>>23149866 Stopped therapy when I left foster care at 18. Just learning to deal with my own. >>23149876 Having mommy and daddy issues. Mom was emotionally and physically abusive, dad was sexually abusive. About to read, I'm interested. Mother fucked me up way more than my father. I can't even talk to women and I am one. How are you dealing with it in your adult life? >>23149884 What are you doing at this point in your therapy?
>>23149923 I read this and felt like someone finally believed me and knew what was actually happening. My mother is still pretty much in control of my life but I did get away for awhile now she has something to hold over my head again and money I dont have so im biding my time till I can get enough money to move away and get rid of everything shes given me so Im not indebted to her anymore
like heres a typical my mom scenario >mom calls says come outside >walk outside theres a new black suv in the driveway >she has all her friends there and is jumping up and down excited >"I got you a new car anon! Do you like it? you don't do you? Can't you just appreciate the nice things I do for you?" cry yell etc >cant not accept car because then shes got this to hold over me as an ungrateful child >if I accept the car she now has something else to hold over my head
she just does this all the time blames me for everything and hates me bc my dad loves me
>>23149948 Sounds a lot like my mother. I was lucky enough to be offered a way out at around age 15. I've tried calling my mother and she yelled at me saying I was a demon over and over. Always ended up catering to her. She would do similar thongs, call me into her room and say how she regretted adopting me and that I wa the reason no one liked her, her husband didn't love her, or she never had enough money but would keep ordering from the phone or buying new cars she couldn't afford. I couldn't imagine her still having any control if my life. I guess being terrified of women is a little control but I would not be alive if I continued to be with her. Her mother was the same way and drove apart her entire family including her only friend and sister. She is the oy one that stayed around to take care of her mother and it's killing her inside. She tried to do the same thing to me but I left. I hope you are able to separate yourself from that very soon.
>>23149973 My mother constantly blames me for any problems in her marriage. Saying he's going to leave her because of me. I got out around 15 too. Also when I was pregnant she sent an email around saying I had the spawn of satan and a child of lust. Then she decided she loved him and cried to everyone that i was keeping her grandchild from her. And then she decided shed get a lawyer and follow me to wait for me to slip up to take my son away and raise him herself. Sometimes its just so hard because I swear she loves me but she hats me bc her dad didnt want her. My dad loved me and didn't want her. Ive been punished my whole life for loving my dad. Ill get away eventually. I just cant risk losing my son. I can't afford court and she can.
>>23149995 I wish you the best, I don't know how it must feel knowing she loves you. I imagine it must be much harder. My mother never loved me and made sure I knew that. It made cutting ties much easier. I have an 8 month old son, myself. How old is your little one?
>>23149983 That's true and it is enough to keep me going but having an understanding partner that knows how to deal with the behavior makes a huge difference with keeping me on track. I'm much more consistent and stable. I haven't been confident enough for bdsm but I do a lot of daddy daughter rp and light bdsm with my partner which may or may not help.
>>23149983 This. I underwent this kind of therapy for about a year and am able to handle most of my issues now. Of course part of my psychosis is being distant and un-feeling about 90% so that helps me to process shit too. Lol. This disorder is an absolute bitch not to mention I'm more than likely bipolar as well. BPD is my main disorder but I'm symptomatic for a handful of other "lesser" mental illnesses.
>>23150069 I think its tough for people like us to bond with daughters because being a daughter to a horrible mother was pretty traumatic. I'm so sorry you didn't bond but I think it's fantastic you made the choice to let her be adopted.
>>23149566 Sometimes I get really angry and think about murder. Some days I dare people to test me so I can show them what's up. My manic phases are really intense. All I want to do is confront people or situation and literally beat the living shit out of them. I get a rush thinking about knocking people the fuck out.
started showing signs of BPD tendencies at 15 but didnt self diagnose because i wasnt a prick
just turned 18, female, still waiting on a diagnosis even though ive been medicated with quetiapine for 2 years. the british health service is shit - been in therapy since i was about 7, had at LEAST 10 therapists from age 7 to 16 and not a single one helped. still very much unwell whether its BPD or not, though i and my close family/friends think it is, still suicidal every day and still struggling a lot.
