% success is a fact.
But if it is 1 in 10 for example in my office, then it still gives me some hope...
You're welcome. Spreading despair is my game, because I have nothing else left
it was just some kind of survey so it might be completely wrong as well. not sure if they took switch women/men into consideration though. also it seems that women aren't as aware as men when it comes to this. and obviously successful women tend to be dominant.
just out of curiosity, do you just throw that you are interested in female lead relationship at woman right away or wait until you know her better?
well they you are one lucky bastard but dominance is not only about what she does to you during sex. it is about overall take on the relationship, dominant person demands and submissive comply. it is also about the way she does it, submissive woman are really demanding as well but I describe their ways as passive aggressive, they won't tell you they will just get mad.
>I personally love pegging.
I'm the dominant one in the relationship, just submissive in bed, I even got a chastity belt because I didn't want to masturbate unless it was for her.
It didn't fit, one size fits most is a lie.
>Shoo shoo hungry skeleton
I'm building up to gain some muscle weight. I'm not going to get fat just to fix my weight.
And besides that I look ok the way I am now.
>Spreading despair is my game, because I have nothing else left
sorry to hear that
>obviously successful women tend to be dominant.
Which is ok, because I love them successful and strong in real life.
>do you just throw that you are interested in female lead relationship at woman right away or wait until you know her better?
I always did it later, with bad or just no effect. Anyway it never lead to a success.
I was thinking about it and I'm pretty sure now I'm going to say it right away. Don't want to waste more of neither my nor their time.
That way it will probably be easier to also spot someone who just wants to abuse my fetishes for their own profit.
Good to hear you both like it. I don't.
>having power over me
As I said I want it to be less humiliating for me and more exalting for her
More like a queen or goddess fucking a decent guy, than a normal girl raping a trash of a man.
Anyway, I don't judge you. Have fun.
Stimulation is one thing, using an artificial male dick is another.
>I'm the dominant one in the relationship
I try not to mix the fetishes into the real life. I don't want them to affect my decisions and make them irresponsible.
Although she would always be a goddess to me and could easily use my fetishes against me in the relationship anyway.
But if I see she tries this out of greed and tries to cheat me, then it's a deal breaker. As I said I value honor quite a lot.
OP you seem kinda ignorant. Not unintelligent but ignorant
Firstly yes you have good odds. Most people tend to be switches and most women lean sub by there are plenty of dominant women out there.
Secondly your se one fetish, which is really just the first one, most certainly falls under bdsm, by definition basically. In fact that level of power exchange is a little extreme for most casual or even regular d/s or s/m dynamics
>falls under bdsm, by definition basically
Probably you are right. But as you can see it is a bit different from the typical way one could imagine it.
>In fact that level of power exchange is a little extreme for most casual or even regular d/s or s/m dynamics
I don't think I understand, can you explain it?
>"successful women are dominated in bed"
That's what >>23209361 said.
Can you support your 'no' somehow?
Actually it's pretty important information: whether to look among successful women or not.
>successful women tend to be dominant
does not equal
>"successful women are dominated in bed"
24/7 slave or pet play is extreme what he describes is just GFD. all you need is woman that is not going to consider you to be pathetic and desperate for giving her so much attention and control over you. (most sub woman are going to find you pathetic if you do so)
This is a hard questions to answer because for me as a woman I like to be dominant in most ways. I will not give up my last name (mainly because it's fucking awesome) and one of my biggest dreams is to find I man that would stay home with our kids and clean the house while I bring home the dough.. But when I'm in bed with my man I like to be put in my place and fucked like the bad little girl I am. The girl your looking for might be hiding where you don't expect it but I'm sure she's out there.
It doesn't have to be 24/7 to be extreme
What he describes sounds like TPE just limited to play time. In that context he still surrenders hard and soft limits to her, especially if there's objectification involved. His reasonable expectation of a certain temperament and taste from her is a interpersonal thing and not relevant to the dynamic really imo. At least sex wise
Most couples maintain a flavor of the opposite in their play because they're just two people, tpe in any context is extreme-ish
>does not equal
I read it wrong too in my recent answer.
>most sub woman are going to find you pathetic if you do so
Can confirm. Although they do not understand this at all.
