Question for femanons:
Is there an appropriate way to approach someone you find attractive in a public, non-social setting like the bus or a store, without coming off as a creep?
I understand people don't like being judged on their appearance and that isn't what I intend to do, I'd like to get to know the person and see if there is any connection, but I don't know how to make that come across.
Why do you care if they think you're a creep or not? Just spit game because chances are you will never have to see them again.
Just converse about idle bullshit, if they aren't interested you should be able to tell. If they are, ask them what they do on their free time, how do they relax, and when can you slide and help them "relax."
So many fine females on the bus... But remember - they're on the bus. Don't be a pussy.
PS: You're moderately handsome.
well, obviously I care what they think about me....
and I don't have a hard time talking to people, it's just the initial 'Hi' or whatever I think is whats difficult
that actually seems like not an awful way to approach somebody.
You should wear a shirt that says "Ladies, my mom's renting a room for real cheap, I'm a gentleman and will never invade your privacy!"
But really, not using pickup lines and seeming genuine goes for miles. If they can't even stand looking at you, chances are they aren't interested, and you just shouldn't approach them even if you want to. Wave, if you're comfortable? Waving seems pretty nonthreatening to me.
ya, I've got it figured out to read whether a person actually is interested at all is pretty important.
I really doubt you're an adult.
Not wasting a girl's time is "Disney crap"? What I seem to see, is ladies who respect when a guy is genuine and eloquent. You made a girl blush? She probably blushes when she farts in public, too, but its not always a good thing.
I'm 24 but in the southeastern parts of usa. Just walk uo, chat them up a little, casually. Smile and look her in the eyes from time to time. Hold eye contact and get her number. You are very attractive
I have always been most receptive to someone starting out like, "hey you look pretty _____" Like, cool, awesome, any number of positive but not superficial adjective"
Personally I'm kind of shy in person so I jump at the chance for conversations, but when someone mentions like the time or asks where something is, I get a shady feeling, like the person is sizing up my ability to flee or something, not checking me out.
You can also be straightforward with, "Hey, my name is ____, would you be interested in grabbing a drink sometime? [or out to coffee, but that's a sure way to any coffee lover's heart]
Honestly its so situational, what kind of personality do you have? Is being straightforward your style, or would you prefer to start a more casual kind of easily escapable approach?
I agree with this.
A fail proof way to start is the basic, "Hi there. I'm ______, what's your name?" with a smile and maybe a handshake. Seems boring, but it gets you started, and I highly doubt anyone could possibly find that offensive unless you're leering at them or palming your crotch or something. If someone does edge away from you, eh, it was probably never going to work out anyway. You said that you're okay with talking once you've started, so this should work out well.
It can be situational though. For example, if something is on the news/trending lately or if there's something going on around you, you can start off with that. "Huh. Look at that guy, yelling at the bus driver like that. He needs to chill, man." And her response should help you gauge whether it's gonna go anywhere. If she shrugs or looks bored/really unresponsive, you might wanna cut your losses. If she laughs and agrees or responds in some way, keep going.
Honestly, my best advice is this:
1. Don't interrupt someone. If they're reading, on the phone, listening to music, etc. then they already have something taking up their time. If you interrupt someone, you're basically saying you think that your desire to talk with them is more important than them enjoying what they were doing.
2. Figure out how you're approaching someone. Is it midnight and you see a girl on the bus by herself? Maybe don't bother her. Is this person at work and forced to be polite to you? Don't ask them out. If the person may be uncomfortable leaving the situation, don't force the situation on them.
3. Don't expect anyone to be grateful for a compliment. Regardless of your intentions, not everyone wants to hear your opinion of them. If someone ignores you or seems annoyed, just leave them be.
4. If you do open with a compliment, choose something about the person that they decided themselves. Instead of saying "you've got great eyes" or "I like your smile," pick something about them that they went out of their way to present to the world. Compliment their outfit or accessories!
5. When having a conversation, keep things light but topical. If it's on a bus, make a joke about how terrible the transit it (because it's basically terrible everywhere), if it's in a store, ask if they're shopping for anything fun, if it's in a coffee shop, ask if they always get the same drink or mix it up. Just light, easy conversation.
5. If you do get to have a conversation, instead of asking for their number, offer your number instead. Because on the off chance that the person was too shy/awkward/intimidated to ignore things, this puts the ball in their court and lets them decide to continue things. You already showed interest by starting the conversation. If they have interest, they'll continue it.
Something about this post made me realize that the odd compliments I've received from girls just walking about was probably an attempt to strike up conversations too.
I should probably get over my social anxiety.
i once observed a situation in which an average guy approached a hottie in a bus full of people. his opener was a compliment on her perfume, saying that it would remind him of the perfume his ex used to wear. the guy seemed pretty shy telling from his voice, but the girl seemed interested, smiling a lot and kept the conversation going, asking him questions and so on. they didnt exchange numbers though as the guy had to leave the bus early, but from what i can tell the conversation still went pretty good for him and i think she wouldnt have rejected him, had he asked for her number.