Why are raves so dangerous?
You should never mix (a) base and (an) acid.
you should seek help.
Also no, it's not a theorem.
>That's a theorem, not a joke.
Did you even read it? "The sum of two EVEN primes.." How many even primes do you know buddy? There's only 1. The joke is that it sounds similar to the Goldbach conject.
"One day Shizuo Kakutani was teaching a class at Yale. He wrote down a lemma on the blackboard and announced that the proof was obvious. One student timidly raised his hand and said that it wasn't obvious to him. Could Kakutani explain?
After several moments' thought, Kakutani realized that he could not himself prove the lemma. He apologized, and said that he would report back at their next class meeting.
After class, Kakutani, went straight to his office. He labored for quite a time and found that he could not prove the pesky lemma. He skipped lunch and went to the library to track down the lemma. After much work, he finally found the original paper. The lemma was stated clearly and succinctly. For the proof, the author had written, 'Exercise for the reader.'
The author of this 1941 paper was Kakutani."
- from Mathematical Apocrypha by Steven Krantz
Heard another story like it.
Professor, after writing a theorem on the board and saying "This fact is obvious", started thinking. He then proceeded to go out of the lecture hall, only to return 30 minutes later and stating "Yes, it is indeed obvious."
What's purple and commutes?
A gender studies major that lives off campus.
Why did the engineer cross the road?
He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Why does the string theorist watch 2 girls 1 cup every night?
He's obsessed with renormalizing the exchange interaction.
Why did Lebesgue always have trouble scoring chicks?
He wasn't, in general, a smooth operator.
One morning a chemistry postdoc arrives at his lab, exchanging hellos with Jesus, Santa, and a talking bipedal bear - his long-time colleagues. He casually strolls into the NMR room only to find an empty autoloader. After a moment of stunned silence he concludes he must be insane and makes a mental note to see a psychiatrist, right after the scheduled meeting with his competent female PI.
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were sleeping out in the wild. At 2:00 am in the morning, Holmes woke up Watson and he asked, "Watson, look up and pray tell me what you presume."
Watson replied, "I see a vast Universe, full of stars and wonder. There is Venus over there. And the Moon is half lit. I know that lurking at the center of our galaxy is a black hole, and that gamma ray bursts occasionally blast at us, that there are billions and billions of planets out there, some of which must harbor life. We are not alone."
Watson would have continued but Holmes abruptly cut him off, "No, Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent!"
All year, a group of promising chemistry undergrads secretly used Dr. Smith's lab to work out a revolutionary, economical total synthesis of LSD from cheap and abundant feedstocks. Laboring in the utmost secrecy, they produced massive quantities and found themselves a good half a million bucks richer. A week before spring finals, Dr Smith confronted them. He'd found out about the project and now had to report them to the Dean and to the police.
"No! Please, we'll be ruined!" they panicked. Thinking quickly, one of the undergrads offered, "we'll turn over our data to you, let you write it up for publication, and stop immediately if you just keep this between us."
Dr. Smith laughed for a good while before pulling a new JACS article out of his briefcase and managing, "nice try, but I scooped you guys over three months ago!"
there is a science convention somewhere and scientists from all fields attend
at night they all stay at a hotel nearby
while they are all sleeping a fire starts at the corridor
the first to wake up is a chemist, he opens his door, sees the fire, thinks of a way to make a concoction of chemicals found in his room to put out the fire, gathers them in a bowl, throws them and puts out the fire. He then goes back to sleep.
BUT the fire starts again.
next to wake up from the smell is a physicist, he opens his door, sees the fire, calculates how much he must open the tap in his bathroom so that with the hose that he also found in there the water pressure is just right so the water drops exactly on the fire and manages to put it out once again. He then goes back to sleep.
BUT miraculously the fire starts again.
next to smell the smoke is an engineer, opens his door, sees the fire, quickly thinks of a contraption involvin a bucket, water, rope and soap to quickly carry enough water to put out the fire. He the goes back to sleep.
BUT once more the fire starts again.
a mathematician wakes up from the smell of burning stuff, opens his door, sees the fire, panics a bit, sees the fire extinguisher nearby at the corridor, sais to himself "so there is a solution" closes his door and goes back to sleep.
so e^x and a constant are hanging out at a bar.
e^x is bragging, as usual.
Derivative operator comes in
constant: oh no, I'll have to go, again.
e^x: haha you're so weak, let me handle this
e^x: hey operator, I'm e^x
operator: nice to meet you, I'm d/dy