>man that would stay home with our kids and clean the house
That would probably made me feel a bit underachiever. I like my profession and would still like to achieve something in it.
Although many things I currently do in my work piss me off, so maybe I could go for it.
>But when I'm in bed with my man I like to be put in my place and fucked like the bad little girl I am
This, as you probably suspect, is unfortunately an instant turn off for me.
>The girl your looking for might be hiding where you don't expect it but I'm sure she's out there.
I'm quite a bdsm illiterate to be honest. So if you can name or define my fetishes for me, it could help me greatly.
>It doesn't have to be 24/7 to be extreme
It may be 24/7 for me, just so it doesn't ruin my life.
As I said she would always be my goddess and I want to always feel the same way when looking into her yes. Both in bed and in real life.
They're out there, OP. My fuckbuddy is an RN, so relatively successful for our age. She loves to pin my hands down and ride my cock, force my head down between her legs, and bite until the point she leaves marks "for posterity."
Not quite to the level you're looking for, but if I really wanted to and was in a more intimate relationship with her, it wouldn't be hard to coax it out.
Just keep looking. And fuck when you're drunk a lot too. Inhibitions go down and girls will let what they're really into out.
Tpe stands for total power exchange.
And a 24/7 dynamic means that the dominant and submissive roles are maintained as thoroughly and consistently as possible in and out of the bedroom. That's how you should feel about your SO all the time imo but I'm a romantic.
For most people 24/7 is too much. They feel pressure to be something they're not or they struggle to improve their behavior both alone and how they are around each other. Literally bdsm is exactly what it says. How you and your playmate or partner work that dynamic is on you. Realistically a working strong bdsm 24/7 dynamic is the Dom sets expectations and helps the sub achieve a certain mindset/set of habits/etc while they themselves provide stability and fulfill the responsibility that comes with guiding/"controlling" another. The overall goal is to provide a deep and particular physical and emotional relationship and grow your empathy for and understanding of one another...
Via toys and play
But the non sexual components are v v important in a relationship that extends beyond the bedroom
Hopefully this was helpful I'd strongly recommend reading up on it
if you take a look at that from this perspective then yes. I mean to me it does not seem that extreme because I believe that you need to respect limits any time. also without humiliation and degradation it seems to be just female lead relationship. it becomes extremish once you give up control over your money, free time, life outside home, professional life, important decisions etc.
>Can confirm. Although they do not understand this at all.
yep, it is stupid. they want exactly (or up to some point) the same thing you want yet they aren't able to understand you.
gentle femdom, there are threads about that from time to time on /r9k/,/a/ and here on /soc/
>Realistically a working strong bdsm 24/7 dynamic is the Dom sets expectations and helps the sub achieve a certain mindset/set of habits/etc while they themselves provide stability and fulfill the responsibility that comes with guiding/"controlling" another. The overall goal is to provide a deep and particular physical and emotional relationship and grow your empathy for and understanding of one another...
>Tpe stands for total power exchange.
Yes, this is definitely my case. I want to belong to her and be her toy, so it cannot be otherwise.
I would say this fits too. At least physically. Because emotionally I want to be totally in her might.
>Hopefully this was helpful
Yes, thank you.
>I'd strongly recommend reading up on it
>>successful women tend to be dominant
>does not equal
>>"successful women are dominated in bed"
Can someone sort this out?
Are successful women a good material to give a shot, or completely the opposite?
This is quite an important information for me.
Thanks for your comment.
Complex was not a negative term, relax.
Complex is just meant to imply you have a quirk in your thinking.
You're assuming that it will be difficult to find a girlfriend who can accommodate your sexual desires when there is an entire online community of people who are into that sort of thing.
Although you're being a bit optimistic with the "she'll enjoy literally everything about it". You're not unique in wanting to please your lover, but be realistic.
>"she'll enjoy literally everything about it"
I only want to do whatever she enjoys. If she wouldn't enjoy something, then I don't want to do it. And I just hope she would openly request what she wants (or otherwise teach me to please her).
All I need is her to truly enjoy her dominant position, because this is my fetish I cannot get rid of. She cannot be faking it or doing this for me, because it stands in opposition to what I wrote above.