>>23150114 ocd adhd anxiety major depressive all part of my bpd! but Ive been in treatment and medicated for over 10 years so I'm pretty stable. unless my mom comes around and rips the floor out from under me. i just need some foundation that she cant take.
>>23150241 I quit therapy at 16 because I was fucking sick of it and was told that when I turned 17 I'd be given a new therapist to help with this new issue that they couldnt diagnose as I was a minor (where Im from youre not allowed to diagnose personality disorders in under 18s as your personality is still developing). It's been like a year and a half without another word apart from refilling my prescription but idk, the whole NHS has left a bitter taste in my mouth so I doubt I'd even bother with therapy when someone else could have it and find it useful
>>23150241 oh but the therapists before that were for various behavioural reasons, as well as trichotillomania when i was 9, insomnia from about the same time and severe depression/anxiety from 12 and up
>>23150360 The only resource I had of seeing what would be possible was the NHS website's list of symptoms honestly, but to my credit I didn't go YES THAT'S IT I HAVE BPD AND MY TRIGGERS ARE X Y Z. I spoke to my doctor about it over the course of several months until he finally decided to mediate me. I've seen the criteria and all of them seem to describe me to some degree, some more severely than others. Not really, apart from college and my friends/family/partner, but I guess that's all I need
Last shrink I talked to said I'm fairly likely to be bpd. I'm pretty twisted in general. Dd/lg currently. Haven't taken therapy, not interested. Don't and can't hold a job, but don't have to really. Life's weird.
>>23150385 Alright, good luck with that. I think for pure BPD behavioural therapy can be really useful but the suicidal emptiness is very hard to get rid of and I wouldn't know what else to say. Just stay close to the people around you.
>>23150394 I don't recommend it because it's not the same for everyone, but. Was heavily medicated and I ended up quitting cold turkey. But I did end up getting into synthetic drugs for a couple of years, quit that cold turkey and now I do fine with nothing.
>>23150514 Not perfect, I still have some tendencies and outbursts. I have almost crippling anxiety but I think I get along alright. When I'm doing well, I'm doing exceptionally well and other times I'm a wreck. A patient partner helps.
>>23150551 Lmfao okay research big pharma. I want to kill politicians and people poisoning the society. Check yourself before you wreck yourself bitch. Have fun poisoning yourself with medications that will never help you dumb shit
>>23150102 >Sometimes I get really angry and think about murder. Some days I dare people to test me so I can show them what's up. My manic phases are really intense. All I want to do is confront people or situation and literally beat the living shit out of them. I get a rush thinking about knocking people the fuck out.
>>23150701 I am unfamiliar with gabapentin, but adderall and wellbutrin are extensively documented as being effective. If you're talking about questionable anti-depressants, you're talking about most SSRI class antidepressants - of which neither adderall or wellbutrin are.
>>23150551 Violence can absolutely be a part of the manic phase of BPD.
That being said, I would still argue that the poster is an arse based on their follow up comments.
24/m Bipolar, social anxiety and delayed sleep-phase syndrome. Alcohol and substance abuse. Currently on Lamotrigine, Escitalopram and Circadin. Also Divisun. Was offered CBT but declined, so I'm currently only on meds.
24/m "severe debilitating anxiety consistent with Social Anxiety and Generalized Anxiety Disorder" is my official diagnosis. Also bouts of psychosis- I hear scratching constantly in the walls and in my head. I don't have visual hallucinations, but strong delusions.(I haven't disclosed either of these things to my current doctor) Been involuntarily held twice, tried to an hero twice. The way I see the heroing, I would've just shot myself if I actually wanted to end it so I guess there's some shimmer of hope underneath the surface.