Sounds quite easy. But finding a girl like this seems almost impossible.
>>>successful women tend to be dominant
>>does not equal
>>>"successful women are dominated in bed"
>Can someone sort this out?
>Are successful women a good material to give a shot, or completely the opposite?
>This is quite an important information for me.
>This sounds like fun.
It's a serious business. But I'm glad you would enjoy it.
>In serious relationship, however. Good luck.
I treat every relationship seriously. If you love someone, why wouldn't you?
And if one night stands are what you mean, for me they are pointless and slutty.
>>successful women tend to be dominant
>does not equal
>>"successful women are dominated in bed"
Can someone sort this out?
Are successful women a good material to give a shot, or completely the opposite?
This is quite an important information for me.
Sounds hot, I'd be up for it. But Im fat so that tends to get me skipped by most subs unless theyre old desperate guys.
so yeah you could totally get a matching GF if you looked in fetish communities. Trying to get a gf into this in normal ways is basically impossible
Women like this exist. I'm one of them, I believe, with the exception of the giantess fantasy. I know that's a thing, and it doesn't repulse or disgust me. It just does nothing for me, which means I'm ok indulging that fantasy for the sake of pampering my pet. You say you would not accept playing this just to fulfil your fetish, but the way I see it is that if I play it with you while it not being my fetish, it's a way of taking care of my pet and seeing to his needs. You should take care of your toys if you value them. Looking after my plaything brings me pleasure and happiness, like how good you feel when you take care of and maintain something you enjoy and love, like a garden.
Ideally, I want a beautiful man to be my object of pleasure and desire. I want him to adore and worship me, and in return I'd love and look after him. It's like that line from Labyrinth where the goblin king says something like "fear me, love me, worship me, and I will be your slave".
I want to show off my pet to the envy of others. I want my pet to be admired and envied and desired, but to be my property.
I believe I'm worthy of owning such a pet. Men call me attractive and give me their attention. Men have told the guy I'm with how lucky he is, or tell me whoever my boyfriend is is lucky. I've been called intelligent. I take care of myself and try to improve myself both physically and mentally, but most of all I believe I would make a loving and caring Mistress who establishes boundaries while lavishing adoration on my pet, who shows his gratitude, love, and worship by serving me.
You have no chance above 0. Not because of how you look or your fetishes but because of how you act.
I mean there you go, you just called out somebody who has another fetish which often goes right along with yours and is arguably more common and less weird a degenerate. If you can't accept others you're unlikely to garner any better of a response from whatever unfortunate you end up dating.
Personally the things you've listed don't interest me but they're farm from off putting. If you were actually sombody I was interested in I doubt I'd have much trouble indulging you in them and to a degree enjoying it because I'd know you were enjoying it. My question to you though is would you have the same line of thinking if I wanted you to indulge me in some form of fetish activity?
Any dom/sub relationship has a degree of give/take but that goes both ways. Sounds like you need to calm down with the "I want".
Im a dominant female but Im into all sorts of degenerate stuff too and I dont want to be seen as a goddess as I am just a regular girl who likes having power over others. But there must be women who are into the same things as you, I hope you find one!
>I treat every relationship seriously. If you love someone, why wouldn't you?
Pardon my shorthand. I meant that I am currently in a serious relationship and so should excuse myself from this particular vein of conversation, IE personalizing it in any way.
From a strictly outside perspective, I agree with the other anons: It's not outside the realm of plausibility by any measure, though it would serve you better to look inside fetish communities. Not everyone in the BDSM community is about humiliation and latex; there are many facets which are far more subtle.
I honestly wouldn't have a clue, but I suppose you'd look for a woman who displays confidence in herself, who may drop little hints.
For example, I was showing a male customer a product out of the packaging, and had to go to the counter to get something, so I handed him the item and said "Hold this for me, please." He took it without question, and I gave him a warm smile of approval for doing what I asked. I wouldn't do that with just anyone, give them orders, but this guy had already chatted me up, so I thought I'd test him to see how responsive he was to taking orders. Look for a woman who asks you to do things without being bossy or entitled. She's offering you ways to please her and gain her approval.
As for your second question, no, I don't mind if the man I date isn't submissive. I'm not looking for a spineless doormat. All I ask is that he seeks to please me with obedience and submission. I'm not looking to degrade or humiliate him, and I would never presume to curtail his freedom as an individiual, if that makes sense.
A submissive is fine, but at the end of the day I want the love and worship of a strong man who CHOOSES to obey me while not emasculating himself. Obedience in my opinion doesn't diminish his power.
thinking about it I haven't met many women that openly asked/told me to do something so I can see the pattern in what you said. I will try to keep my eyes open for this kind of behavior in the future.
and for the second thing, you just confirmed what every single woman I asked told me. that stereotypical pathetic submissive man from online dating sites is undesirable.
but I don't really agree with last statement. in my opinion once man chooses to obey you he has lost all his power over you. obviously I am not talking about one time act of obedience when man agrees to watch the movie you want instead of some sport. I mean something bigger and more important like if you are vegan and convince him that "meat is murder" and it will please you if he become vegan as well. he still maintains his status in professional life or among friends but you know his weakness and can do what ever you want about it. we have saying about this "once you give one finger they will take your whole hand."
>You should take care of your toys if you value them. Looking after my plaything brings me pleasure and happiness,
>I'm not looking for a spineless doormat. All I ask is that he seeks to please me with obedience and submission
>A submissive is fine, but at the end of the day I want the love and worship of a strong man who CHOOSES to obey me while not emasculating himself. Obedience in my opinion doesn't diminish his power.
You would make a wonderful Mistress for me... The exact attitude I'm looking for.
>I'm ok indulging that [giantess] fantasy for the sake of pampering my pet.
I could accept you doing this without being into it only if you did it to further control/brainwash me into total obedience.
>I'm not looking to degrade or humiliate him, and I would never presume to curtail his freedom as an individiual, if that makes sense.
It does. It's not a humiliation to serve a Goddess.
>Look for a woman who asks you to do things without being bossy or entitled.
Thanks for the hint. Although I wonder how many dominant girls act like that?
>[I] try to improve myself both physically and mentally
A woman after my own heart.
it is what he said
>Any dom/sub relationship has a degree of give/take but that goes both ways. Sounds like you need to calm down with the "I want".
I guess he is trying to say that you have way to high expectations and selfish way of thinking. yes you want to please but it appears that your main motivation is your own pleasure.
unless you find perfect match you need to accept fact that your dominant partner is going to demand something that is not on your list.
some people will go as far as to tell you that as submissive your only purpose is to please your master/mistress/whatever in any way they demand and you should not expect anything in return. after all you want to serve and servitude makes you happy.
also they will tell you that it is all about exploration and expansion of your limits. at first you might find something unappealing but with proper approach you might end up enjoying it.
but it is all just my opinion that I put together from countless discussions and other sources.
Let's run away together, anon.
Guys I'm with always eventually cater to all of my fetishes expect omorashi/pee related things. I'm not sure why, I don't think it's that strange, especially not to people who are accepting of any other fetishes, so IDK what the deal is there.
I think the kind of relationship you are describing can only develop over time.
I'd very much like to control my partner eventually, but in the early stages I don't yet know what the boundaries are, or what he likes. It takes time and a lot of communication.
Many more girls are open to the idea of being the dominant than you'd think. Especially when it's nothing hard-core or weird
I feel ya bro. Got a single girl to try it out, she told me it was disgusting. End of story.
Tried fetish boards, 90% guys and 10% women with a boyfriend.
Now I resorted to roleplay boards, even there most women draw the line at pee. Guess I have to live a "normal" sex life.
>your main motivation is your own pleasure.
No, my motivation is a relationship. But I know I won't stand it without my fetishes involved.
But because I absolutely don't want to force my fetishes on anyone, so I look for a girl that likes this too.
>at first you might find something unappealing but with proper approach you might end up enjoying it.
It doesn't seem to work here. I don't want to try this anymore. I'm going to be open about my fetishes from the very beginning. Better to end it fast than be very disappointed later.
>you're over thinking this
I just want some advice and someone telling their experience on this.