Currently on a medication of Benzos- Usually around 90mg of Diazepam a day along with (personal medication) of dissociatives. I'm slowly learning to function in society thanks to a mixture of deep meditation and persisting through the torment. I've been homeless for a few accumulative years, and don't plan on ending up back there.
Mother's BPD and Schizophrenia seems to run in her family (although I thought it wasn't genetic, but I could easily be wrong.)
I've been on Kpin, Saphris, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Barbituates, and a number of anti-psychotics. So far, Valium's the only thing that's had a positive effect but my tolerance to it is building up very quickly.
>tfw you lie in bed for hours having anxiety attacks every time you're almost asleep >tfw you need constant noise around you to keep out the scratching
Mostly manifests in relationship and commitment issues. Depression doesn't make it any easier. Constant thoughts of "I should go get hit by a car. I'll either die, or I'll get a ton of attention. It's a win-win."
>>23153099 It definitely is genetic to some extent. I think your genes make you susceptible and then certain stress factors set it off.
>>23153194 Most people are held back by the whole "but I might also end up as a total vegetable or with a sane mind in a broken body". But the relationship problems are typical, yeah. I promise it can be worked on though.
>>23153503 What's your trouble with holding down a job?
>>23153194 I still constantly have those thoughts but I've gotten better about letting them leave as quick as they cane, where I used to just dwell on them. Honestly, someone will come into your life that you'll be able to find consistency and stability with. They will be someone you care for like family, it will feel like what famoly should be and they will refuse to leave no matter how much you push and try to sabotage the relationship. I've been with my husband for 6 years in March.
>>23153700 Are there no free health clinics in your area? Have you tried smoking marijuana? Try meditation, writing, and listening to Depak Chopra and the like. I promise it helps until you can gain some solidarity and peace. Don't knock it til you try it.
>>23153099 >>23151949 Try writing, meditation, affirmations, anything you can do for yourself independent from the doctors. It's mostly about reworking brain. Do your own cognitive exercizes. If you need someone to talk to that understands or someone you can familiarize with, someone that's gets that you might be inconsistent or manic or empty or even numb, email me >>23153099 Same to you or anyone else on this board. Throwaway07291@gmail.com
>>23154558 Just be patient, have a backbone, and if you really love her just don't let her push you away. Try fighting her anger with kindness... I find being touched and talked to can diffuse any situation. If that doesn't work, separate yourself and let her work out her own emotions. She will feel bad even if she won't admit it. Nust know sge doesnt really mean to hurt you. Anything specific that she does?
>>23154576 >Try writing, meditation, affirmations, anything you can do for yourself independent from the doctors. It's mostly about reworking brain. Do your own cognitive exercises.
This 100%. I like my current doctor and he's extremely qualified/open-minded(A rare trait in doctors, I've found).. However, outside of the medicine and guidance he's given me, I've found that writing and deep/ritualistic meditation(as mentioned) are the most useful things I can do for my mental health. I'm distant a lot of times because I purposely analyze everything I do/feel/think so I can try to understand why and get to the root of it in order to (hopefully) change it.
It's hard to get out of the rut that mental illness in general can put you in- but it's necessary to endure as much pain as you can, even to your breaking point, if you ever hope to condition yourself into being a filthy normie.
I'm going to have to open up to my doctor soon about the noises/delusions because, even as much as I've been fighting them, they've been getting consistently worse for years. >>23154576
Also- thanks for being a bro to everyone in this thread, anon.
>>23155135 I really hope you get some peace soon. Don't be afraid to let your doctor know especially if you trust him like you say. Talking about it guarantees you still have control over your mind. And I'm just glad so many came out and opened up to each other. It's nice to hear other people's experience and know you're not alone. I'll continue to be here. Thanks for posting.
Thread replies: 62 Thread images: 3
Thread DB ID: 415238
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the post's information.