>[peeing] is almost on the same level as scat to me
Why. Piss is clean and fresh. Absolutely contrary the the other one.
I don't see anything wrong with it. But that's just me.
And it's not my fetish anyway (unless it's something my Mistress would want).
>Tried fetish boards, 90% guys and 10% women with a boyfriend.
In my local bdsm board these ratios are even worse.
>"normal" sex life.
I don't care for such thing.
>I just want some advice and someone telling their experience on this
what you are looking for can be found but its something that needs to be discovered
i have similarish fetish for being used as a toy, especially facesitting and allowing her to touch me in her own way
enough about me
regarding how i got there with more than one girl? just take it slow - date sexually adventurous women who are not too repressed
generally speaking the younger women will get into whatever you want
Question for OP:
Would you consider being a switch or induldging her fetishes? that should match 1) regarding giving pleasure
I think mate that you are not that special (no offence) there are many of us out there just like this
women will have their own fetishes and will be open to your first two if you ease them into it. they will enjoy it. My past girls certainly have
i feel like im rambling now, not sure if im helping, but ask anything else you want ill lurk for another 20 minutes or so
thanks for your advice, but
>just take it slow
and then after a lot of wasted time she tells me that my fetishes are stupid/disgusting? no, thank you
>date sexually adventurous women who are not too repressed
I need to have respect for the women I look for. Sluts are not a material for me. And being 'sexually adventurous' is hard to tell in decent women.
>the younger women will get into whatever you want
That can be true. But I don't want to train her to fit my fetishes. This is wrong and doesn't go along with my fetishes.
I should be the one who belongs to her, not the opposite.
>Would you consider being a switch
No. Being dominant is absolutely not my story. To the point I don't even really enjoy having my dick sucked.
I prefer to go down on her.
>or induldging her fetishes?
Yes. Maybe not something absolutely disgusting, but I would try to do anything to please her.
>women will have their own fetishes
What fetishes women have? For me it seems they have none.
>will be open to your first two if you ease them into it. they will enjoy it.
Maybe, but I really need this to be something they *want*, not just agree on.
Surely it is partially for my own pleasure. That's why I'm looking for a girl who already likes this, so that I wouldn't force it upon her in any way.
>My past girls certainly have
I'm looking for a Goddess I can belong to forever and she would want to have me forever. It they are your *past* girls, then certainly it wasn't that type of relationship. I need a way stronger one.
>i feel like im rambling now, not sure if im helping
It's always good to listen to someone's opinion, so thank you.
Jamie Narkiss (Met-Art)
high res is hard to find though
Since when do women not like fetishes? There are going to be fetishists and vanilla women, just like dudes. I do believe, off handily, men have a higher rate of fetishism, but eh, it's not like there's plenty of super common fetishes. Like light impact or light pain play.
Outside of that, I always get a bit concerned when people say that their fetishes define who they are. Anyways, there's women out there that are super into this kind of stuff - but it's a relatively rare breed, generally. You, by nature, basically close off any one who is open to just trying it out and ask only for people super invested into the fetish already. Which ... Narrows your focus a HELL of a lot more.
Keep in mind, in the end, even if you're focused on her pleasure, this fetish is entirely about your own.
It's really weird to be, in my opinion, going "Hey so I have this whole list of fetishes that have made dating hard" and then .. Fetish shame. Why? It's pointless.
Again with the kink shaming. You're going to have a super fucking hard time when you decide that the only thing you will accept is this super narrow view. What if she decided what would be super fucking hot is if she pegged you? Seriously.
Female domination is about female domination. That's all. Her having the power. This can mean anything pretty much anything - you can have extremes of boot licking, her pissing in your mouth, to her just using you as a toy or ordering you about. "Domination" is a hugely fucking open category that has a lot of possible styles and interpretations.
That's a specific form of Dominance, yes. I would argue the MAJORITY of people do not partake in life style domination, it tends to be more restricted to the bedroom.
Most of the time the sub is the person with the actual power. Submissive women CAN be really demanding, they CAN be passive aggressive, and they COULD just decide to get mad without telling you ... Because that's a human trait, not specifically a sub trait.
There's a LOT of fucking types of dom/sub arrangements.
Most of the successful women I know have actually tended to be subs. This is purely anecdotal, I don't know if there's any real data gathered on it.
Be super fucking careful about how you bring this up. If you just dropped it out of the blue on the women I know that would fit your profile, they would back the fuck away.
Cool the kink shaming. Its fucking weird in context.
Would agree with this - this sounds like .. A lot of play relationships I know. I don't know many people that would want it as a long term partnership.
Man you are going to have a pretty tricky time with the kink community.
You sound oddly terrified of being "whipped". I wouldn't necessarily read into someone asking you to do things.
I'm not quite sure where you're getting her saying "submissive dudes are undesirable", she's essentially saying spineless dudes who just conform blindly in attempts to please a person and have no real personality or .. Existence, are fucking boring. No one likes those kind of folks. Be a person. If you are a person who just happens to be submissive, people won't care.
I really feel like the kink shaming and slut shaming are going to work against you.
Outside of that: You're really shooting yourself in the foot here because you're coming out and asking someone to fit this incredibly incredibly incredibly narrow role. You're saying it's all about HER, but I imagine you're ... One of the endless dudes that will end up projecting onto a partner.
As I said earlier, I know dominant types. I know folk that want a submissive male. They would back the fuck away if they were ever approached in such a manner. Relationships are built over time.
Outside of that: women have plenty of fetishes.
its what the majority of guys and especially subby guys do on this site; saying that its all about her when its really all about what they want in a partner.
This is probably part of why dominant women have a soft spot for inexperienced men, far easier paint the portrait you want
Thank you for a very detailed reply.
>Since when do women not like fetishes?
From my experience they don't.
>Which ... Narrows your focus a HELL of a lot more.
It is true, but it didn't work for me to build up such relationship.
I have only wasted my and her time.
>even if you're focused on her pleasure, this fetish is entirely about your own.
As I said, of course it gives me pleasure too.
But I'm not selfish, and I really mean that I want it to be all about her.
That's why I'm looking for a girl who would understand this and like it, not just do it for me.
Can you cite what you are referring to? I do not quite understand.
>What if she decided what would be super fucking hot is if she pegged you? Seriously.
There are some things I do not like. Prostate stimulation is one thing and it is ok.
Using a dick shaped dildo has nothing to do with femdom to me.
I don't know what would happen. Probably I would let her do it, but I would not enjoy it at all.
>extremes of boot licking, her pissing in your mouth, to her just using you as a toy or ordering you about.
I totally understand this. I'm just not into things that quit being femdom and become primitive humiliation.
Which would make such girl look lesser in my eyes.
I want to treat her as a perfect Goddess, so she has to behave like one. And since I don't want to change her, she must understand and be into it on her own, having a matching fetish already.
Please, try to understand my first fetish is real. This is how I feel, and I don't want to just play some games in bed with a girl who does not understand nor fully accept my attitude.
>Be super fucking careful about how you bring this up. If you just dropped it out of the blue on the women I know that would fit your profile, they would back the fuck away.
Thank you for a warning. Surely I'm not going to ask this straight away on the first date and make it my way or the highway. But I don't want to wait with this and build it up. It's a waste of time and will probably end in the same way with a girl who is not into it and never truly will be anyway.
>Outside of that: You're really shooting yourself in the foot here because you're coming out and asking someone to fit this incredibly incredibly incredibly narrow role.
It's not narrow. I just need a girl who is really into femdom, but will respect me, and will accept and enjoy receiving pleasure with no need to feel she has to return something for this. This is pretty much all I need.
>You're saying it's all about HER, but I imagine you're ... One of the endless dudes that will end up projecting onto a partner.
It is. But I must know she really likes it, and not just forces herself to fulfill my fetishes. That's the only reason I have 'demands' over her personality and tastes.
>They would back the fuck away if they were ever approached in such a manner. Relationships are built over time.
As I said, it didn't work for me.
I'm sorry it sounds like that. I assure you I'm not.
Please read the rest of this post, maybe it will explain my motives to you better.
>>Since when do women not like fetishes?
>>From my experience they don't.
And exactly how experienced are you? Like I said, some of the most common fetishes you'll ever run across are consensual non-consent stuff, light impact/breath/pain play. If the women you're playing with don't have any fetishes, either they are weirdly vanilla (what even is that), or you're not giving them a space they feel like they can try new things in.
>>It is true, but it didn't work for me to build up such relationship.
>>I have only wasted my and her time.
In monogamous relationships, you either break up or you die. That's normal. Treat everything like a learning experience. I'm a pretty dominant dude, I know a fair number of pretty dominant women; none of us like being approached and someone tell us essentially who we are and what our interactions with them are going to be. It's great you have a fetish, but you still have to get to know the person and find out how that fetish manifests and functions between the two of you. If you just say "This is what you're going to be", you're absolutely being selfish - because she becomes a passive object of your fetish. It's not about HER, it's about the CONCEPT of her - she gets slotted on a pedestal. A woman in this thread pointed out she doesn't want to be treated like she's a goddess ALL THE TIME; she's just a normal woman into some kinky shit.
>>Can you cite what you are referring to? I do not quite understand.
When ever you denigrate people for their fetishes. I can cite specific stuff but it takes more time, to quickly sum up: You have your own brand of what you like fem dom to be; don't imply that fem dom (or domination in general) outside of that is lesser. If you get anywhere near the kink community, you're going to come across a lot of people who have different views than you. Denigrating them over their fetishes will get you excluded quickly.
>>Which would make such girl look lesser in my eyes.
>>I want to treat her as a perfect Goddess, so she has to behave like one.
Going to highlight this, because this is a perfect example of the whole "This is a selfish thing". You CAN possibly find someone that fits this, but you've got such a specific role for someone to fill that it doesn't so much look like you're looking to meet someone, explore kink with them, and build up a relationship, so much as it is you're looking to just slot someone in.
This is also what's going to make it super fucking hard for it to be a long term relationship versus just a hookup/fun thing, because people *are people*.
I've never said that your fetish isn't real. Your fetish is whatever you want it to be. I don't really give a shit if I approve of your fetish or not, I am simply pointing out what's going to shoot you in the foot regarding your fetish - and creating a pedestal space for someone to occupy before you build anything with them is going to absolutely shoot you in the foot.
It's more along the lines, "when you start talking about fetishes and sexual interests, than you can drop that you've got a desire to submit to someone and treat them like a goddess". If you're forcing the conversation - or god forbid - forcing the dynamic, it IS going to backfire. Especially among dominant folk. You need to build this dynamic/relationship with someone, not just slot them into an already structured role.
I am not saying you need to cultivate someone's interests or what not, but you should be finding out *IF* they are dominant, and/or *WHAT* their kinks are. That's why I am saying this is selfish - because it's entirely about you wanting someone that fits exactly what your desire is, and I'm not really sure how tolerant you are of her having kinks *outside* of that.
>If you just say "This is what you're going to be", you're absolutely being selfish
>"This is a selfish thing"
>That's why I am saying this is selfish - because it's entirely about you wanting someone that fits exactly what your desire is
That's not what I meant. But thanks for showing some people may see it this way
Hopefully this will allow me to change the way I speak about my fetishes so that there are no misunderstandings.
>she doesn't want to be treated like she's a goddess ALL THE TIME; she's just a normal woman into some kinky shit.
It's ok with me. Like most things.
>so much as it is you're looking to just slot someone in.
Because I'm already tired of building up relationships that fail later.
That's why my question itt was if I even have a chance of finding a matching girl.
>If you're forcing the conversation - or god forbid - forcing the dynamic,
I'm not forcing anything. I only need a dominant women who will see me as her toy/slave but also something more that a worthless rag and won't humiliate me in over disgusting ways. And who will accept and enjoy my devotion. This is all. She could decide on everything else.
And even though this is not that much, I failed to build a relationship with a girl who would like it and actually love me instead of trying to simply abuse my fetishes and turn them against me. I'm simply tired of this and do not want to waste more time on more of 'building up'.
>how tolerant you are of her having kinks *outside* of that.
Like I said above, she could decide on most things and I would accept them. Apart from something particularly disgusting or primitively malicious. I simply could not respect such girl. Everything else is entirely her call.